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Ways To Maintain A Long-term Relationship...?

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Posted

People who have had 1+ more years together with their s/o...
I was thinking about how some more "mature" couples..people who are age 20+ see their s/o once a week... or just a few days a week.

My bf and I have been together for 17 months..and we are both 18 years old. We see each other everyday. . . sometimes i just go to his house..or I go with him to buy some things for his store. our weekly date day is Saturday.

At the beginning of our relationship, I wasn't as clingy, jealous, or careful of him. He use to be so much sweeter to me..he use to text me saying he loves me and misses me..he use to put his facebook status dedicated to me, and his MSN to me too..but now he doesn't.

I understand that as relationships grow, they tend to become more laid back..but sometimes its nice to have some cute/romantic things right?

sometimes, I don't know why, I get the feeling he doesn't care about me.....even though i KNOW he does care.

We argue about once a week because I have a stupid immature attitude T_T and i just wish I can mature. I'm trying to improve myself... i'm tryin to listen to what he says because he is right...

but How do you guys keep your long term relationship? How did your relationship start out and what has it developed to?

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Posted

Ahaha, I know what you mean. :)

Yeahh, after a while, relationships do slide into that 'comfort zone' where you don't feel like you have to be as affectionate and the feelings aren't quite as overwhelming.

The one thing not to do..is test him to see how much he cares about you. You know he cares... so why put him through stress and make him jump hurdles to prove it for you?

Congrats on making it that far. My ex and I were at 15 months when we broke up 'cause I tested him too much.. -shrug.

Best of luck. :]

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Posted

Yeah, once your relationship starts to mature you may find you don't do them things like putting your nickname on your msn dedicated to them/facebook message etc. I can't think of any other word to describe it but it's kind of like the "immature" (Maybe not immature, I saw someone else describe it as 'honey moon stage' :/) of the relationship where you both feel you have to talk to eachother everyday, send cute messages to eachother and that.

My bf and I used to feel that we HAVE to talk to eachother at least once a day, even if we're really busy. We used to say cute things to eachother but we stopped after about a year. Now we don't talk to eachother everynight because we're both really busy from uni studies. I only see him about 1-2 times a week, but we're ok with that. We don't act loveydovey anymore but he still tells me he cares for me. But yeah doing romantic things once in a while is always nice, if we're not busy we'll go out to dinners or nice walks in the park

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Posted

i'm not 20+ but 19 and i'm living with my (first) boyfriend of almost 4 years xD. once the relationship hits 'maturity' everything is more stable, it doesn't matter whether you see him/her everyday or not or hear their voice everyday.

when my boyfriend and i started, we were 16 years old. it was immature of course. lots of jealousy, stupid fights, talking on the phone every night, wanting to see each other all the time, hold hands all the time...the honeymoon period. after a year...everything becomes super stable. a fight maybe once every few months. don't need to see each other or talk to each other all the time. after a year, you both will grow together and understand each other better. mutual communication is very very important in making a relationship 'mature'.

in my situation, after living together, we're just so used to each other that sometimes i don't care if he's there right beside me or not. i appreciate how we both can be independent and still depend on one another because we know we're there for each other. but man, once i started living with him i realized how lazy he was!

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Posted

i'm in my early 20's and by bf is in his mid 20's and we see each other twice a week. we used to be

"lovey dovey" but it's all stopped. at times, we act more like friends then bf/gf but the love is still there.

i know he loves me and i love him but he has to remind me like i forget or something.

actually, we only see each other for 2-3 hours (in the late hours) twice a week. during the daytime

when we don't see each other, we're texting. but during that 5 days we're apart, i text him telling

him what's going on and whatnot. he doesn't reply but i know he reads them. it's hard to say how

we're still keeping it together after 5 years but we do. it puzzles me because i'm somewhat insecure

and worried he'd cheat on me but i know he will never do it.

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Posted

yeah i have this problem too , i got really sad at one point , thinking that he doesnt care about me anymore ,

but when i found out that alot of girls were hitting on him ( seriously hot gurls O_o) from his best friend

i came to know that he had ignored all of them ,

and when a girl came too close to him , he would confess to me everything

so yeah , i dont feel insecure anymore

he really loves you , so believe in him : )

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Posted

You should have posted this in the 20+ forums if you wanted 20+ responses.

Anyway, the key to any relationship is communication. If you like or don't like something, be open about it. If you want or don't want something, be open about it.

I also think it's healthy to know that there will always be someone else if this doesn't work out. It lies along the lines of not being too clingy or demanding, etc... and I think that you're more likely to be yourself (since you aren't worrying about losing the guy/girl).

I've always had the philosophy that I don't want to "complete" anyone. I want a guy who can live without me (he is a complete, confident, and well-rounded person) but chooses to have me be a part of his life. To me, that is much more meaningful.

----

Tell him about the things you've noticed. Chances are, he's noticed them, too, and you can work together to try to fix it.

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Posted

^she can't post there since she's only 18 ^^

Agree with hippiehop's suggestion- talk to him if it is getting to you. :) Otherwise he might not even know that it is affecting you.

My s/o told me one day that he wanted me to be more affectionate etc. Before that, I'd kinda held back on it, because I thought he'd find it annoying! xD So yeah, talk to him about it, so that he actually knows about it, then you can work together on changing it. :)

I'm turning 21 soon, and s/o is 19, and we're actually still pretty affectionate and stuff. I like it, that we can still be cute and soppy and stuff,

even past a year when many couples totally cool off with all that stuff xD There are guys who don't want to be cute and affectionate though, some find it childish, some don't want to appear vulnerable etc etc.. Idk, not all guys are into that stuff, unfortunately.

It's hard to give advice on how to make a long term relationship work out, because every person, every relationship is really different. What works great for one couple will be disasterous for another couple. So you just need to be open and learn about each other and find what makes it work for you. I know that's really not very helpful xD

Only thing I don't really agree with is this-

I also think it's healthy to know that there will always be someone else if this doesn't work out. It lies along the lines of not being too clingy or demanding, etc... and I think that you're more likely to be yourself (since you aren't worrying about losing the guy/girl).

I've always had the philosophy that I don't want to "complete" anyone. I want a guy who can live without me (he is a complete, confident, and well-rounded person) but chooses to have me be a part of his life. To me, that is much more meaningful.

That seems almost like.. expecting it to fail, and being ok with that? I suppose in a less serious relationship that's ok but in a long term relationship (especially if you're planning to get married etc) then I wouldn't agree that that's a healthy mentality at all o.o

You'd constantly have your guard up to protect yourself in case it ends, and thus never truly let someone all the way in. I'm myself when I'm around my fiancé because he loves and accepts me just the way I am, flaws and all, and I'm not worried about losing him because I trust in him, in us, completely. I wouldn't be fine without him but then, I don't need to be. :)

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Posted

my advice :

be mysterious & do new things.

you know, something like, you're-angel-today-but-you're-devil-tomorrow type.

guys love that kind of woman.

because girls like that are interesting.

i think they said enuff ^^

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Posted

get smart phones and txt each other non stop

better get use to masturbation

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