[Ask The Fellas]

On 1/12/2022 at 8:20 PM, BrainDancer said:

I think it's a little odd that you guys have known each other a decade and don't know much about him. It just sounds like there aren't really any strong feelings period. He may not be very sure of what exactly he wants if he's never made any decisive move before. It's odd that he's being so cold to you though. 

He’s is not an expressive person. An update after our friendship celebration day at the park. All of us come gather to do a spontaneous trip to a lake. While waiting for our ride, one of my friend left to go use the restroom which left only me and him together sitting. Then he grab a bag in this backpack and gave it to me, it was a brand wallet. He told me it was a present for buying the ticket to the park last time. I was surprise and didn’t know what to think. I can tell he was nervous and shy so he walk toward a newspaper stand nearby. I told him that he didn’t have to give me anything but he didn’t reply to that. I’m so confused now. Is he do that because he felt obligated to pay me back because I bought the tickets? But the present is way more expensive then the tickets I bought though. 

 

after that trip, I try to ignore him by not given hugs and now he ignore me again. Whenever we come together to drinks, he would ask me and my friends if we want water but he is only make eyes contact with my other friends instead of me. He would talk to them and ignore me like I’m not there even though I’m like right in front of him. So I started to reply less on group chat and if he say something I would try to ignore whatever he text. Then I noticed He also reply less on text and even shorter too toward me. I felt like we”ve become more distance with each other. Even with a group of friends hangout, even though I asked him to sit next to me, he would but both of us didn’t say a word to each other. 

[Ask The Fellas]

On 12/17/2021 at 3:32 AM, partyon said:

@melody2016wrapz

Not a guy, but felt compelled to give you some advice.

 

Him being mean suddenly meant that he probably wanted to create some space between the two of you. Why? Three things come to mind:

1) He's already in a relationship with someone else

2) He doesn't have romantic feelings towards you

3) He might have feelings for you, but is feeling scared to pursue them further because he might not be ready for a relationship or scared of ruining your friendship (or team of friends)

 

When another person reacts in a certain way, it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. The other party's reaction is their reaction and is coming from their way of dealing with their own emotions/past traumas/etc.

So, don't be hard on yourself, okay?

 

My advice to you would be to talk to him openly about this as it seems to be bothering you. I know it might sound scary, but it's really the only way to clear the air. You don't have to say that you like him if you don't want to, but you could ask him about his actions, and try to gain some insight.

 

"Listen, I love the fact that we have been friends for a long time. You mean a lot to me as a friend. But I have been noticing lately that you have acted a bit distant towards me. Is everything alright with you?
I would love for us to be able to clear up any misunderstandings we might have between each other, as I value you as a friend."

 

Without discussing things through and being honest about your own feelings, it will be difficult to mend a relationship. This goes for any relationship in the world - be it romantic or based on friendship. Open and honest communication about your own feelings is key.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Thank you so much! that was very clear and helpful advices. I will one or another have to communicate with him about what has been bothering me. Whether if he see my as friends or the other, I believed what you said about clear things up in the air because that how relationship become stronger and as a friend I don’t want to see all of us drifting apart because of one little miscommunication or understanding. I appreciate for your time in replying to my post. Thank you once again! 

[Ask The Ladies - Read First Post]

On 12/13/2021 at 9:46 PM, Gumiho said:

 

 

That is good! Hugs! 

 

I am editing my answer to you, melody dear <3 

 

I re read your post and my opinion do not change. 

 

He is right that his feelings for you is just a friend because of he acts like that. 

 

If you want a serious relationship, I hope you can be very selective to choose. Falling in love is a very easy matter in this world. As easy as if we catch a cold. Hahaha. Seriously. It is very easy for our eyes to be attracted to a guy and falls for him. But to keep the relationship for a very long long time, we need a good guy that is serious, and honest, with good manners and sincere to us and want to keep the relationship no matter what. In short every girl need a gentleman

 

 A complicated guy like your friend who give you mix signal, I see it from your writing, from my POV is not a someone who you can keep for a serious relationship. Just in the beginning he already treated you like this. How if you must to face a hard and difficult obstacles in life? Can he be your support system? I don’t think he can. I am afraid if he instead will only add problems to you. 

 

So if he says you only a friend then just believe it. He is right for this.

 

And no you are not being crushed. Just go to salon and give your body the best treatment to make you prettier and happier. You deserve it. Be pretty and you will be ready to meet another good guy ^_*

 

Don’t worry, you will find another someone. Always pray and enjoying life 

 

PS. I am sorry that only now I can give you my best answer because of my answer to people usually according to my mood hahahaha. Hugs! 

 

Thank you so much for your advice and thoughts. Even though we don’t know each other but I feel that you are a strong and caring person. I appreciate your thoughts and words of advice and I do believe that what you said are truth. We as woman deserve someone who can be with us and treat us the way we wanted to be treated as. Everybody deserve someone like that. And I believe you that he will add more problems to me even my close friend told me that. She said that if both of us were to be together based on our personality we will crash and it will not work out. And I think to myself that it is okay to have a crush there is nothing wrong about it. This is the good time to let it go and start brand new when the new year come. I am trying to process my feelings and treat myself better instead of being sad because at the end of the day he will just be a friend and nothing more. 
 

Thank you so much Gumiho,

I wish you the best and have a happy holidays. 
 

 

[Ask The Ladies - Read First Post]

On 12/7/2021 at 2:23 PM, Gumiho said:

 

1. I am sorry to say this. But it sounds suspicious for me:

- 10 years dates nobody

-  hang out with a group of girls like you and your friend. Usually only gay will do that. Guy will only hangout with guys. They will do guys activities like sports or riding bikes or motorcycles or cars group. If a guy being comfortable to sit with a group of girls and enjoying gossips and shopping with girls then his sexual orientation should be questioned. 

 

2. Because of I see it in this way, I advice you to find somebody new.  And forget him <3 

 

3. Before start a relationship, please do this question to yourself:

- what do you want from this relationship. Do you want to be married or not. 

If you want a serious relationship, I think you can be very selective to date ^_* 

 

 

Thank you for your advices. And you are right, moving on and forget him would be a good option. I got a closure from him, even though i didn’t directly asked him, my friend did asked him for me. He only sees me as a friend and nothing else. He even told her he is fine with what and where he is now and that he will start looking for a gf next year. I guess that is a good thing, at least now I get a closure so I don’t have to imagine stuff that will never happen. I guess from the beginning it was just me imagining things because I liked him and I thought there are hope. Now everything has come to an end and I am not going to be sad about it because I know that I deserve better. I guess that is why people say “crush” for a reason because at the end the person who has a crush was really being crushed!

[Ask The Ladies - Read First Post]

Hello I want to ask for some opinions and advice on a situation that I can't seem to figure out myself. 

So a little background story: I have a close group of friends, most of us are girls and one guy. I have  been good friends with my guy friend for over a decade, I would say he is close but not close enough because we haven't hung out alone over the past decade and most of us just know him on the surface level because he is closed up and never shared anything personal when hanging out as a group. He has a history with my girl best friend in the group, but they never dated each other or did anything more than a friend. They both have mutual feelings for each other and he hurts her feelings by just wanting to stay friends. It takes a while because she is the one that confesses her feelings to him. Then another friend of ours (a girl) came along and did the same thing similar to my bestie on him, they both have mutual feelings but then she left for another man before he figured out he has feelings for her. They never dated or did anything that exceeded their friendship.  After all of that happened, we were still friends with him and he stuck around longer than most of our other guy friends.

 

Now this is the  story. I started to develop feelings for him like the last 5 years but it is on and off because I thought that he was the only single guy in the group and he is convenient so that is why I like him because I am also single and so my group of girls. As I say it was an on and off feeling for me because I try not to like him. I considered his feelings and my other friends feelings too even though she said she doesn't like him anymore. So within that 5 years, I liked him and then I told myself not to, then I moved on and had other crushes and dated other guys thithin those years. This year it suddenly hit me again and my feelings for him became stronger and stronger. One of my girlfriends told me to go hangout alone with him to see how it was and really figure out my feelings. I did ask him to hangout as she set us up, the first time was awkward like I said even though we have been friends for 10 years we never hangout one on one before. So we hangout like 2 times alone, and he opens up a little to me, I know a little more about him. Then I continued to ask him to hangout but with less friends around. Then as we hangout I am really not sure about my feelings for him because he sometimes would be hot and cold with me. When we hang out with fewer friends, it seems like I am invisible, he only talks to our other girl friend. I felt left out like he hated me or something. I would sometimes message him and give him like a few pick up lines to see how he reacts (he laughs at it though). But recently I started working full time and it is busy at work so when I texted him he would reply fast but i reply to him late due to work, then recently he doesn't seem to want to reply as much. He says that work has also been busy for him and all he wants to do after work is to sleep. 

I have never asked him for any favor or even asked him to help me on stuff because it seems like he would be willing to help our other friends (most of them are girls) which they asked him for many favors before so I just think it's typical of him. Before he was nice but just recently the typical me wants to keep distance and stay away from him because I don't want my feelings to get hurt like the past 5 years I did to myself, self sabotaging. So I kind of ignore him and rely on distance myself and not pay attention or keep eye contact.  When we went to celebrate our 10 years of friendship recently, I was asking him to pick me up because the place we are going to go with our group of friends is a big park and parking would be hard to find but he say that if it not convenience then he not going to do it so he deny my first favor. I was hurt because I am trying to move on from liking him and as a friend of over a decade he just refused the offer which made me very sad because as a friend who is always there for him, watch out for him and this is what I received back from him as a friend. After the celebration at the park, when we left the park, he asked me if I wanted the glow in the dark bling bling light stick, so I said yes but then he said no. I was so confused, he said it in a way that he wanted to offer to buy it for me but he then said no. Then he and I walked to our car in the parking lot, I parked a little bit far from the entrance and  he found parking that was near the entrance. I asked him if he could give me a ride to my car because it looked so dark and he said no. then he left as I was trying to find my car because I  don't remember where I parked in the parking lot, i remember before this we had a friendsgiving at a friend house and I was ignoring him while I was meeting and talking to his other guys friends, when we left the friendsgiving, he was also trying to offer me to bring home some of his  food too but suddenly this week he became mean and not caring, i thought he left the park because he want to go home and rest because his house is far away and maybe he was tired. 

My question was, is he being mean so suddenly because he knows I liked him so he kept his distance? Is this a way to politely reject a girl so I can move on by him being mean? Or did I do something wrong? I don't want him to know that I like him so I try to act like I don't care and try to introduce him to girls in conversation just so it is not suspicious. But from a friend's perspective I felt that he wasn't treating me as I deserved to be treated. So now i am trying to move on because it seems like I was wasting my time liking him again and now not only that but our friendship too. Any idea or advice

[Ask The Fellas]

Hello, I want to ask for some guys' opinions and advice on a situation that I can't seem to figure out myself. 

So a little background story: I have a close group of friends, most of us are girls and one guy. I have  been good friends with my guy friend for over a decade, I would say he is close but not close enough because we haven't hung out alone over the past decade and most of us just know him on the surface level because he is closed up and never shared anything personal when hanging out as a group. He has a history with my girl best friend in the group, but they never dated each other or did anything more than a friend. They both have mutual feelings for each other and he hurts her feelings by just wanting to stay friends. It takes a while because she is the one that confesses her feelings to him. Then another friend of ours (a girl) came along and did the same thing similar to my bestie on him, they both have mutual feelings but then she left for another man before he figured out he has feelings for her. They never dated or did anything that exceeded their friendship.  After all of that happened, we were still friends with him and he stuck around longer than most of our other guy friends.

 

Now this is the  story. I started to develop feelings for him like the last 5 years but it is on and off because I thought that he was the only single guy in the group and he is convenient so that is why I like him because I am also single and so my group of girls. As I say it was an on and off feeling for me because I try not to like him. I considered his feelings and my other friends feelings too even though she said she doesn't like him anymore. So within that 5 years, I liked him and then I told myself not to, then I moved on and had other crushes and dated other guys thithin those years. This year it suddenly hit me again and my feelings for him became stronger and stronger. One of my girlfriends told me to go hangout alone with him to see how it was and really figure out my feelings. I did ask him to hangout as she set us up, the first time was awkward like I said even though we have been friends for 10 years we never hangout one on one before. So we hangout like 2 times alone, and he opens up a little to me, I know a little more about him. Then I continued to ask him to hangout but with less friends around. Then as we hangout I am really not sure about my feelings for him because he sometimes would be hot and cold with me. When we hang out with fewer friends, it seems like I am invisible, he only talks to our other girl friend. I felt left out like he hated me or something. I would sometimes message him and give him like a few pick up lines to see how he reacts (he laughs at it though). But recently I started working full time and it is busy at work so when I texted him he would reply fast but i reply to him late due to work, then recently he doesn't seem to want to reply as much. He says that work has also been busy for him and all he wants to do after work is to sleep. 

I have never asked him for any favor or even asked him to help me on stuff because it seems like he would be willing to help our other friends (most of them are girls) which they asked him for many favors before so I just think it's typical of him. Before he was nice but just recently the typical me wants to keep distance and stay away from him because I don't want my feelings to get hurt like the past 5 years I did to myself, self sabotaging. So I kind of ignore him and rely on distance myself and not pay attention or keep eye contact.  When we went to celebrate our 10 years of friendship recently, I was asking him to pick me up because the place we are going to go with our group of friends is a big park and parking would be hard to find but he say that if it not convenience then he not going to do it so he deny my first favor. I was hurt because I am trying to move on from liking him and as a friend of over a decade he just refused the offer which made me very sad because as a friend who is always there for him, watch out for him and this is what I received back from him as a friend. After the celebration at the park, when we left the park, he asked me if I wanted the glow in the dark bling bling light stick, so I said yes but then he said no. I was so confused, he said it in a way that he wanted to offer to buy it for me but he then said no. Then he and I walked to our car in the parking lot, I parked a little bit far from the entrance and  he found parking that was near the entrance. I asked him if he could give me a ride to my car because it looked so dark and he said no. then he left as I was trying to find my car because I  don't remember where I parked in the parking lot, i remember before this we had a friendsgiving at a friend house and I was ignoring him while I was meeting and talking to his other guys friends, when we left the friendsgiving, he was also trying to offer me to bring home some of his  food too but suddenly this week he became mean and not caring, i thought he left the park because he want to go home and rest because his house is far away and maybe he was tired. 

My question was, is he being mean so suddenly because he knows I liked him so he kept his distance? Is this a way to politely reject a girl so I can move on by him being mean? Or did I do something wrong? I don't want him to know that I like him so I try to act like I don't care and try to introduce him to girls in conversation just so it is not suspicious. But from a friend's perspective I felt that he wasn't treating me as I deserved to be treated. So now i am trying to move on because it seems like I was wasting my time liking him again and now not only that but our friendship too. Any idea or advice?

 

[Ask The Fellas]

@Dhakra I am interested, I guess 50/50 % chance, I just wish that I can know for sure so it could be 100%. I don’t mind being the person to make the first move. Just a question if guys know a girl like them and the girl confess but they’re not interested in that girl, can they develop their interest on that girl overtime? Or are they not going to and draw the line?

 

I heard some guy talked about texting and how they are not into it, but wouldn’t it be contradicting since guys, they want to talk to girl that they like by texting her?

 

He did reply back but my phone didn’t get the message until 2 days later ( I need a new phone for sure ) 

 

‘What a good way to approach him? Should I asked him to go get food one on one since he still owned me a dinner? Does guy prefer one on one interaction instead?

 

[Ask The Fellas]

@Dhakra I’m not as sure if I make the move what if he wasn’t interested at all. Also when you mention that “ If we like a girl, the first thing we do, is not showing that we like her.“ how do you not show it? In what way? Isn’t risky since if the girl think  you not show any interest, wouldn’t be bad? I texted him asking a question, he answer but when I give my opinion/ statement he doesn’t text back at all, is this a red flag?

[Ask The Fellas]

@Dhakra  it was more of a bantering,, how do I figure it out what kind, it hard to tell since everybody was just playing tennis.He’s a very mysterious person, up until now his message is still kind of like beating around the bush. For example if I ask what year he born, he would not tell me but instead he would ask me to tell him his birth year instead. For guys, do you guys like to do the mind game also? If you were to interest in a girl would you do beating around the bush conversation? I noticed that during the tennis game  he was introduce one his guy friend to us but when it come to introduce me to that friend, both of them start to giggling. 

[Ask The Fellas]

@Dhakrait happened couple of months ago. Sorry for the late reply it’s because I finally get to meet him up with couple of friends to play tennis today. During tennis it seem that he picks on me on a lot of things. I’m not a pro of tennis and I am still trying to learn how to play, while I was in the game and he was just waiting for his turn, instead of throwing me a ball for me to surf but he throw a bunch of them at me. And if I was on his team he would say that he doesn’t rest enough for this round. I don’t know if he being mean because I was on his team because I don’t know how to play tennis or because he just hate me in general. We both argue throughout the time we play.

[Ask The Fellas]

@Dhakra thank you so much for your input, it actually helps a lot with different perspective. No we haven’t met to talk about it, when we were about to then something always come up. I guess I really didn’t get the clues that he gave, I just thought he was just joking around. So what advise would you recommend that I should do now?

[Ask The Fellas]

Please help me with this problem, it was on my mind for quite a while and I can’t put it off until I figure it out. 

 

So the story is I met a guy for the second time on a friends’s Trip. I picked him up because his house near mine and we were carpool, during the trip it seem that we are more closed. I enjoy his company and vice versa. Then a week after the trip, he texted me happy birthday and then we start to text from then on. At first we were just friend, no feelings or whatsoever. Then he start to ask me when I start school, and what school I go to. So I answered and also joked about that if he want me to stalk anybody there at my school because he was specific on the school that I goes to so I thought he was interest in a girl at the school so I was being nice to say yes I would. And then I asked him who it is and he told me that Him and I need to have food, drink and he needs to look at me in the eyes in order to tell me who.” So I reply to him that sound scary because he could just tell me and no need to do those. He told me it is not scary, and it is like going on a roller coaster. (So I got lost here when he said roller coaster, like how it is related to that ). Then I told him that I don’t like roller coaster and then he said how about when we were younger and we get balloon from a clown and we get so happy. (Then I got more confused). Then I joked around about the clown “it” and how scary was it. Then he goes on and said jokingly that he has an “it” doll in his closet that he kiss goodnight everyday. Then I told him if he does that then i’ll Give him a thumb ups, and he reply:” only a thumb ups? How about buy me dinner”. So then I was like more more confused, so I told him isn’t he suppose to buy me dinner since my reward that I will help him stalk, and he said :” bargained huh? Me like” . Then later he promise to bring me out to sushi because he didn’t make it to my birthday. (our conversation continue to be confused and joking after a month) then when he on an overseas trip my friends got very curious so they texted his closed friend and ask what he thinks of me. Then the day after my friend told me that his friend said he see me as friend. Then after that when he come back from his trip, he has to study for  board exam so our conversation start to die down as time goes. I invited him to group hangout but he doesn’t show up to any. But if I texted him to ask what he been up to he would tell me detail, even when his Father passed away he told me too. My friends think he is shady because I asked him to join us for a group hangout and he never comes. Doesn’t seem like he wants to hangout with us. 

 

So overall is this guy sound shady? Is he just joking from the beginning/ Maybe I’m just too dumb to figure out the clue or am I thinking too much. (Also he promise to bring me out to dinner couple of times but never did)