Need advice..

[Guest BLAH.meow]

Warning: This is going to be a long post. It involves a long distance relationship, so I'd like responses from people who are accepting of them or have been in them before (rather than just a bunch of oh, LDR doesn't ever work out). 

So.. I'll give you some background information first. Me and my boyfriend started going out when I was a freshman in HS and he was a senior in HS. When he went to Uni is when we started being a LDR. Throughout our 4+ years, we've video chatted, texted, and all that stuff like crazy. Basically, we stayed as close as anyone could be. He's always been there even at my very worst, helped me get through problems with my family and life, and has just always been there for me. He's never done anything wrong or asked for very much back- he's basically my ideal man. (Sorry if I don't make it sound like it, but I don't want to make this post extremely long by telling you how amazing he is.. hah). So yeah. I'm now entering my first year of uni this fall and we're still together, but he lives all the way across the country. I haven't seen him since he moved. :/ That's pretty much the problem.. 

We were expecting him to come visit me this summer for a month or two, but things don't look like they're working out- he can't find a place to rent for such a short amount of time that's cheap enough. He said he can come for a week or something, but I'm about to tell him not to come.. What if he comes and everything is just different and doesn't work out? I don't want him to waste his money. Plus I kinda feel like one week will do more harm than good. Seeing him for a couple days, then having him go all the way back across the country for what, another year? I'm really depressed that he probably won't be coming, and I can't go visit him myself because of various reasons. 

The other thing that's bothering me is I'm entering uni which means I'm going to be super busy trying to get to my goals- what if I don't have time to have a LDR (or any relationship for that matter)? And at this point, I kinda feel like I'm waiting forever for something that will never happen.. which also breaks my heart. 

But the OTHER thing is, I just have such a mess in my life at the moment. My family is just breaking apart (grampy is sick, dad threatened to move out and leave my mom yesterday, just so many problems). I don't know if I can handle breaking up with my boyfriend that I love so much... especially when he's the one I always tell my problems to (my friends? they're gone too). I just feel so alone right now, and he's the only one here for me. And I'm going to leave him?!.... I guess it's worth mentioning that a couple years ago, I kinda went through the same thoughts. I even broke up with him, but it only lasted for a couple days before I came back =/  but now it's a bit different because of uni (and the time span...). 

The only thing I can think of that might make it worth staying together is that he's graduating next year, so if he decides to come here for me then it may be worth staying together. But that's... big. :/

I don't know- I'm sorry if this was all unorganized and if I sound pathetic (lol), but I really would like your advice. And thank you for reading, as I have no one else to tell. .___.

[Guest LoveLove3]

Something tells me you should not broke up with him.

Don't you miss him? After all these years of not being able to see him again in person, don't you want to stand in front of him and see how much you guys have gone through and be thankful that you guys have made it so far. 4 years is quite a long time, I am sure you can continue it for a couple more year.

He sounds like an amazing person, a great asset by ur side. I am sure you guys can endure the moment that u guys are not seeing each other when are busy.

Also, even if you say you don't have time, there will be some amount o time during the day in which you can put into for him. I use to send emails back and forth with a good friend of mine and we would tell each other how our days are. Although he is quite busy himself, he did find some time one day per week to send me an email and such. Even the little things are a great contribute to longer and good relationship. I believe that you guys can find way to get around it.

I hope it help and make sense!

[Guest cheerydumdum]

i think you should stop having so many doubts about your relationship. LDRs can work out if you put the effort into them and believe that they will work out. he's in uni right now and has been with you for so long. why would it be a whole lot different if you were also in uni? if i were you, i would let him come visit. that long period of time of not seeing him in the flesh would just kill me. you don't even know when he'll get to visit again, so you should just take the chance to see him. what exactly do you mean by "What if he comes and everything is just different and doesn't work out?" if you really think things might not work out, you would just be delaying things. seeing him might help you figure out what you really want.

[Guest tinxteen]

Long distance is extremely hard to deal with.  I went through it with my current bf in the beginning of our relationship.  Just knowing you are so compatible and happy with each other but can't physically touch or kiss the person is heart breaking.  I think you should let him come visit, but while he's there ask him what he envisions in your future together.  Does he plan to move back at all?  Because if not, you might have to be the one to give (but unfortunately not until after Uni, and that would require 4 more years of this).  In long distance, eventually someone has to give.  Whether it be him or you, someone is going to have to give the security of having their family, home, etc, near... and it's easier said than done because a lot of times this can create resentment in the relationship.

If you love him and you think you two can make it and he is deserving of you, stick with it, but discuss your future and have some kind of plan to look forward to.

If you can't settle any plans, I'd say realistically you're just going to end up wasting time and also be hurt in the end when it will inevitably come to an end.

[Guest Dremoor_NP]

I'm currently in a LDR, with me situated here in Canada and him being all the way in Korea to finish up his education (3 years left!). It's not even across the country like yours, we're continents apart, but we keep in touch on a regular (but not daily basis). I think that might be the advantage of relationships that are long distance, you still have someone to be in love with, and they you, but without the complications of sudden drama to affect your school...

If you love him so much, do you want to end up with him? Is he worth fighting for?

I myself have no plans to let go of my boyfriend. He's so wonderful, and I don't care that we haven't figured out the future yet. What counts is that we love each other more than anything or anyone, so we're going to work towards some kind of future. When we'll finally get to be together and where is still either of our guesses, but watching our future unfold isn't such a bad thing. : )

If you have something good...then cherish it and protect it.

[isha_himitsu]

Keep it simple, DO YOU GUYS STILL LOVE EACH OTHER? If Yes, go for it. Keep the relationship going, there's nothing easy with relationships. In life, we get a lot of hardships, but you can't give up. You mentioned that there's a lot going on with your family and you don't want the breakup to add to it. So there, you probably still love him because you don't want to break up? I think you still want to make it work because you're still asking for advice here. You should talk to him and tell him how you're feeling and ask him what he thinks he should do and what he thinks you should do..or if he still wants to make this work.

We all know LDR is hard..I am in one right now and its literally killing me already. Its not going smoothly. It used to be better, the first time we were apart but now we're going to be away for each other for years and its tearing us apart..but mine is a completely different situation but LDR is LDR. You need to make MORE EFFORT for it to work. Just try to make it work if you still love each other. If it doesn't, at least you tried.

Good luck

[Guest Steph1430262970]

LDRs can suck. They only work if you guys are truly dedicated to each other - dedicated, as in knowing how to balance out each other's lives, and while being the center of each other's lives, knowing how to work around it too. You guys are both going to be/are busy, but from what I'm reading, you guys sound like you have it. He sounds great for you, try to hold on! If he wants to see you, let him come. The most precious thing about LDRs are awaiting that moment to see each other again and being together again. It might suck when it comes around for him to leave, but you'd probably feel worse sulking alone wishing he was with you. Especially in a LDR, take advantage of every moment you can have with your s/o. If you can really picture a future with this guy, and if it seems like he thinks the same way, don't let it gooo! You guys can do it (:

[Guest Malice_Kaiser]

I have done LDR and let me say, it will only work if the "end" is in sight -- meaning if you know for sure that you will be together eventually, and you know when. If you don't know, it will be long and painful, and chances are, not worth it.

That being said, you are VERY strong for dealing with this situation for four years. Reading your post, I was getting ready to say that you should just end it. But since he is graduating, then there is hope. You should talk to him, and I mean a serious talk. See if he is willing to come back to you after he graduates. If he can, then I say keep the relationship going. If he can't, then this seems like you're just wasting your energy and not getting anything back.

[Guest BLAH.meow]

Hey everyone Thank you all so much for your replies. I read all of them and it's comforted me a bit hah. I feel like I may be acting funny and irrational lately, cause of all this mess in my life x.x and I feel it was nice to have it all written down.

I'm definitely going to talk to him in the next couple days about the future seriously (he's in the middle of finals week). I agree with you guys that we really have something great and special, but in the "end" nothing will work if we're not together. I know he definitely wants us to stay together (and I do too!) and he thinks in the end it will work out because he's told me before exactly that, but I'm not sure if he thought about how or when it would happen. Hopefully we can work it all out for the best!  

And thank you all again so much for your advice! You guys don't realize how much it has helped! 

[Guest sus]

do u realliu love him

or is he like there for convienence.. like hes the only one. ur familis breaking down u dont hav e friends to go to...

if thats the case better let him go and dont waste ur time or his

u will have time for LDR even if ur in uni.. i mean are u not gonna have a life when u start uni.. gonna be studying 24/7?

n ya ur in a relationnship with him so discuss it with him ... bout ur future..

[isha_himitsu]

Hey everyone Thank you all so much for your replies. I read all of them and it's comforted me a bit hah. I feel like I may be acting funny and irrational lately, cause of all this mess in my life x.x and I feel it was nice to have it all written down.

I'm definitely going to talk to him in the next couple days about the future seriously (he's in the middle of finals week). I agree with you guys that we really have something great and special, but in the "end" nothing will work if we're not together. I know he definitely wants us to stay together (and I do too!) and he thinks in the end it will work out because he's told me before exactly that, but I'm not sure if he thought about how or when it would happen. Hopefully we can work it all out for the best!  

And thank you all again so much for your advice! You guys don't realize how much it has helped! 

you're welcome dear! i hope it works out for you two