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Aziraphale

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It really hurts. I'm trying to be strong and trying to move on so that I don't let myself get set up to be hurt. But I don't know how to deal with this.

I miss you a lot.

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So I am tired of it. I never know if you are being serious or not. You say I do not ever talk to you anymore. What the hell do you want me to do? When do you want me to talk to you? When you are not busy? When I am not busy? You do realize that those two time periods are never the same right? Do you ever even consider my feelings? You and I both know about my feelings. I do not really care if you pretend that night never happened, but still, er more of, please just cut me some slack. I can not take it as much anymore. If you can not do that much for me, then I do not know what will happen now. Just stop with crap.. You probably will not even care huh? It is not like I am important in your life anyway...

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SHATTERED HEART?!

I wish I was lost

But this was an alternate destination

Hmm. I wish that you wouldn't ignore me. Blah blah blah blah blah yeah whatever. Why do I care so much?

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

Okay, I'm not making any sense right now but I wish that you'd stick true to your word.

God it's driving me insane. I'm not angry or anything I'm just confused -__-

Hrm..

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I feel so happy that whats happened has happened. I'm so scared for the future, but right now i couldn't ask for more.The way you confessed to me.. I'm starting to like you more and more and when I think of you, I just wanna smile. I'll never forget anything, and I hope we can be official one day.

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I hope I won't have to hear you say those painful words to me... otherwise, I'll be cutting all communications from you.

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dear xxxx..

What i meant the other day wasn't true, this is what i really mean. But I really don't have the courage to say it. You said you care but you never did. You were never there for me. When I needed you, you hide in the dark corner pretend not to notice me. Did we try? We did but why isn't it working? I thought love suppose to solve everything. I know we are far apart, so far to the point where I can't reach you or see you. It's hard for me too but why didn't you try. Now that everything is gone and you come back and say I love you. Did you not know that you could have ruined my life? I could have a perfect life right now, and you just break in without thinking and say you love me. You really think that I forget about you? How can you be so selfish. I loved you so much and now your making me remembering all the memories we had together. All I want is for you to get out of my life but same time I want you to stay. I don't know what to do anymore. But I know for sure, I still love you.. a lot...

xxxx

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babe, I hope nothing happened to ya. Haven't heard from you all day, and frankly, it's not sth I'm used to these days (I mean we always talk for ages everyday don't we?)

Anyway I guess I'll be staying up tnite to wait for you to talk to me lol. Gosh I sound so darn ...

but what can I do?

I love you.

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i think i want school to start because then i'll have stuff to do so i can get my mind off of you and finally move on. i feel pathetic still thinking about you like this even now. i understand that maybe you forgot or didn't notice that i replied back to your comment, but i guess the fact that you didn't respond is a sign that i should just stop and should pretend that you never existed. even though you live nearby (or do you live at your grandparents?), i can forget about you. it's been a couple months and we've never bumped into each other. as childish as this sounds, i'll get myself into a better shape and make you feel at least a small twinge of regret if you ever do see me. i don't need an a-hole like you in my life and i gotta remember that. this time, the mind comes before the heart. goodbye, n___ c___.

is it just me or do you maybe just maybe have a crush on me? o___O that "I LOVE YOU" was very awkward.

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Cheer up kid. I can only tolerate your moody days for so long. Sound mean? Sure, but I don't expect anyone to put up with my down phases for, literally, months on end. Every once and a while, sure, but all the john teshing time is really stretching it.

Oh, and your hair is ugly. It makes you look like an enormous try-hard.

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john tesh! what are we doing? why do you say one thing yet your actions show otherwise?

even just talking as friends, why must it be so john teshing hard? huh? john teshing tell me.

--

i am so sorry. i cant believe i never found out about this mental illness of yours until yesterday. i was shocked. that someone so cheery, someone so happy all the time .. would be diagnosed with something like this. i'll be there when you need me!

--

i thought we ended cool-y. perhaps you thought too much into it, idk, but i was hoping we'd remain friends? did you ever actually want me in your life? cos if you did, why must it be awkward with each other? i'll miss ya.

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Why are you giving me the "cold shoulders" lately. I haven't done anything wrong, not that I can think of. So what is it with you man?

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you confuse me at times but honestly, it's not gonna shake me. you're just a friend. the friend i met a few months ago who i had great conversations with. i hope it stays like that, nothing more, nothing less. i can't say that i'm completely happy, but it'll do.. for now.

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UGGHHHHH! typing does not even begin to explain how pissed off i am.

why the hell didn't you tell me that the freaking donation guy is coming today?

and why didn't you show me what the hell you wanted to get rid of? you and umma never tell me anything.

and the fact that you're both not home and i'm clueless does not help. and then i call you and you call me stupid for not knowing what to give away and you call me stupid because the guys didn't take the stuff or whatever? how the hell i'm i stupid?! you didn't even tell me that some people were going to pick up some stuff YOU wanted to donate. when you come home all i want to do is yell at you!!! i am so sick of this. i am so sick of the fact that you always have to be right because you're the dad and i'm the retarded, incompetent daughter. i'm seriously not taking this crap anymore. you have no right to call me stupid and you have no right to yell at me. it is your own damn fault that you forgot to tell me all that stupid information. just try and force me to stay home today. i dare you. i'm going out with my friends whether you like it or not because this isn't my fault. it's your's.

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