Sorry, this is quite long...
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and right now we are in a long distance relationship. We have already experienced long distance relationship when I was in college, but because of work, I am away from my boyfriend for a year. I am planning to move back soon though.
Anyways, I have felt that my relationship with my boyfriend was quite very stable. Recently, it became a turmoil. Because I've been dating him for so long, I can tell he is lying and when something is up. It was one Saturday where I called him a couple times, but he would ignore my phone calls. When I first called him in the afternoon, he definitely pressed the ignore button and let it go straight to voice mail. After that, I'm sure he just left it on vibrate and let it ring. He is usually the type to give me a call back or text me back, but he didn't call back and just left vague text messages. I didn't think much of what was going on because I was busy at work, but at night, I definitely felt something shady was going on. He was lying to me about something which I couldnt get my hands on. He also included one of his guyfriends into this picture of lies. Since I am far away, I had no way of figuring it out except talking to his friends about what is up. I already interrogated his friend asking if he really hanged out with my boyfriend that night or if he was cheating on me. He was obviously helping my boyfriend and lying to me, but I already caught his guyfriend in this lie and his friend apologized to me about it.
However, my boyfriend and his friend are not telling me what the hell happened that day. They are both telling me he definitely did not cheat either. However, he was definitely with someone that day and they are not telling me the details.
It is driving me insane because I just want my boyfriend to be a little more honest towards me. I told him that I have been honest with him about everything, about the guys I meet, and what they say and what not because I used to be a little shady towards my boyfriend about meeting my guyfriends when I was younger. However, I changed and became very open about who I meet, what they are like, and etc. This definitely helped him to know that I really loved him and now, he doesn't really care what I do and who I meet because he trusts me.
It just seems my boyfriend hides certain things from me because he thinks I'll get mad or ... I have no idea why? I don't know why he can't be more honest to me. Few years ago, I found out that he went to strip club, which I wouldn't have cared if he told me, but because I was the last to know out of his friends and his family, I was a little disappointed. Then this past february when i went to visit him, he was smoking and he was trying to lie to my face about it. My boyfriend used to smoke when we first dated, but he quit due to parents, health, etc. I was able to tell because when I kissed him, his mouth smelled like smoke and so did his fingers. I always end up finding out all the shady things he does... THE HARD WAY..
I told him that from now on out, we are adults and we'll be meeting different people from work, friends, and etc, and I have to learn to accept all things. And I told him that we need to communicate and be honest for this relationship to work. He obviously was pissed off at me for being up on his Richard Simmons, and I definitely felt that this wasn't going to last if I kept bothering him about it.
So I let it go and told him that I hope he will tell me the truth one day. Which I just dont understand why he can't tell it to me now. If he had just told me the truth from the beginning about whatever it is, we wouldnt go through all this argument. So now, I have to wait for him to tell me, but it is eating me away slowly. We are in good terms together now since i am "forgetting" about it, but I just can't help but feel like Richard Simmons that he's still not going to tell me and I have to wait for it whenever or however long it will be. I feel so frustrated inside that I now started smoking again. I can't ask him again since he'll hate me. What am I supposed to do? Just wait it out?
I know it seems like I'm totally up on my boyfriends Richard Simmons and dont give him space, but I usually dont care what he does until I get that intuition that he's hiding something or being shady to me.
I just feel that this 6+ relationship is falling apart slowly. I really want to fix it and keep it stable again. Anyone have any advice on what to do?