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Finding My Way "Home"

hopefully motivating and inspiring?? :D
viewers beware! there are pictures..
also quite long!

So I was watching Glee and it was the episode where Mercedes realized that she can love her body no matter what people tell her (which was to lose weight..and it was mainly just the cheerleading anyway.. xD)She felt at "home" with her body- she was strong, confident, and comfortable with who she was without having to mold herself to someone else's visions.

At this moment, it's hard to love my body, not after I know what it USED to be. I was athletic (dance, track, basketball, gym rat)  so I was in shape but I also had muscles so I was fairly thick. But I was definitely healthy and confident. I always weighed between 100-120, mostly around 105-110. (I was a picky eater and it was always feast or famine with me)

When I was pregnant with my first child, I gained a lot of weight, about 55 pounds (165 to be exact at the end of my pregnancy). My doctor kept telling me I was still healthy and my baby was still healthy and told me not to worry about it. I, for whatever reason, believed her and didn't do a thing about it.

After labor, I lost 20 pounds and weighed 145. That pregnancy was really hard on my body. It hurt to walk, stand, sit, anything. I was pretty much in bed all day and night, only getting up to take care of the baby and just barely getting by with the must-do's like showering and eating. About a week later, I got a really bad fever and was admitted to the hospital for about a month (they were very adamant about keeping me until my temperature went below 101 or whatever it is lol) I think that's when I really healed- I got a lot of pain medication, they helped me start walking for exercise, and eyy..i actually like hospital food..xD When I was finally sent home, I was lot more happy and ready to take on the day.

I asked my hubby to buy me Turbo Jam- I was too embarrassed to go outside at all.
I didn't lose a single weight but about 3 months later, I did get pregnant with my second baby. I was terrified at the fact that I might 50+ pounds again and worked out hard. I made sure I was safe and that I didn't go overboard, and I gained 15 pounds (160 by the end of pregnancy). After labor, I weighed 135.

Since then, I had been going to school and just taking care of my babies. I tried to find the time to work out but studying and take care a newborn and a curious one year old was tough. I kinda let myself go.

Last year, I was struggling with what exactly I wanted to do with my life. At the time I was getting my prereqs done for med school- but why? I hate the sight of blood, though I was getting good grades in chem and bio and i do learn some fun and interesting things, it's not exactly something I enjoy. Then that's when I decided, I still want to dance. Looking at myself, it was hard to see myself dancing. But it's something I really want to do. That meant I had to work hard and eat right...seemed really hard and challenging for me at the time.
This was taken last year in June.

Pretty ugly? I think so. I hated my body and myself for letting it get this bad.

It was realy hard to start this transformation. I couldn't stay committed but I got better with keeping a longer dedication and motivation and shortening the doubt and quits. I believe it was around December when I have STUCK with a healthy lifestyle for this long- 3 months and going strong.
I'm even more proud of myself and astonished at my dedication because I still go to school(always been full-time), help my parents at the work a few days a week, and dance 3 nights a week..on top of that..I'm a PROUD MOMMY/WIFEY FIRST.>:D
I have my husband to thank for the most part. Bought me chalean extreme, weights, and I had just recently picked up dance lessons again in january.
I also have a friend who's been like a brother to me who jogged/ran with me when I went for the first time (2 miles..oh my..x.x") he pushed me hard and I learned a lot of good techniques from him that I still use :)

I'm still far from what I want to look like and the more I lose "fat" (not "weight" I still weigh 135), the more gross my excess skin starts to look..but I'd rather have that than fat any day.xD

This was taken like 5 minutes ago :P
(sorry, my new camera phone SUCKS)

I'm starting to feel a lot more at home with myself but I'm not quite there yet, but I know I will get there, even if it takes another year or two. (They say it takes 9 months to grow baby so it should take 9 months or more to lose that weight..well..I've been pregnant for nearly 2 years and well..I need to give my body the time, respect, and dedication to get it where I want it to be)


just for a better comparison..

If you want to know what I did, just ask me and mayble I'll post up some of my daily routines and my weird theories that i made up LOL (more like combining two brillaint might have already been in existent though and i just didnt know about it..xD)

thanks for reading! ^^
Onimalsweetfantasy09Lauvablemeiming8_1katemonMuuriJENNUHxue lischokokeks


  • sweetfantasy09sweetfantasy09 Still searching for myself... 慶太の世界Posts: 1,564Member


    keep up the good work! i really envy at some mother that i have seen, apart from their tummy getting bigger, none of the other part of their body is getting bigger. though it may take longer for you to regain what you used to be, if you keep going, you will be there in no time. don't give up!
    Please read the signature rules
  • kangta26kangta26 Posts: 276Member


    awesome even your posture looks better! :) good job!
  • ItsAlexisItsAlexis Posts: 88Member
    Thanks you guys! I kinda slacked the last couple days cuz my hubby was craving pizza. But I'm back on track! Aannndd, my apetite for junk food lessened dramatically so I only ate a small slice and felt sick so that's all I ate one night. Ate another left over slice yesterday and now im back to good eats :)
  • HelloloverHellolover Posts: 68Member
    Wow I'm so proud of you! Just keep doing what you're doing but don't overdo it =]

    And don't be too hard on yourself, pregnancy can be very tough on the body.
    Have you tried zumba? I haven't tried it myself but it's very popular and people are crazy for it!
    And if you still love dancing then it would be perfect! People say they don't even feel like they're working out because it's so much fun
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