Jealous of boyfriend's sister?

[bubbletealove]

So here's the story:
I've been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now and we are very serious about our relationship to the point where we are looking forward to spending our future together. I absolutely love him but something just bothers me a bit.It sounds ridiculous and selfish of me, but I am becoming more and more jealous of his little sister.My boyfriend has a little sister that he absolutely loves and cares about. She's 6 years younger than him and she is such a young, smart, beautiful, talented figure skater who's in hopes of competing in the 2018 Winter Olympics. She is young so she can be childish sometimes, but she is mature enough to do things on her own.She cannot leave her brother alone with me when I just want some alone/cuddle time with him. She always tends to keep him occupied all by herself. I did not mind at first, thinking that it was cute that she wanted to join us, but over time, it became a little uncomfortable because she would always take up our alone time until it was time for me to head back home.
but it is not solely her fault.
my boyfriend loves her a lot. I mean A LOT. Every time my boyfriend and I go shopping, I stop to look at some beautiful jewelry that I am interested in. He comes and looks over my shoulder and expresses how his sister would LOVE them. This happens EVERY TIME we go shopping. It hurts sometimes because I say that I think they're beautiful too and he makes an idea on how we should split the cost of the jewelry to buy it for his sister. I look back at our pictures and he always tend to smile wider and bigger when he's with his sister than when he's with me. He always laughs more and genuinely when he's with her too.He also bought an expensive Coach bag for his sister last Christmas while he bought a puppy calendar for me. 
Of course, family's always first. Blood before anything else. But my selfish self seems to be a bit bothered by how he loves and cherishes his sister than me. 
I feel so selfish for feeling this way because I should be more understanding and caring of his sister since she's way younger than me but I cannot help it.Can you guys give me some ideas on how I can fix this? What I should do? Thanks!
p.s. so sorry for the long post guys! I had to express my thoughts xPthanks to those that read the whole thing!

[flysolo.]

pixie.dust said: So here's the story:
I've been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now and we are very serious about our relationship to the point where we are looking forward to spending our future together. I absolutely love him but something just bothers me a bit.It sounds ridiculous and selfish of me, but I am becoming more and more jealous of his little sister.My boyfriend has a little sister that he absolutely loves and cares about. She's 6 years younger than him and she is such a young, smart, beautiful, talented figure skater who's in hopes of competing in the 2018 Winter Olympics. She is young so she can be childish sometimes, but she is mature enough to do things on her own.She cannot leave her brother alone with me when I just want some alone/cuddle time with him. She always tends to keep him occupied all by herself. I did not mind at first, thinking that it was cute that she wanted to join us, but over time, it became a little uncomfortable because she would always take up our alone time until it was time for me to head back home.
but it is not solely her fault.
my boyfriend loves her a lot. I mean A LOT. Every time my boyfriend and I go shopping, I stop to look at some beautiful jewelry that I am interested in. He comes and looks over my shoulder and expresses how his sister would LOVE them. This happens EVERY TIME we go shopping. It hurts sometimes because I say that I think they're beautiful too and he makes an idea on how we should split the cost of the jewelry to buy it for his sister. I look back at our pictures and he always tend to smile wider and bigger when he's with his sister than when he's with me. He always laughs more and genuinely when he's with her too.He also bought an expensive Coach bag for his sister last Christmas while he bought a puppy calendar for me. 
Of course, family's always first. Blood before anything else. But my selfish self seems to be a bit bothered by how he loves and cherishes his sister than me. 
I feel so selfish for feeling this way because I should be more understanding and caring of his sister since she's way younger than me but I cannot help it.Can you guys give me some ideas on how I can fix this? What I should do? Thanks!
p.s. so sorry for the long post guys! I had to express my thoughts xPthanks to those that read the whole thing!

[bubbletealove]

flysolo. said: Maybe you just answered your question.Instead of being jealous, why don't you be the better person by understanding

[Guest phalken]

Tbh it just sounds like he's not ready for a serious relationship.
Yea it's true blood always comes first, but the entire point of a serious relationship is really caring about someone else. Sure, qualitatively the way you feel about family and the way you feel about a s/o is different-- I myself come from a very close-knit family and family will always come first. However, there needs to be consideration and separation in a relationship. It comes down to the fact that his family is.. HIS family-- AKA if he's with you but he's entirely focused on his family, he's being selfish. How would he feel if whenever you're together, you're all like "my brother this" "my dad that"? Not too good probably, because you'd be talking entirely about yourself :/
Also IMO if your bf can't focus on you when he's with you, that's kind of  red flag. When you're over, sure he should still spend time with his family, but he should also make time for you. Have you talked to him about it? Maybe with the little-sister-constantly-thirdwheeling thing, he doesn't realise that you want alone time with him (which is pretty dumb but guys can be dumb lol).

[Roasty]

Maybe the sister is jealous of you? Hence why she interrupts your alone time with your bf. Maybe she feels you are taking her big bro away or something.
Also why dont you send alone time outside of his house, then the sister wont be around.  Do a lot of that, then maybe the sister situation will slowly fade away.
But if in the end, nothing changes, then discuss it with your bf on how you feel and see what his reaction is.  Maybe he doesnt know, or maybe he does but chooses to ignore it.  Either way, talking to him will be the best way to figure this out.

[Guest [ knockOUT ]]

Talk to him about it, that's all you can do. Express how you feel. I totally understand where you're coming from, the whole "jealous of a s/o's family member" thing. But it does seem like your bf isn't totally as serious as you are in this relationship. Have you guys discussed where you guys are in the relationship together? Because if he did see you as a to-be/future wife, I'm sure he would pay more attention to you, laugh/be himself more, buy you more special gifts, etc. It seems like you guys aren't on the same page. So talk about it, and you'll figure it out.

[Sherlock_Mowg]

I'd demand some blood tests, I got a fishy feeling they're not blood related and hanky panky etc. They say incest is best but it becomes wincest when it's pretend siblings. Trust me, I don't know these things. 

[Guest evaine]

Sherlock_Mowg said: I'd demand some blood tests, I got a fishy feeling they're not blood related and hanky panky etc. They say incest is best but it becomes wincest when it's pretend siblings. Trust me, I don't know these things. 

[Guest severus]

All the people screaming incest over OPs bf spending more on the little sister are probably not older siblings themselves. Six years younger is a lot younger, and older siblings tend to spoil younger siblings rotten, half the reason is because they pester us, the rest is just because it's in our nature to take care of them.

My brother would spam text me "plz buy me Burberry sweater + wallet", but unfortunately I can't remove him from my life. If the guy I dated did the same thing, he'd be long gone. However if it was really serious, I'd spend more on the bf.

Nine months together isn't too long of a time...even though a puppy calendar is thoughtless. I think it's more serious in your head than it is in reality.

[Ninshark]

this was actually kinda funny, but I totally see why you'd be jealous so you're not wrong for believing so. Just remember that he's not interested in his sister romantically. Then there's not much to worry about. but if it's also combined with the fact that he doesn't care about you enough, then phalken's right that he's not ready.

[Guest mightyleaf]

 I really think that he's not that serious with you, *yet*. As of now, his sister's priority is over yours. All of you saying that blood is thicker than water; yes that's true, but you're lover (as in your wife/husband) is going to be with you for LIFE, is going to START a LIFE with you.. It seems that he doesn't care for you that much yet.

Are you freaky enough in bed? Make him forget about her. Hahaha, it's not like he wants his sister romantically.

[Guest atarie]

Let me guess they are the only kids in the family huh? and uhhh that does not sound normal. Sister/Brother complex much. Like I love my sibling but I don't love them to the point where if I was with a SO i'd be thinking about them all the time. And the Christmas present WTHH DUDE. I'd be annoyed as heck. Sure get your little sister a designer purse BUT YOU BETTER GET ME ONE TOO THEN PUNK. RELATIONSHIP OVER!! and i'm not even a designer purse/purse girl at all. But still the difference in gifts kinda gives me the message that he doesn't care about you as much. I mean a gift is a gift and i'd love anything that was given to me but still. That just sends a bad message. Yeah i mean love your family but in the end you're gonna have to love your wife/husband more. Sounds fishie. I'm sure she's jealous of you too which is why she tries to steal his attention away. Talk to him about the issue and if he doesn't take your side that's a red flag. How your SO treats you now is the best he'll ever treat you. If you were to get married just know that if he doesn't back you now he definitely won't back you later. And it's important as a couple for you both to back each other no matter what. Even from each others family if needed. If not it's gonna split you apart. Good Luck.

[Guest Mr-Nice-Watch]

damn your bf sounds like a little girl.

[oooroosay]

there's nothing to be jealous about. if she's really his biological sister…. 
but i don't think this relationship will be good long term. 
this is borderline obsessive and kind of creepy. 
don't worry u will find someone better. 

[Morbi]

flysolo. said: Maybe you just answered your question.Instead of being jealous, why don't you be the better person by understanding

[Guest evaine]

^Seriously. Understanding what, exactly? Her boyfriend's abnormal behaviour that most people in this thread can't even relate to because it's so unheard of?

[Guest moehawk]

chill out.  its not like your bf is gonna cheat with her on you.  get a grip.

[simplii_forevah]

All these people saying how it's acceptable because "family always comes first" is kind of ridiculous. 
You said so yourself that you and your boyfriend are very serious to the extent where you have discussed spending your futures together. What happens when you guys get married? Will his sister always come before his own wife? I know that you should love your family and all, but there are certain limits too.
And buying you a puppy calendar for Christmas? Seriously?!
You need to bring this up with him and let him know how you feel. If he suddenly gets mad and defends his sister then... that guy is probably never going to change and you don't want to spend the rest of your life always coming second.
Good luck!

[Guest calculator]

Just say it, "I WANT THE COACH BAG! I WANT THE COACH BAG MORE THAN YOUR SISTER!!!!"

[cutiek028]

You didn't tell us anything about his interaction with YOUR family.
I think that he is pushing his sister way too much in your relationship and it is not fair.
I have experience with this because I saw my sister's relationship with her husband from the time they started dating to now that they are married and have a child. My brother in law's family is HUGE and mine is small. Also, we are more to ourselves and his family are more meddlesome. For example, they like going to ALL trips together, even trips to celebrate anniversaries. Which is fine, but different from my family, and my sister sometimes found it a bit annoying.
But it never became a problem because she made it so that the amount of interaction spent with both families was fair. When they were dating, the hung out at his house one day and the next day they hung out at her house. When they were older/married, they planned trips with his family and the next would be with hers. For New Years, they alternated between one house and the other each year. And of course, on my many occasions both families have celebrated holidays together and even gone to trips together since now we have known each other for about seven years. Now that I have a boyfriend of my own the "family time" is also so shared (made easier by the fact that both our families are small).
Any who, my point is that it seems like the "family time" in your relationship is unfair. The relationship you have with each other's family is important for a healthy relationship in my opinion.
I think you should start imposing your own family on him a little more. Ask him if you can hang out at your house one evening instead of his. If he says no, then that is a very bad sign and *he* is being the selfish one. It needs to be equal on both parts just because relationships are all about give and take and you need to be fair. Additionally, if you have more time with him at your house, without his little sister around, I think your jealousies with subside. 
Also, when he gave you the puppy calender, what did you give him? That does seem very unthoughtful, but perhaps at the time you were just starting? But assuming it was this past X-mas, you guys were already dating for 8 months right? I don't think you should compare what he got his sister and what he got you. BUT you *should* compare what you got him and what he got you. Because it many be a sign that he is less invested in your relationship than you are.
Overall, my advise is that you have to impose yourself on him more. Ask him to spend more time with your family too and analyze how things are between you and him. I don't think you should compare yourself to his sister, because his treatment of her isn't the problem. The problem is how he treats you. So taking his sister out of the equation, take a look at your relationship with him.
Is your relationship one sided? Do you find yourself spending more time with his family than yours? Do you give him more thoughtful gifts than he does? Does it seems like your are investing more into your relationship than he is?
If the answer is yes, then you really need to think about whether you want to stay in that relationship because it isn't fair to you. You need to talk to him, but never ever ever mention how he treats his sister better than you. You need to focus on his behavior towards YOU and not his behavior towards you vs his sister.
If the answer is no, he is spending time with your family too, your gifts to each other are about the same in meaning and value, then you should try to appreciate him more. Because he just likes his sister, but he is nice to you too (at least he is at nice to you as you are nice to him). But I doubt this is the case since you are so unhappy.
Good luck. You just need to step back and evaluate your relationship.