An... Annoying Friend [long Read]

[Jaysca101]

I need advice on how to deal with annoying mannerisms

Okay so I have this friend... I used to be chill with her and everything. But lately, she's been pissing me off alot. Maybe I'm being immature because I've got a short fuse these days, but I've got a lot of crap to deal with on my plate right now and I don't want her mannerisms making my mood worse. Skip the rant if you don't like things that don't have a linear feel to it lol.

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I'm out of school for the year because I need to take the year off. I needed this because I have no idea what I want to do and I don't know if school is the place I should be... And my parents have been hassling me about quickly finding out what to do... Lately I've had no interest in anything that used to make me happy. And to top it off, my mom's got Parkinson's and has mood swings. Whenever my dad doesn't come home on time she throws tantrums and cries for a few hours and sometimes attacks my dad in her fits of anger (if I can call it that). He has small but visible scars on his arms from where my mom scratched him. Everyday I worry about whether or not she's gonna break down or not or whether she's gonna fall and hurt herself since she can't walk as well as she used to. I'm normally zen about lots of things... A gift of patience I suppose due to my mother's mood swings and my brothers having done stupid things in the past. (Getting drunk, smoking weed, leaving me at school until eight in the evening when they're supposed to have picked me up... that sort of thing) Enough of that story... On to the real thing.

The problem is my friend. Let's call her... Jehny. Jehny in person is quite normal, your typical girl, loves to dork out with me on stuff. However online, she's quite... needy? She's told me she's the type of girl who needs attention. A lot of it. I didn't care about it but the more I think about it, the more it shows. Lately, I haven't been into our conversations as much as I used to be. If I don't reply, she gets mad. If I get kicked off the computer without telling her, she sends me messages like "YAH! I can't believe you went offline without telling me!" "YAH! You deserted unni" "You didn't come back on time. I'm not talking to you for a week or you're buying me food, whatever I feel like. You promised me."

If I say something else, she thinks I'm making fun of her when I'm not. If I reply with the same answer twice she gets mad. I know it's a mistake of mine and I apologized but she thinks I'm not being sincere in the apology. (It's hard to tell, I know.) I never told her about any of the crap in the first paragraph. Why should I? I'm not that close with her. I don't feel comfortable telling her anyways. Jehny rips me apart for not being mature like her, plus, she's got this somewhat patronizing (?) attitude towards me. She's like "You gotta be serious like Unni, that way it's better." "I'll change your mind about it, I'm really determined about this" If you say it like that, I'm not talking to you for a week" "I have a deeper connection with them so it's okay for me to think like that but not for you." or some other random crap like that. It irks me to no end how she thinks I have to agree with her on every. bloody. thing. She thinks that just because she was on debate team she can convince me to change my mind about something she thinks sucks. (Eg. SNSD, refer to next paragraph)

Plus.. she's not that mature as she would like to think. Let me explain to you what I mean. You know how DBSK has had those rumours and those legal troubles? While I'm being zen and calm about this situation, she's reacting very very strongly to this situation. She made a big deal about how I didn't care because I didn't reply quickly enough. (I was doing something for my mom). As you can see, Jehny's a hard core SM Town fan (except for SNSD, she's somewhat of an anti of theirs, curses them out, thinks they're begging to be raped.). So hard core, she curses out anybody and effs around with people who she thinks is being stupid about SM Town. A while back, she messed around with fangirls arguing about pairings.

But.. the thing is there was this guy who had great chemistry with her. Got along well with her, respected her from what she told me. Hell he even stayed up the night for her to comfort her about the DBSK thing. I don't think that's something most guys would do. Would they? Please correct me if I'm wrong. Like any smart woman, she proceeded with caution. However she was conflicted about her feelings for him. Why? Her devotion for a certain Jung Yunho. She told me that her devotion was deeper than most fans, placing her a rank above any other fan. You have no idea how hard I was banging my head against the wall when she told me that.

Now.. normally I don't mind cute fangirling/boying that's healthy. I do it, other people do it. But.. this, this has taken the cake in my personal experience. But she was so worried about betraying the man (Jung Yunho), so worried that her devotion would waver. I had told her not to worry about Yunho and focus on the matter at hand, her possible boyfriend. I somewhat understand her feelings but do tell me soompiers, am I in the wrong for thinking she's a bit of a hypocrite?

****End*****

The truth is, I don't know how to talk to her anymore without me getting annnoyed at her because of how she talks to me. Half of the time I stay silent because I'm just too taken aback by what she says to me and she thinks I'm not being serious like her. Not everyone can keep up the serious thing for a long time. Everytime I have to make a promise with her about coming back online, I feel so... childish. I keep on thinking, 'This is so stupid.' I know I'm being a total prat about this, but I need advice on how to deal with my frustration before I explode at the poor girl.

Anywhoo, Ignoring the backstory essay, my question is, how do you deal with friends who come across as needy online and have annoying mannerisms (like thinking that they can change how you think about something completely just because they were on debate team etc) towards you?

[Guest x SaRaNg HaE x]

Wow, she seriously needs to grow up. Does she really think that she has any possibilities to marry Yunho?

Girls like her need to get slapped in the face by reality or else they'll be stuck worshipping some boyband and being consumed by them.

Maybe you should tell her straight. Like you said, she's not exactly so close to you that you would tell her her problems, but would it matter to you if you hurt her IF you do tell her?

Tell her you got better things in your life to deal with than her undying need for your attention. She isn't your world, why should you be hers?

If she gets all butt hurt about it, then fine. Don't baby her. She's going to have to deal with a lot more hurt in her life anyways.

[Guest blessedchildxd]

She sounds like some of the friends I've had. I wasn't very mature in dealing with the situation in the past before as I kinda just stopped talking to them, but the best thing to do is to talk it out with her, tell her how you feel. It seems that though, she's not going to react very maturely about it, and will probably be mad at you for a while (or maybe longer?). Still, if you bottle up the annoyance, it'll explode someday, probably in a not so healthy way.

[StephyT]

Does she have any other friends besides you? Maybe she's very clingy to people who have been more patient with her than other people have.

That DBSK thing is seriously retarded. There's no way she'll ever be with Yunho, and she should really calm herself down about that.

I think you need to just straight tell her what you don't like about her. Be respectful about it though, because she seems very easily offended. Hopefully she can get a taste of her own medicine if you tell her what you think about her "annoyingness."

[Guest justanothergirl]

Honestly I wouldn't be able to put up with a friend like that. After reading all of that, I want to slap her across the face. She sounds like she's 13.

[Guest c0lap1nada]

Sorry, but can you please stop being her friend?

She sounds friggin hardcore annoying and she is a major hypocrite--far from being mature as she says she is.

You should be proud of yourself^___^. I would never be able to bring myself to being friends with a girl such as herself.

[Guest xSoaPiE]

You should just block her.

[Guest wowwh]

Just don't talk to her.

I mean, with all that's going on in your life, you need your time to do more important things than entertain her little fancies. She tells you to be serious? I don't even understand the logic behind that.

[Guest Keiyun]

-drop kicks off cliff-

I can't stand people as immature as her. She needs to grow UP, seriously.

If you guys aren't that close, and you don't really want to be her friend, then just blow up at her and explain what about her pisses you off.

If you want to keep this friendship, then you guys need to sit down and talk, and even then... I dunno if you can get through to her. =|

[Guest Envious-Sleep]

People like that are VERY difficult to deal with, even if they're not supposed to be your friend. From personal experience, I can tell you that you should just leave her alone. Tell her straight out all of the things you just posted, and if she's willing to see her mistakes, then good for her. If she's in denial, then just forget about her. She's not worth the trouble.

Of course, don't scream at her or anything. And don't tell her over IM or the phone, either. Something like this needs to be done in person, and calmly, too. Yeah, it could get very emotional, but as long as you try to be calm, then it wouldn't feel like you're attacking her (as much).

I think that, with all due respect and seriousness, this girl is delusional. It seems like she has a low self-esteem, contrary to what others might think. Why else would she need all of that attention? I know I have a pretty low self-esteem, and so I'm always trying to look for someone to talk to, someone to connect with. It's difficult to explain, but some people who have low self-esteem really wants to be able to trust someone, not just to have people that'll compliment them and make them feel better about themselves.

On the other hand, this "Jehny" does look like she wants the latter group of people; the people who'll make her feel better. That's why she patronizes you, and acts like she knows everything about everything. It's a confidence boost--not a very good one, but I guess it does enough for her. It's like, by voicing out that she's better than you, or knows better, then she can start to believe it. Self-deluding is very common nowadays.

Of course, this doesn't justify the behavior towards you, but it doesn't feel fair to me that everyone immediately starts bashing her without fully understanding this. Again, even with this understand, you shouldn't have to deal with it if she's too stubborn to listen.

[KeHAEa]

Tell her you have deeper and more important troubles than dealing with her immature ones.

Tell her that it's a blessing to have a friend like you, because you can be there for her, and she should appreciate it when you do give her the time out of your busy life.

Tell her that she can't hog up every moment of your life, otherwise it's going to be a hard "friendship" to keep.

Tell her that you're not threatening her with that last comment, but that you really need time for yourself and for your family, not with her and some DBSK guy she dreams about.

Tell her that your sole purpose of living isn't to attend to her every need every second online.

Tell her to get a life.

Lol. x_X.

[Guest christelle-g]

OMG! This girl is a abnormal! How old are you guys?

I can't stand that kind of girls!! I feel sorry for you.

I think you need to talk to her, if she can't understand you, she must be too immature! ^^'

[Guest abviolinplayer]

erm, if I had a friend like that, I would have blocked her out of my life a long time ago...but you seem more patient and understanding, which may be why she clings to you--no one else wants to talk to her. You should be more firm and tell her to grow up if she still wants to be friends with you, and let her know you won't tolerate her immature behavior anymore.

and that thing about Yunho is scary...she needs help if she's that obsessed with a celebrity and it's interfering with her relationships with guys.

[Jaysca101]

For the people wondering how old we are, I'm 19 and she's 21. And she's got a few other friends too...

I don't know if I wanna still be friends with her or not.. I'm taking it as a day by day thing. If she pisses me off more and more day by day blah blah you get the idea lol. She gets quite heated up about a lot of things.. I think it's because she's been bullied in the past, has had she knows commit suicide, and had a shrink come in to deal with her, backstabbing etc. So I understand where she's coming from because I've had some of that happen to me... I know not -exactly- everyone can get stronger from this in a positive way but I think she went the opposite direction. I'm saying this cause she apologizes right away after she thinks she does something wrong and blames it on getting older, and hopes I can forgive her. I know that as people get older, one's personality become to be set in stone. I guess that's what's happening.

I think I'm gonna try and tell her to tone it down. Especially with the Yunho thing. I'm a fan of his, but I cringed when she asked me if she's his type and asked me what she has in common with Jeon Jihyun.

*sigh* I don't know if I'm too kind, or whatnot. I just hope she doesn't use the "Bestie card" and the "I wrote an essay about you and this is how you repay me" when I try to tell her in a lovely and calming manner.