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Anyone else have an OKcupid account.. ??

-- just signed up --
.. just wanted to say..  haha.. if you do, can you post what you put in your profile so i can feel better about signing up.. guys or girls ^_^..
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Replies

  • dchudchu Bay AreaPosts: 160Member
    Because clearly this needed its own thread and couldn't be added to the 19-page "online dating" thread that's at the top of the forum (and at this moment directly underneath this thread).

    I'd rather not post what's in my (currently suspended) profile, but just general notes: set yourself apart and write using examples. Don't write, "I'm just a simple guy looking for someone special. I like to X and Y. I'm A, B, C, and yadda yadda yada." That doesn't tell anybody anything worthwhile nor does it give anyone something to really connect about if they were to contact you or in response to one of your messages. Use examples. Use interesting writing. Mention things you're passionate about. Have friends take a look and give critiques if you're comfortable with that (I think there's a section in the okc forums where you can do it). Especially as a dude, if you don't stand out, you're dead unless you're just incredibly pretty. So don't be boring is the takeaway.
    deadgiveawayMisao
  • kangta26kangta26 Posts: 276Member
    i'm so lazy when a thread goes past 10 replies.. yeah im not too pretty.. my account will probably be fish food.. floating on top of the water.. but if i get at least one date itd be kinda cool.. ^_^
  • YoshiWorld2YoshiWorld2 U.S.APosts: 90Member, New Member
    edited February 2012
    kangta26 wrote on 19 February 2012 - 03:35 PM:

    .. just wanted to say..  haha.. if you do, can you post what you put in your profile so i can feel better about signing up.. guys or girls ^_^..


    I'm not against this whole 'okcupid' phenomenon, I'm sure there's some quality genuine people. But why not let fate take it's course? You'll find someone who's nice and sincere either way. And yes, it will require more patience and ego to get a date, but you get to really feel that person out before you actually become official.

    Online dating just comes off as a little desperate and a rather easier way out than asking someone in person. No offense. smile.gif

    But to answer your question, just be honest. Don't be influenced by what others have in their profile and tell it from the heart.

    Hope you find that special somebody. wink.gif
    Currently listening to: One Ok Rock - Kaimu
    superhumanchichi
  • kangta26kangta26 Posts: 276Member
    YoshiWorld2 wrote on 19 February 2012 - 06:14 PM:

    I'm not against this whole 'okcupid' phenomenon, I'm sure there's some quality genuine people. But why not let fate take it's course? You'll find someone who's nice and sincere either way. And yes, it will require more patience and ego to get a date, but you get to really feel that person out before you actually become official.

    Online dating just comes off as a little desperate and a rather easier way out than asking someone in person. No offense. *quoted image*

    But to answer your question, just be honest. Don't be influenced by what others have in their profile and tell it from the heart.

    Hope you find that special somebody. *quoted image*


    Yeah.. i'm just not one to ask a person out.. all 3 long term relationships i had were from work.. :/ i didn't really have to ask them out.. kinda went out and happened.. i'm not really one to go to bars and haven't done the clubbing scenes since college.. my coworker is offering to fix me up.. but i'd rather have it just "hang out/talk" atmosphere, i told him yeah sure go ahead last week, but reconsidering..  even a patient tried to hook me up with her 21 y/o daughter, but i declined.. i'd probably loose my license for patient conflict of interest.. :D yeah online seems kinda desparate, but i figure you can meet people and no worries.. i am hesitant because of all the scams you hear of,  and of millions of fake profile.. but i figure if i meet even one or two nice people it's cool..  at 34 i can't be picky ;)

    Zaeiffenjiggsumjiggersson_de_korvuoyan wrote on 19 February 2012 - 08:15 PM:

    you put stuffs in it because the stuffs is the stuffs!


    i use to say the word "stuffs" alot.. how peculiar ^_^..
  • xstarBURSTxstarBURST no. somewhere in a box.Posts: 4,719Member

    IDOL

    I do, no point in posting it because 1. we're probably in different countries and 2. Im in a relationship.

    Just be yourself, you never know...you might come across some one that will respond to your messages because you seem like an okay guy.
  • kangta26kangta26 Posts: 276Member
    i just kinda wanted to see if anyone here was in a similar "i wanna try online dating phase"  and see what they posted.. not necessarily to go out with.. :D.. i think i'm older than most here, but sadly there's no 30's forum  ^_^.. im like a grandpa to most soompiers.. i think i remember hermit and izam... but i'm sometimes not even sure what i want now a days.. sometimes you're so use to having someone, it's so  like a knee jerk reaction.. yah i tried to be myself in it, just posting what i felt..  oh wait maybe i shouldn't.. xD.. i think there's alot of heavier guy to girl ratio?? so i'm not expecting much.. we'll c... 




    well any of you 30+ ladies.. search for kangtaroo13.. ;) *desparate/not  picky at all.. (haha)


     
    xstarBURST wrote on 19 February 2012 - 09:58 PM:

    I do, no point in posting it because 1. we're probably in different countries and 2. Im in a relationship.

    Just be yourself, you never know...you might come across some one that will respond to your messages because you seem like an okay guy.



  • GofishusGofishus The Reckoning CaliforniaPosts: 3,054Member

    IDOL

    Good luck. The majority of girls on there are not good looking and the few decent ones are way too picky and selective (because of the low proportion of them compared to guys), so ... yeah. You can definitely find girls on there, just be sure to have low or non existent expectations and you won't be disappointed smile.gif.
  • kangta26kangta26 Posts: 276Member
    Either way.. I figure ill just send a couple emails and see what happens :), yeah i should probably set that mental bar lower ~_~.. ? Theres a couple cute ones but im sure theyre being bombarded with emails as of this very minute sheesh guys.. @_@


    Gofishus wrote on 20 February 2012 - 03:00 AM:

    Good luck. The majority of girls on there are not good looking and the few decent ones are way too picky and selective (because of the low proportion of them compared to guys), so ... yeah. You can definitely find girls on there, just be sure to have low or non existent expectations and you won't be disappointed *quoted image*.
  • xstarBURSTxstarBURST no. somewhere in a box.Posts: 4,719Member

    IDOL

    kangta26 wrote on 19 February 2012 - 09:48 PM:

    i just kinda wanted to see if anyone here was in a similar "i wanna try online dating phase"  and see what they posted.. not necessarily to go out with.. :D.. i think i'm older than most here, but sadly there's no 30's forum  ^_^.. im like a grandpa to most soompiers.. i think i remember hermit and izam... but i'm sometimes not even sure what i want now a days.. sometimes you're so use to having someone, it's so  like a knee jerk reaction.. yah i tried to be myself in it, just posting what i felt..  oh wait maybe i shouldn't.. xD.. i think there's alot of heavier guy to girl ratio?? so i'm not expecting much.. we'll c... 




    well any of you 30+ ladies.. search for kangtaroo13.. ;) *desparate/not  picky at all.. (haha)


     


    Yeah with dating sites the male ratio is usually larger than women. I guess, some women like to get picked up in public places and then rant about it to their best friend about the creeps they got hit on by...

    well good luck on finding some one on Okcupid. I actually prefer that site over match, Eharmony and Plenty of fish
  • writerstalewriterstale WAPosts: 4,326Member

    IDOL

    edited February 2012
    I used that site at one point. It was disappointing. I found myself being myself, and getting overlooked. Then when I asked why was I being overlooked some of them got mad, and told me I wasn't white enough, or they would come up with random bs excuses. I was on the verge of going out on a date. She wanted to go out for beers. I wanted to be sober so she chose to go with another guy instead. I stopped using the site because it got stupid. Almost every girl on the site points out how they're SO great. But then you ask to go out and see how great they are in person, and then they ignore your message. It defeats the purpose of the site. Basically research shows if you make a page saying you're 6ft tall, white, makes good money, and likes baseball you should have no problems on an online dating site. Go through a lot of the pages and you'll see a LOT of girls prefer white men. It's sad, but it's the current trend for the moment. I find that it's like that on match.com as well.
    Avy by mangosteen
  • dchudchu Bay AreaPosts: 160Member
    edited February 2012
    Just looked over your profile. Various points:

    I'd ditch the second and third photos, especially the second one. That is not a good photo of you. The first one is nice. You have a better picture of you with the dogs?

    Use proper punctuation. Quasi-ellipses are not periods or commas. There are a few point I noticed homophone substitutions ("your" instead of "you're", "to" instead of "too", "friend's" instead of "friends", etc.). This matters, at least most intelligent/educated girls I've spoken to and met with. You have a masters degree; don't type like a 13-year-old.

    Don't mention prior relationship / break-up / ex. Talk about that makes up something like half the substantive content of your profile. HUGE RED FLAG. You frame it in an especially red-flag-esque type of way: "Home now a days.. before??" and "most of the x-girlfriends "mutual" acquaintances i don't feel comfortable seeing right now, even though we met them both same time". Those lines gives off the vibe that you're not over your ex and she totally ruined your life. You can just say, "I'm looking to date, meet new people, and at least expand my social circle a bit." Comes off much better than, "Uh, yea all my old friends are married and my ex got all the mutual friends." No one wants to deal with recent, unnecessary baggage

    You put examples of social ineptitude out on display. "i'm kind of an idiot when knowing if someone likes me or not..so if you do please write it on a piece of paper.. seriously -_-.." Most quality girls I know want guys who take initiative and make the leap, not ones who literally ask to have things spelled out for them. Then on top of that you follow it up with stories of chicks coming onto you too fast in high school and college. Just... no.

    You have dogs. Based on that dog photo, you love dogs. Mention them in your profile. At the very least you can say something like, "When I'm at home, I'm hanging out with the pups."

    Expand on the substantive parts of your profile. For example, expand on what "using your brain" means. How do you use it and how are you good at it? Say something like you like using it to come up with creative solutions for individual clients. Or that you like ruminating on politics or art or whatever. "Using your brain" means nothing.

    I know this is harsh, but a bunch of rah-rah "great profile!" platitudes are not going to help you get a girl. I wish I had more constructive affirmative help along the lines of, "You should mention this" or "You should write this," but I can't tell you how to best put who you are into words. I can only really tell you at this point that your profile's mostly a collection of red flags.

    donporkuloin wrote on 20 February 2012 - 10:24 AM:

    I used that site at one point. It was disappointing. I found myself being myself, and getting overlooked. Then when I asked why was I being overlooked some of them got mad, and told me I wasn't white enough, or they would come up with random bs excuses. I stopped using the site.

    Rejection is a part of dating, whether you're hitting on girls in a bar or hitting them up online. Pestering girls about why they rejected you does not reflect well.
    NaughtyDog_siku_lhkim85deadgiveawayautuymnrainsayuriSimply suZSammysticHaplessChildtheghettoelectroRKDGirlSherlock_MowgMisaoangels.disguisephalkenNedved
  • writerstalewriterstale WAPosts: 4,326Member

    IDOL

    edited February 2012
    dchu wrote on 20 February 2012 - 01:09 PM:




    Rejection is a part of dating, whether you're hitting on girls in a bar or hitting them up online. Pestering girls about why they rejected you does not reflect well.



    I asked to learn so I can improve on who I am as a person and with my dating profile at the time. You took what I said out of context, because I never used the word choice pester. I don't even see how you got the word pester out of me asking? What I found asinine is that a girl in that scenario in most cases won't ask are you asking to learn, or are you asking to get my attention/pester me. Let's clarify something I'm not the type of guy to go pester a girl. I'm fully aware that rejection happens. I'm used to it more than most people. Honestly I do WAY better with approaching people in person. My friends have told me I need to close more when talking to a woman.
    Avy by mangosteen
  • dchudchu Bay AreaPosts: 160Member
    edited February 2012
    donporkuloin wrote on 20 February 2012 - 12:01 PM:

    I asked to learn so I can improve on who I am as a person and with my dating profile at the time. You took what I said out of context, because I never used the word choice pester. I don't even see how you got the word pester out of me asking? What I found asinine is that a girl in that scenario in most cases won't ask are you asking to learn, or are you asking to get my attention/pester me. Let's clarify something I'm not the type of guy to go pester a girl. I'm fully aware that rejection happens. I'm used to it more than most people. Honestly I do WAY better with approaching people in person. My friends have told me I need to close more when talking to a woman.

    I'd qualify even one message beyond the "no longer interested" stage to be pestering, especially if it's of the "Why aren't you interested?" variety. Dating isn't charity and you're not entitled to an explanation. Frankly, I can understand why you might have had trouble. The sense I get from you through limited exposure is defensive, self-victimizing, argumentative, and unrelentingly dogmatic. Maybe that's completely off base, but that's certainly the vibe you give off via interwebz and I can't imagine it'd have been too different on OKC.
    NaughtyDogautuymnrainsayuriSimply suZklassifyed.HaplessChildMisaoangels.disguise
  • NaughtyDogNaughtyDog &rea Posts: 2,994Member

    IDOL

    edited February 2012
    donporkuloin wrote on 20 February 2012 - 02:01 PM:

    I asked to learn so I can improve on who I am as a person and with my dating profile at the time. You took what I said out of context, because I never used the word choice pester. I don't even see how you got the word pester out of me asking? What I found asinine is that a girl in that scenario in most cases won't ask are you asking to learn, or are you asking to get my attention/pester me. Let's clarify something I'm not the type of guy to go pester a girl. I'm fully aware that rejection happens. I'm used to it more than most people. Honestly I do WAY better with approaching people in person. My friends have told me I need to close more when talking to a woman.


    I guess the most important thing to look at here is how you approached the question. If you said something along the lines of: "Why are you ignoring me/overlooking my profile? You shouldn't judge me based on this one profile and should take a chance to get to know me because I'm a great catch," I can see why they'd get peeved and think you were butthurt about their rejection. If you took a more delicate approach, ie. "Hey, I respect that you're not into me, but would just like some input from you so that I can improve myself," maybe they'd be more receptive and open to talk about it. That being said, you have to realize that in the end these girls are there to meet guys, and I'm pretty sure they'd rather spend their time/effort talking to someone they see potential in as opposed to coaching someone they're not attracted to (which does translate to pestering).

    I will say though, if you're genuinely interested in improving yourself, you'd better be ready to accept the cold-hard truth whether it hurts to hear it or not. Do you want the sugar-coated truth that maybe she didn't think you'd guys match up well or the cold hard truth that maybe she just flat out wasn't physically attracted to you or found your profile boring? Girls more often than not opt to embellish things or use euphemisms to lessen the blow of a rejection, so it might be better to look elsewhere for objective, but constructive criticism.

    Even here soompiers have given you great advice on how you can improve yourself (ie. Hapless, Tuffcore, etc.), but if you're not ready to accept their advice without becoming defensive, then everything's all really moot.
    hisharibebemuidchu_siku_f0reveralwaysautuymnrainsayuriSimply suZ
  • writerstalewriterstale WAPosts: 4,326Member

    IDOL

    edited February 2012
    &rea wrote on 20 February 2012 - 02:48 PM:

    I guess the most important thing to look at here is how you approached the question. If you said something along the lines of: "Why are you ignoring me/overlooking my profile? You shouldn't judge me based on this one profile and should take a chance to get to know me because I'm a great catch," I can see why they'd get peeved and think you were butthurt about their rejection. If you took a more delicate approach, ie. "Hey, I respect that you're not into me, but would just like some input from you so that I can improve myself," maybe they'd be more receptive and open to talk about it. That being said, you have to realize that in the end these girls are there to meet guys, and I'm pretty sure they'd rather spend their time/effort talking to someone they see potential in as opposed to coaching someone they're not attracted to (which does translate to pestering).

    I will say though, if you're genuinely interested in improving yourself, you'd better be ready to accept the cold-hard truth whether it hurts to hear it or not. Do you want the sugar-coated truth that maybe she didn't think you'd guys match up well or the cold hard truth that maybe she just flat out wasn't physically attracted to you or found your profile boring? Girls more often than not opt to embellish things or use euphemisms to lessen the blow of a rejection, so it might be better to look elsewhere for objective, but constructive criticism.

    Even here soompiers have given you great advice on how you can improve yourself (ie. Hapless, Tuffcore, etc.), but if you're not ready to accept their advice without becoming defensive, then everything's all really moot.




    For those not involved in this part of the convo let's take all eyes off me, and continue posting. Not trying to thread jack.



    Actually Tuffcore has given some great advice outside of forum postings. I'm not being defensive. Being defensive is saying I'm perfect and I have nothing to change. I never said any of that. What I can say is for the past 3yrs is that I've been making drastic changes. I've got my own apartment, I changed my dress style for the better, I've become more confident, etc. Being honest there's only so much "I" can change. I actually went to a dating and relationships seminar held by a church. Ironically they've been saying the same things I've been saying for years about a lot of dating trends, both genders working on trusting each other when dating, and women being too shallow. The pastor said something really interesting. He said women should throw out the long physical wish list, pick two core things they really want in a guy that are not overly shallow, and get to know a guy for who he is.

    Back to this advice thing I do appreciate the advice given. It's not moot. The advice given has been used. It's not my fault I met an Asian girl at the bus stop, we had a great conversation, but she was married. It is my fault that I was walking to Best Buy, this White woman in our age group kept smiling at me, we were the only two on the walking path, and I did not make a move. I could on and on. Yes I don't word things in a pestering way. I did take the "Hey, I respect that you're not into me, but would just like some input from you so that I can improve myself," approach. At the end of the day what do you really want me to say? Not looking for an argument.


    As for this cold hard truth thing. What I find sad is I got the cold hard truth one day and what I was told from a few people was that I should dumb myself down; and act stupid. I was told I should lie WAY more to women, and be constantly disrespectful to women. I was told I should grow my hair out to an afro. Which I think is stupid! At one point I was I should wear braids.But when I ask older women for the cold hard truth I get told I should go to church, and keep putting myself out there. Speaking of which what have your church experiences been like?

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/16/interracial-marriage-in-us_n_1281229.html
    Avy by mangosteen
  • NaughtyDogNaughtyDog &rea Posts: 2,994Member

    IDOL

    edited February 2012
    donporkuloin wrote on 20 February 2012 - 03:44 PM:

    -snip-


    With regards to your first post that you made in this thread, just because you're not successful in finding dates on OKCupid or in real life doesn't mean other black men are having the same trouble. There are plenty of black men in relationships right now (interracial and not), and claiming that dating a white man is a trend really plays into the self-victimizing/defensive image of you that dchu mentioned earlier. It sounds like you're saying, "Women are so superficial and won't give me a chance simply because of the colour of my skin", which might be the case, but then how do you explain this:

    Blacks are now substantially more likely than before to marry whites.

    While Hispanics and Asians remained the most likely, as in previous decades, to marry someone of a different race, the biggest jump in share since 2008 occurred among blacks, who historically have been the most segregated.

    Broken down by gender, black men were more than twice as likely as black women to marry someone outside their race – 24 percent to 9 percent. The reverse held true for Asian men – 17 percent intermarried, compared to 36 percent among Asian women.
    - Taken from your source.
    (That source didn't really help you much either because you do realize that black men and (x) women relationships do fall into the interracial category, right?)
  • JiveJive Posts: 272Member
    Just put that you are Jeremy Lin's cousin on your profile.
    doleste
  • zantac_2zantac_2 sydPosts: 3,085Member

    IDOL

    kangta26 wrote on 19 February 2012 - 11:48 PM:

    i think i'm older than most here, but sadly there's no 30's forum

    if youre somewhat serious about meeting someone online, you should give eharmony a go. its generally catered towards the older audience. and being a site that requires you to pay for contact, youd know the other end is serious as well.
    Sherlock_Mowg
  • JiveJive Posts: 272Member
    zantac_2 wrote on 20 February 2012 - 04:42 PM:

    if youre somewhat serious about meeting someone online, you should give eharmony a go. its generally catered towards the older audience. and being a site that requires you to pay for contact, youd know the other end is serious as well.


    Zantac is pretty much right, I've known many people who have met their sig others on eHarmony. 
  • deadgiveawaydeadgiveaway Southern CaliforniaPosts: 535Member
    edited February 2012
    Not to make this awkward or put you on blast or anything, but I just realized that you messaged me last night. I did not respond because I am not interested, but since you have this thread up, I take it that you are open to friendly suggestions.

    - Pay attention to dchu's post! He makes very good points and I think you could benefit from making some tweaks to your profile. It is not that you should lie and present a completely different person, but your profile shows that you lack confidence, and that does not make for a good first impression.
    - I really would take out the part about your ex-gf. I understand what you're saying, and we're all affected by past relationships, but it makes it look like you're stuck in the past. It's fine if it comes up in conversation later, but that's not something I want to read about right off the bat. I don't think you want to be defined by that.
    - Your "You should message me if" portion contains awkward, irrelevant info. I understand you're probably just typing out what's on your mind, but try to think about what would make girls want to get to know you more.
    - The ellipses make the paragraphs looked bunched together and make it difficult to read, so it would be good to edit a little bit.
    - The messages you send are very important. Make sure that you say something that actually warrants a response. Sometimes I get messages from guys that are really generic or just simply "hi." Even if I check out their profile and am interested, the lack of effort in the message makes me not want to send a reply or not know what to say back. Your messages should sound sincere and ideally reference something in their profile. I don't think you need to spend too much time on each message, but it's nice when guys aren't just copying/pasting a generic message or simply looking at my pictures and ignoring my profile.
    - Don't be discouraged! You just created your profile so it's okay to have to edit it several times until you feel like you are presenting a positive image of yourself. And I commend you for having the courage to put yourself out there! Good luck :)
    phalken
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