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Interested in an foreign exchange student


Guest I_play_with_dolls

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Guest I_play_with_dolls

How would you approach him in my situation?
For my newspaper class I was assigned to do a cover on the foreign exchange students at my school. One of them being a Russian boy whose still trying to understand the American mentality. Our first meeting gave me a bad impression, basically when I was talking to him I ended up being trapped between him and the wall I was leaning against(Personal space isn't big in Russia)and he seemed a bit unfriendly when I spoke to him because he always had this cold expression on. I thought he was extremely rude but then I realized it was just cultural differences.

My view of him completely changed after the second interview. He wasn't a creep or rude, I just misunderstood the situation because I view the world from the perspective of an American. He began to open up and started to smile, I was extremely shocked since in Russian culture people generally don't smile unless they feel close enough to a person to do so. After that I've been in interested in him ever since.

He didn't have much positive things to say about America but I still like him. Though he opened up in the interview he still has this guard up. I really want to get to know him more because I find him absolutely fascinating but I really don't know how. I was thinking of asking him to homecoming but I don't think that's going to work.

How would you guys try to get to know him more in my situation?

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Just be aware of your cultural differences though, I know you said he seemed nice, but you never know when he doesn't realize he's acting too aggressive. If I was in your situation, I'd probably want to get to know the exchange student more too. If you feel he's a tad bit interested in you, start talking to him more whenever you see him. Smile at him, and mention homecoming (the exchange students at my school get excited whenever we mention other activities outside of school). Most likely he'll be interested in going. Then if you feel comfortable enough, just ask him if he's going with anyone. Even cheesier -- ask him what he's (colorwise) wearing and be like... oh, I'm probably wearing that color too. Try something like that.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest valentinegirl

approach with caution...

Not because there are cultural differences; those are fascinating and I think it's really a great opportunity to widen your view of the world (and for him, too), but because he's a foreign exchange student and foreign exchange students eventually have to go home.  I'm saying this from experience... actually, in this case, I was the foreign exchange student going out with someone from my host university.  I met a really wonderful guy and we were both open to the cultural exchange.  And we had a great relationship for the time I was there, but right before I went home, I felt somehow compelled to break up with him because I didn't want to put him through a long distance relationship.  I think all relationships like this have to eventually come to this decision, and I still sometimes think I might have decided wrong, but I'll never know.  :/  

Of course, if he has a not-so-positive view of Americans, he might be not that interested in dating an American girl, but you never know.  Also, I would also advise on doing your homework on the culture, but also make sure to do your homework focusing on the right generation...  sometimes the generational gap can be quite wide in some countries and while it might be strange for your boy-of-interest's parents to smile when talking to someone they're not close with, it could be more normal for someone his age.  When I was in Japan, I soon found out that all the research I'd done on how to conduct myself around Japanese people was rendered almost totally moot because every time I used formal speech with someone around my age, they told me to stop because it was weird.  xD  

In any case, it's a tough road if you decide to get serious, but I think it could be rewarding.  The heart wants what the heart wants after all.  ^_^  

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Guest akiaki

Go for it! Hang out (ask him for coffee or lunch), get to know him better, if its likes you back then you should definately try. There is no harm. Cultural differences or not, all humans have the same inherent emotions and morals. good luck!

when my boyfriend and i met, it was also in a school setting. ( i miss him so much). although he is not from the US, the relationship was ( and still is) good. Get to know him internally then it should be fine.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Funny how you like a Russian guy-- my first boyfriend was a Russian boy, too who grew up in Russia but moved here when he was still in elementary school.

From interacting with his family who actually fully grew up in Russia, yes their culture is slightly different from Americans' or even Asians'. However, it wasn't really a problem-- it was just learning to accept the differences and not think too much about it if they seemed a bit less friendly to me.

Just be yourself and be honest with him-- if he appears to be offended by a certain behavior or action you do, then just explain to him how it's culturally okay in America, etc. Keep in mind that as you get to know him better, you will start seeing more and more differences (and similarities) between you two and that no matter how big the differences are, if you really like him and he really likes you, you two should be able to find a way to bridge the gap or compromise appropriately. ^_^

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