Guys: Do You Pay For Dates?

[Guest atarie]

If it's a date.. HAILL YEAH YOU BETTER BE PAYING... least in the beginning...  idk i think it just shows that a guy is thoughtful, well establish, and a gentleman if he does... gets major kudos in my book... as for later when we do become official... sure i'll pay sometimes... we can switch on and off... make it fair o__o

as for me paying for dates... i don't do one on one hang outs with guys... idk in my head a date implies that i like you more than a friend already... so you just better be paying o__o... i don't like to lead guys on so if i don't like you like that or see any potential of us being together i'm not gonna hang out with you alone... i'll hang out in a big group but never alone... so that gives no room for me paying for you... lol unless it's like your birthday and we're hanging out with a bunch of friends to celebrate... or you happen to forget your wallet (which is fail) in which i'd offer to pay for you...

In short... if it's NOT a date... i'll pay for myself you pay for yourself we're good... if it is a date you better be paying for me or there will be no second date... if we've been dating for a while... we'll even it out...

[Guest x0ny]

11/10 would pay for dates
3/10 would pay for meet ups
8/10 would pay for when youre in relationship long terms.

[Guest 87lena]

imo guys should be paying for the majority of the date

[Sommelier]

@atarie 
What if you ask him out?  
@87lena
So if the guy has to pay for 75% of the dates, would you be willing to stay home and take care of the kids, cook if you get married?  

[Guest Siweonn]

Usually, on the dates I've been on, the guy will pay. If I really like the guy I'll try to pay but some guys are really sneaky... 

[Guest atarie]

@speedredefined

you see i'd never ask a guy out XD... i'm old fashioned... i think a guy should be the one to initiate anything... my theory goes if he really wants me he'll ask me out... if not then oh well he's not the type of guy i'm looking for then... (and if i should by some crazy event end up asking the guy out i'll pay... but the likelihood of that happening is nada...) I know lots of guys have beef about this but that's the way i am LOL... so if you want me... come and get me ^__o LOLL

[Sommelier]

atarie said: @speedredefined

you see i'd never ask a guy out XD... i'm old fashioned... i think a guy should be the one to initiate anything... my theory goes if he really wants me he'll ask me out... if not then oh well he's not the type of guy i'm looking for then... (and if i should by some crazy event end up asking the guy out i'll pay... but the likelihood of that happening is nada...) I know lots of guys have beef about this but that's the way i am LOL... so if you want me... come and get me ^__o LOLL

[Guest atarie]

@speedredefined

If he has a job that is stable enough to support that... HAILL YEAHHHH!!! he better be BANKIN' then... LOL... i have no problem with that... o__o... Not to say I wouldn't mind getting a job outside the house... See there's a level of respect that comes with a guy wanting a girl to be a stay at home mom... If he's saying so just to be a richard simmons then F THAT... but if he's honestly and respectfully saying that yeah he'll take care of our finances and he just wants me to worry about the house sure... What guys don't understand is that most girls (well some girls) are okay with the idea of being submissive but only if the guy isn't being a jerk about it... Leadership and submission have to do with respect... no girl wants to be submissive to a guy who's basically saying BOW DOWN TO ME BECAUSE I'M A DUDE... vs. Let me take care of you because i want to... We like to be taken care of... but if nobody's gonna do it... then we'll do it ourselves... (and that's my two cent rant)... but this is just my POV not all girls so whateves

[Guest severus]

@speedredefined

If he has a job that is stable enough to support that... HAILL YEAHHHH!!! he better be BANKIN' then... LOL... i have no problem with that... o__o... Not to say I wouldn't mind getting a job outside the house... See there's a level of respect that comes with a guy wanting a girl to be a stay at home mom... If he's saying so just to be a richard simmons then F THAT... but if he's honestly and respectfully saying that yeah he'll take care of our finances and he just wants me to worry about the house sure... What guys don't understand is that most girls (well some girls) are okay with the idea of being submissive but only if the guy isn't being a jerk about it... Leadership and submission have to do with respect... no girl wants to be submissive to a guy who's basically saying BOW DOWN TO ME BECAUSE I'M A DUDE... vs. Let me take care of you because i want to... We like to be taken care of... but if nobody's gonna do it... then we'll do it ourselves... (and that's my two cent rant)... but this is just my POV not all girls so whateves

.......

This is going to be so off topic.... but ugh.

Women who stay at home to take care of the family don't do it simply because they're submissive and just like to be taken care of... Many like my own mother gave up a much loved and very lucrative career because once she had kids, she believed that making everything perfect at home for the family was more important than anything... Not because "we only bother taking care of ourselves when no man's gonna"... stay-at-home moms get so much heat because people say stuff like this. In reality they deserve mad respect because they sacrifice so much when they'd very much like to pursue careers.

[Sommelier]

sirius said:

@speedredefined

If he has a job that is stable enough to support that... HAILL YEAHHHH!!! he better be BANKIN' then... LOL... i have no problem with that... o__o... Not to say I wouldn't mind getting a job outside the house... See there's a level of respect that comes with a guy wanting a girl to be a stay at home mom... If he's saying so just to be a douche then F THAT... but if he's honestly and respectfully saying that yeah he'll take care of our finances and he just wants me to worry about the house sure... What guys don't understand is that most girls (well some girls) are okay with the idea of being submissive but only if the guy isn't being a jerk about it... Leadership and submission have to do with respect... no girl wants to be submissive to a guy who's basically saying BOW DOWN TO ME BECAUSE I'M A DUDE... vs. Let me take care of you because i want to... We like to be taken care of... but if nobody's gonna do it... then we'll do it ourselves... (and that's my two cent rant)... but this is just my POV not all girls so whateves

[MiDnite89]

To me, it's never "I'm a guy, so I should pay". When I was going through university, I made minimum wage or slightly above minimum wage so money didn't come as easily to me. $10 to me, is the same as $10 to a girl. Now that I'm in a lucrative field, it's really relative for me. If going to more lavish places is something that I wanted to do, it'd be unfair for me to expect the girl to pay half if she's making $10/hr and I'm making 10x that.

[Guest hearthealer]

sirius said:

@speedredefined

If he has a job that is stable enough to support that... HAILL YEAHHHH!!! he better be BANKIN' then... LOL... i have no problem with that... o__o... Not to say I wouldn't mind getting a job outside the house... See there's a level of respect that comes with a guy wanting a girl to be a stay at home mom... If he's saying so just to be a douche then F THAT... but if he's honestly and respectfully saying that yeah he'll take care of our finances and he just wants me to worry about the house sure... What guys don't understand is that most girls (well some girls) are okay with the idea of being submissive but only if the guy isn't being a jerk about it... Leadership and submission have to do with respect... no girl wants to be submissive to a guy who's basically saying BOW DOWN TO ME BECAUSE I'M A DUDE... vs. Let me take care of you because i want to... We like to be taken care of... but if nobody's gonna do it... then we'll do it ourselves... (and that's my two cent rant)... but this is just my POV not all girls so whateves

[lykasuperstarr]

You know what. Both girls and boys must pay for the dates both. I mean, because if the girl always expects the boy to always pay and vice versa, where is the equality there, really? Just look at it practically -- If one must plan and pay for a date, he/she will be saving up for that specific date and it takes time. But if both of you will be paying for the date by sharing expenses, you could actually save your unused money for future dates so that you could be together often than only allowing the other person to pay for the dates which takes quite awhile to save money. It's practicality and both shouldn't always depend on who is to pay for their date next
P.S. If it's your first date. It is a must for the guys to pay because it somehow adds the impression that they are gentlemen and respectful. What I just said is applicable for going steady couples

[MrPower]

Yeah, but it turned out to be reciprocal.
After a while, we just stop keeping count and just enjoy ourselves. It doesn't matter who pays, because money is just a medium we use to do activities together while enjoying each other's company.

When I'm low on dough, I let her know. We either do something that doesn't cost too much, or she doesn't mind fronting the cash.
I think this mentality is important for all relationships that last. 

[azurette]

ajlee613 said: once a relationship is serious, wouldn't money be shared anyways?

from what i see, real relationships kind of pool their money together into a budget, they see their necessary expenses, their average amount of luxury spending, and then a set amount of savings every month. 

[Guest HMR00]

 

[Guest vectrotalenzis]

men should always pay

[tamaraleee]

I can't remember if I've answered this q before but I'll answer it honestly.

On a first date/first couple of dates I will always offer to pay and have cash in my wallet. Has to be cash just he agrees and it's just easier splitting with cash. I will offer and if he says no I will always insist once more. I will always do this at the same time as he's pulling out his wallet or even before if I know the bill's coming because we've asked for it. I will never wait for him to pay.

Because I do agree on face value that YES it is hypocritical that girls demand equality and yet don't expect to pay on dates.

HOWEVER at the same time it is true that if the guy accepts my payment I probably won't go out with him again LOL. Even if it's the second date and he paid the first time and I say something like "I'll pay this time because you paid last time" (I will always say it). I will pay and I won't say anything at the time but unless he has some super redeeming qualities, I probably won't go out with him again. I won't think he's cheap or anything but I just won't think he's for me. There's nothing wrong with him expecting me to pay but to me it'll be an indication that we don't match.

So essentially I want to show my independence but I expect him to pay anyway. Sounds hypocritical and double standard? Yes it is.

Let me explain myself. I think it's because with most westernized Asian people there's always a bit of a war going on between traditional values and modern values. While girls know they should be independent and have their own money, they still expect the guy to cover most of the costs on dating. That's the way I am and when a guy pays for me for the first couple of dates, I know he shares my traditional values and I'll feel more comfortable with him. The guys that don't want to pay for dates - I don't want to waste their time. They're better off with a more independent girl and hopefully they'll meet her right after me. That's why I always offer, so if I never see him again I won't feel like I've wasted his money.

A note to this is I don't want a guy to pay for me if I don't see a future with him. If I'm not interested in him I will INSIST on paying. Once I date a guy that just would not take my money. I met up with him again just so I could pay for his dinner lol.

However if I'm interested in him and he's paid for dinner I'll reciprocrate by paying for coffee/dessert/movie tickets. And if he's paid for a couple of dinners, I'll definitely pay for one too. If he buys me gifts I will buy him ones too. But the scenario I'm most comfortable with is the one where the amount he spends on me is more than the amount I spend on him. This echoes the kind of family dynamic I eventually want to have where I never stop earning money (I'll always earn enough to support myself in the case that something breaks down. I'm ambitious so I fully expect I'll earn more than just that and be able to chip in and contribute to our family/mortgage/holiday expenses etc) but I still expect the man to earn more and take care of the family.

I'm not saying this is right. But it's what I want and I want to meet a guy that's OK with that and not waste my time or their time with guys that are not OK with that. I know that some guys might split evenly on dates but turn around and pay for everything once their married and it's true that I'm missing out on some great guys, but I can't help the way I feel and I don't want to fake things when I'm dating, I want to date a guy I feel comfortable with.

Some more westernized girls I know have no problem splitting on every single date. They attract guys that share their values - which is great. Same way some ultra traditional girls. They never take out their wallet ever and would be affronted if the guy asked. That's good for them too. They'll scare away the guys that don't want that and eventually find a guy happy to give them what they want.

So in the end I would never judge anybody on their date paying habits as long as their partner was happy with it It's all up to what feels right for every couple.

(P.S. If I've asked the guy out I won't expect him to pay. Only if he's the one that initiated. Also sometimes I feel that if the guy takes my money he's probably not that into me either, so it's all reciprocal.)

[Guest showoff]

As long as you're cool with the guy also being hypocritical and having double standards for certain things too, then it's whatever.

[ahvat]

I pay for dates; however, if the girl feels she needs to pay her portion, that's fine, too. Nowadays, men and women work and support each other financially and mentally. I don't see why not on dates.(?)