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Hi, I really need advice on this, so even though I doubt anyone will see it, it's worth a try. Sorry, this is going to be LoNg When I was going into 4th grade, I moved from across the country, and I knew almost no one in my new school. But when I went to church, I met this family. They were in the same apartment complex as I was, and there were three of them. The youngest was my grade. Let me give you a little description of him. Not just him, but his family is extremely tall, his sister being two inches taller than my brother when they first met. Now he's two inches taller :,) But I was first off friends with his sister. After a little, however, it broke off, I don't know how it escalated. But now we're good again. And he was always good friends with my brother, like really good friends. Coming into the school year, we had the same teacher. We grew kind of close because of this. But here's the thing. I always thought he was somewhat attracted to me (not that I know why, I look back at myself and thank God for my glow up...) But it was publicly known that he really liked this girl who I befriended. Not that I don't get why, she was really attractive and nice then, and she still is now. He even wrote her a Valentine's Day card and told her he loved her :,) But it was always in the back of my mind that maybe he liked me, even if it were just a little, but I couldn't tell if it was just him being friendly, nice, or actually being attracted to me. But so that year went by and I was still close with him and I saw him at church every week too, but both of us moved out of the apartment complex into a house that summer, and so although we were in the same school district, we were in different elementary school zones. I was actually supposed to move elementary schools, but because I was going to graduate really soon and go to middle school, my mom got permission for me not to move schools (I had a really hard time adjusting, and he really helped me), but he decided to move schools to where he was supposed to go. But anyways, the school still thought he was going to my school, so he got his teacher, and again we were supposed to have the same teacher. Early on in the year, my teacher forgot to get rid of his name, so he got placed for a class job, and he had to take out the trash can, but it just said "Trash" so I called him trash for a few months lol But we were still close. There are four of us (initially), him, me, and two of my other friends that are in the same graduating year, so I was pretty close to them too. But as far as I know, even now, they aren't and were never as close to him as I am and was, so I just thought "maybe we were meant to be friends.." For the sake of it all, we'll call him A. So this went on until both of us graduated elementary school, and starting the next year, A and I would be going to the same school again. We already knew we wouldn't have that many classes together, since the school was divided up into four teams, and he and I were in different teams. Actually, we haven't had any classes together since 4th grade, and I'm in my first year of high school. But during the summer going into middle school, we both went under a lot of changes. I had started contacts about four months prior, and he was undergoing a growth spurt and had lost a lot of his baby fat (he was really chubby and so was I) And during that summer, I started crushing on him, and for once I was really excited. My first crush when I moved here barely talked to me (we didn't have any reason to so it was fine), and apparently his sister told him because I was friends with his sister... she was really sorry about it but honestly I didn't care it was just a crush lol But because I thought he had something for me (and I still thought he had something for me every week I saw him) I didn't really know what to do, because he was a close friend, and I didn't know if my feelings were genuine. But the school year started, and I saw him on the way to Spanish and out of it because my Spanish class was located in his team. But twist. There's a girl, we'll call her B. B was somewhat my friend for a little while. I have no idea when she moved here, but apparently she moved here before me. And my dad forced me to be friends with her, so I guess I somewhat was friends with her, but she was honestly really bossy and a terrible friend to me. But I thought I was friends with her. B went to our home country that summer, and when she came back, she was sticking to A all the way. A and B weren't close before, so I was really confused, and I thought that A liked B and was only close to me because of B. But B came to our church two years after I did, which is why I thought she moved here after me (she went to a different school district than A and I), and almost immediately I came to the conclusion that B also liked A. And I'm guessing that B did the opposite of me: she told him right away when she liked him, while I chose to be quiet. And I guess A gave her some false hope, because although I couldn't see it then, I can see now that he felt bad for her and really didn't like her, so he said that he kind of liked her. And I guess this drove B on. But B didn't go to my school, and she was a year younger than both of us. I got kind of annoyed at her, because everyone shipped A and I together at my church, and even at my school. And maybe because of this B got kind of annoyed, but you know Jooyeon from Cheese in the Trap? That was kind of her to A. But that December, I asked A who he liked from truth or dare. And he finally confessed (lol don't get ur hopes up) that he liked this girl in his team that had German class with him. She apparently told him first, and I could tell that he liked her. So I was a little crushed, but apparently I was the first to know. That made me feel a little special. But it was Christmas Eve, and I don't know when, but A and the girl he liked (won't give her a name because she's not very crucial to this) secretly started to date. And yo, B kinda exploded, I thought she was going to cry. She stalked her, found out her name and her Instagram, followed her only to block her like a day later... But I was glad I kept quiet, and A and I were talking a lot more now, I don't know why. But it was New Years Eve, and he told me they broke up because she's not allowed to date, and apparently people started finding out. I don't really know what happened to them afterwards, because there was this one time they blocked each other on IG, and he asked her cousin if she hated him, because if that was the case, he'd gladly be out of her life, but he still wanted to be friends. They're good now, I think. But flash forward a little, and I finally told A I liked him. His response was really weird...idk how else to describe it. He said he was in a really confused state, but he told me it was ok, because I kept running away from him afterwards. Like two weeks later, we're alone, and he says that he likes me too. I completely believe him, and we start dating. And the first week, it's really great (other than the fact we wanted to keep it a secret because then people would actually blow up) But the second week, I started second guessing it. He seemed like he was ignoring me, and I really started to think we were dating because he felt sorry for me. So I break it off, and being young, I expect him to chase me. He didn't. In the next few weeks, he starts dating B. No one confirmed it until B did like 3 days later, and they were also secretly dating too (idk what it is with this kid and secrets) How did I know? I just did. And the following months were hell. I still really liked this kid, romantically and as a friend, but he kind of cut contact with me. I was depressed, I was definitely overreacting for a kid like me, but I really didn't know what to do, because I didn't know how to move on. I wrote letters that now that I look at it, they were basically suicide letters addressed to everyone I knew. It was a really dark period for me, and I am just relieved I was able to get over it. With the help of him. I went on a trip over the summer, and I asked him what musical group he got in (it was his first year auditioning and it was like my 3rd lol) and he told me he got into blah blah, and he was like "it's probably the lowest level but oh well", and I told him good job, that's really not that bad, and he was like thanks. That was one of the first conversations we had in a while. But when he said that (i know it sounds half hearted but trust me I don't remember exactly what he said but it was sentimental), I knew something was going to be okay. In November, I hear that B and A broke up, and a little later, when we were starting to get a little more comfortable talking with each other, I asked him why. He said she cheated AHAHA I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD HUN U DONT EVEN KNOWWWW But B got into a relationship with this kid that went to her school and they lasted for like five months, then he dumped her lol... then she started dating this other kid that went to her school, and then she moved far away but during the summer, she had a thing with this kid at our church who had liked her from the minute he moved here.. and that's the end of B. But as time went by, A and I kept talking, and it felt like before we had our thing, although this time, we were seriously a lot closer. And then in February, he tells me that this girl likes him. and at first he was like "eh I think she's alright" but then in the end he was like "I like her too", and they start dating too. But the thing is, he told me about this about two weeks before they started dating. I honestly think he told me the day after she told him. Again, I felt special, because I was the only one to know so far. Now, I am not friends with this girl, never even had a conversation with her. But I know she was really serious with relationships, and they would either last for like two days or almost a year. So yes, I was scared, because I didn't know how long they would go. Two weeks, in case you're wondering. Actually, not even. He didn't like her as much as she did. I was right. Yet again. Now that I'm looking back, of course. But so we keep talking, and then it's summer, and we both went back to our home country, and then came back home. I couldn't contact him for a while, and it turns out he got his phone taken away lol But flash forward a little, and now it's this year, and we're starting high school. Again, we still don't have any classes together, although there are no teams in the high school. But he (yet again!) tells me that there's this girl in one of his classes that likes him, but he doesn't. This girl actually became my friend, and I think I kind of helped her get over him, but she never knew how I felt. But she's really pretty and nice, so I was kind of surprised he didn't like her. But then a very close friend of mine suddenly started talking to him a lot, and I was like, "what the heck?" and to try to make this as short as can be (aha too late), she started liking him this year. She was a grade above us, so it was a little inconvenient for her, but this time, I didn't want to do the same thing as I did to B. I was the one who dropped B, and it was of my own will. Some people think I started to not like her because of A, and in a way, that is true. If there never was an A issue, we actually might've become good friends. But trust me, I started disliking this girl right after she and A broke up, and now she just annoys me. I'm really glad she moved, because honestly, she left a mess here. And so, I decide this time, instead of dropping someone, I'll drop him, even if it hurts me. And so for the second time, I confess. And I legit tell him everything I wrote on here. This time, it's confirmed he doesn't like me. And yes, that broke me a little, but I worked hard this time, and I didn't let that kill me like it did years before. And then maybe you guys know this, I got the news that Jonghyun had taken his own life. And I don't even know how, but that was what broke me. I'm not even a Shawol. But I learned of that when I got home, and then I had a concert. And when I came home from that concert, I saw his suicide letter that he sent his friend. I think that was what broke me. I really don't think I should have read it, even though I thought it was morally right to. And then ten minutes later, while I'm still crying over the letter, my friend texts me, asking why I never told her that A had a girlfriend (this isn't the friend that also like him, but just another friend), and then that hits me too. Apparently they've been going out for about two weeks or maybe a week. Basically that day was a terrible day. But as the days went on, I realized that I didn't really care if he was going out with his girlfriend. I was more concerned about Jonghyun. And I realize I got over him. Just like that. And I tell him this. At first, he acts as if he doesn't care. But I can tell it was positive, because the week prior, he was ignoring me a lot at church. But now, we were talking, and today, we still talk. There are times where I still question him, because on Friday his family came over to my house, but today he kind of straight out ignored me. Oh well :/ But here's what I need a little advice on. I have no idea whats going on between his girlfriend and him right now, because it's break. But what do I do now? This time, he seems to genuinely like her, so unless she has this crazy no dating thing, I think they might last a little. And if so, good for them. And if not, oh well. We're all still so young. But I'm not going to rule out the possibility of us getting back together (if you can even call it that haha) because I honestly am curious what would happen with a second chance. But was it right of me to get over him? He's still very close with my brother, our families are close in general, but I just don't know what to do now, I've reached one of two ends: getting over him or second chance, but I never planned ahead. Maybe because I'm maturing I really don't know. What do I do now? To everyone who actually made it down here, kuddos to you.