HELP

We've been dating for a year.
I tell him everything.
but he doesn't tell me everything.
He's not shy so he willl tell his friends andf family about his issues, days and excitement.
I'm always the last one to know.
We've addressed this issue before and it was fixed temporarily but now it's back to how it was at the beginning.

I tried talking to him but it always goes back to how it was before. What is going on?

That's strange.
More insight would be helpful.

What do you usually do together, what do both of you talk about, what kind of person is he?

When you brought it up last time, what did he say, what was his reason?
Seems like he views you in a particular way and in his mind, you're not the go-to person to share everything with. There's some kind of emotional barrier or fear in him about you.

That's because he doesn't need/want your help.Understand the way he is, and acknowledge that whatever he has going on with his life, you are there to understand.
You know?Sometimes I just want someone to listenSometimes I just want someone to be my sideSometimes I just want someone for me not to talk about my problems, but know that you will be with me.
Be that one to like him for who he is, not for what he has to say or dosn't say.

flysolo. said: That's because he doesn't need/want your help.Understand the way he is, and acknowledge that whatever he has going on with his life, you are there to understand.
You know?Sometimes I just want someone to listenSometimes I just want someone to be my sideSometimes I just want someone for me not to talk about my problems, but know that you will be with me.
Be that one to like him for who he is, not for what he has to say or dosn't say.

yeah, it's a problem. There are a zillion reasons why a man would not want to open up to someone, but none of them are valid enough for him to be MORE open with anyone else and not you. Seriously, what more is there to a dating relationship than that openness and vulnerability?

mwahai said:
flysolo. said: That's because he doesn't need/want your help.Understand the way he is, and acknowledge that whatever he has going on with his life, you are there to understand.
You know?Sometimes I just want someone to listenSometimes I just want someone to be my sideSometimes I just want someone for me not to talk about my problems, but know that you will be with me.
Be that one to like him for who he is, not for what he has to say or dosn't say.

Yeah we are both working at the same company, we work pretty opposite schedules. He works in the morning, I work in the afternoon... he comes home around 5pm and I come home at around 10pm. When we are both home after work, he tells me about general things that happened at work.

I was thinking that it could be because we live together... but the things he isn't telling me aren't small things. They are somewhat big issues. Like him starting to get upset with a job he loves so much and looking elsewhere, or him telling me that he wants to manage a different place (when it's completely the opposite, he doesn't want to manage the specific place he told me about.) 

Am I over reacting?

@flysolo I understand maybe not telling me the smaller things like, where he went to eat while I was at work. But he's not telling me the things that actually have an impact on our relationship, like work, school schedules... etc. He has, we both have, talked about a future together and we are both very commited to our relationship. It's not a simple, I like him, I like her thing... It is his first relationship however, but we talk about the things that bother us. I just don't understand why he's not telling me the bigger, important things. 

No, you're not overreacting.
I'm in agreement with you on the communication part. I would share everything with my girlfriend and not so much with my friends or family unless they ask.

He might have mind-reader/second guessing symptoms.
"Oh, she already knows" or "Oh, she won't really care" and lives on based assumptions with you. Plus you're living together under the same roof. It might give him a sense that you know all that's going on with him.

SunniRise said: Yeah we are both working at the same company, we work pretty opposite schedules. He works in the morning, I work in the afternoon... he comes home around 5pm and I come home at around 10pm. When we are both home after work, he tells me about general things that happened at work.

I was thinking that it could be because we live together... but the things he isn't telling me aren't small things. They are somewhat big issues. Like him starting to get upset with a job he loves so much and looking elsewhere, or him telling me that he wants to manage a different place (when it's completely the opposite, he doesn't want to manage the specific place he told me about.) 

Am I over reacting?

@flysolo I understand maybe not telling me the smaller things like, where he went to eat while I was at work. But he's not telling me the things that actually have an impact on our relationship, like work, school schedules... etc. He has, we both have, talked about a future together and we are both very commited to our relationship. It's not a simple, I like him, I like her thing... It is his first relationship however, but we talk about the things that bother us. I just don't understand why he's not telling me the bigger, important things. 

@flysolo so what makes a dating relationship unique or special, if not the openness and sharing of those "big" things?

It's different for every relationship, it's just the case for this particular one. I'm pretty sure the guy shares big things, or will do when necessary. The girl is just cranky because he opens up to his friends who are more likely to relate than the girlfriend herself.

I don't think you're overreacting at all. You're upset about him not communicating with you more, and you have a right to be. It's a completely reasonable thing to be upset over, your s/o isn't sharing his life with you where you feel connected to him, and it's a big deal!
While you say that you're not that upset over him not sharing the "little" things, maybe you could start there? Talk to him more about his hobbies, what he's been up to lately other than work. Even like you said, ask him about what he ate for lunch! I know it might sound a little pesky and cumbersome, but it's just letting you be more included in his everyday life.
There's really no difference to a romantic relationship and a friendship if there isn't any intimate conversation, that's what bonds people together. Without it it's just two people who live together but aren't interested in having each other be apart of their lives. Deep, intimate conversation is what really makes a relationship meaningful, and sets it apart from other relationships. Husband, boyfriend, it doesn't matter. The key to any type of romantic relationship is communication.
It's just odd that he doesn't want to confide in you first and rather go to his friends and family. Maybe that may indicate that he sees the relationship between the two of you not as strong, but rather his friends and family relationships to be even stronger. I can see that if the two of you don't talk as much, and it doesn't seem like you two can spend that much quality time together as well due to your work schedules. Maybe you two could set aside a day or weekend to just catch up with each other, do an activity where the two of you are interacting with one another (not a movie), and can talk and play and build your relationship more. This seems like it's more complicated than it looks.

flysolo. said: I'm pretty sure the guy shares big things, or will do when necessary. The girl is just cranky because he opens up to his friends who are more likely to relate than the girlfriend herself.

Not assumptions, facts

"I'm pretty sure the guy shares big things" is a fact?

Yes, just not to her which is the problem she's having but it's not a problem at all.

^that's awfully presumptuous of you don't you think. Stop projecting.

OP, you have every reason to feel confused. You live together for God sakes, he should be open with you. :/

Lmao

I have come to the conclusion that I am not overreacting. I'm not nagging him for him to tell me everything he knows. It's not like I'm asking "Where did you go after work?" "What board games did you look at?" "Which ones where you thinking about getting?" "What dish did you have at o'sushi?" etc. 

What I'm asking for him to tell me are things that HAVE AN IMPACT on my relationship such as a dramatic change of schedules. I believe it's important for him to tell me with a generous amount of time in advance, about any change of schedules he will have with work and school. Why? Because we barely see each other, except at night when we go to sleep and those 2 days were we spend all of the time with friends and family and hardly any alone. Not only is it important because we barely see each other and might mean that we will get to see each other less but because that will help me prepare myself to not seeing him as much as before and will allow for both of us to set up a more "efficient" way of communication. 

I understand that maybe he doesn't want to tell me every single detail, like the color of his poop or the flavor of his lunch. But when I am living with him, marriage in mind, he can't be hiding the things that can impact our relationship in a bad way. That's like setting our relationship up for failure right?

Well have you asked him why he's not telling you such things?