For the guys who complain about girls expecting them to pay for most dates

[Guest hearthealer]

^ I've paid.

[Guest Mentor]

As promised, more elaboration;

chocc said:

Women want men who have social status with wealth because then these men can provide for the children. Paying for dates is an indication that the man want to invest in her. Men who are stingy are less attractive because it seems like they don't want to invest in the relationship.

 Yes they want men who will pay for their children but, if refusing to put in for the cost of a date is the sign that the person is stingy and unwilling to invest in the relationship, why would a man want to raise her children?

  Suppose a man and a woman went in together to purchase a financial instrument (Bond, CD, annuity) . They both put their names in, the man puts down $20. towards the purchase, the woman puts nothing. They BOTH plan to share in the results of the instruments performance. What happens if the performance goes sour (loses money) ? Well the man stands to lose on his $20. investment but the woman loses nothing since she hasn't put in anything from the start. The only thing she might lose is her credit rating. Other than that, she can walk away with impunity. It's the man that's tied into it.

  What if the instrument gains? Well I'm sure she will accept the proceeds. Heck, money for nothing!

 he is called a "stud" while a woman who does that are called sl*ts and wh*res? that's not fair to the woman either now, is it.

  Wrong! The guy gets called a rotten lying, cheating,ladies man, sugardaddy etc. The woman is called "popular".

Plus, even though women and men have "equal rights", men on average still earn much more than women.

  Equal rights simply means equal opportunity:

/home/lindsaylee/Desktop/wagewar.odt

[Guest Mentor]

showoff said: esapele said:In regards to guys paying for dates.  Personally, I used to feel bad when a guy offered to pay, so I would offer to pay as well.  But each and every time, without hesitation, they always ended up paying anyways.  These days, girls are just to used to the 'idea' that by default a guy pays for dates for some reason.
I think from reading some comments, the point that most guys are trying to make here is, not that they wont ever pay for a date.  They will.  But they would like the courtesy and respect from a girl to have at least the decency to offer, cause this shows to the guy, that the girl is thinking beyond, just superficial thoughts of whether or not the guy is stingy or just financially unstable.
I understand all girls want financial stability in their lives, they will always be attracted to guys who can provide that for them, heck I am like that.  But guys will only give that stability to a girl they deem who is not superficial and is worthy of that financial support.  So girls if you want a guy to have some sort of respect for you, don't expect them to pay.  Yes its nice when they do, but at least show them you are not a shallow superficial girl who only cares about money.  Show them that you are more then that and they may decide you are worth more as well. Its as simple as that.

[Rolos]

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed this but I think it is quite common...at least speaking from what I have seen.
A lot of women from China (I can't speak for the rest of Asia) tend to expect men to get the bill and pay for things if on a date. I have friends who think like this and probably wouldn't go on a second date if the guy didn't pay full. Once in a relationship, they also expect boyfriends to get presents for them on special occasions, but won't give anything in return. Having said that, they all treat their boyfriends really well in other respects, it's just this money factor that seems to have such definite boundaries. Maybe it's to do with the culture and how people have been brought up, the whole 大男子主义 (male chauvinism?) is still pretty common. Some Chinese males I know even openly admit they act like this, and believe their girlfriend/wife should do the housework whilst the man provides financially. So in a way, over the years, women have been conditioned to think that's all they're capable of and there is this tendency to listen/obey to what their male counterparts say. In return, there is significant pressure placed on men to meet certain criteria, e.g. to own a house, have a nice car, stable job with high income - if you watch some Chinese dating shows like 非诚勿扰 (youtube it), as long as the man has all of these, then there's a high probability that he'll leave with a date...even then, it's only a probability (looks will be taken into account, though some men will appear more attractive and good-looking after revealing they're rich)
Obviously this isn't as prominent now in China, there's been lots of focus on couples splitting the living costs, both genders contributing in some way to ease the burden of the other. There's even been dramas dedicated to this AA style living. However, if you go into everyday life, it's more likely that the male is paying.

Personally, I think its unrealistic to ask males for so much when a female might not have considered what they can actually bring to the table. Why should the guy do all this? Because she's pretty? What happens when someone prettier comes along? Looks will fade with age. Yes there's going under the knife, but no amount of surgery is going to combat the effects of nature when someone's 60.It's much more desirable to have a husband who will love you however wrinkly you get, rather than one who bases a relationship on appearance. Of course keeping groomed and looking good is still important, which is kind of a paradox...I think the main thing is finding some middle ground and steering clear from the extremes. Don't go too overboard with focusing on superficial factors but don't disregard them altogether either. 
I just think with the current mindset of a large majority of society in the East, who probably have been conditioned over generations, getting out of thinking in certain ways is a hard habit to beat, but not impossible. 

[zantac_2]

Rolos said: Chinese dating shows like 非诚勿扰

[Rolos]

^yeh I remember they set up a few fake 'hand-holdings' because the audience were complaining about some of the contestants lol. Did you see the woman who said 'I'd rather be sat in a BMW crying than on a bicycle laughing'? .....wanted to shake some sense into her, but then again it's a clever way to get attention.

[azurette]

Most relationships start off based on looks, you think she's cute so you pay more attention to her, then you start realizing she has a cute personality and you end up liking her. This works for both genders. Relationships are based on personality but attraction is based on attractiveness, whether physical or otherwise.
Ps. It's great that you think some men pay for the sheer pleasure of it or because they really had fun on the date. But see some girls (me) have ran into men who believe that paying for X number of dates = sex. Sad but true. People's ideas about society and gender roles come from watching their parents, watching other people's relationships and their past relationships. You can't really hate someone for beginning to form certain opinions when their run-ins with the other gender haven't been what you practice.

[Guest showoff]

You still don't get it and probably never will.  Okay.

[Guest Tracey X]

I... uhm... want to pay...Of course, we're eating at a hotdog stand.

[azurette]

showoff said: You still don't get it and probably never will.  Okay.

[Mannosuke]

Men are expected to pay because they're the ones that ask the girl out.

[Guest calculator]

AznStringBoy said: Has a girl ever paid for you on a date? I've never dated one so I have to ask.

[Guest showoff]

Ha, your username is very appropriate for this discussion as it sounds like some women in here would literally keep a running tally on their calculator, labeled "The Man's Money Spent On ME".

I'm curious as to what dollar threshold the man needs to meet in order for him to be considered a "gentleman" versus a "stingy whiner".  $30.76?  $52.06?  $117.92?  And how much goodwill does his money buy him?  12 hours until the woman expects more gifts/dinners/money from him?  24 hours?  48 hours?

 

[Guest Mentor]

Mannosuke said: Men are expected to pay because they're the ones that ask the girl out.

[Guest hearthealer]

Okay.
Qn. SO decides he wants to dine out to celebrate the end of midterms, I agree but I ask for Ramen..because it's winter, it's rainy, i hate the cold etc. He suggests a much more upscale place....if i'm willing to pay for my half at the Ramen place is it all that bad if I don't really want to spend $100+ on my own dinner...and so i'll split the bill at Ramen but not at the upscale place? >.>

[Guest showoff]

Do you want noodles because it's winter, rainy and you hate the cold or do you want noodles because you don't have the $$$ to pay for anything more expensive?

If you two regularly eat noodles just because, I can understand why he wants to go somewhere nicer to celebrate.  But then he should also understand that you may not have the $$$ to pay for hundred dollar plates.  Maybe there's a middle ground between $4 noodles and $100 steaks?

[Guest nanvoc]

The typical stereotype of a guy paying for dates all the time is a bit stretched, sure maybe the first time but only if the male makes the first move. For me if I go on a date or hang out with a guy friend one on one and I WAS THE ONE TOO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE...I pay for it. I try and endorse the "I pay for this round, you get the next round" concept because I believe relationships should be fair and not one sided. Same applies when we're hanging out together, if my partner continuously hangs out with me without seeing friends or other family...I will literally kick his richard simmons and MAKE HIM SEE HIS MATES. Having said this I won't tag along either because everyone needs a boy/or girls night out. 

That requires a lot of trust but if anything goes wrong, not my lost really because I won't be the fun having trouble finding another half decent partner lol. It's so annoying because when guys or girls get in a relationship, their friendships just diminish.

[Guest dolcedor.]

hearthealer said: Okay.
Qn. SO decides he wants to dine out to celebrate the end of midterms, I agree but I ask for Ramen..because it's winter, it's rainy, i hate the cold etc. He suggests a much more upscale place....if i'm willing to pay for my half at the Ramen place is it all that bad if I don't really want to spend $100+ on my own dinner...and so i'll split the bill at Ramen but not at the upscale place? >.>

[Guest hearthealer]

showoff said:

Do you want noodles because it's winter, rainy and you hate the cold or do you want noodles because you don't have the $$$ to pay for anything more expensive?

If you two regularly eat noodles just because, I can understand why he wants to go somewhere nicer to celebrate.  But then he should also understand that you may not have the $$$ to pay for hundred dollar plates.  Maybe there's a middle ground between $4 noodles and $100 steaks?

[Sommelier]

@hearthealer 
Middle ground ($20-30 entrees), all within 30 minutes.  1.  Banana Leaf2.  Candia Taverna   3.  Rio Brazillian steakhouse 4.  Memphis BBQ5.  The BiBo  6.  Yaletown Brewery Co7.  Shabusan8.  White Spot 9.  Milestone's 10. The Alibi Room 

@Rip_Tide   There's this game my friend's use to play at nightclubs.  It's called "reverse gold digger", where you try and get a girl to buy you a drink.  
4:25 mark.  This shoots in Toronto.  Works way better with non-Asian chicks, if you ever try it out with your boys.  (Just sayin' Asian ladies, buy the boys a drink sometimes!!)