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About babygirrll

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  1. I love talking to his friend because his friend listens to me and doesn't push me away. We have a good laugh about it and yeah it's comforting. I actually don't think I could have survived this long in the relationship without venting to his friend. If I told him directly about it... Which I tried he just gets upset told me it's a buzz kill because I'm upset with the things he does. He told me "It doesn't matter if its right or not. I do what I feel is right." So messed up.
  2. UI messaged him this morning saying I was so upset that he told me he can do better and I can be unfaithful rather than talking shiit about him to his friend. I think my bf operates in bad faith and screws what is right. I guess I vented to his friend because the things he does upsets me and by venting I feel better. Like how he used his exgf for sex and was with her because he needed someone to rent with to save money. And the last girl he dated he was never in love with her and just stayed because he knew she was going to give it to him. He even told me he stole from his workplace. These things are awful. I told his friend about it and his friend told my bf. He told me he feels betrayed. I felt really bad that I do tell his stuff to people. But the stuff he does is so wrong and I don't know what to do. Should I end the relationship? I like him but I don't trust him in being faithful. He's also not supportive to me and pushes me away when I want to talk to him.
  3. Thanks everyone for your contributions and thoughts. I have read everyone's replies and I do think about what you guys said. He has been upset because I've been talking bad about him behind his back. Telling his friend that he's cheap and he stinks..............didn't mean any harm. Just it was fun talking to his friend about it and we have a good laugh. But when my bf confronted me that he knows I've been talking bad about him, that's why he's been mean to me. I felt bad that I got caught. I don't know why I keep talking bad about my boyfriend to his bestfriend. But the things he does, it is bad. He told me his exgf had a miscarriage with her former bf. That made me sick and angry. He told me he waited for the previous girl to have intimacy with him so he can get some and he'll continue seeing other people. All of these things makes me not want to have intimacy with him ever. Scared he'll give me diseases or leave me or cheat. We have got tested and results came back negative. Our relationship never had trust. I asked him if this is healthy. He said no. But we can start having trust. Just it's so draining. I'm travelling the day after tomorrow for a month. I kind of want to leave this behind me. I will miss him. But I need a break. I don't know if I want to resume when I get back. He was like all my other boyfriends just puts me down. The only good thing about him is that he didn't have intercourse with me.
  4. I was upset he didn't write me a letter or serenade to me last night. But he brought me to an expensive sushi dinner that was almost $200. He knows I want him to write me a letter or roses. Anyways during dinner, he was playing with his phone. Looking at cars. I told him during dinner. I like you best when we first wake up because you give me all your attention and you're smiling in the morning. He immediately put away his phone. I remember one time after a party. I was so tired I fell a sleep and I woke up. He woke up too. He saw my face and I saw his. I was so happy to see him. I started kissing him. We had a lot of moments in our relationship. Moments of us holding hands and walking. Or times we were just cuddling in bed and he kissed me. I don't know what we have is real love. But when we talk in public. I asked him what happened to our bubble bath together. What happened to my letter or poem. He told me he's never going to write me a poem. I told him most of our relationship is me attacking him with kisses in bed and he comforts me by paddling my arm. I still haven't had intimacy with him yet. Probably never will until married. I really think it's because I didn't have intimacy with him that's what is keeping our relationship. But I don't think he truly loves me. If he does... Why am I so insecure with him finding someone else.
  5. He gets really insulting about my brain and do I think when I talk to him. I hate him. I hate him for not being forgiving and screaming at me for times he doesn't get his way. For telling me if I get fat he will leave me. For thinking of such perverted thoughts. For being such a cheap and stingy person for pleasure. I hate him. He even told people he was with that he wasn't interested in having intimacy with them because they were fat. I hate him for being such a selfish and unloving person. I hate him for thinking and making me want to give in and using my past as a threat. I hate him. I wish I never met this person. Such an unloving and douchey person.
  6. until
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  7. We were lying in bed and I felt that sadness from him like it's pointless to make out and touch bc we're not having intimacy. Last week I tried breaking up with him because I was insecure bc he told me he will break up with me because of no intimacy. I felt my break up with him was giving him relief. But he got angry. Now this week seeing him like this bc there's no intimacy. It's hard to see. I want him to be happy. I'm not entirely happy with him because I feel like I can't give him everything. I want to. But he isn't trying to be my husband that I feel safe with. I don't think this is how it's suppose to be.
  8. We both earn money but he earns more. He is not a person who likes to spend.
  9. Three years a go I got cheated on from my ex bf who was bi. I was damaged bc I hacked his instagram account and found the girl he cheated on me with. I also found the hotel invitation. To this day I still get scared that it will happen to me again. I thought that was karma because before that exbf, I was having a small affair with a guy from school. I ended things because it was wrong. That guy has been chasing after me for years. I used to care about him but he wasn't fair to anyone and he was perverted. Years later I thought I met someone spectacular. Someone who told me I'm beautiful and don't settle for less. He was just an encounter and recently he removed me from his life. I'm not sure did he remove me because I told him I was going to visit him but I didn't or because we're impossible. That kind of disappointed me if there's any hope out there in the world. My current bf is a great person on his own. I respect him but he tells me not to tell people like friends and counselors about our relationship. Which is kind of hard to do but I am sorta trying to do so by respecting him. I think it's because he's scared people will tell me to leave him since he disrespects me. For a long time I thought he's cheating on me. There's no clear evidence I haven't caught him or want to. So I rather be insecure than actually catch him. Last night he told me sorry that he's been so mean to me and he feels very bad about it. I told him not to feel bad I'm happy that he's sorry and willing to change. I think somehow he's thinking on his own.. I've been so nice to him to make him happy. Paid once for his meal and bringing him out to see friends. I even wrote him a love letter and packed him a fruit with skincare products. Drew a picture of us and a fuuucking pet. Bc he loves pets. I'm even cooking daily now and trying not to eat out. To lose weight so I'll look good for him. Even trying to find a better job so we'll have a better future together. Like honestly.. even I'm not so deep yet. I have tried hard before to be a good gf but bc of low self esteem issues I didn't get it. Now I'm even trying to overcome self esteem issues and not cheapen myself. His friend says I'm weak but I still hold my ground.
  10. I thought everything was good between my bf and I because on new years eve, I gave his mother a bouquet of flowers and she welcomed me to the family. He also introduced me to his sibling. When we were lying in bed.. I asked him if he was committed to me. He told me yes. I told him I'm so happy. I thought everything was good. Until last night we talked on the phone.. He told me if we were ever to break up it's because I'm not having intimacy with him. I didn't like my promiscuous past.. so I went into religion and repented my sins the last year. I told him over the phone, I protected my body for the last year and I haven't went so close with anyone. I have devoted myself to wait before marriage. He told me if the last girl didn't dump him.. He wouldn't have went with me. He would still be with her and seeing other people. He didn't like her but knew she was going to hook up with him. So he waited to hook up. That made me feel he was evil... He never loved her and just did it for the sake of intimacy. So I got him tested. Crazy, but I like him he thinks I don't because I'm not giving it to him so he hates religion. He doesn't believe in having intimacy before marriage. So we're both compromising.. to be together.. He thought bc I have had intimacy before I'll just give it. Little did he know.. That I'm actually devoted..
  11. As time passes by I like him more and more. I feel I should control my tongue and do more. Give more love to him like what the bible says.
  12. My bf wants to have intimacy with me. I told him. I don't want to do it unless I'm married. So I feel we're together. He's always so into peer pressure. His guy friends are laughing at him.. saying he's not getting any thing. I never knew it was an issue for him. I told him.. You knew you weren't going to get it.. Unless we married. I told you from day one. He's like you think it's making me stay. It's making me go. In the end.. if he leaves.. I'll be sad but I won't die.. not because I don't love him... Bc I feel like I'm so nice to him.. I want to be married. He's like how can we be married we only dated for a month. And he's saying most guys.. thinks these are red flags.. and would run already.
  13. I haven't been questioning those I love and you are right @raymondc27 I should. I did try a different type of men and they were nice to me. Just I wasn't attracted to them. I suppose I didn't find them funny or attractive. My first boyfriend who I love so much because he protected me but he was always talking to other girls and I ended things with him. I felt I wasn't good enough. Then I started doing crazy things to get over him. All of this was wrong. We were young and thought we were going to get married but didn't. I always wanted to see the world and come back to him when I finished university. It was one sided. My second boyfriend was a loser. He was bullied and everyone hated him for being a wimp. He begged his friend to drive him home on his knees. The whole thing was just sex and perhaps being there when we needed comfort.. cause we were lonely. I kissed other people cause I felt he was a loser. In the end he cheated. I wanted to leave him but ultimately he cheated and I left. My third boyfriend was also a loser. He was a drop out of university. I cheated because I felt insecure and he was always talking about his exgf. At one point I cried and went to the bathroom. He was nasty. Worst decision to meet this one from the bar then online. Never do online. My fourth boyfriend was also a loser and liked to bully me. I was super nice to him and he was awful to me. Told me I looked like richard simmons without make up and I was fat. My fifth boyfriend.. was also a loser.. he dropped out of college and had no job. crazy health problems. he was also biisexual and cheated on me.. i suppose he gave me a lot of love and showed me materialistic things.. but i didn't return the love.. cause i didn't love him in the end.. took me three years to get over it.. until i met an incredible man and no that isn't my current bf My sixth boyfriend.. my current one.. i felt he was fresh and fun.. like eyecandy when i first met him. he also sets the tone when he walks in the room.. in the beginning i was talking to him to get over the incredible man i met. then quickly i knew we can only be friends because he was a fuuckboy and he's angry. i think he loves his exgf and another girl that betrayed him. all of the people he was with.. were polyamory.. they liked multiple people at the sametime and used people. bc of all of this fuuucked relationships. I told him lets go to the clinic and get tested together. he agreed so we did. I still won't do anything with him until I'm married.
  14. Hey everyone.. he is my boyfriend now.. Everyone is telling me he's using me. Even my counsellor told me he's using me.. for this time period.. until he finds someone new.. It's not easy when he's always talking to his exgf and messages pop up.. He knows I don't trust him. Always asking me is it because I don't trust him. I feel like this relationship is doomed.