Should love be a competition?

[Guest manun]

If 3 persons love the same girl, should they all try to go after her? Even if it means that your staying all the time online to chat with her or get any chance to get her attention? Or just be overly nice to her but you dont treat other like that?

For example: You will always ask her to carry her bag when shes carrying it, but when someone else is carrying it you dont care?

Or when you treat her family extremly nice and her overly nice? Like its a competition to get her attention and affection.

Do you people think its wrong or should a person just stay true to themself and if that persons like you she will like you because of who you are and not what you are trying to become?

Im not sure if you guys understand it XD, its hard to explain but its like people dedicating their life for her while others think its wrong and you should just live your life and be normal and when love comes it just comes. Not from trying to get her attention or being just nice to get some extra points in her book. But of course its understandable u wanna be really nice to this girl because you think shes special and if your not dumb you will always try to aim to get extra points even thought you dont do it from your heart. Also whats wrong with being nice? Isnt that the way to show ones affection?

Im in real stress thinking about this >_<, because i think that a person should always try to be who they are.

I cant see myself doing things like that because it doesnt seem to come from the heart and just end up being something you do for someone else to satisfy that persons needs.

[Guest whatismyname]

whichever way you act IS you.

in THIS situation, i would suggest go after the girl despite other competitions, but the line draws if this 'chase' interferes with school work and family/friend's relationships

[Guest miisx3]

it was confusing reading this lol but you should always be yourself. you shouldnt kiss richard simmons to her or nothing. if your doing all nice things just to get her to like you, and if she does end up liking you, you'll probably have to continue doing all these things when thats just not how you are.

from my experience, if a guy is too nice to me, i end up just liking them as friends as to when theres a guy who doesnt treat me like im their everything, i will end up liking more. might be weird but thats just me.

[Guest ShadowMax76]

lucky girl.

or smart. which ever.

from the stories i've heard, i think love can sprout from the oddest of situations. some cases include a chase or fighting for.sometimes foul play. perhaps just coming across each other and realizing it might be a good idea to be in a relationship together.

i don't believe there is a should.

"all is fair in love and war."

i used to think "john teshing bullmini cooper, that's not fair..i should've gotten at least something after being so nice to her, but what? nothing. just that 'let's be friends' mini cooper. i poured my heart out for that girl. plus that john teshtard loser drop out emotionally unstable impulsive idiot who never thinks of the consequences of his actions won her? Why?? he's a Richard. he's not even a good guy. he's an richard simmons. i'm better than him.blahblahblahblahblahblah"

, but eh...

you realize after a while

"people are like jig saw puzzle pieces.

it if doesn't fit

it just doesn't fit.

you just have to find another piece to try your luck with."

or so a wise deviant once told me

_ should it be a competition?

bleh.. who knows.

love is love.

[Guest aubrei]

put up what you have to offer only if you can offer it consistently

trying to outdo others just in spite of competition will probably will catch up to you and you wont be able to meet expectations of the standards you put

[Guest manun]

What im trying to say is that alot of guys will act different to someone just to get their attention or extra points. Im not the guy who really wants to draw attention but just show affections, a person that keeps stalking someone isnt the way i think is right.

The thing is that this girl likes attention but I dont think you should do things to a person if you dont do it from the heart. I dont know, i might be the person who thinks its wrong to do things like that and i can never do that, ive seen some of the guys really be pathethic. Once her brother feel asleep so i tried to make him comfertable when he was sleeping, so this person sees this and does the same thing as me and then tells her about it. Im like wtf?

You do something for that person, not to make sure that she has seen it or known it.... Im not that kind of person to say hey i did that or im going to do this.

I dont know how these guys can stand like being that or maybe its just me being soft hearted and trying to be nice to everyone when i should really just try to be nice to a person?

First i thought i might be wrong, but then i realised im a pretty nice guy and you should just treat everyone equal and do things from your heart or else its just wrong.

When she write something in facebook the two guys will respond and when she goes to msn they will go online when she is online, they also try to talk to her all the time and be beside her. She told me that she liked me but then she said she might like the other guys and that made me really sad .

[Guest kawaiiai]

put up what you have to offer only if you can offer it consistently

trying to outdo others just in spite of competition will probably will catch up to you and you wont be able to meet expectations of the standards you put

^i very much agree with this..

i don't think love should be a competition..and it certainly should not be a quest or race to see if you can obtain..a persons heart..through becoming a person that your not..should she grow to love you in turn..it would be best that its for loving you..& who you are..through being and acting yourself..and not through growing to like your change of character..

what happens when one of you do attract her..and the pretence you kept for so long is up?..

she would have fallen for what you were pretending to become..and not the actual person you are..there is no harm in being Nice..if your actions and niceties mirror your personality..

[Guest naolata]

You do something for that person, not to make sure that she has seen it or known it.... Im not that kind of person to say hey i did that or im going to do this.

I dont know how these guys can stand like being that or maybe its just me being soft hearted and trying to be nice to everyone when i should really just try to be nice to a person?

First i thought i might be wrong, but then i realised im a pretty nice guy and you should just treat everyone equal and do things from your heart or else its just wrong.

When she write something in facebook the two guys will respond and when she goes to msn they will go online when she is online, they also try to talk to her all the time and be beside her. She told me that she liked me but then she said she might like the other guys and that made me really sad .

Stick to doing things from your heart. The other guys will have to show their true colors eventually. If you follow their example to compete by being nice all the time and always there you will be too available and "easy" anyway.

[Guest calculator]

I think it's actually better to try, rather than just give up and regret later on in your life.

[Guest writerstale]

I don't think it should be a competition, but that's how it goes unfortunately. From my experiences everything is a game when it comes to most females and dating. I've noticed being like the guy on tv works more than being yourself.

[Guest sus]

i think there should be a limit

u should swoon ovver a girl n got completeli out of ur way just to win her attention

be ur self

show that ur interested

give subtle hints

n if she likes u she likes ...

u u dont want someone to like u for what u can do for them rute

[OMGitzYOU]

According to our ancestor way of life. If it is worth the energy fighting for in the end, then fight for it. Esp, if it's a good reproduction.

[Guest manun]

Thanks everyone for the responds. ^^

I really enjoy to read what other people have written and Im really glad to read some of the responses.

I guess Im a good guy and that my attentions have always been sincere but when I felt that they couldnt be sincere because everyone else was doing the same thing as I do because they wanted to be the guy for her.

I thought for a long time that I might be the bad person, that Im doing it wrong and the rest have it right.

But to be honest im not a bad guy, im 6 feet tall, pretty good looking , the nice guy type but I also like being adventurous and I always try my best for everyone. Her family love me and I know for sure they hope that we end up togheter and they will call me and talk with me. Im also in university becoming a medical doctor and Im smart and even thought I have bad feelings like jelousy and hatred; I hate those feelings and it feels like shes making me feel them even thought I despise it.

She told me she liked me just to change and say that she didnt, that hurted my feelings the most because everyone things im the perfect guy and I have had 2 girls chase after me while I was with her but Im not like her wanting other peoples attention or play with their feelings to satisfy my own.

I also have a sick grandma at home and I want to dedicate myself to my family and studies before hand and I did tell her that..... but it felt like she cared for the other 2 guys more and stopped caring for me when she cared for me most of all. But she will occasionaly try to get me give her attention by randomly writing in msn while shes talking with the other guys and try to get all of us 3 talk to her and make her laugh and stuff like that.

Thats when I felt like its a freakin competition, she told everyone to wait and she gives them hope and then hopes they will just continue to do things for her.

Feeling much better and I guess Ill just leave it like it is. I dont talk to her anymore but of course I care. Ive always been that kind of guy that cared for others and I guess i also cared for the 2 other guys too much which lead us into this problem because the 2 other guys doesnt really care for me and think its some competition. They have done things to me and said things that I would never do for them and I have always been true to my feelings and tellin myself to not mistreat anyone because everyone have good and bad days.

She told me she didnt deserve me because I was everything she could hope for but she still didnt love me so I guess its over? I told her I still love her and it doesnt matter how you are because I like you as person. Doesnt matter im smarter, better looking, more ambitious and generous. She told me to wait and I did but then I noticed more and more guys came into her "waiting" list and they were pretty desperate and she would show them affection but not me, giving them hope and signals but when shes with my shes quite and wont talk to me or show any affection, but still she will say I bring her happiness?

We had the same intrest and the way she talks to them used to be the way she talked to them, but of course the intrest she has they will suddenly also have the same intrest. I always had those intrests and still have so i cant say i forced myself into those. Ive always been myself and I guess for some people its not enough and you gotta do things that you dont think is correct to win over someone.

I can give you my heart but I cant give you my soul because its for my soulmate and hoped it was you.

Now I feel so much better and i guess i was the fool. Nice guy probably finish last but atleast they still can look at themself at the mirror ^^. Also I dont want her to be hurt no more, the other probably dont care but for me it did.

[Mannosuke]

Do you people think its wrong or should a person just stay true to themself and if that persons like you she will like you because of who you are and not what you are trying to become?

No, just because you try harder doesn't mean you're not acting yourself.

It's only the popular kids that tell you "trying too hard makes you look bad" when the unpopular kids look at them and go "omg they don't even need to try to get the chicks"

[Guest 3ephemeralWinds]

I say don't go all out just because of competition

If competition is the motivator behind your actions, then what happens after you get the girl?

The bar's been raised too high right from the beginning, you'll only set yourself up to fall short of this standard in the future