Slapped by boyfriend and I am so confused.

hey there, so here's a quicko summary!I had my boyfriend stay over and we've been going out for a little of a year now. We were brushing out teeth and early that day he'd been complaining about pimples/etc since he had a large one on his forehead which was all red and inflamed looking. I had some aloe vera in a tub lying on the counter and offered to put some on since it might help ease the redness since I was already using it on my own skin (mine's not perfect!). He was really against it and said that wasn't how he did things. When I asked what he meant he replied saying he preferred to pop them and squeeze the pus out. My instant reaction was worry since I've had skin problems all through high school and know the worst possible thing you can do it pop them which can lead to scarring! He started to walk out towards my bedroom but I stopped him and held the aloe vera once more up to him and asked him not to pop it. He told me 'Stop or I'll slap you.' The voice he said it was so unlike him, I've had him yell and get angry at me before but he honestly scared me. I don't even know how it happened since I was holding the jar and next second he slapped me across the face. I was so shocked I pushed him out the bathroom and locked the door. I continued brushing my teeth but I was so hurt and confused I cried a bunch before coming out. When I came out and he was sitting quietly on my bed and didn't say anything so I walked around packing my bag for uni the next day until he said "I shouldn't have done that but if I didn't my word would mean nothing". These words have been playing in my head all day! We went to bed later that night and I completely ignored him, and sleet at the very edge of the bed to keep my distance from him since I was still tearing up a bit. I got so emotional since I've witnessed domestic violence when I was younger and swore to myself I wouldn't stay in such a position.The next day he acted like nothing happened and kept trying to hold my hand and kiss me but I avoided it all and rushed off to class once we got to uni. 
I'm so confused, he's had a temper before but it's never been that bad and I've normally been able to calm him down. I was just trying to help and to get slapped?!  I have such mixed feelings at the moment, I'm pretty pissed off he slapped me and I really don't want to see him. :< He's been messaging me a bit but only been asking how my classes were and if he could get a program off me for a class..I feel like I just wanna run away and get as far away from him as possible but I still care for him and he's part of my highschool group of friends ><

What do you guys think? I'd like to hear from an outside perspective since I don't have any friends to confide in about this since they're friends with my bf too..Any advice is appreciated <3

You should run away, no matter how pissed or upset he was he shouldn't have taken the anger out of someone else. Things like this happened once, it will happen again. When someone hits another person, especially lover/friends it means they don't even respect that person. To make things worse, he didn't even apologize and pretended like nothing happened. As hard as this may sound, you should leave this relationship right this second. It may hurt now, but it'll save you the trouble in the long-run.

@severus : When we were talking about the Chris Brown and Rihanna thing about domestic violence for the record I don't condone anything like this story.


@Jellyy: This isn't the kind of guy you should want or need to be around. You can't save or fix him. If you keep yourself in this situation and don't leave immediately at that point you have to blame yourself the most for keeping yourself in harm's way.

Yeah, just break up with him. You guys have only been dating for a year and that's nothing, he's slowly showing his true ugly side as time passes. Don't tolerate it, no matter how many times he "begs" you for forgiveness just let him know that what he did was wrong and hope that he'll learn from this experience to NEVER touch a women like that. Just think about this: If he's willing to slap you and justify it for such a little thing (where you weren't even at fault), imagine what he's willing to do when he really gets upset and angry at you.

Your boyfriend definitely doesn't "love" you or care for you if he's willing to harm you purposely, he had an intent to do you harm so you would learn your lesson on not forcing him to do things he doesn't like. That's someone you need to cut out from your life pronto.

Jellyy said: I was so shocked I pushed him out the bathroom and locked the door. I continued brushing my teeth but I was so hurt and confused I cried a bunch before coming out. When I came out and he was sitting quietly on my bed and didn't say anything so I walked around packing my bag for uni the next day until he said "I shouldn't have done that but if I didn't my word would mean nothing". These words have been playing in my head all day! We went to bed later that night and I completely ignored him, and sleet at the very edge of the bed to keep my distance from him since I was still tearing up a bit. I got so emotional since I've witnessed domestic violence when I was younger and swore to myself I wouldn't stay in such a position.The next day he acted like nothing happened and kept trying to hold my hand and kiss me but I avoided it all and rushed off to class once we got to uni.

odaesan said:
Jellyy said: I was so shocked I pushed him out the bathroom and locked the door. I continued brushing my teeth but I was so hurt and confused I cried a bunch before coming out. When I came out and he was sitting quietly on my bed and didn't say anything so I walked around packing my bag for uni the next day until he said "I shouldn't have done that but if I didn't my word would mean nothing". These words have been playing in my head all day! We went to bed later that night and I completely ignored him, and sleet at the very edge of the bed to keep my distance from him since I was still tearing up a bit. I got so emotional since I've witnessed domestic violence when I was younger and swore to myself I wouldn't stay in such a position.The next day he acted like nothing happened and kept trying to hold my hand and kiss me but I avoided it all and rushed off to class once we got to uni.

sh*x, not only is he not able to control himself, he's also prideful thinking he was right for that. I think either he had a lot of buried troubles in his mind he never told you that day or earlier, or he just wanted to try hitting you for once, like experiment, I think every guy is curious what if feels like to hit someone.

that's pretty bad though, you didn't even cheat on him or anything. I don't know what his problem is, maybe he is on some drugs. Anyway, keep on avoiding him. you shouldn't give him anymore chances. you know- a chance to be with you is also a chance to hit you again. That really sucks, really crazy... he had no reason at all, I think it's safe to say there's no point being with him, especially if you're scared.

Most of the responses suggested for you to get out of the relationship quick!!! Please don't stay in an abusive relationship, he hit you once, there's no tellig he's going to do it again. Please respect yourself and domestic victims of everywhere to leave this abuser and live a happier life. He has no reason to hit you at all, he obviously have anger issues. Get out! Break off with him and don't be friends with him. Or don't go around your friends when he's there too.

He did this to you while you guys are dating for only a year?? How much worse will it get down the line?

Resorting to breaking up is easier said than done if you're not in that position, but you're boyfriend "apologized" in a way that put all the blame on YOU. He said that his point wouldn't have come across if he didn't hit you. Wait, what?!

Honestly these are early signs of an abusive guy and I guarantee he will start gaslighting you to keep you even longer. It'll be hard to end things because you'll probably rationalize that this was his first time and he would never do it again, but one time is one too many.

Have a talk with him and tell him that what he did was absolutely wrong and that you can't be in a relationship like this.

Please respect yourself as a human and leave this guy....

Thank you everyone for your responses! I have been thinking that leaving him is what I should be doing but when you're actually in the situation it's quite hard to get your thoughts rationally together. I would be thinking yes, leaving him is the best option then I'd think about it more telling myself 'well he didn't hit me that hard.. I don't have any bruising or scars'. It's been a cycle of mixed thoughts in my head. ><
Reading everyone's responses has confirmed that what I've been thinking is the right decision so I've planned to see him after uni to talk to him and then break up. 

here's some breakup advice, you'll have to be really firm and don't let your feelings come in during that talk. if you're sad about leaving him, you have a good chance of failing at the break up. you have to be really firm, saying this again, because he will be begging you to stay. you can't give in. I know of some weak girls out there who wanted to break up, brought it up multiple times, but failed due to personal weakness and insecurities. and then the relationships got really bad. don't be that girl. just be strong, you can do it. I usually advise people to stay in relationships until they naturally drift apart, but this time I'm gonna have to say it's better sooner than later. good luck with it, you'll need it. even if you get loving and sad feelings creeping up on you, you just have to know that as soon as some bad things happen, then functionally the relationship is over already, it won't ever be the same, and you'll always have this against him, even if you don't realize it now.

Remove yourself from the situation, because if he lost his temper over something so minor, then he's likely to do it again, and again, and again. Sorry girl, it's just statistics. Not saying he's going to Chris Brown your as.s, but it's not going to be much better. 
Give yourself a break, and when you're finally in a relationship where you're treated with love and respect, you'll realize how stupid it is to waste a single minute more with someone who laid a finger on you. It's always hard to leave what you're familiar with, you feel like you'd be alone, but the right decision isn't always the easy one... Dumbledore said that. 
Source: volunteering at the women's shelter, speaking with women who took responsibility for their own happiness, but so late that they put themselves in very severe situations
Stay strong, MUAH. 



@writerstale lol I know  

I totally agree with everyone else ! I would definitely tell my friends about it, because I would need support. I would be afraid , because I don't know how he would react if you tell him you want to break up. That's why I would talk to someone I trust and just in case, that person would be around (or near) so I can get help quickly if he does something violent again , or say threats. Be careful.

That's a 100% future wife beater. End it before you guys go further. Seriously.

I agree with the replies. A guy who says something like: "I shouldn't have done that but..." and backs it up with an actual act of violence over a small thing like that. I doubt he's really sorry for hitting you. I hate to think of what might happen if you two got into a bigger argument.

@Jellyy, I am probably a bit late. I hope everything went well. It takes a strong person to be firm and I believe you can do it. Hopefully we can hear some good news soon.
In case you have not spoken to him yet, I think it may not be a bad idea to have the discuss in a semi public area. It sounds like he has quite the temper and limited self restraint. Or he has a really wrong way of thinking and believes his way is right. Whatever reason it may be, its best to prepare for the worse and keep yourself self.  

Jellyy said: Thank you everyone for your responses! I have been thinking that leaving him is what I should be doing but when you're actually in the situation it's quite hard to get your thoughts rationally together. I would be thinking yes, leaving him is the best option then I'd think about it more telling myself 'well he didn't hit me that hard.. I don't have any bruising or scars'. It's been a cycle of mixed thoughts in my head. ><
Reading everyone's responses has confirmed that what I've been thinking is the right decision so I've planned to see him after uni to talk to him and then break up. 

This is a sign for you to get out of there A.S.A.P! D': 

Thank you again everyone for your responses, I didn't expect too many replies or support! <3I ended my relationship with said guy a few days ago (3-4 days), I was planning to do it sooner but I honestly just wanted to give myself some time to calm my feelings down so when I did talk to him I wouldn't melt into a crying puddle. /damnemotions!I ended it after we'd both finished uni and normally we walk together to catch the bus so I talked to him about it then and managed to get everything I wanted our and ofc that's when he pulled out 'sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry'. Never heard so much before in my life in such a short space of time .-.But I officially broke it off and took the train home instead to avoid serious awkwardness. 
I felt super sad and normally break up feelings I guess for awhile so i just took time out when I got home from school to just take care of myself and focus on family etc. Lucky I have a super fluffball dog to cuddle ><!I don't feel amazing but I feel 'lighter' if that makes any sense? Like I just shed a whole layer of emotions off or something. 

jly31 said: @Jellyy, I am probably a bit late. I hope everything went well. It takes a strong person to be firm and I believe you can do it. Hopefully we can hear some good news soon.
In case you have not spoken to him yet, I think it may not be a bad idea to have the discuss in a semi public area. It sounds like he has quite the temper and limited self restraint. Or he has a really wrong way of thinking and believes his way is right. Whatever reason it may be, its best to prepare for the worse and keep yourself self.