Long Distance Relationships

Hello everyone! I didn't see any threads about LDR's so I have decided to make one. Gomen if there are though!
This will be a thread for people who are in one or have any thoughts on them.

Pretty much you can say whatever you wish: share a story or ask for advice.

I think I'll start off the thread with a basic question: How do you feel about long distance relationships?

Abbreviations & Meanings:
LDR - Long Distance Relationship
S/O - Significant Other
LDBF/LDGF - Long Distance Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Also: Please be courteous to others and their opinions. It's alright to disagree on something but don't take it over the top.

Not good. Period.

Is there any specific reason you think so?

ooh thanks for posting.
I also have no hope in long distance relationships as of the moment. I really believe that there is no way for one party to stop themselves from cheating, and it's such a sad thing. It's so complicated and there's always, always, always insecurity. I commend those who have been in one successfully. I just started this thread since I'd like to hear peoples' opinions and points of view on the whole concept c:

Im currently in a LDR right now. We dont live far from each other but our circumstances make it an LDR (he works and lives in a different city whereas Im going to school). Its been better because in the summer we were really in a LDR ( we were both traveling and working abroad during the summer) and we didnt see each other for 4 months! It was really hard at times on my end especially on my birthday but I think its about commitment on both ends. But to answer your question, I think both parties should be committed to make the time and put in the effort in terms of communicating to one another (email, text, phone, skype etc) and for me, I personally wouldn't be in an LDR if I was not serious about the person. I've known some of my friends were in one but their s/o did not devote the time and didnt take it seriously. Also, with LDRs trust is a HUGE factor in terms of commitment. Both parties should be able to trust one another and they should not do something that would question/break one's trust.

^ Congratulations! c: It seems like your LDR has been working out nicely.
I had been in one. right now we're currently on break, and I've just been trying to take a different perspective on things. And I'm sort of losing hope in the concept day by day.
But I'm glad yours is doing well. It's always nice to see rays of hope in things like that.
Trust is definitely, definitely a make-or-break type of thing in an LDR...

LDRs can definitely be successful. I personally was in one and two of my other friends were as well. We aren't butt ugly and have our share of suitors. We are all engaged or married and these LDRs were out of state. I connect a lot better with people online than outside and some of my close friends online understand me better than those local to me. My fiance was one of those friends. We got into a relationship when we met each other in person, he subsequently flew over several times in the course of our relationship and now he's moved here to where I am and we are living together. So yes, it can work, although I can see why in general the LDRs success rate is low. You need to find someone who has a set of strong principles you can trust, and you wouldn't have much problems about trust. It might have something to do with age also since I and my friends are in our mid-twenties, I imagine LDRs would be tougher on a younger age group. LDRs can be difficult if you cannot see a future with each other, or if there is too much complications towards that future that makes you lose faith in the relationship. My fiance had to make the choice to give up his Phd and graduate only with a master in order to come here, so there are definitely sacrifices to make as well. If it is a serious relationship you can MAKE it work, not so much for casual ones.

xFloOwuffBB said: Is there any specific reason you think so?

LDR was the best thing that happened to my boyfriend and I.

ALSO, LDRs don't work out often but, truthfully, neither do "short-distance relationships." Sooo, I don't know what y'all tripping about.

I'm currently in one. The distance isn't huge - 5 hours. We lived together for 5 months then I moved out of state for work and 4 months later he moved and we shared an apartment for 3 months. I'm temporarily out of state again until January.

We see each other every two weeks or so, which is pretty frequent for most LDR. BUT it is very difficult to go from living with someone to seeing them for less than 48 hours every 2 weeks. To top it off we're both not huge phone people.

I'm not a huge fan of LDR unless there will be a time in the (near) future you can physically be together for an indefinite period of time. It has been good for our relationship in that we now have the chance to miss each other. It's also nice to not feel like a married woman and only having to worry about taking care of myself. He's capable and I'm capable of taking care of ourselves and like our alone time, but Even seriously independent couples will naturally feel the need to take care of each other and that feeling greatly increases when you share a home and a life together.

So right now I'm 50-50. I miss my boyfriend all the time, but it's nice to not have to think about whether or not dinner is taken care of.

@Memories That's wonderful. It must be so much better having your fiance around. I also think that your comment on age factoring in to the success of the LDR is also true, since younger minds are still developing and feelings are amplified around younger ages and what not. My SO didn't seem to be 100% over the whole distance issue until he grew up to be a bit more mature 2 years later; he looks at things quite plainly now, like this is what we have to do and this is how we get there type of mindset. Now that he's older he's got a better handle of things, I on the other hand still have my issues to sort out. Congratulations on everything working out so far though.

@rickertv2 Legitimate. That's the reason most people look down upon long distance relationships as well. Also if anything, if the two in a relationship were super attractive I'd think that would be more detrimental in the relationship because others would try to get with them as well. Does that make sense?

@blush Very true. c:

@simplyme I wish I could have your mindset when it comes to distance! It's good you're able to support yourself and think independently. However, most LDRs around the world are states or countries apart and have it worse when it comes to how far apart and how often they're able to see their SO. You're very fortunate to be able to see each other every two weeks even if you had previously lived with each other. But I agree with you, the longer you go without seeing each other just builds onto stress and trust tension. I'd gone 2 years without seeing mine, and after we did see each other it was such an emotional outlet. It's quite difficult having to go back to normal and not see each other for a long time now because of that.

I was/in a long distance relationship for a year and a couple of months. It was the best thing that could've happened to me.
My boyfriend and I were on the opposite ends of the earth, literally - Boston and Shanghai. What was hard? The time difference (for sure... we had to plan out our skype sessions really well, especially when stupid daylight savings or whatever that's called hit), the lack of physical proximity, being unable to instantly share moments and explain things, being tired when we skype (since it's early morning/late night for either one of us because of the time), and definitely insecurity.
What was great? Learning to appreciate someone. I've found that in the case of a lot of short-distance couples, seeing each other every day became suffocating and it was all too easy to get used to each others' presence; in the case of long-distance, it was the opposite. Months would go by before seeing each other. Inbetween that, you had to appreciate the time and dedication they give you, despite not being by your side, despite being tired, despite having the choice to go out and have fun instead of stay home on the laptop. Also, it taught me how to communicate. When the entire physical realm of a relationship is taken out, it opens up time and energy for talking and exploring with each other. And as strange as it sounds, a kind of independence.
We went through so many ups and downs, so many troubles (a lot of which I won't go into), but we always worked through it, no matter the distance. And a lot of that, I attribute to a certain naiveté on both of our parts... it was my first relationship, and his first in a long long time. I took the relationship at face value and put everything into it, sometimes because I didn't know the feeling of a relationship where you could see each other every day. When our long-distance part finally ended for a bit and we were able to see each other many times during a week, I understood how important that physical intimacy was. 
I really, really wish everybody in this world had a chance to go through a long-distance relationship, simply because you learn so much from it. But having said that - I wouldn't ever try to go into one again. I'm almost glad I went through it with the guy I did, because he was the right man for the right relationship. But otherwise, I'd like to have a close-distance one, to truly understand what it's like to have the dependance of someone who is there for you when you need it, instead of hours later and miles away through a laptop screen. Definitely though - one of the biggest experiences in my life, and one of the best.

If you had asked a year ago I would have said that there's nothing wrong with LDRs. But now things are different with me and my bf, and so is my experience. It's seriously hard to pull off an LDR. For me it was easy at first. I am loyal, honest, caring, and really in love with him. So is he. And at first we really didn't have to put any effort to make it work, days went by so peacefully and even though we were away, it was great. No big fights, no stupid misunderstandings, no bitter emotions or anger or jealousy/suspicion...But time was a big factor we didn't take into account.

Recently I realized that we both started changing, a little bit. He's started being a little less considerate, a little less caring and gentle. I've started being moodier and sad, and easy to cross. We see each other every 2-3 months, and it is so...so tiring to even think, that you'll have to endure and be patient until you can feel him close again. When we are away we fight a lot, misunderstand each other, get jealous, etc. And it has been happening so often, that it has become this big dark cloud in my chest and it makes things even worse because my mood is like crap, all the time. After that, even when things are good, and we see each other again, it's easier to fight even when we live in the same house.

You just have to be an awfully optimistic person, patient and cheerful even when things are bad. I'm still struggling to do that.

 

I don't think I am into long distance relationships. You can never deny that sometimes you will think negative about your partner while he is away. And long distance relationships seldom work.

@Rin I'm sorry. I'm in the same sort of situation as well. and trust me I know how difficult it is. I used to be really optimistic too, and thought that if you just persevered hard enough things would work out, unfortunately it was just a fantasy I let myself be deluded in and now I hardly believe in LDRs anymore. It's too thought consuming, I feel my SO is changing too much, however I still accept him despite how much it hurts.I'm not as happy anymore and am still quite confused. Thank you so much for your input!

@rosebanks123 That's true, it's so hard for me to stop myself from negative thoughts. Thanks for your post. (:

Hmm I'm getting pretty sad reading these lol. I'm in my first relationship which is sort of long distance. We do see each other what I suppose is often (2-3 times a month) but I'm already feeling the distance. When we see each other, everything is great and I'm so happy. After we part, we're good at keeping up with the texts and calls for the first day or two, but then it begins to lag.  I start to feel like he's talking to me out of obligation and not because we want to. We have nothing to say to each other usually either because we don't have too much in common and usually when we're together we talk about the things directly around us.  He's starting to complain about my complaining about family, friends, or school...but I sometimes just say "AHHH I'm so tired of [blank]" just as a way to make conversation. I don't know. I'm getting pretty upset and annoyed by this cycle and it's already been 6 months. I feel like these are the signs that the relationship is dwindling and coming to a slow and steady end lol =[

ebonysea- said: Hmm I'm getting pretty sad reading these lol. I'm in my first relationship which is sort of long distance. We do see each other what I suppose is often (2-3 times a month) but I'm already feeling the distance. When we see each other, everything is great and I'm so happy. After we part, we're good at keeping up with the texts and calls for the first day or two, but then it begins to lag.  I start to feel like he's talking to me out of obligation and not because we want to. We have nothing to say to each other usually either because we don't have too much in common and usually when we're together we talk about the things directly around us.  He's starting to complain about my complaining about family, friends, or school...but I sometimes just say "AHHH I'm so tired of [blank]" just as a way to make conversation. I don't know. I'm getting pretty upset and annoyed by this cycle and it's already been 6 months. I feel like these are the signs that the relationship is dwindling and coming to a slow and steady end lol =[

I'm in a LDR, and I have been for 2.5 years =] Sure we have our ups and downs just like any normal couple, but it is much more difficult to express your love when you're not physically with them. I get to see him 1 to 2 times a month and we live 2 hours and 40 mins away from each other. And I used to think the ride was so long, but these days it feels like it only takes 40 mins to get there lol. The end of the ride is really rewarding so I don't mind too much =] In order for LDRs to work, you just have to try and be understanding of one another, have faith in each other, and communicate! IMO anyways haha

Not a fan of long distance relationships. Dating is not a priority in my life, and I would rather invest my time in my own hobbies and in local relationships (be it platonic or otherwise). Moreover, I hate talking on the phone, I'm not a big texter, I don't feel comfortable webcamming. I need regular face-to-face interaction in order to be close to someone. Physical intimacy is also pretty important to me. Without that, it wouldn't feel like a relationship to me. At best, the guy would just be a friend who I flirt with and may be emotionally close to...

dolcedor. said: Not a fan of long distance relationships. Dating is not a priority in my life, and I would rather invest my time in my own hobbies and in local relationships (be it platonic or otherwise). Moreover, I hate talking on the phone, I'm not a big texter, I don't feel comfortable webcamming. I need regular face-to-face interaction in order to be close to someone. Physical intimacy is also pretty important to me. Without that, it wouldn't feel like a relationship to me. At best, the guy would just be a friend who I flirt with and may be emotionally close to...