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So my girlfriend is going out drinking for the first time with coworkers


Guest chiuchowviet

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Guest chiuchowviet

She's a lightweight and I asked her a simple question today of how much do you plan on drinking?

She gets mad at me because she says that's such a stupid questions and that she can't tell the future.

I'm trying to explain to her that i'm just a little worried since shes such a lightweight and might be driving. She then says to me if you are worried liek that why don't you get to the point and just say that you don't want me drinking a lot. Then I say that its because she has issues with people telling her what to do so I just wanted to ask a question then make a suggestion based on what she says. She then says my question is as stupid as her asking me if I'm going to go take a richard simmons tomorrow. How am i supposed to handle a situation like this? Am i wrong for asking her how much she plans on drinking? Even an answer of not too much or something would have been fine, no need to get angry and be like stop asking annoying questions right?


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Guest kdangg451

You are definately not wrong for asking her that. I think that she is the one in the wrong here because she is being irresponsible by not planning out how much she will be drinking. You also said that she might be driving, so like zantac_2 said, telling her that you will be available to drive her will ensure that she doesn't put others lives in danger by driving impaired and you will also sleep better knowing that she gets home safe.

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Guest jammer25

zantac_2 said: a less confronting way was to let her know that you will be available to drive her if she drinks too much. perhaps add a little suggestion like have fun but dont go too crazy before she goes out.

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Guest chiuchowviet

I see, thanks guys. I actually had originally to offer to drive her after but unfortunately a taxi cab hit my car so its in the shop, otherwise the original plan was for her to drink and i'd come pick her up around 11:30-12 and drive her home. I kind of guess i'm still a noob when it come to the way I should be treating her, yah I do kind of baby her and shes a little more independent, but I really cant help but care and worry. So today instead I asked her if she could just go together with her Coworker guy friend who wont drink too much. Told her itd be better for her to have a guy around to make sure she got home safe. The guy doesnt live too far from her and hes driven her around before so I prolly shoulda just asked her that in the first place.

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Guest TheJVS

If you really wanted to pick her up is public transportation not available?                 
For some people planning ahead in such kind of events takes away the "fun". but you are not wrong either, just that you two seems to have some misunderstanding/communication problems while having different views on this matter perhaps. Also, careful on the tone of voice when you are confronting her about these things, sometimes your voice may seem like its a trust matter rather than just a "i care about you so becareful" matter.

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Guest chiuchowviet

Yah picking her up public transit isn't really an option, have work early the next day. From my place to where she is drinking takes 3 hours through public transit. Then from the bar to her place is another 2 hours of public transit. Basically i'd get back at her place around 2-3am then have to wakeup at 6am to get ready to go back downtown to work. Theres no feasible way except driving which would only take me 30-40 minutes each way. The way I asked her wasn't confronting or anything it was a really casual so how much do you plan on drinking?

I think her reaction to my question was a little bit overboard?

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Guest TheJVS

Her reaction may seem overboard for you but it might not be from her perspective? (You should know this better than me) I guess you two don't live together... what about getting a hotel or I guess taxi is probably the way you'll go. Why is she considering drinking at a place that is 2hours away from where she lives...don't understand. 30-40 min of driving is also pretty far imo... If shes not staying past 12 and isn't going to be drunk going home herself is also an option no? I guess you'll have to talk to her in a baby-ing sort of way since this topic seems to spike her up O_O

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I'm wondering just how you actually approached her about this.
Some people think yelling and screaming and interrogating someone is considered "explaining" to them how they feel.And then turn to the internet making themselves look like they were just being the amazing gentleman and how the other party was simply too immature to discuss in a civil manner.

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Guest chiuchowviet

Mannosuke this is how the literal conversation went: after work she gave me a call we were just talking normally. I asked her ohh so you still going out tmr night? shes like yah and then i was talking to her about a strawberry beer at the place that is good then i asked her how much she plans on drinking. Immediate lash and going on the defensive right after.

Update on thread. So she went out to the bar drinking with coworkers, then they hitup a club its now 3am and I havn't heard from her through text or phone and i'm now worried about her safety. I feel like flipping out because at least a txt to let me know if she got home safe woulda been nice or something. Clubs and bars close here at 2am and her coworker shoulda dropped her off at her house by now. I'm feeling like the fact that she knows i'm worried about her safety she should shoot me a txt to let me know shes ok, home safe and sound etc. I even said today before she went off i told her have fun just shoot me a txt when ur home to let me know ur home safe and she said ok I will.

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I don't think you are in the wrong at all. However from her point of view it was the first time she's going out drinking with her coworkers, an opportunity to get to know them outside of work hence excitement and hype is normal. So when you asked her that she probably wrote it up to you wanting to be a killjoy and baby her so that might be why she reacted that way.

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Guest chiuchowviet

So last night at 4:30am she finally decides to call me and obviously at this point i'm worried sick and was upset. She apologized saying she forgot to leave me a txt and that when she got home she had such a headache she just slipped into bed to go to sleep and just woke up now and saw my missed calls.

At one point during the night at around 4:00am when i didn't hear from her I called her best friend to see if she heard anything from my gf and i also asked her if I could have the coworker guys number to call to see if he dropped her off home ok. Now shes extremely upset with me saying that I shouldn't have bothered her friends like that. She's saying I over reacted and that i'm crazy and unhealthy and even said that so what if i found out shes really sick or whatever i would find out eventually or at one point she said so what if I was killed it doesn't change a thing and that I should just wait to hear from her. She's saying that the feelings of over worrying like that aren't normal and healthy.

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I think you should just accept that she is like that lolWhile you may have genuine intentions based on your own beliefs and upbringing, for her it might just be annoying and unnecessary.
You know, kind of like how people punctuate every line with YOLO

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Guest TheJVS

Did she just seriously over exaggerated/lying the situation to her best friend to make you look like a clingly, over protective boy friend? Personally I'd be glad that my bf is worried about my safety and giving me suggestions on something that I'm not familiar with. She obviously didn't know her limits which resulted in a headache and whatnot that restrained her from calling you at such an important time. 
You can let this go. But she might be one of those girls who will now think it's okay to treat you this way. *shakes head* 

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I'd say stand your ground, because if not she'll just become more and more accusatory with everything you do when you show concern. That said, you might have to accept that she's just this immature and then take it from there whether you want to be with her or not.

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Guest chiuchowviet

Yah now her best friend is telling her it was too much for me to call her worried to. I think I was well within my grounds to call and ask if she heard from her at all and to get the number of the coworker who was supposed to drop her off at home and see if she got home ok. She wasnt really planning to stay out later than 12 but ended up not calling me till 4 instead.

I still don't understand her reasoning behind saying what difference does it make if I find out shes feeling sick now or find out tomorrow. I told her if she wasn't feeling well I would have grabbed a cab and came up to take care of her. She said so what you would just be around and I said yeah incase you have to puke i'd hold ur hair up get you water, etc. She said shes old enough to take care of herself and that she doesn't need me to do that. I said to her that yes she doesn't need it but when I love and care for her so much if she isn't feeling well I would like to be around to help make the shitty situation even just a bit better. I then told her that if she says shes 24 and that I should trust her judgement and treat her like an adult then she should also have the capability to understand what it is to make someone who loves you worry and how irresponsible it is to not leave a msg.

This has now turned into a I feel like you have pushed me into a corner and I cannot breathe thing and I dont really understand why. Originally when she had asked me I said sure go ahead i'll pick you up when you are done. Then my car got busted up and so I told her go with her male coworker to make sure a guy is around to protect and drive her home rather than her going home by herself. I became worried when there was no txt/call to let me know she was home safe and so now i'm not giving her breathing room? I feel like she is trying to "win" by flipping everything back onto me.

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you have to see it from her perspective as well, an adult who is being treated like a child. compromise and let her 'win' whatever it is that both of you are playing. she knows youre a caring individual. no need to drag it out and turn it into paranoia.

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Guest TheJVS

Don't worry, you are a great boyfriend. There is nothing that you are doing wrong imo. It's a major problem how she seems to be trusting her best friend's words rather than seeing that you are the one who is her boyfriend and that you have all the right in the world to act worried and to offer help. She should know better than to tattle tail on you to her best friend. If your relationship continues in the long term, it should be you who is more important and trustworthy than her best friend. You become family, and her friend simply remains as a close friend. 

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