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Aziraphale

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I'm sorry.

I'm such an idiot for calling you yesterday..

All I did was ramble about things I don't even remember,

I bet you're so disappointed in me right now.

I let you down.

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I went through my journal and found the old entries I wrote about you. It brought back a lot of memories... not that I really forgot about them, even now. I tried looking for you on Facebook quite a few times before but never found you, and while I was disappointed I was also relieved. After reading the entries I decided to look for you again today and this time... I found you. Uh oh this is not good. I don't trust myself. A part of me wants to contact you but the other part knows that nothing good can come from it. What would I say anyway?! "o hay this is your ex from years ago that treated you badly" yeah ok that will go down well. This is not good at all.

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i'm really sorry, when i talk to you these days i feel guilty because i know subconsciously i'm lying to you and the things you tell me about are the exact same things i'm subconsciously doing to you, i'm really sorry =\

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I've gotten a little familiar with being lonely. Since cherry blossoms were in full bloom at the park on my way home at night, I've been thinking of you.

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i'm starting to wish i hadn't ignored you. especially because i really wanted to talk to you. but since you're always like "nevermind" or "whatever" or you just leave i suddenly wondered why i bother. and theeen you bring something up that i know, would you really want to talk about that? okay it might be my fault for having a lack of social skills. you might still be embarrassed. but i thought it was really sweet and cute how you thought i was there when i wasn't. so i'm sorry for ignoring you. and i know why i bother now. and i promise to never ever ever ever ignore you again. and i feel so stupid, denying myself something that i want. and now i want to make you something. but how do i know you'll like it? :c remember when i used to make you those stupid behappy things. i need to do that again. but i've gotten into the habit of acting like what you say and do doesn't effect me. which is such a lie.

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I hate this scenario. When I can hear that something is going on outside and I go outside to ask what's going on and everyone just looks at me and says it's nothing. Why do I care so much about what he said or what's going on with him? BECAUSE I LIKE HIM! I want to be a part of his life too! I hate being treated like this. I don't treat you like this. I know it's immature of me to act like I deserve to be a part of his life, but that's not it. I don't even get a CHANCE. The least you could do is give me a chance. Why? Because I like him. I'll stop when he has rejected me. But if you reject me even before he does, then I don't want to regret never getting at least the CHANCE. You don't know what it's like to love because you're so busy receiving so much love from everyone else. I really do want to strip all that love away at least for a second so you know what's it like. Just give me a chance. I'm not unreasonable.

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I've told you SO MANY TIMES not to freaking mention that kinda stuff to me... how would you like it if I said that to you? -_-

I'll have to wait it out and SEE IF YOU REALISE what "made me so pissy" in the first place... GEEZ ARE YOU THAT DUMB?!

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Thank you for listening to me yesterday when you didn't have to. I felt like I bothered you with my petty situation but you thought nothing of it and just told me to continue on and help me through it.. You have no idea how that made me feel. How happy I was whenever I was talking to you even if there were tears from re-telling the stupid drama. You are simply amazing.

I promise to come see you soon if you don't come to me first, haha.<3

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dude, you're super cool and all, but damn do you have an ego. you think you're better than me, or everybody for that matter. you just said that english and political science majors are meant for lazy, stupid people....wtf. and then you say international relations is not really a major. okay, just because you're a mechanical engineer major and you go to dartmouth and all, gives you no right to say that. i work just as hard as you do. granted i don't have to do hard math or science, but i have to work hard. and fyi, i didn't choose ir because i'm lazy. i chose it because i want to become a diplomat and i want to know more about peace and security. excuse me for not being as smart as you and for not having to do as much logical thinking as you. thanks.

and you! where are you? i'm super lame and want to hear from you.

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What happened to our friendship?

We used to be great friends, but after you got that boyfriend, we slowly separated.

And now, we can't even be the great friends we were...

Our friendship is gone... but you were a great friend when you were that great friend.

I, thank you, and hope you have a great future.

I love you friend, and I will never forget all the great moments we had together. </3

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I never wanted any of this to happen and I really hope that in the end, I can figure out a mature decision and not just something to make you happy or me happy. I have to really be adult about this, even if it means someone's heart has to break! But I really want to give you a chance. I am so confused.

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