no offense okay? but i am SO not interested in you. and you telling me that you had sexual relations with another female is WAY too much information. you are disgusting. we go to BIBLE study together. are u KIDDING ME with that BS? god i really cant look at you in the same light anymore. you were like an older brother type who i confided in. i honestly dont even know what to say or think anymore. its fine that you do those things but telling me that was crossing the line....
i *really* miss you... even though you were crazy. i miss the fun times we had together even if it was short lived. it was a very intense and short relationship. it saddens me that i can't find someone that makes me feel the same way that you did. i wish i could marry someone that makes me excited everytime i see them. most of the time when i find guys like that they don't like me as much i like them. maybe i pushed you away? you were too good looking and tall. i don't trust good looking and tall men. they are usually players because they know they have sex appeal. i wish i didn't fall for your charms. that is one of the main reasons i didn't want to introduce you to my friends. only an idiot would date a guy for his looks. physically appearance is important, but most important is his heart and how well he can take care of himself and others around him. i want to marry a man who makes me feel safe, secure, and loved. maybe people are right, i miss the idea of having a boyfriend. i really want to find someone I connect with who intellectually stimulates me... and someone i find attractive... i mean call me shallow, but looks are important.. to a degree.. what's wrong with me. ugh. i need to wake up. anyways, you did so much shady crap that i couldn't find the courage to introduce you to my friends because i feared that you would embarrass the living crap out of me. you may have thought u seemed "cool" or whatever, but your violent outbursts and cry baby tactics really made me question your sanity. i would have been perfectly happy to introduce you to my friends if you weren't my boyfriend. because to me, when a guy becomes your boyfriend you automatically become responsible for his actions. if he does something stupid, it reflects poorly on you and it in a way devalues you. i rather you be a friend and be doing something shady to ANOTHER girl, so i can sleep at night and not give to effs what you're doing or who you're with since you don't belong to me. once that "promise" is made however, that's when the headache really comes in. maybe that's why you refuse to be friends with girls that you supposedly care about. it has to be all about u. typical momma/s boy.
at times i feel strong, like i don't need you and that i'm happy that you aren't in my life anymore. and then there are times i feel weak and sad. like today, for instance. i wonder who the girl you moved on with is. i wonder what she's like, what she looks like. does she take well to your jokes that used to richard simmons me off? does she agree to listen to everything you say and obey all your wishes? when will it be my turn to meet someone who will complete me? i feel like time is slipping and i become more and more lonely the older i get. some people really suck. i hope she treats you horribly
nobody knows and loves me more than my family and friends. red flags are red flags and once i see them i should quit. no questions asked. run away and start over. if they tell me he's not good enough for me he needs to be out of my life. in the meantime, work hard. work hard on yourself and all things will fall into place.
men just continue to disappoint me. its usually the ones that i adore that treat me the worst. when i see the red flags why do i lose strength and give in? it's the 20th time this has happened to me. if he wasnt so tall and good looking i wouldn't have even though TWICE about leaving please god, i'm so weak. why cant i just be strong? time and time again this has happened. the ones who chase me usually end up hurting me so am i supposed to get with the ones who meet me halfway? i have to remind myself, if he chases you he is probably (a) desperate/gross (b) a PSYCHO or (c) a narcissistic piece of CRAP. on a side note, i got a great compliment from my director today. she said i am catching on alot faster than she though =) *zing!* point one for me!!!
how could you just throw me away and forget about me completely? did i really mean that little to you? some people are truly terrible creatures... i just want to hear from you ... just one more time... i just want validation that i meant something to you