Surviving LONG DISTANCE Love.

Hello! So my bf and I've been together for going on 3 years and within those three years we've done long distance on and off. First time was when I went off to school, then it was when I was back home but living 40 minutes away so we could only see each other on the weekends. And then the big one was this past 3 months (Mar-June). During those three months, our relationship was really put to the test. I worked overnights while he worked in the daytime. There was a small slot of time when he would come home and I would be getting ready for work that we would talk. But in reality it was hard to catch each other and conversations were always short due to our own busy lives.

So I made a video on some tips I've learned along the way that I wanted to share with you guys who may be unfortunately, in this current situation.

Nice. It takes two very dedicated people to make a long distance work. Good luck

@jly31 Thanks! We're actually living together now. =]

Wow Awesome.. good luck for your future..

Don't be afraid to experiment with other people. I know only 10% of the people on this forum are going to agree, but I do speak from experience, and it is only natural to love others, and this tendency will arise many times especially in long distance relationships, until you castrate it under the weight of religiously influenced bigotry.

Try out other people, and more than likely you will realize how awesome your significant other is, and love them deeper than you did before, because now you have more experience with love. You can reflect it deeper.

Or, the opposite, you will find other people are even better than your significant other. Your previous significant other will probably feel sad and hurt, but they too will grow from it, and become better people if they'd like to...or they will be destroyed by it, it's their choice really. There is no such thing really as loss or gain.

This life is all about you. Staying with someone out of pity or fear of some sort will only diminish the potential you have for full enjoyment of your life.

@keion To each their own but personally I would never date other people while in any kind of relationship, whether it be long distance or not. And I'm not sure if you're saying I'm with my partner out of anything other than love but I guess you have your opinion and I have mine.

wexbelongxtogether said:  And I'm not sure if you're saying I'm with my partner out of anything other than love

Hi Irene! So I'm in a long distance relationship (4 months, want to say 5 but we haven't talked a lot at all) and it's been realllllllllly difficult for me. He works everyday and has 3 days off but he can still work on those days anyways. I feel like I'm the one putting the effort to this and I feel like (I hope to be wrong) that because he's sooo busy, he may forgot about me etc like he got tired of me or something. And I understand that he's trying to make money which is really great so that he can save up and all, but I just have this feeling that I'm nothing to him now and he's going on with his own life. ( And I know he isn't the type to meet another person (but I can be wrong by any means)

How can I make this work?

I've watched your videos & tips and they really did helped like spending my own type etc but we never argued yet lol. I mean it's good not to argue, but I really want to tell him or ask him if he still feels the same way and all. (we used to talk about how cool if we met and lived together haha, good memories but sad because that's all in the past :[ )  [he lives in South Korea & I live in CA but I'm Korean]

I really really don't know what to do now. ((

wexbelongxtogether said: Hello! So my bf and I've been together for going on 3 years and within those three years we've done long distance on and off. First time was when I went off to school, then it was when I was back home but living 40 minutes away so we could only see each other on the weekends. And then the big one was this past 3 months (Mar-June). During those three months, our relationship was really put to the test. I worked overnights while he worked in the daytime. There was a small slot of time when he would come home and I would be getting ready for work that we would talk. But in reality it was hard to catch each other and conversations were always short due to our own busy lives.

So I made a video on some tips I've learned along the way that I wanted to share with you guys who may be unfortunately, in this current situation.


1. Stay busy! Distract yourself with friends and hobbies. When you're constantly having fun and in a good mood, it gets harder and harder to be sad.
2. Don't OBSESS over the situation! It's hard to be away from the person you love but self-pity will get you nowhere! It's OKAY to feel sad and miss your partner, but cry it out and then move on!
3. Have TRUST in each other! Don't play games, and don't be insecure, long distance relationships don't have that luxury. If it's hard for you to trust your partner, you have to visit those reasons why =/
4. Have a MEETING POINT! Eventually you two have to meet up! Whether it's to visit or moving closer, if you're serious about the relationship you have to make the commitment!
5. Have some sort of schedule to talk/skype/text etc. And make it reasonable! I understood that my bf was constantly working and making a life for us so we couldn't talk as much as I would've liked and even though that made me sad, I understood that this was only temporary.
6. Arguments will happen and are normal (to an extent). Skyping is the best way to talk to your partner because it is the clearest way to understand and SEE how your partner is feeling. Text messaging is the worst way of arguing! There can be alot of miscommunication with the written word.
7. Lastly, see this as a positive thing! Now is the time to hang out with friends and do the things you really didn't have time for when your partner was around!

@keion I guess I'm the 90% who disagreecheating should never be an option, you either end your current relationship or don't start any at all. i find it as extremely disrespectful and selfish i swear people have all kinds of bs to justify that cheating is ok. just my two cents

I love you for making this.

@Babojen

It takes a certain degree of malicious intent to cheat. I wasn't talking about cheating.

I was talking about exploring. There is a difference. If you'd like to look closely, you will see it.

And there is some irony in your last statement, that you may find amusing.

"i swear people have all kinds of bs to justify that cheating is ok."

Because, as there are others who justify cheating being ok, there are also those who justify cheating not being ok.

Why pick a side of the same coin? Unless of course you're into role-play.

But maybe you'd like to drop the coin altogether?

Thank you for your tips. I actually will probably take your advice because next year, I might have to commit to a long LDR

Ah.. I've been in LDR for like almost 6 years. We're engage now,
Got a lot of things to say but I will elaborate more when I get home lol

If you thought out of state was hard, you should try what me and my gf do. I lived in England, but since moved to Australia, and she lives in Malaysia. We've been together for about 18 months now and we've physically been together 3 times in the last 2 years. While I was in England, I was 7 hrs behind her time zone not to mention the 13hr flight. Now that I'm in Australia, I'm 2 hrs (soon to be 3 hrs with daylight savings) ahead of her and the flight is a mere 8hrs.
How to do it? Constant, and I mean constant, communication. We both have busy working lives but we always take time out to whatsapp each other during the day and Skype regularly. It's important to note that one should not sacrifice your time regularly just for the sake of a Skype session. Regardless of how close two people are and how much time they spend together, there will be times when each will have things to do, friends to see and places to go to. Each should understand that there are times when two people need to spend at least some time apart on occasion
However, I can't stress enough that having a partner means sharing everything with them. All the good and bad that happens on a daily basis. The point of a partner is someone to share things with. Only sharing the good but bottling up the bad because your partner is too far away to help only leads to one thing, the death of your relationship. You or your partner may not be able to do anything about the situation but being able to share the burden with your partner really lightens the psychological stress of being apart.

I've been in a long distance relationship before and I don't think I could ever do one again. It's just not for me personally. It gets tough when your partner is not there physically which sucks because there are some really cool girls out there in the world. 

sugarbutt said:

Hi Irene! So I'm in a long distance relationship (4 months, want to say 5 but we haven't talked a lot at all) and it's been realllllllllly difficult for me. He works everyday and has 3 days off but he can still work on those days anyways. I feel like I'm the one putting the effort to this and I feel like (I hope to be wrong) that because he's sooo busy, he may forgot about me etc like he got tired of me or something. And I understand that he's trying to make money which is really great so that he can save up and all, but I just have this feeling that I'm nothing to him now and he's going on with his own life. ( And I know he isn't the type to meet another person (but I can be wrong by any means)

How can I make this work?

I've watched your videos & tips and they really did helped like spending my own type etc but we never argued yet lol. I mean it's good not to argue, but I really want to tell him or ask him if he still feels the same way and all. (we used to talk about how cool if we met and lived together haha, good memories but sad because that's all in the past :[ )  [he lives in South Korea & I live in CA but I'm Korean]

I really really don't know what to do now. ((

Great, even I am in relationship from last 6 years and now I am going to do a wedding with him!! so best of luck for your future dear.

me and my current boyfriend live very far apart... I'm in toronto and he lives in france. We are hoping that he can come back to canada next year but while he's awake we've been doing a kind of open relationship kind of thing. Not that anything goes, but we are 100% honest with each other and tell each other before we do anything. Its all about communication and making sure we are both comfortable with whats happening. Thats how we've been working it out lately