Not really having any other friends other than your boyfriend?

[ParappaRappa]

Anyone else kind of like this?

I was wondering if anyone else seemed to be in this situation. If the only friend you really have is your boyfriend/girlfriend.

I'm definitely in this position as of right now. If I go out to hang out or do something, it's mostly with my boyfriend. I do have one other friend I go out and spend time with every once in a while. Yesterday she and I were having a talk and she told me about how she felt the same way I did when she was with one of her boyfriends back in high school. If she ever went out, it was with him. He was the only one she really hung out with and talked with. And after they broke up, she found herself just pretty much alone. It's not like she didn't know other people in high school and such, but she didn't hang out with them.

And she said she found herself in the same position with another boyfriend in college. She only really hung out with him or me on the occasional basis.

Anyone else in this situation?

I want to make other friends and everything, but it seems a lot harder to reach out to other people and become closer with them in college. I had a group of friends for a while, but then all this drama happened and now we don't really hang anymore...

[Guest Malice_Kaiser]

You're definitely not the only one. I'm like this too. It seems to be pretty common, especially if you happen to be introverted (like I am).

I'm in college right now. Back home, four hours away, I still have my best friend ever, but during the school year we never see each other. Here at school, my only friend is my boyfriend. And honestly, I'm happy this way. If something were to happen and we broke up, yeah, that might suck for a while and I wouldn't really have anyone to hang out with anymore. But that's something I can deal with if it happens. I'm not worried about it now because right now, I don't want to hang out with anyone else just for the sake of having more friends. If my best friend were here, I'd certainly hang out with her, but it's not really possible right now. I've tried making friends in the past, but it just seemed forced, and eventually most friendships faded. And honestly, I'm okay with that. I'm very content with just being with my boyfriend.

If you want to make more friends, then you should also focus on building that support group. Nothing wrong with that. You can hang out with them and your boyfriend at the same time. I agree that it's definitely difficult to make friends in college. Try starting off just being classroom friends with people, and from there, once you're closer, you can start hanging out outside of class. Hopefully next time around you'll have better luck avoiding drama.

[Guest moo_lah]

I'm like this too, but it's not because I want to. My boyfriend yells and chucks a tantrum if I consider going out with someone other than him. I remember sleeping over a friend's house because we had something to do, but he ended up trying to stop me and pulled the whole "You always stay with me, don't you care about me?" speech on me. It's not that I don't have any friends to hang out with, it's the fact I'm slightly restricted by my boyfriend.

But all aside, I don't mind. If I got to choose between hanging out with my friends or him, I'd choose him. I'm happy with him, plus he's not all that bad to hang out with. I'm sure most people go through this, so it's nothing significantly bad. It's just when you are pushing everyone away because of your relationship that it becomes a problem.

[Guest rachilde]

It's natural, but I don't think it's all that healthy in the long run because it creates a sort of emotional codependency that can be really stressful over time. If you have a strong group of friends, then all your stresses and worries will be spread out between them; while, on the other hand, a single friend might find the burden too much to bear. Not only that, but too much familiarity can really deaden a relationship after a while. I think significant others like it when they do different things with different people and then have something to tell their SO about afterwards. If you guys just spend 24/7 together, then there's not going to be much you can talk about at the dinner table. Not only that, but most mature SOs like the idea of their SO being able to have a life without them. It sounds like the complete opposite of the whole, "I can't live without you," but it's nice to know that your SO has a separate life that you're not completely privy to. It keeps the mystery alive, for one, and it also keeps your SO from feeling obligated to be with you just because you're wholly dependent on him for company. Feeling obligated to do something is never a good feeling, and can actually lead to other negative thoughts and feelings, which is a damper for any relationship.

I would probably dump someone if I felt like they were dependent on me for platonic companionship. I have a lot of friends and attend a lot of fun events with them. A lot of my interests cannot be fulfilled by just one person. Sure, one person might fulfill my interest in foreign films--but might not read the same books that I do (or might not like to read books at all); or, that person might know how to dance, but is a horrible conversationalist. In essence, I don't expect my SO to fulfill all of my needs and I know that, unless I intend to just never have a conversation about French literature again (for example), I need to find other people to fulfill those needs so I don't become dissatisfied with my SO. It becomes easy to dwell on an SO's shortcomings when that person is the only person you really talk to. But it becomes easier to think about your SO's strengths when you have a group of friends who can provide conversation and ideas in areas where your SO can't. It just won't work out if my SO is super clingy--even if he does talk about French literature--because there is no such thing as 'the perfect guy' who is interested in all the things I'm interested in to the point that I would never have to talk to anyone else again. Over time, I would probably resent him and think constantly about how frustrated I am about not being able to have a conversation about x or share my burning love for y ingredient in cooking or explode from never being able to go out dancing...

[Guest funnybear1]

i'll be your friend

[Guest Shellymelly]

I'd give or take a few friends to get a boyfriend. LOL. 1st year going on 2nd year college student here and I'd prefer to have a boyfriend who would always be with me than have tons of friends to hang out with. >_>

[Guest Mentor]

I was wondering if anyone else seemed to be in this situation. If the only friend you really have is your boyfriend/girlfriend.

I'm definitely in this position as of right now. If I go out to hang out or do something, it's mostly with my boyfriend. I do have one other friend I go out and spend time with every once in a while. Yesterday she and I were having a talk and she told me about how she felt the same way I did when she was with one of her boyfriends back in high school. If she ever went out, it was with him. He was the only one she really hung out with and talked with. And after they broke up, she found herself just pretty much alone. It's not like she didn't know other people in high school and such, but she didn't hang out with them.

And she said she found herself in the same position with another boyfriend in college. She only really hung out with him or me on the occasional basis.

Anyone else in this situation?

I want to make other friends and everything, but it seems a lot harder to reach out to other people and become closer with them in college. I had a group of friends for a while, but then all this drama happened and now we don't really hang anymore...

    Parappa , people get involved with people because it fulfills some need they have. It's fine as long as the experience is mutually satisfying (that is , you do something for the other person as well and not exploiting) . Relationships should be symbiotic, that is, they should help each other grow and not develop into a crutch. Being with one person should not impede the pursuit of your interests for example, if you want to go shopping, there's no need to drag him along. Did you have a lot of friends before you met him?  If you didn't , it just means you don't have a lot of strong interests that you share. Having a steady should mean opening up to other people , not shutting them down.

[Guest [ knockOUT ]]

My boyfriend is the only person I can truly call a "friend" here. All of my best girl friends moved away to different cities after being accepted into CSUs, and I stayed in my hometown to study with my boyfriend at a local community college. We hang out with his friends often (which are all guys), we all get along really well but I can't really connect with them like how I connect with my girlfriends. Like, we can't gossip or talk about our relationships/sex lives.. that would be weird anyways haha. So I spend most of my weekdays with my boyfriend, and on weekends we usually do our own thing.

I just asked what my bf thinks of this situation, and he says he doesn't mind because that's why he's my bf, to be there for me when others aren't. I thought that was sweet. :)

[pink_chocolate]

Yup, I'm like that too. I hate it when I start a relationship and the boyfriend's friends or cousins will ask if I have any single girlfriends. I'm socially awkward so I feel pretty bad. Anyways, nowadays, I go to places alone since I move too much. Besides, things are complicated.

[kangta26]

I'd give or take a few friends to get a boyfriend. LOL. 1st year going on 2nd year college student here and I'd prefer to have a boyfriend who would always be with me than have tons of friends to hang out with. >_>

U would think so... having a bf/gf is overrated.. keep your friends and get a dog.. it's much less drama.. *bitter* 

[Wikkichama]

I have a tendency to do this too. I've only had boyfriends in college though, so I'm not sure if I would have only hung out with my boyfriend in high school as much.

I feel like I stick closer to my boyfriend because I feel comfortable around him and can confide in him my worries and deepest secrets and stresses. With my other friends in college, I feel that I am not close enough to do this with and on top of that, they have a tendency of judging me for every little action I do or think... Honestly, I think I would hang out with friends more if I had my closest friends from back home here with me in college, but home is a good 2,000 miles away on the other coast from my college for me. :/

[Guest blush]

I think it's statistically proven that you lose some friends when in a relationship. It makes sense because you're focusing more time and attention onto your s/o and in turn some other relationships in your life dwindle.

I am definitely on the same page. I'm in a LDR so at my school I do have a wide number of friends but I feel as though my bf is my only true best friend. When I go home I also spend pretty much all my time with him that I can and every now and then I go out with the few other close friends I have. But I basically mostly communicate with my bf more than anyone else.

[Guest kounichi]

Hahaha i was just talking to my boyfriend about this, and he said he's happy that he's the only one on my mind.

Yeah after being with my boyfriend, i'm gone to the world of friends. I don't hang out, or talk, or initiate, or anything lol.

Only with my boyfriend, and i don't even mind lol

[Guest KeroKai]

Guess it's mostly dependent on how you were before you met your partner.

I mean, if you were a loner before hand. It doesn't really change much except there's an additional person in your life now. But for those who had a close group of friends, might be a little more tricky to navigate.

[Guest cutieheartzbadboy]

This was a little tricky to me too lol

basically my world revolved around my boyfriend so much that I ended up declining my friend's offers to go out.

Luckily, my boyfriend is the type who wants me to be with my friends (not like he doesnt wanna be with me but he knows i was really sociable before.) I am not the over sociable type but I enjoy hanging out with the closest friends.

At first, it was just me and him all the time. But it's not to the point that 24/7 we're together. Whenever I am by myself in university I hang out with my friends and talk about us. And when I am with my boyfriend, we talk about us. When me and my boyfriend bond too much we get a little bored and start arguing lol. It's a good thing to hang out with your friends too. :)

[Guest AiMango]

I think balancing your love life and life with friends is very important. I mean, what happens when 1 day you break up with him? You have no one to reach out to for help.

[ParappaRappa]

Interesting to see how many others are in this position too, though different situations as to why

In my situation, it's not that it was my decision to drift from other friends in order to be with my boyfriend more often, although I know it's natural for friendships to become more distant when in a relationship due to more time being invested in your bf/gf. I actually had a group of friends before I met my boyfriend (we were in same group of friends haha) and we continued to hang out with them after all the time (was happiest at this time) but then all this drama happened that we got intertwined with and we stopped hanging with them. My boyfriend quickly joined into a new group of friends though from his work but I still only have him and lost that group. So that's how that happened x_x

I really do want to make new friends though and currently trying to

Well, it's not that I haven't made friends (I have mostly at work) but I'm not close enough with them...

I'm shy and hard to open up T_T

Something that was totally my bad though is that after I lost that group of friends, I guess I felt content with having just my boyfriend around me at that time and so put minimal effort to make new friends right after it all happened. But then I started to really see the need to have other friends to hang out with and rely on.

[inxomnia]

^ You can always try talking to them again and trying to reconnect? If not, be open to meeting new friends.

I guess with my last relationship, I became more reliant on my boyfriend and hung out with his group more than my friends at time. But I would always keep in contact via text, facebook and occasionally hang out.

After the break up, I realised even more, how important it is to maintain your friendships because they are the people who will always be there for you. I had guy friends trying to reconnect, after giving me space and respect for my previous relationship.

Having friends makes being single worthwhile for me and makes it much easier. I think it's important to keep your friends from when you are young because once you get older it does become more difficult to make friends because everyone already has their close friends already.

I mean, it doesn't take that much effort to stay close in my opinion. Talk, hang out... confide in each other...

[Guest Marrehj]

Haha this thread kinda cheered me up ^^ I'm in the same situation where I spend almost all of my time with my bf, especially since he is in the same class as me. I do have one best friend that I hang out with almost as much as with my bf, but other than her I don't really have anyone else. One plus side to her is that she's really social so when I'm with her I automaticaly meet others, but I wouldn't see them by my self. I have been thinking and worrying about if I'm doing the right thing just keeping to the two of them(bf and bff) and what I would do if I and the bf would, but let's pray we don't, split up. After reading this post though I don't feel as worried any more, as I now know there are more people who feel and do just like me ^^

I should go to bed now, but I just had to send my small thank you out into cyber space ;)

[Guest kmkp_stv]

hi everyone, I am in a very bad position right now..
my boyfriend and I are in an LDR, before he went abroad he told me that i can't get out of the house, that after work i shud go straight home and stay there., incase me and my friends wanted to talk or hang out they shud be the ones to go to my place. I had to say yes since I know he will be mad if I didn't. and after being away from each other for couple of weeks, I had urge to hang out with my friends even just outside the house. like literally "outside the house". I kept it a secret from him since I thought that I wasn't doing anything "really bad" I mean it's not like i'm hanging out w guys. after 2 months he went home w/o me knowing to surprise me. he then figured out everything. he was really hurt and angry. and keeps on torturing me with his words. he wanted me to "never" hang out w them anymore because he thought that my friends are bad influence. I'm in the position right now where i either choose my friends over him or choose him over my friends. things are getting really bad right now. I  don't want to ever choose because both of em are very important to me and I don't want to lose either one of em. I know it is possible to "choose both/ keep both" but the whole scenario or situation is telling me that it is no longer possible. I am so very sad right now. I was told by my sister that it's not my fault that if the boyfriend had allow me to still hang out outside the house at least w/ my friends I won't even think of lying.. but I think the other way around and blames everything to no other than myself. seems like i lost both my friends and my boyfriend since both of them hate me. I feel so bad and want to commit suicide hoping that this will actually make everything right.. i don't know what to do anymore. my boyfriend just can't seem to forgive me anymore but he doesn't want to let go of me either. Any advises?