Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

Finally Free!

13 posts in this topic

Posted

4 years of abuse
Hey, strangers! 

I'm finally out of an abusive relationship for good. It's been 4 years since I've been single. And now I am loving life.

My first boyfriend ended up being very controlling, as he was 4 years my senior. We were going to get engaged, until my friend (now ex) came along and convinced me not to. Shortly after, we also went out. But our relationship was the unhealthiest of its kind. I was being cheated on, beaten, used, the works. Every time I tried to break up with him, I would get punished, threatened. It wasn't until someone called the police on us that I realized the seriousness of the matter: they were trying to get me to press charges against him. I didn't do it, however. I still considered him a friend. After all, he was my only friend. He made himself that way. He deleted my old friends on facebook, forbidding me to hang out  or even talk with them. So I tried my best to keep going. Here's only a few of situations I had to somehow make the best of:

  • getting locked in the car with the heaters on full blast
  • lifted into the air, pushed against a wall, strangled
  • he'd go on dates with his ex
  • take pictures of ex doing sexual innuendos
  • try to hug him, but he pushes me brutally to the floor
  • tell me to jump off the pier, which i was going to until someone pulled me off the railing. can't swim.
  • when i run away, he chases after and picks me up
  • convinces me to take all classes with him, from straight C's, i raise him to a 3.7 GPA
  • in car, rips up visors, hurts me with them
  • "seat belt checks"- i barely get into the car when it's starting then he drives fast and hits the breaks
  • ditches me, stands me up to hang out with his friends
  • go through my emails, deletes posts on social networking sites
  • knows all my passwords, doesn't give me his
  • brag to others about "personal" stuff
  • tells everyone how bad i am
  • buy him tickets to ny, a $300 laser, $500+ worth of clothes/shoes/accessories
  • don't get any gifts in return

But I finally told a family friend basically EVERYTHING, and he convinced me to get out ASAP. I felt INCREDIBLY LIBERATED because my friend assured me that he would support me every step of the way, even help me get my own phone (I didn't have a phone because my controlling ex before that gave me one, and my dad never wanted to help me out in that regard after). So I broke up with him  immediately, at my house, with my entire family present. At first, he was very upset about it, as you can imagine. But I listened to everything he had to say. He apologized for all the wrong he's done to me, and I suggested maybe we can still be friends. 

So here I am. I am proud to say that I have survived domestic abuse.

If anyone here is going through that sort of relationship, I suggest you seek outside help. It's so hard to do it alone.

The longer you're in it, the worst it will get. So take action NOW.

I'm 20 years old now, been in abusive relationships since the tender age of 16.

I've finally hung out with people for the first time in forever this month. I can't tell you how lonely I've felt.

I definitely won't be getting into another relationship any time soon.

At this point of my life, all I need are friends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Good for you!

Your second boyfriend is a disgrace to the human race. I am so sorry you had to go through such abuse at such a young age!

You need to surround yourself around positive people may it be your family or your friends.

Go have fun and be the beautiful, wonderful young adult girl that you are! We all make mistakes but we SHOULD NEVER become a mistake - or let anyone make us feel that our existent is a mistake. Your parents did not bought you into this world to be abused, rather to live your life! SO GO AND LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT TO LIVE IT!

Kudos to you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Is that your EX-boyfriend's tumblr in your sig? Let me go abuse HIM (via ask box).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, my heart ached while reading through your post. But I'm so so so happy for you right now, so proud of you for standing up to him and getting yourself out. It's much harder done than said, I know! I can't believe your ex took basically took advantage of your vulnerability (helping you get out of your first relationship only to be worse himself). Wish you the very best of luck with everything, it really is a brand new start for you! :) And your friend (the one who said he'd support you in every way and did) is awesome - we need more people like him in this world.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I'm very proud of you. No one deserved the treatments you gone through. I would like to applaud you and smile :). Enjoyed life and don't allow someone or anyone to take advantage of you....ever.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I'm so proud of you and happy for you! I have to say - you are a VERY strong girl for being able to overcome this. I see a very good and happy future ahead of you since you've certainly hiked a mountain. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I'm glad that you were able to find the strength and courage to get out of that destructive relationship. Be careful to never let someone so selfishly take so much from you ever again, because you deserve better.

I wonder if you will still continue to talk to him though? I don't think I could ever continue to stay friends with someone who hurt you as much as he did :(

anyway, congratulations and keep your chin up =]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Awww, I'm so glad and happy for you that you feel liberated and have found the courage to escape that abusive relationship. There are many times in our lives when we will allow ourselves to be weak and consumed by others, but your story just leaves me feeling sad that you had to go through all that yet immensely proud that you've overcome that pain.

You're 20 and have so so so much more ahead of you! Continue to live happily, smile and love yourself <3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Wow jesus christ you're pretty lucky to be alive! I'm so proud of you. I know it's hard when you're stuck in that cycle. Bc they destroy all your self worth and make you feel like trash. Just a question, did you have a bad upbringing or issues with your dad? Many people who get into abusive relationships have things stemming from their family life.

My dad treats me really badly. And I guess it did affect me alot. What about your father?

Have you read women who love too much? I read it and could relate to it alot.

Anyway I'm so glad you kept strong, even though they knocked you down repeatedly, you're still fighting! And that's really fantastic. Don't let anyone destroy your whole being again. I think every experience is great bc you can learn alot. Even though there was so much pain for you, among the pain were many lessons you could take away from it all so it was actually in a way a good experience I think.

I read this quote on soompi that is great:

Damaged people

Are dangerous

Because they can survive.

You're a fighter and you deserve a hugee hug for that! Stay strong!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

If anyone here is going through that sort of relationship, I suggest you seek outside help. It's so hard to do it alone.

The longer you're in it, the worst it will get. So take action NOW.

What action do you suggest?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

i'm really proud of you for finding the strength and courage that he hid from you.

since you've been through such a relationship, can you share with us the 'warnings' or 'red flags' that girls and guys should look out for in their own relationships?? i know that being in the inside, one won't be able to see the red flags.

of course nobody wants to have a failed relationship, so i think that's why individuals try to convince themselves that nothing is wrong when things are wrong.

the best revenge is to live your life full of happiness and gratification.

don't let your ex and his evil memories chase you and try to bring you down again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Congrats on getting out of that relationship. Btw I'm curious what made you fall for him in the first place? Was it the bad boy phase? If I were you I wouldn't even want to be friends with him no matter how much he apologized. Well I don't think it could get any worst than that when it comes to relationships, so tolerating that sh!t for 4 years is definitely an accomplishment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Congratulations! (:

I hope you aren't too uncomfortable with socializing and making more friends. Hope that you'll live a more fruitful and happy life! If anything, don't be afraid to consult someone. I'm sure there are people who are willing to help. You just have to muster the courage and of course, look out for such people.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0