Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

Pre-romance friendship versus friendzone

24 posts in this topic

Posted

This is somewhat a spin-off from the friendzone thread. 
A lot of girls say that their current relationship with their boyfriends started off as "friends." They say that they weren't that really interested in the guy but became friends and she started to develop feelings for him and they date eventually. If that is the case, I just want to know from the girls: what is the difference between a pre-romance "friendship" and the friendzone? Guys can answer too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I don't think that those girls weren't interested in them at ALL.  I think there must have been some sort of minimal interest if the guy is good-looking, interesting, etc.  The girl may not be interested in a relationship atm is all, but I think she is already attracted.  The other kind of friendship, she may not be attracted to the guy at all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I agree that there has to be something there... even if minimal, either some sort of attraction or some sort of tender feelings for the guy even if they only see him as a friend for now.

Sometimes women don't date a guy right away because it's not a good time in their life, they are too busy, they recently had their heart broken etc. But there are some guys that just have no chance and it wouldn't matter what they did, because there just isn't enough there for the girl.


Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Intent.

My boyfriend is someone I was friends with for 2 years before we started dating. At the time, he was in a relationship and I had strictly platonic feelings for him. I actually felt "safe" being friends with him because I figured hey, he's in a relationship, he's not gonna make a move on me. But as we got to know each other more, we ended up developing feelings for each other, yadda yadda yadda. But he initially had no intention of dating me.

With the friend zone, the guy* will befriend/get close to a girl specifically because he wants to eventually date her/get in her pants.

It's all about the intent.

*Girls can also be friend zoned, but I said "guy" because it applies to guys more than it does to girls.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.
supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.
While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 
I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Well, with my boyfriend, at first I already knew he had some sort of interest in me. And I thought he was kind of interesting too. Not necessarily attractive, but something like "Hey, we kind of click--I feel something there. There's something different I feel about him." At the time I wasn't really sure if it was an interest in friendship or a further relationship--all I knew was that I wanted to get to know him. And if we never officially dated--then oh well. I wanted him in my life. And you know, when you "don't know" if you see someone as just a friend, that means they're really not "just a friend."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.


supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.


While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 


I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

 If that is the case, I just want to know from the girls: what is the difference between a pre-romance "friendship" and the friendzone? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.


supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.


While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 


I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Speaking as a guy.
I'd say the difference is in the outcome that people choose for their relationship. When you first meet people, you develop an interest in their personality and want to interact with that person. Sometimes it works out, other times it just falls back to close friends.
The thing with friend-zones, every time I hear about these sort of connections... They always seem to be more acquaintance level friendship or a friendship by association of a larger group - it's a shallow connection. That sort of thing is really different to these scenarios where people are genuinely getting to know each other on a personal level and all that.
Bottom line: It's all about the interpretation of feelings.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I agree with what dolcedor said.

When the guys have the intention of being with me, it's a slight turn off. However, this is if I have no attraction to him. It is true, there has to be some attraction to the guy to be in the 'pre-romance' friendship.

I don't think there is one reason. There is a mixture of various reasons. There has to be an initial attraction, or else nothing will develop. Also, their intent. If they befriend me to get in my pants, it almost reeks of desperation. In addition, the 'chase' would be too easy, and not as thrilling.

The guy I took interest in, I only saw as a friend, albeit I did think he was attractive. However, I initially did not think of him as any more than a friend. In the end, I did develop feelings for him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

^ I think what you just said hit the mark. I think the difference between a pre-romance friendship and the friendzone comes down to whether you have some level of attraction to the other person. Well said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I think if you're just friends or acquaintances through a larger social circle, then it's possible to develop something more in the future.  However, if you're close friends with that person, it's much harder to see them as anything other than a friend.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

^ I think what you just said hit the mark. I think the difference between a pre-romance friendship and the friendzone comes down to whether you have some level of attraction to the other person. Well said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

try to check this out http://www.thelovepark.com. i think this might help you.. as this help me with this situation. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Who said anything about being bitter?


Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0