Dealing with Exes Who Talk Smack After Breaking Up

[GOOMBA]

Long story short, I'm currently dealing with a former s/o who insists on making me look bad to his friends by spilling secrets and twisting truths around.

I'm not necessarily too angry about this because at the end of the day, I know what who I am and people who know me do, too, and clearly his maturity level is peeping out for all to see, but it is a little difficult not to think about it even the slightest bit.

So... with that being said, I'm just curious if you've gone through this, what happened and what you did to handle it, and whether or not you were successful. Thanks!

[Guest remix441]

This happened to me also acouple years back, my significant other told slandered my name to my friends and our mutual friends. It was kinda annooying at first but eventually i just ignored it. I mean they must be jealous if their still trying to talk about you and make you look bad, they must be pretty bored lol.

After awhile, i found it pretty interesting what she said but you should either confront her about it, or just forget it happened, and maybe over time theres nothing to talk about lol

[Tuffcore]

Tell him to stop. Threaten that you'll tell everybody he has a small "wee-wee"...

But in all seriousness, best to not sink down to his level. Leave him be because he's doing more harm to himself than to you. No girls will want to date a guy who bad mouths his Ex because they wouldn't want to be bad mouthed next.

[Guest HERMIT]

I was in this kind of situation once - but not after a broken relationship. It was after just a date.

A friend of mine told me that she was already talking trash about me afterwards. But it was a good thing that I didn't fly off the handle and retaliate. I only later learned that by talking 'trash', what my friend meant was that she was describing to her friends how unkempt I kept the floor of my car - what with all the old Slurpee cups and styrofoam takeout boxes strewn about. In hindsight, I can't say that she didn't have a legitimate gripe.

[eUn_jI28]

It's a shame that none of us really know what a 'jerk' (for lack of better word) our significant others or even friends can be until something like this happens (e.g. break ups, fallen friendships, etc). I haven't had an ex badmouthing about me (yet) but I'd say you're better off ignoring his immature-attention seeking ways. Reasons I could think off as to why he might be doing that is either: a. he's finding it hard to come to terms with the break up & might be doing this as his way of 'revenge', b. jealousy, or c. immaturity. Whatever his reasons are though, there's no need for you to scoop down to his level & retaliate. Ignore his immaturity (I know it's hard but time helps), it's only a matter of time before those around him start to wonder whether he'd been spilling their secrets also. Chin up & be glad you're done with him & finally have the chance to find someone who really deserves you! All the best!

[Guest asiancutie]

I dumped my ex last year and after i dumped him he started talking badly about me when 1. he was the one who cheated on me and 2. he had a new girlfriend a day after i dumped him. But i just ignored him and everything he said cause i know who i am and i know everything he said wasn't true. But it's funny cause after all the mean stuff hes said he's trying to talk to me and be my friend...

[junifer]

Set him straight once firmly. Then ignore it for the rest. Obviously, you'd be the more mature one for not retaliating to his immature antics, and if people can't see that, then they're not worth your time or thoughts.

[Guest violacrazy]

um, back in the day, we started a group and sang the little teapot song. O.O Right in the middle of a busy hallway whenever we see that guy. Only because he didn't stop a rumor that went around.

Otherwise, handling it at this age, we go with the ultimate public humiliation to let the world know how far things went and how bad it went. But really, the best thing... might as well ignore it. They don't have a life so they go around doing these immature things to ruin a person's reputation. So, if I were you, I would just ignore it and move on. People can only point and talk for so long. And trust me, if they know you that well, they'll eventually know what really happened.. but what's the use for outsiders to know?

There's a saying that goes around... you know, s/o know, and the sky knows. Leave it at that. The ones who gossip/ spread rumors have no life. And trying to clarify it will make you go public. Depends on how much more awkward you want things to be.

[Guest kidfromkorea]

yes that has happened to me.

thus, none of the ex-church members refuse to talk to me (how ironic, since, they're christians who are suppose to "forgive" and "not judge")

but, i realized people can believe what they want because im confident with myself and the close ones know that its not true.

let little people do their little things because i got bigger things to worry about.

[Guest hkukaudition]

I've had an ex like that before but hey i don't really care that much. I know what im like and my friends know what he says isnt true so as long as the people that are important to me know me well enough to know its not true i couldnt really care less if the other people think im a bad person.

If anything, thats a few less people i have to make small talk with. If they're going to listen to him and slag me off without getting to know me then i really don't think id wanna know them either.

[mintcracker]

Just be the bigger person. I've experienced this too. Don't lower yourself to their level. Don't dignify their crap with any kind of response. You know the truth, he knows the truth, just leave it at that.

[cutiek028]

Ignore him.

He obviously is bitter about the break up or really immature.

Ignoring him will hurt him the most. More than any of his petty words are hurting you. He's the only one losing in the end. Like you said, you know who you are and that what he's saying are just a bunch of lies.

Just take this as another sign of why breaking up with him was for the best.

[danielluv]

Oh man that sucks. I had one that treated me like crap afterwards and though we were friends I just cut him out of my life. My friends somewhat cut him out too...so that helped. (we were all mutual friends at one point)

[Guest yukinohana]

Well my ex did.

I dont know to what extent because some of our mutual friends dont talk to me anymore ( ha ha..)

I could have retaliated with some crap i know about him but I didnt.

I dont really care.

[Guest greentambourine1]

it just means that you still affects his life one way or another..   If nothing is true with what he is saying then just let him run out of his words, until he is totally fed up of saying things about you.. Haven't experienced this before... and hope that i won't..