Having A Bad Day? Wanna Rant? Right This Way!

[thistle 12,065]

May I say that I genuinely hope that I am the only person here fighting CoVid? 

 

It's miserable, and I've been struggling since mid-April.  Thought I had it licked but I hit a bad relapse a few weeks ago and it just keeps getting worse.  This morning I was so exhausted by simply taking a shower that I needed a nap for a couple of hours.

 

I live alone like a hermit, and I have told only one person (someone who checks on me once a month) that I'm ill.  I don't dare attempt to seek medical help because of my disability which attacks my cytokine system (guess what:  CoVid is also a "cytokine storm") and few doctors understand or treat my condition so the "assistance" that I could get would be more likely to kill me than cure me.  The most recommended medication right now is one that I am allergic to, although few people are.  It's really frustrating.

 

I can't do anything.  I can't clean the house or wash the laundry.  I can just barely manage to keep myself and the cats fed.  Shopping is a nightmare, and there's no one I can ask to go for me--I haven't been to the grocery for a month.

 

So I am just quietly toughing this out with common sense, prayer, and natural medications.  I am tired of being brave.  And I just can't breathe.  

 

Sorry for my little rant but it all sort of got to me tonight and it was kind of a relief to just say it.

[thistle 12,065]

5 minutes ago, triplem said:

@thistle hugs !  Didn’t realise you were going through this. Hope you get well soon . Hang in there

 

Thank you .  I figure that I'm still here there must be some good reason for it so I'm trying my best.

[thistle 12,065]

32 minutes ago, angelangie said:

 

sending u tons of love.....

 

are there any groceries delivery where you stay? can get food to be send to your door steps? 

 

giving u a virtual hug too!!! stay with us and check in with us k

 

Thanks!  I needed that. 

 

I don't live in a town, so food delivery might be a bit difficult.  The grocery store is only 3 miles away but I've been avoiding going there--I have enough food for now, so I'm okay.

 

Will check back in.  It's actually a relief to be able to say that I've been having a problem.  

[MayanEcho 18,201]

10 minutes ago, thistle said:

Will check back in.  It's actually a relief to be able to say that I've been having a problem.  

 

Please do. Check in whenever you can, we'd like to know you're alright. Most of us are in different time zones, which is a good thing. Whenever you need to talk with someone, I'm sure one of us would be online.

 

Virtual hugs! Hang in there. Have you been  in touch with any of your previous doctors who knew your medical case?

 

Some friends/colleagues at work of hubs who were infected have beaten COVID after few weeks of isolation without getting confined in the hospital. You will also make it!

[thistle 12,065]

3 minutes ago, MayanEcho said:

Virtual hugs! Hang in there. Have you been  in touch with any of your previous doctors who knew your medical case?

 

My last two doctors have retired, unfortunately, and I've had difficulty in finding another.  Many doctors do not want to deal with my genetic auto-immune disability because they do not understand it and some even fail to believe that it is real--one insisted that I get psychiatric consultation before he would treat me. 

 

The funny thing is that the symptoms of CoVid generally are similar to what I've lived with  on a daily basis for years because it mimics my disability.   It's just that the inability to breathe right now is much worse--it's exhausting and the lack of oxygen saps the ability to think properly.

 

I'm not giving up; I promise.  I'm just sort of annoying that it's taking so long to fight this illness through.  And today I was just plain tired.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[thistle 12,065]

1 minute ago, Sejabin said:

@thistle I hope you will be better and get well soon. I am not a medical staff so I don’t know what to say. Sending you my virtual hug for consolation *hugggggggg

 

 

Thanks.  Virtual hugs are the best.

 

Based on my experience in dealing with my own illnesses, I know I'm doing the right stuff.  It's just hard to wait and endure and be patient.

[gm4queen 17,172]

3 hours ago, thistle said:

 

Thank you .  I figure that I'm still here there must be some good reason for it so I'm trying my best.

 

Dear chingu, I am crying reading your story here! It's been a long time since I saw you in Soompi! Hang in there! You have to fight with bad times in order to get a silverline!  Yeah, I believe in it! So please be patient, dear friend! Let the bad time pass by!  You can do it! So don't feel down! This is a temporary set back! You will be alright soon!!! 

 

FIGHTING! With love from gm4queen! 

 

 

[MayanEcho 18,201]

7 hours ago, thistle said:

My last two doctors have retired, unfortunately, and I've had difficulty in finding another.  Many doctors do not want to deal with my genetic auto-immune disability because they do not understand it and some even fail to believe that it is real--one insisted that I get psychiatric consultation before he would treat me. 

 

I feel so disappointed for you on this. Sigh, I'm sure you had all the tests done years ago, and the records should have been there to prove you don't need psychiatric consultation.

 

Anyhow, just hang in there. This too shall pass. 

[thistle 12,065]

10 hours ago, gm4queen said:

Dear chingu, I am crying reading your story here! It's been a long time since I saw you in Soompi! Hang in there! You have to fight with bad times in order to get a silverline! 

 

Bless you!  Thank you for caring.  It means a lot.

 

10 hours ago, Sejabin said:

If I get sick and must to spend many days on bed, I usually will watching kdrama or youtube. It makes time flies fast  

 

 

My laptop has really been my "best buddy" while I'm dealing with this illness.  The funny thing is that I've become quite addicted to watching Japanese real estate videos on YouTube.  I don't know why.  But they are curiously soothing.  

 

10 hours ago, MayanEcho said:

I feel so disappointed for you on this. Sigh, I'm sure you had all the tests done years ago, and the records should have been there to prove you don't need psychiatric consultation.

 

I have what is called a "differential diagnosis"--in other words, they prove the illness I have by proving what I don't have.  It can be confusing even for doctors, especially as my disabling condition has caused me to suffer from a "constellation" of other associated immune disorders.  Honestly, I find it difficult to recall them all myself.

 

Actually I did do the psychiatric consult.  The psychiatrist (a true gem) told the nitwit doctor that I was Not ill due to mental disturbance but that she could see why I would have a reason to get depressed if no one believed that I was as sick as I really was.  The doctor backed down when he heard that.

 

6 hours ago, Lawyerh said:

Thanks for sharing your story, sorry I don't have any good advice but we're all here with you. 

 

It really helped me a lot to share the story yesterday because I had been in huge difficulty for days.  

 

Fortunately I managed to drag myself to the pharmacy to buy the herbal medication that I had run out of and that I really needed.  Having taken it, I feel like a different person this morning--not well but lots better.

 

 

.....big hugs to everyone!  your encouragement has helped me more than you can imagine.  

 

 

 

 

 

[thistle 12,065]

12 hours ago, angelangie said:

 

hahaha.... no worries.... u need some laughter now and the best we can give u is virtual laughter  

 

and as long as u got food im sure u get it thru....i know u will not be able to clean your house and all that....just take a small part a day and honestly it is really alright to say 'IM NOT ALRIGHT'  

 

The only problem with laughing is that it makes me cough.    It's still good to be joyful anyway.

 

I will have to ignore the mess in the house.  The dust isn't going anywhere.  The laundry will wait, although I will have to do something about the load of wet wash I forgot in the washer last week--I discovered that this morning when I couldn't figure out what smelled so bad.  Oh my.

 

I have no idea how I hit the spoiler tag (twice)--blame the Planetary Plague.  Ignore.

Spoiler

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

Before the big relapse hit, I made a dozen loaves of bread (something that I always do anyway).  There are containers of homemade soup in the freezer.  I would love to have fresh veggies but I'm otherwise okay and won't starve.  

 

The herbal medication the other day is working, thank God.  I just need to be patient with myself.

 

Thank you for your kindness.  

[thistle 12,065]

18 hours ago, angelangie said:

 

this is good....continue it then and fighting my friends, you will get thru it again and came out stronger than ever

 

Still fighting for sure.  Hugs!

 

7 hours ago, Sejabin said:

Thank you for making me this mess and destroyed to pieces. 

 

Stand where you are and create something new for yourself out of the tattered remains.  A broken bone is stronger mended than one that has never been injured.

[thistle 12,065]

11 hours ago, Sejabin said:

 

Thank you for your caring but heart has no bone. 

 

This is true.   And certainly you don't want a heart to become harder.  But it can become stronger and more compassionate.  

 

The last thing you want to hear is that time heals but it does.  

[bairama 9,600]

dear @thistle how r u now? I hope its better & please receive this cheers of 'fighting' for u even im late.. virtual hug!

[thistle 12,065]

8 minutes ago, bairama said:

dear @thistle how r u now? I hope its better & please receive this cheers of 'fighting' for u even im late.. virtual hug!

 

Thank you!  I'm still fighting.  Some days are hard.  I'm trying really hard to be positive and patient.

[bairama 9,600]

Please know dont be sorry for ranting here, your tenacity inspire me!

[gm4queen 17,172]

1 hour ago, thistle said:

 

Thank you!  I'm still fighting.  Some days are hard.  I'm trying really hard to be positive and patient.

 

Hello chingu! I am so glad to hear that you are really fighting! Consider this as a temporary setback! Everything is gonna be alright soon! Life is beautiful if you want it to be..  Hang in there, chingu! You will be Okay soon! 

 

[xellex 23]

I want to keep being a music fan (not caring about numbers and charts), but I read an article about Nct’s reaction to their success 

[thistle 12,065]

It has been a month exactly since I went shopping.  At this point, I had no absolutely no choice because food was running low.  I felt truly awful but off I went wearing my mask.  Very few people here wear masks and they think you are surely sick if you do. 

 

I was walking down one aisle in the store when I heard two women talking behind me:  "Oh no, look at her mask!  How awful!  Let's get out of here!"  Well, it's true:  I am sick.  But that doesn't mean I've done anything wrong and I don't think I deserve rudeness. 

 

When I got to the check out line, guess who was behind me again?  Yeah, the rude ladies.  I invited them to take my place in line because they only had a few things to buy and I had a cart full.  Maybe I can't beat unkindness but I can still do something nice instead.  The fact of the matter was that it was a real sacrifice to stand there an extra five minutes while they went first.  I did it anyway with a smile behind my mask.

 

When I got home, all I could do was dump the shopping bags on the kitchen counter because I was too exhausted to do anything else.  I went right to bed.  Slept all afternoon.  Still sleepy.  Still feel awful.  But at least I have food.  And at least I found a proper response when it was needed.

 

Quote

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

            

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

            

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

           

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

            

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

            

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

            

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

         

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

         

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

 

 

--attributed to Mother Theresa

 

 

[bairama 9,600]

I'm so tired today and sleepy because I had my calming pills on the afternoon. Monday is the most awaiting day for me since I can see my brother but ended up with I was crying too hard on the scene and made it screwed up more for my sick brother & myself.

I feel disappointed that I'm not strong enough yet to handle this.

 

"Still feel awful but at least I have food." Thanks, the sentence comforts me @thistle

[bairama 9,600]

I ended sleeping early, all night long ahahah yes..  thank you @Sejabin

 

aww ur dp is..