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babygirrll

Guy that just wants to be friends and he's seeing other girls

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So I met this guy at an event and he also met another girl I invited. The other girl really likes him and they get a long well. In the beginning I saw him as just a friend and I was talking to him because I wanted to get over someone. Last night we went out for the third time.. It was great seeing him in the beginning. I find him very handsome and has a great body and nice. However, he texts other girls infront of me. Tells me we're just friends. He says he neutralizes things. I studied him. People tell me I'm beautiful all the time and I know I am. I'm starting to read the bible and really change my mentality and personality. I told him I need god in my life to stay normal. He's like why can't you do the right things on your own. I told him.. In the beginning before I studied the bible.. my mentor told me there was darkness in me. He laughed and was like wth. Anyways the next moment I started to lose likeness for him. I don't know what happened. I just liked him less and that holy fuzzy circle thing around him was sort of gone. He was still handsome but he wasn't.. love.. When we're walking I linked his arms and I sort of hugged him. He's like do you do this with all your guy friends? I don't want to take advantage of you. I told him I do this with all my guy friends but I only have two. Honestly I do link arms with them but it's really settle but this guy I'm like grabbing him. Just felt right but he didn't feel it. So as we're walking and trying to find my car.. We walked for like a long time.. Couldn't find it. I studied him.. He was a nice guy.. I understand a little bit of him. He likes people then overtime he stops. And I get that too. I stopped him when we're walking. I told him.. I can find the car myself.. It's close by here. You can go home now. And he said okay and he left. I gave him a hug. It wasn't hot anymore.. I don't want to see him again.. I like seeing him.. But it's not a good time after the first date.. Maybe as I got to know him.. There's so many barriers and blockades he has.. So many females around his life.. I'm just not interested in rejection or listening to him talk about people I don't care about. 

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hmmm @babygirrll , what exactly is your Q?  ^_^ are you wondering why you were initially liking this guy and now you are not? are you confused about whether you like him? -- there's a reason why there is a separate category called infatuation, crushes etc. attraction can fade and there's no specific reason. sometimes, as we get to know the person, we may determine on some subconscious level that they are not right for us and we lose interest. it sounds like you think he might make a good friend but are not interested in him romantically. if so, don't confuse the two and just be friends. we also need friends in our life. cheers!

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@Lmangla I was wondering the same thing :)

 

Attraction can dissipate or strengthen after time. As you get to know the other person better, you notice how he really is and that can be a huge turn on or a massive turn off. Not much you can do about it. If you don't like him that much anymore, keep him as a friend.

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I asked a relationship coach. She told me he doesn't have sexual passion towards me. When she told me straight up. I knew it was the truth. She wasn't belittling me because I said I'm asking for a friend. He friendzoned me. I shouldn't take rejection so personally. I friendzone guys all the time.. That's because I have a hard time looking at them or being with them for too long. 

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I'm babygirrll's IRL guy friend, can confirm she links arms with her guy friends but with me, it's weirdly at a great distance like we have our arms linked but she's sorta spreads them out like a chicken. Her face looks like she's permanently sucking on a couple of lemons when we're like this, I get self-conscious but she assures me that it's hereditary, so I guess I feel better.  

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@CamelKnight I don't know what he's saying. But I think he's trying to be funny. Anyways, so here I am another month.. The guy I like.. told me the girl he was seeing dumped him and he has more time. I sort of tried to cut him off two weeks before because every time we hang out, he's always messaging a bunch of girls. It hurts me. Feels like I'm inadequate. So I told him last night I don't want to get involved with someone seeing multiple girls. He told me he's talking to me as a friend and I am taking it too personal. Even if he sees me as a friend. I am getting hurt. So I decided to ignore his messages. I don't know what to do. But for now.. I need to focus on other things. 

Maybe get a new wallet and go to the gym. Better myself. 

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On 9/13/2018 at 10:57 PM, babygirrll said:

@CamelKnight I don't know what he's saying. But I think he's trying to be funny. Anyways, so here I am another month.. The guy I like.. told me the girl he was seeing dumped him and he has more time. I sort of tried to cut him off two weeks before because every time we hang out, he's always messaging a bunch of girls. It hurts me. Feels like I'm inadequate. So I told him last night I don't want to get involved with someone seeing multiple girls. He told me he's talking to me as a friend and I am taking it too personal. Even if he sees me as a friend. I am getting hurt. So I decided to ignore his messages. I don't know what to do. But for now.. I need to focus on other things. 

Maybe get a new wallet and go to the gym. Better myself. 

His kind of humour must be beyond me...

 

Anyway, good for you for cutting him off. You should be number one on his mind. Not number 23. 

Focusing on yourself is always a good idea. It strenghtens your selfworth and builds character. Besides that, men who see women who are able to take care of themselves, automatically think those women can take care of them too, making them interested ;) 

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@camelknight yeah.. he told me he's just another idiot and dont stress out about it.. but he'll be there for me whenever i need.. i heard this many times.. from lots of different men that they'll be there for me whenever i need.. i find it all bs... i'm sorta of shocked he's just another one.. 

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On 9/17/2018 at 5:16 PM, babygirrll said:

@camelknight yeah.. he told me he's just another idiot and dont stress out about it.. but he'll be there for me whenever i need.. i heard this many times.. from lots of different men that they'll be there for me whenever i need.. i find it all bs... i'm sorta of shocked he's just another one.. 

I can't speak for other men, but when I say I'm there when you need me, I am indeed there when you need me. I made that promise, I will stick to it. Most men don't find that problematic as far as I know since it's normally the easy chores you need us for. It'll show you we still care and it only costs time, most times.

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On 9/22/2018 at 2:06 PM, CamelKnight said:

I can't speak for other men, but when I say I'm there when you need me, I am indeed there when you need me. I made that promise, I will stick to it. Most men don't find that problematic as far as I know since it's normally the easy chores you need us for. It'll show you we still care and it only costs time, most times.

I wish there were more men like you out there. 

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@CamelKnight So i got a ticket to asia for 6 months.. i don't hold an asian citizenship so i'll be looking for companies to sponsor me and I'm looking for love. I told the guy who just wants to be friends... and he told me he slept with somebody.. (we never did anything) that i'm leaving for half a year.. and he told me.. he's depressed.. tbh.. he can't have it all.. he can't have me and other people.. and he told me thats what he wanted from the start.. i told him okay let's be friends.. but he told me.. he started developing feelings.. and i told him.. i know.. and i do to.. but there's no point in this.. i see him checking out girls at bars.. and he doesn't want to get married.. he told me i'll find someone else.. and i told him he will to.. so i guess we're just two people who are waiting to find someone else. 

 

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On 10/1/2018 at 3:58 PM, babygirrll said:

@CamelKnight So i got a ticket to asia for 6 months.. i don't hold an asian citizenship so i'll be looking for companies to sponsor me and I'm looking for love. I told the guy who just wants to be friends... and he told me he slept with somebody.. (we never did anything) that i'm leaving for half a year.. and he told me.. he's depressed.. tbh.. he can't have it all.. he can't have me and other people.. and he told me thats what he wanted from the start.. i told him okay let's be friends.. but he told me.. he started developing feelings.. and i told him.. i know.. and i do to.. but there's no point in this.. i see him checking out girls at bars.. and he doesn't want to get married.. he told me i'll find someone else.. and i told him he will to.. so i guess we're just two people who are waiting to find someone else. 

 

Sorry for the late reply!

 

It's a shame when things don't work out, but it happens. You don't always find the right person immediately. Most of us don't. Sometimes people just stick with it though, eventhough they're not happy. I wouldn't recommend that at all.

It's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all, is a famous quote. It's very true too. In this case things didn't work out. It's a shame, but it does give you a more clear view of what you're looking for in a partner. You grow from each person you meet, they teach you things. Things about life, but also things about yourself. You might not even know it while it's happening, but in the end when things didn't work out, you'll be the one who says "okay, so THAT is something I'm not looking for anymore in a wo-/man".

 

And remember, there's plenty of fish in the sea! But if you're looking for men, your safest bet is on dry land ;) 

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If someone doesn't feel any attraction towards you,unfortunately that's how they feel.We can't force feelings,even if we like them that way.Though i know that is not what you're trying to do.I dont know this guy but be careful if you hang out again.From what you've written it sounds like he may know you like him.It's best to wittle down connections with him so you don't get attached.

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Agreed with shadowjas. Sounds terribly unhealthy. Stay away from this dude @babygirrll. He’s using you .

Edited by triplem
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@babygirrll I just happen to saw this thread and wanted to add what others have spoken.

Reading your posts, I feel like maybe in the beggining, both of you have same thoughts and feelings to try and see if something could develop. But, as time goes by, you know that you’re better of not having a relationship with him. 

By this time, I think he’s sort of using you, whether intentionally or not who knows. You know him better. 

But my suggestion to you are its better to cut him of your life. It’s kinder for your self to do this than having his presence making you questioning yourself  all the time. 

Anyway... I hope everything will be better for you in the future

xoxo

 

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Hey everyone.. he is my boyfriend now.. Everyone is telling me he's using me. Even my counsellor told me he's using me.. for this time period.. until he finds someone new.. It's not easy when he's always talking to his exgf and messages pop up.. He knows I don't trust him. Always asking me is it because I don't trust him. I feel like this relationship is doomed. 

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why do you want to start on something that is doom?

 

u know where this will lead you to....why put yourself through that?

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