Your boyfriend/girlfriend's sex life before you met them

[Guest kimmayyyy]

How comfortable are you when your boyfriend, girlfriend, or their friends start talking about your boyfriend/girlfriend's past sex life or the people they slept with? 
I admit it's an insecurity of mine when the discussion is brought up. My boyfriend was a huge partier before we started dating, but he's definitely not as crazy as he used to be. I, on the other hand, have had sex only with one other person before him and was a total hermit before we met. On one or two occasions while hanging out with his friends, his friends would offhandedly mention a drunken night where my boyfriend had sex with someone, or just generally other people my boyfriend has had sex with. I don't know why, but it just makes me uncomfortable. I know it doesn't mean anything about our relationship, but it just makes me super insecure. 
Does anyone else feel this way? Or do you not care about talking/listening about your SO's previous sex life? 
I'm also not asking for advice to get over my insecurity--I think it's just something I have to deal with or eventually get used to. Just wanted to know what others' inputs are on this.

[Guest rickertv2]

I used to. When I was with my first gf (I was a virgin before) I was really insecure because she had a few more partners before me. 
Now, I don't care. The past is in the past. I had experiences with 6 girls in the past, but if my next gf is insecure about that it's because she is the one with the issue.

[Guest]

that is pretty normal not to be cool with it. because it violates your feeling of exclusivity.
it is also considered quite rude to talk about your past relationships and sex life with a current s.o

[Guest rickertv2]

ajlee613 said: that is pretty normal not to be cool with it. because it violates your feeling of exclusivity.
it is also considered quite rude to talk about your past relationships and sex life with a current s.o

[Guest Affection]

My last relationship ended due to me caring about her past because of her sex life. Yup... you're not alone.... it's just unnecessary stress to care about. And if it goes on, in the end it might come up in a arguement and end the relationship.

[Guest L]

I can relate as it bothers me a little too.. But I can look past it, after all if they are with me now it should be buried down the hatchet.That being said it's not a topic I'll bring up unless I was starting to get serious with whomever I'm seeing (ie. getting intimate or what not, for health reasons; std's etc) or in your situation where his mates would bring up his previous flings and I'd be a little insecure... I think it's a little bit of a stigma when it comes to 'numbers' and all but it'd hurt me so much more if he had little sexual history but was comparing me to a particular girl before.
Getting older everyone I've met/starting seeing has had a sexual history it's just a matter of how conservative you are.If it was a few years ago say when I was 16 I wouldn't even consider dating them if they'd been with anyone sexually before me.

[teaispink]

Before we started dating he told me he has past experience with his 2 exs (orally) but I didn't believe him for not sexing them, but my decision to date him wasn't based on that. I used to think about it quit a lot how he's experienced and all that. I would also bring it up when we argue about unrelated stuff. After 4 years of dating I got over it and thought it was pretty immature of me. It is his right to do whatever he wants, it's his life.
In my opinion, you can care and not care at the same time. If you look at it negatively than you'll just end up upsetting yourself more than your s/o. Why put yourself through that kind of situation? It's like saying "Buy it or leave it". If you think his past is somewhat acceptable by your standard, than just go ahead and leave those troubling thoughts alone. The more you think about it, the more it'll drive you crazy. At the end you're the one suffering from it not your s/o. So what if they had past experience?! Be optimistic and good things will come to you. The important thing to think about is they chose you for their future.   

[azurette]

It's important to me to discuss, hell it's one of the first things I discuss when really getting to know the person.
My bf used to casually bang girls before me. FWB, one night stands, whatever... he didn't go a long time without it, and he wasn't tied down to the girls he was doing it with. Me on the otherhand, just had 2 (barely even) before him so it was really unnerving that he couldn't keep count of his.
It makes me insecure that I'm not good in bed (I only lost it February of 2011) and also feel like just another number, but at the same time since we're officially together unlike the other girls it's not the biggest deal in the world.

[Guest bona fide*]

Depends. I'd be wary if he was a serial cheater - otherwise, I could care less about the number of sex partners he's had (unless it was an outrageous number, like 120 lol). 

[Guest]

Truthfully, I would like to know. Only because I'd like to know what his preferences are. I'd rather not struggle to compare myself to his past, because if my significant other wants to be with me, we both need to be confiden and honest about what we like and dislike. Using past experiences is as learning guide is helpful. Of course, I'm talking about sex, strictly speaking.

It's all about being honest and knowing what you're comfortable with. Sometimes, you'd be surprised at what you hear compared to what you witness. Even someone inexperienced can give you the best experience you've ever had. Someone whose had multiple sex partners might be terrible in bed.

Also, if it's someone you're looking at for long term, it's good to know. I think all of us have some skeletons in our closet... Someone of us are more damaged than others because we've been hurt badly before, especially when it involves physical relations.

[Guest dolcedor.]

I don't need to know details about my SO's past sex life because... I just don't need to know. However, I would like to know his relationship with the people he's slept with (girlfriend, FWB, one night stand, etc), as well as any STIs. Am I insecure about his history? Yeah, a little bit. Not because of the fact that he's had partners before me, but because he's had a much longer time to be comfortable with her and know what she likes, and vice versa. I do feel inadequate at times because of it. But I don't dwell on it too much, and I realize that he's with me now, which is what ultimately matters.

[mintcracker]

I don't think it matters much, though these are the questions I usually ask, the number thing is something that I don't really want to know about (if it's like 25 I'll be , but at the same time if it's 1-2 I'll be skeptical and curious too). I usually ask 1. If they're clean 2. When was the last time they got checked up 3. Have they ever had a one night stand 4.How many of those partners were casual ones

[mintcracker]

Oh and it's a good idea to always ask when was the last time they were with someone (sexually obviously). The number thing is really something you do when you're younger than 20, passed that, and people's numbers can be quite high so I just don't want to know.

[Guest HERMIT]

Could be worse.  Imagine trying to google their name up out of curiosity and all you get back are porn links.

[Guest showoff]

It's important to discuss past sexual activity to be informed about STDs, likes/dislikes, and physical expectations.  Focus more on that aspect of the discussion rather than the number of partners, partying lifestyle, etc.

[MiDnite89]

Imagine my girlfriends sex life after me. Sucks for the next guy

[Guest mularice]

I've asked about my BF's past but I know it's just been his ex he has slept with aside from me. He knows my history.

I do get a bit insecure about it - being compared or something but in the end, if he (or any other bf I've had) wasn't satisfied, he wouldn't still be with me. Not saying sex is everything but if we weren't sexually compatible and it really mattered I'm pretty sure we wouldn't still be together.

[Guest chindarella]

That's something that has never bothered me before. People of the past are people of the past. There are people in my life I don't like talking about, and I respect that if other people don't want to talk about their past as well.

[Guest showoff]

If my partner doesn't disclose STD information even when I ask for it, then "it's in the past" won't get my partner very far with me.  I most certainly discuss my past sexual history, protection use/non-use, etc with my partner and demand they do the same.  I'm not interested in hearing about how my penis measures up to past lovers, but I do want to know if I'm exposing myself to any STDs, if my partner is allergic to latex, if my partner has any objections to toys, what boundaries/limits are for each of us, if my partner likes traditional foreplay, etc...

There's an adult way of talking about sexual history and an immature, high school way talking about sexual history.  I would hope that people posting in this thread can understand the difference and adjust accordingly.

[Guest Www1430292194]

Sometimes my bf's sexual past makes me want to jump off a cliff. o_o

I had only been with 1 person.
My cute, babyfaced teddy-bear looking boyfriend -- who would have guessed he had slept with 40-50 times that, prostitutes and mistresses included. 

I know the past is the past, so I hope my feelings get better over time.