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Guest sweetkiwi

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Guest writerstale

I read this and I thought wow you have no confidence in this man. You're his gf, but you're being so negative. Many people get a degree in one field, but work in another. He just has not found his niche yet. I thought the purpose of being a couple was to work as being "one." I could see if the guy was not trying, but like you said he is putting in the effort. All I can say with sarcasm is way to be a good gf. <_<

This is a stupid reason to breakup with him. Just because he's not some academic whiz. Wow the Soompi breakup threads are getting more creative this month.

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Guest sweetkiwi

If you're more concerned about whether he's going to be rolling in money than how you feel about each other, I suggest you go ahead and end it now.

That being said, your college career is not a very good indicator of you professional career. Regardless of how well he does in school, if he finds something he's dedicated to, he'll do just fine. My boss did horrible in school. Now he's the VP of our company.

I mean I don't exactly care for the money per se. It's just in my mind, I always think that the GUY should be the ones making more money than the Girl. It's just another way to show, "who's the one wearing the pants" in the relationship. Also, what I'm most concerned about is him not being able to find a job and our lives will take us separate ways. If I find a job in NY or something, he might have to go all the way to Timbuktu just to find a job because that's the only place that would offer him one. You know what i mean?

And I also think that nowadays, in our current society and with our current economic stability...it's not that easy anymore to climb up the corporate ladder. Yes, maybe 10 years ago...but not today. Your college career and your network is what get's you the job. My BF has neither lol.

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Guest lienlee

I mean I don't exactly care for the money per se. It's just in my mind, I always think that the GUY should be the ones making more money than the Girl. It's just another way to show, "who's the one wearing the pants" in the relationship. Also, what I'm most concerned about is him not being able to find a job and our lives will take us separate ways. If I find a job in NY or something, he might have to go all the way to Timbuktu just to find a job because that's the only place that would offer him one. You know what i mean?

And I also think that nowadays, in our current society and with our current economic stability...it's not that easy anymore to climb up the corporate ladder. Yes, maybe 10 years ago...but not today. Your college career and your network is what get's you the job. My BF has neither lol.

The social world has warped your mind to think that THE GUY should be the one that makes more money than the Girl. My mom makes more money than my dad. we aint rich but we're happy with our lives and we're stable. They are able to pay tuition for my bro and i without loans. You need to get rid of the thinking that Guys should make the most.

This is a test for your relationship. whether you can pull through is up to you two. Stop thinking to much into the future and think about the present because what you do in the present is the outcome of the future.

edit: I kinda rambled on but yea..im at work and ill edit this later when i get home

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Guest sweetkiwi

I read this and I thought wow you have no confidence in this man. You're his gf, but you're being so negative. Many people get a degree in one field, but work in another. He just has not found his niche yet. I thought the purpose of being a couple was to work as being "one." I could see if the guy was not trying, but like you said he is putting in the effort. All I can say with sarcasm is way to be a good gf. <_<

This is a stupid reason to breakup with him. Just because he's not some academic whiz. Wow the Soompi breakup threads are getting more creative this month.

I totally disagree with what you said about me being a bad Gf lol. Yes, he does put in the effort to study but not enough and he does not put enough effort to find internships or jobs this summer. I've been the one who's been helping him apply to all different places in the area, and I've been the one who has been encouraging him, telling him "it's ok, you'll find something soon". It's not like I'm the only one that notices this issue though. He notices too and he feels he won't be able to get a job and would have to move back to his country :( He is 25 years old, and he is still an undergraduate student. At the age of 25, you're already suppose to have a stable career or going for your masters degree. He's been an undergraduate student for 6 years which is quite sad.

I mean if you were let's say a Director of Marketing at a corporate company and he's working as an employee at McDonalds, that wouldn't bother you?

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Guest sweetkiwi

The social world has warped your mind to think that THE GUY should be the one that makes more money than the Girl. My mom makes more money than my dad. we aint rich but we're happy with our lives and we're stable. They are able to pay tuition for my bro and i without loans. You need to get rid of the thinking that Guys should make the most.

This is a test for your relationship. whether you can pull through is up to you two. Stop thinking to much into the future and think about the present because what you do in the present is the outcome of the future.

edit: I kinda rambled on but yea..im at work and ill edit this later when i get home

That may be true but i guess that's just something I can't get past myself. I just can't imagine if I were to be working as a high ranked position at some corporation while dating someone working as an employee at some store or something.

People always say stop thinking too much into the future...but It's hard haha. This future is not that far ahead, it's in 5 months.

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Guest lienlee

That may be true but i guess that's just something I can't get past myself. I just can't imagine if I were to be working as a high ranked position at some corporation while dating someone working as an employee at some store or something.

People always say stop thinking too much into the future...but It's hard haha. This future is not that far ahead, it's in 5 months.

Do you think you'll be happy with someone as high ranked position vs your bf now?

the two of you have to be rely on each other and be strong.

Finding a job is hard. its life. and its something everyone goes through. even now there are millions of people still trying to find a job. you just gotta work for it everyday.

edit: if i was high ranked and my gf was just an employee at some store. id give her a job at my corporation LOL jkzjkz but i know what you mean. but i wouldn't dump her because of that..or maybe im saying this because im the guy and im suppose to take care of her? i dun know. i want a girl whos independent and doesnt have to rely me all the time.

maybe its different because your the girl, but hey..love is love..and its not something you can find everyday

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Guest Newspeak

I plan on landing myself a successful wife who will buy me things and keep me in the style I am accustomed to. I in return will be fantastics in the sack.

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Guest writerstale

I mean I don't exactly care for the money per se. It's just in my mind, I always think that the GUY should be the ones making more money than the Girl. It's just another way to show, "who's the one wearing the pants" in the relationship. Also, what I'm most concerned about is him not being able to find a job and our lives will take us separate ways. If I find a job in NY or something, he might have to go all the way to Timbuktu just to find a job because that's the only place that would offer him one. You know what i mean?

And I also think that nowadays, in our current society and with our current economic stability...it's not that easy anymore to climb up the corporate ladder. Yes, maybe 10 years ago...but not today. Your college career and your network is what get's you the job. My BF has neither lol.

Of course you're not going to agree with me. :rolleyes:

I'm not trying to bash you, but I'm pointing out the facts. I won't call you a bad gf. Let's call you a gf that's not that great, not that supportive, and barely believes in her bf.

You said, ". I just have absolutely no confidence in him in finding a a decent stable career/job after we graduate." That doesn't look supportive.

You said, "I've always said to myself that when I find a boyfriend or a husband, he has to be smarter than me and have to be more successful than myself." That's somewhat unrealistic. Not everybody is some academic whiz. Using a rough example that some people are better at carpentry or typing than doing school work.

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Guest sweetkiwi

Of course you're not going to agree with me. :rolleyes:

I'm not trying to bash you, but I'm pointing out the facts. I won't call you a bad gf. Let's call you a gf that's not that great, not that supportive, and barely believes in her bf.

You said, ". I just have absolutely no confidence in him in finding a a decent stable career/job after we graduate." That doesn't look supportive.

LOL how am I not supportive...that's only what I have in my mind. I always encourage him but in my mind I have no confidence in him. How can I have confidence in him when he's not proving to me he can actually do it.

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Guest writerstale

LOL how am I not supportive...that's only what I have in my mind. I always encourage him but in my mind I have no confidence in him. How can I have confidence in him when he's not proving to me he can actually do it.

I can only go off what you have told me in your story. I don't know you personally. Up until now I had no idea you supported that man, or had any confidence in him. You just said he's trying, and he's not getting hired. Things don't always go great for everyone all the time. Prove it to you. Wow, maybe it's me but that comes off so egotistical to me.

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Guest lienlee

I can only go off what you have told me in your story. I don't know you personally. Up until now I had no idea you supported that man, or had any confidence in him. You just said he's trying, and he's not getting hired. Things don't always go great for everyone all the time. Prove it to you. Wow, maybe it's me but that comes off so egotistical to me.

I dont believe she meant it in that way. more like.

actions speak louder than words. like finding a job. he's saying hes trying to but it doesnt look like. Maybe? hah

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Guest sweetkiwi

I can only go off what you have told me in your story. I don't know you personally. Up until now I had no idea you supported that man, or had any confidence in him. You just said he's trying, and he's not getting hired. Things don't always go great for everyone all the time. Prove it to you. Wow, maybe it's me but that comes off so egotistical to me.

I totally understand that, it's hard to reply to someone when you don't know them personally. I did say he's trying, but I also said he's not trying hard enough. He studies but doesn't study hard enough. He'll study for a few hours but then nothing ever goes into his head. Also, as i've said, he's not putting in enough effort to find jobs or internships this summer. He's never had one before in the 6 years of college he's been through. The last job he had was in year 2006 working as a waiter for one summer. Also, as I've said, I've been the one helping him apply to different places. For example, I've helped him apply to 6-7 locations in one day...whereas he's been applying to one location every 2-3 days.

Yes, I did say that he needs to prove it to me. I don't understand how can anyone have confidence in someone who doesn't put in the effort needed to reach their goals. He has goals, he just doesn't put in enough effort. I've told him multiple times, almost everyday, to just try harder. He always tells me he will he will...and the next day you don't see him doing anything lol. He not only needs to prove it to me, he needs to prove it to himself as well..and to his parents! lol....his parents always ask him when will he ever finish school. It's not cheap to put your kid through college.

EDIT: I didn't see this in one of your posts " You said, "I've always said to myself that when I find a boyfriend or a husband, he has to be smarter than me and have to be more successful than myself." That's somewhat unrealistic. Not everybody is some academic whiz. Using a rough example that some people are better at carpentry or typing than doing school work. "

Lol yea I did say that, and right after it I said but then I met my boyfriend and I love him. I know not everybody is an academic whiz...but if you study hard enough and actually soak in the information...it's not that hard to get a passing grade. I'm not a whiz myself, but I seem to understand that concept.

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I can only go off what you have told me in your story. I don't know you personally. Up until now I had no idea you supported that man, or had any confidence in him. You just said he's trying, and he's not getting hired. Things don't always go great for everyone all the time. Prove it to you. Wow, maybe it's me but that comes off so egotistical to me.

I think you may have misinterpreted. From what I gather what she meant was that while she is being supportive of him (otherwise she wouldn't have helped him out so much with applications, talked to him so much about it, etc.) he has not done anything to show that he actually wants this for himself (taking the initiative and whatnot).

I think it's unrealistic for us to always expect our significant other to have 100% confidence in us all the time. They are human, they're allowed to have doubts too. As long as you are tactful while discussing said doubts, I don't see her as being a 'not so good' girlfriend as you claim.

But in any case, that's not even relevant to what the OP was asking.

OP, I'd listen to Hapless' advice. She's pretty much got it spot on.

I will say that reasonable question to ask yourself is "If we had a family and something were to happen to me so that I could not work, could this man take care of me and my family?" If the answer is a loud and resounding "No, he's not responsible enough and I don't trust him enough to put my life and well-being in his hands," then there you go. BUT, if the voice in the back of your head says "I think he could pull it together if I really needed him to..." then give him some time to figure himself out.

This.

Based off your replies I feel like you've already decided. However, I want you to take a step back from everything, take a deep breath and re-evaluate. Forget GPA and schoolwork. Look at his character. What is your boyfriend passionate about? When he finds something he's passionate about, what does he do about it? When does he show initiative and drive? Has he had a job in the past? When he did, how did he act/perform at said job? If anything, how was he like five years ago compared to now?

"And after seeing your reply to donpor... you need to assess whether it's a matter of capability or effort. If he's not putting in reasonable effort, just being lazy, fine, dump his richard simmons, he'll figure it out or he won't. If he's really doing the best he can and he's just not able to do what you can, that's not really anyone's fault. Some people genuinely have a cap and they can only do so much."

Re-read all of hapless' posts. You may not agree with them, you may not like it but it's the most sound advice you're going to get here.

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Guest Malice_Kaiser

OP, reading through the replies it kind of seems like you've made up your mind already. People come and try to put it into perspective for you in your boyfriend's defense, but there is always a retort you have that brings him back down. butIt seems like you just wanted people to come in and agree with you on all your points so your reason for leaving is more justified.

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Guest writerstale

I totally understand that, it's hard to reply to someone when you don't know them personally. I did say he's trying, but I also said he's not trying hard enough. He studies but doesn't study hard enough. He'll study for a few hours but then nothing ever goes into his head. Also, as i've said, he's not putting in enough effort to find jobs or internships this summer. He's never had one before in the 6 years of college he's been through. The last job he had was in year 2006 working as a waiter for one summer. Also, as I've said, I've been the one helping him apply to different places. For example, I've helped him apply to 6-7 locations in one day...whereas he's been applying to one location every 2-3 days.

Yes, I did say that he needs to prove it to me. I don't understand how can anyone have confidence in someone who doesn't put in the effort needed to reach their goals. He has goals, he just doesn't put in enough effort. I've told him multiple times, almost everyday, to just try harder. He always tells me he will he will...and the next day you don't see him doing anything lol. He not only needs to prove it to me, he needs to prove it to himself as well..and to his parents! lol....his parents always ask him when will he ever finish school. It's not cheap to put your kid through college.

EDIT: I didn't see this in one of your posts " You said, "I've always said to myself that when I find a boyfriend or a husband, he has to be smarter than me and have to be more successful than myself." That's somewhat unrealistic. Not everybody is some academic whiz. Using a rough example that some people are better at carpentry or typing than doing school work. "

Lol yea I did say that, and right after it I said but then I met my boyfriend and I love him. I know not everybody is an academic whiz...but if you study hard enough and actually soak in the information...it's not that hard to get a passing grade. I'm not a whiz myself, but I seem to understand that concept.

You should have included a lot of this in your original post. How was I to know all of this? If I had known what I know now I would have offered a more helpful opinion than jumping down your thought. I read what you originally posted, and got agitated. Wow, how does a person not have a job during 6 years of college. I've been working since I was 15. Work is like standard. :blink:

Have you ever asked him why he's not that motivated?

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