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Having A Bad Day? Wanna Rant? Right This Way!


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1 hour ago, thistle said:

 

Thank you!  I'm still fighting.  Some days are hard.  I'm trying really hard to be positive and patient.

 

Hello chingu! I am so glad to hear that you are really fighting! Consider this as a temporary setback! Everything is gonna be alright soon! Life is beautiful if you want it to be.. :) Hang in there, chingu! You will be Okay soon! :wub:

:dorakiss:

 

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Do you know what is even scarier than being ill for nearly five months?  Starting to get better is definitely scarier.  I worry that it won't keep happening and that I'll get ill again.  The relapse t

May I say that I genuinely hope that I am the only person here fighting CoVid?    It's miserable, and I've been struggling since mid-April.  Thought I had it licked but I hit a bad relapse a

Try not to pressure him.  Although you know things from experience  and you want to share that knowledge for his benefit, your son has to be able to make his own decisions and his own mistakes.    Wis

It has been a month exactly since I went shopping.  At this point, I had no absolutely no choice because food was running low.  I felt truly awful but off I went wearing my mask.  Very few people here wear masks and they think you are surely sick if you do. 

 

I was walking down one aisle in the store when I heard two women talking behind me:  "Oh no, look at her mask!  How awful!  Let's get out of here!"  Well, it's true:  I am sick.  But that doesn't mean I've done anything wrong and I don't think I deserve rudeness. 

 

When I got to the check out line, guess who was behind me again?  Yeah, the rude ladies.  I invited them to take my place in line because they only had a few things to buy and I had a cart full.  Maybe I can't beat unkindness but I can still do something nice instead.  The fact of the matter was that it was a real sacrifice to stand there an extra five minutes while they went first.  I did it anyway with a smile behind my mask.

 

When I got home, all I could do was dump the shopping bags on the kitchen counter because I was too exhausted to do anything else.  I went right to bed.  Slept all afternoon.  Still sleepy.  Still feel awful.  But at least I have food.  And at least I found a proper response when it was needed.

 

Quote

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

            

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

            

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

           

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

            

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

            

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

            

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

         

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

         

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

 

 

--attributed to Mother Theresa

 

 

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I'm so tired today and sleepy because I had my calming pills on the afternoon. Monday is the most awaiting day for me since I can see my brother but ended up with I was crying too hard on the scene and made it screwed up more for my sick brother & myself.

I feel disappointed that I'm not strong enough yet to handle this.

 

"Still feel awful but at least I have food." Thanks, the sentence comforts me @thistle

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Something kind was also something truly awful today.  Long rant.  I'll spoiler tag so it can be ignored.....

 

Spoiler

 

When I went to the store yesterday, I only got canned food because I had to go to the dollar store since there were other things that I needed to purchase there.  I simply did not have the strength to go to the grocery as well.  In fact, I ended up sleeping for 16 hours yesterday.  The big problem is that I needed fresh vegetables, especially so since I'm vegetarian.

 

So I was really grateful to get a text from my neighbors this afternoon.  A member of their family works at a food bank and she brought some vegetables for me.  But I would have to go pick them up off of their porch because they don't want to talk to me in person.  Understandable; I don't want to infect anyone.  I drove over there and saw a nice box full of onions, carrots, cucumbers, apples, oranges, lettuce, potatoes, and sweet potatoes.  It was a lot.

 

Breathing has been really hard today so I've been sleeping most of the time but I absolutely had to get that box because my neighbors would be offended if I didn't.  It was really hard for me to  there but I could see I was gonna have difficulty picking the stuff up because the box would be too heavy for someone who can't breathe.  The problem turned out to be worse:  they hadn't closed the bottom of the box properly, and the vegetables fell out all over the lawn.  I swear it was like watching in slow-motion.

 

I just stood there looking down at them.  I couldn't believe it.  And, as anyone who has breathing issues knows, you can't lean over because it puts extra pressure on your lungs.  It was an awful moment.  And this was made worse by the fact that I knew that the neighbors were watching me but they were Not gonna come out to help.  Fortunately, I keep a canvas carryall in the car, so I got that and painfully picked everything up, thinking that I was gonna collapse any second but I couldn't because that would be self-indulgent.  I had to tough this out.  

 

Somehow I got back in the car and hauled the stuff into my house without this journey killing me, although that did seem likely for awhile there.

 

 

The result is that I am so grateful.  It is a true gift that I had prayed about.  But I am also embarrassed and a little angry because this was shaming and literally painful.  I need another nap.

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22 hours ago, thistle said:

The fact of the matter was that it was a real sacrifice to stand there an extra five minutes while they went first.  I did it anyway with a smile behind my mask.

 

You were very classy and dignified. Not many can still be as graceful as you were for something lesser.

 

Get well, feel better. :heart:

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i just had another fight with my mom. they seem to happen every day now. she despises that im transgender, and won't accept that i identify as male. she takes advantage of me, and scolds and yells at me in public for sudden reasons she thought up just to embarrass me, and also uses she/her pronouns for me when introducing me to people, although she knows it makes me uncomfortable. luckily, she lets me style my hair how i want and lets me wear boyish clothes, but she still forces me to wear dresss to special occasions, and i feel so uncomfortable. she knows it, and i try to ask her for suits, but she always says no. then there's my dad. he doesn't care about the whole trans thing, but he's abusive. im very scared of him. he can't be put in jail, unfortunately, because my mom won't let me call the police on him. i don't understand why, because he's hurt her on several occasions. when my brother and i were little, our parents would fight every day, violently. him and i would hide in his room, locking ourselves in his closet while holding each other and crying. it was a very scary time for us. i started looking to the paranormal for help. i began learning witchcraft at a young age, about eleven. i would sneak onto the home computer any chance i got, researching rituals and spells to protect my brother and me. whenever my parents would try to turn on us, i would summon a spirit to help us. then... one evening, i took it a bit too far. my dad tried to attack my ten year old brother, and a spirit lent me strength. as a twelve year old girl, i didn't have much strength on my own. so, with the spirit's help, i managed to tackle my dad to the ground. the spirit left me, and my mom roughly pulled me off of my dad. he was sent to the hospital, and my mom immediately made me pack and she took me to an asylum like place for children. i cried the first hour i was there, missing my brother. i made a friend, though, a young boy who was sent there because he claimed he was a cat. he was kind and friendly, though a bit strange, and he was protective of me. i stayed at that torturous place for a year, my only friend being the only thing that kept me from actually going crazy. i knew i would never forget Daniel. 

 

after i got home, thats when my parents began to truly control me. however, i never called upon spirits again for protection. i just endured it, and still do. luckily, im 21 now, so i have the ability to go out if i want, and i can defend myself somewhat. my friends help me out by letting me spend the night with them if need be. i have a job, so im out most days working as well. i will hopefully soon have the money to move out of my parents and get my own apartment or house, but that's at least a year and a half away. i deal with the abuse every day. then there's the fact im autistic and schizophrenic, and i pay for my own medication, and the fact that my mom won't pay for them is what really upsets me. then there's my anxiety and adhd and ptsd meds. im struggling rn, and im barely able to pay for them all. 

 

i just lost my closest friend to leukemia, and im still grieving. one of my friends is taking me to therapy every week to help with that. im going through a lot rn, and i really wanted to let it all out here, as well as talk a bit about my past. i know i might scare some people, but i just want comfort and reassurance, and some friends.

Edited by phikyl
Removed mentions of extreme violence/self harm.
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@Rebel Pikachu I'm glad you've friends helping you out. Do you have any hobbies, or things that help you feel better? Not the cutting of course, but other things you might enjoy?

 

So sorry to hear that you're in a tight spot as of now. Wishing you well, and please do your best not to forget taking your medications on time.

 

In time, if you really set your heart on it, you'll be achieving what you want for yourself.  But first, take good care. :)

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@MayanEcho im currently going to therapy and my therapist is giving me a lot of coping skills to help with the stress, anxiety, and depression. ive managed to go three days without cutting, and though its really really hard, ive made it this far and im hoping that i can keep going. and, yes, i always take my meds on time. thank you for the support, love. <3

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1 hour ago, Rebel Pikachu said:

@MayanEcho im currently going to therapy and my therapist is giving me a lot of coping skills to help with the stress, anxiety, and depression. ive managed to go three days without cutting, and though its really really hard, ive made it this far and im hoping that i can keep going. and, yes, i always take my meds on time. thank you for the support, love. <3

 

Oh wow, that's wonderful news! 

 

It will be hard at first, but bit by bit, you'll get there. Follow the advise of your therapist, keeping in mind that it's for your well-being. Same with your medications, continue taking them on time.

 

Take care there. ^_^

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48 minutes ago, MayanEcho said:

 

Oh wow, that's wonderful news! 

 

It will be hard at first, but bit by bit, you'll get there. Follow the advise of your therapist, keeping in mind that it's for your well-being. Same with your medications, continue taking them on time.

 

Take care there. ^_^

thank you so much for the encouragment and support, it means a lot <3 im trying my best. if i can make it a whole month without cutting, my friends will take me out to dinner at my favourite restaurant to celebrate, so im really hoping i make it.

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CoVid lingers on but I'm not giving in!  I figure it's a good day if I can breathe without having to listen to myself wheezing.  Sometimes my breathing sounds like cats fighting or birds whistling.  The other day the noise was so loud that my cat Dolly got scared of me.  :lol:

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