hanging out with my friend- her bf wants to come

Ok, I need help in this situation here. I'm pretty good friends with this girl. we hang out from time to time.

So I do a lot of fun adventures and I always go by myself. I'm pretty secretive about my own stuff, and I'm really stingy with it as well (stuff like cooking, giving things, helping). If I don't know them very well, I would keep everything to myself and not let them close to it, but I treat my friends really well. If I know them and they're my friend, then I would do tons of nice things for them like cook for them, take them to my secret spots and stuff. However if I don't know them, I don't feel comfortable sharing my goods. sometimes I invite my friends over for crab feasts and stuff, crabs that I caught myself and cooked my special ways, and if they invited other friends, I always get really really annoyed. huge pet peeve of mine.

This girl asked me what I made my friends last night, and I told her about plans to make some crayfish next weekend, and that I had to go catch the crayfish first. she asked if she could come. Sure. but then she asked if her bf could come. I didn't know how to respond to that...  :/

The thing is, the crayfish spot I know I highly guard it as a secret and only take friends I trust there. It's more sacred than a crab spot or other hard to access spot, because it's actually inside my city, it's just a secret nobody knows about that I found out myself. So I was really uneasy about this... I'm not too worried because her bf is allergic to shellfish and won't come back and fish them all out, it's moreso that I don't know him well so I don't feel comfortable about telling him my secrets and stuff. plus, my friend asks to come on my trip and I'll end up being the 3rd wheel on my own trip. If she paid me, then sure, I'd be the chauffeur, but this is just me treating her as my friend that I would normally do, but she brings along someone who's not my friend >__< I don't want to be selfish either!! she might think badly of me, I'm worried about that too, since we're friends.

I think this might be a good opportunity to get to know him, so that he is my friend, and I can be more forgiving about bringing him along...

I don't know... what should I do? please help!
right now, I'm leaning towards compromising, she wants to go catch prawns with me another time, I'm definitely going to say no to any other people tagging along on that one. so he can go to one, but not the other...

@Ninshark My friends also ask if they can bring their boyfriend to a party or an activity to the person that is hosting the event. I am personally a very honest person. How I feel is important too. I will not invite someone that would make me feel a third wheel. Anyways, you won't be only 3, right? Some people want to spend time with their friends and boyfriend at the same time, so they could get to know each other and become all friends.
I would say no. It's your choice. Want to be 100 % honest ? Or pretend that it doesn't bother you and endure it ?
Everything comes with consequences. What is the most beneficial consequence to you?

Chances are, the boyfriend only sought out your friend, GFed her, in an attempt to extract this "secret spot" of yours from her. Do not let him get away with it so easily.
You should find out where he lives, throw a rock with a note attached to it. "I'm on to you, Punk. This was a warning shot, next time it'll be directed at your head"
He'll skip town and you'll have rescued her from Evil Boyfriend.

Lie said: You're kind of in a weird spot, because obviously you can't tell her that she can come but her boyfriend can't (makes it seem a bit fishy, or crayfishy as the case may be, har har har). I also wouldn't tell them that the answer is no because you're protective of your secret spots, as that makes you sounds a bit like Gollum w/his precious.

Maybe compromise and go fishing alone (thus preserving your secret spot), but agree to meet them at your place after and make the dinner for them, along with some other friends you could invite over? Would keep you from being a 3rd wheel (for long), and yet build the friendship with the guy at the same time.

MiDnite89 said:
He'll skip town and you'll have rescued her from Evil Boyfriend.

"Hey girl, lemme take you to my secret sacred crab spot, but your man can't come"

Crayfishy.

just take them to a different spot?

or use this opportunity to commit murder.

@zantac_2 I only know one spot unfortunately..
@severus haha, remember that one girl I posted about last year whose very first text was: "btw, I'm taken already", yeah, she is the same girl. I've kept up with being her friend, and that much only.

Anyway, as fate would have it, her bf decided to stay home and play video games. Thank you! omg, saved me so much anxiety, but then again, I already had a ton of anxiety after I said "yes" to both of them coming, and I really had to mentally prepare myself. I almost feel like my efforts were in vain, but w/e, this is the best possible outcome. We had a fun night, caught 44 crayfish in 2 hrs. and we'll cook them on Saturday

@Ninshark She's going to take her boyfriend to your spot by themselves, guaranteed. Your spot is no longer sacred!

@Ninshark: I wouldn't even put myself in this situation. You shouldn't either. For what? To be the 3rd wheel. Please have more self respect for yourself than that. 

@NaughtyDog I seriously doubt it, but thank you. If she does and somehow I find out, then it means I have poor judgment with who my friends are...

@writerstale I think you live your life too carefully, makes it not fun. you're basically checking yourself out of every situation that could possibly confer a disadvantage, but in my mind that's the only way to get the best out of things. In my case, I wanted to have a fun night with my friend while keeping the spot a secret, but I risked unclassifying it and also possibly be third wheel. sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. I think you should learn from mistakes and apply them (not by avoiding the situations), but by continuing to put yourself in the situations with more caution and better ways to deal with consequences.

Ninshark said: @NaughtyDog I seriously doubt it, but thank you. If she does and somehow I find out, then it means I have poor judgment with who my friends are...

@writerstale I think you live your life too carefully, makes it not fun. you're basically checking yourself out of every situation that could possibly confer a disadvantage, but in my mind that's the only way to get the best out of things. In my case, I wanted to have a fun night with my friend while keeping the spot a secret, but I risked unclassifying it and also possibly be third wheel. sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. I think you should learn from mistakes and apply them (not by avoiding the situations), but by continuing to put yourself in the situations with more caution and better ways to deal with consequences.

Ninshark said: @zantac_2 I only know one spot unfortunately..

zantac_2 said: Ninshark said: @zantac_2 I only know one spot unfortunately..

writerstale said: @Ninshark: I wouldn't even put myself in this situation. You shouldn't either. For what? To be the 3rd wheel. Please have more self respect for yourself than that. 

@severus thanks for agreeing, I thought it was odd as well.

regarding the 3rd wheel, I don't mind tbh, I only care here because this is my trip, my plans, and most importantly my secret spot that I'm not willing to just hand out to anyone. If the 3 of us made plans to go have dinner or go snorkeling, and them 2 just veered off on their own leaving me as a third wheel, that'd be ok, I think that's natural. but this is something I planned for myself, and they want to tag along, and have me play tourguide. anyway, he didn't end up coming, so problem resolved naturally.

I remember you talking about 3somes, are those the third wheel experiences you're talking about X'D

severus said: writerstale said: @Ninshark: I wouldn't even put myself in this situation. You shouldn't either. For what? To be the 3rd wheel. Please have more self respect for yourself than that. 

actually i was serious haha. it is something id do without hesitation.

theres no fish market in hawaii? the pacific ocean is your oyster!

zantac_2 said: theres no fish market in hawaii? the pacific ocean is your oyster!

zantac_2 said: actually i was serious haha. it is something id do without hesitation.

theres no fish market in hawaii? the pacific ocean is your oyster!