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[Debate] Teens losing their virginity; Is it a shame or a pride?

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Replies

  • KoreaDarlingKoreaDarling ★ YOO ★ 미국Posts: 362Member

    IDOL

    I believe it's neither shame nor pride smile.gif
    People should make smart and rational decisions for themselves, and not based on what others are pushing upon them.
    We're going down, and you can see it too. 
    We're going down, and you know that we're doomed. 
    My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.
  • XaniksXaniks Posts: 39Member
    It's your choice. It's not when you lose it, it's who you lose it to that matters. You and that person might not be "married", but we all know not all marriages last forever. 
    ~Xaniks
  • polydorepolydore Posts: 20Member
    Personally, I think the issue of teens losing their virginity is a pretty tricky issue (at least it is still for me). Reading from the previous pages the general consensus seems to be that it is fine to lose your virginity as long as you're in a loving and committed relationship, whilst losing your virginity for a superficial or fleeting reason is a shame. To an extent, I do agree with both, yet I can't help but feel, regardless of the circumstances in which you lose your teenage virginity, it is still a shame. It is not a shame in the sense that it is a disgraceful thing but rather it is saddening. As clichéd as it may be, for me it really signifies a loss of innocence, like it somehow marks the end of some sort of childhood naivety (at least in regards to sex)? That you are truly no longer a child, but rather you've shoved the child in you further down? (haha)     

    Your teenage years are meant to be a period of fun, having a (somewhat) carefree attitude and only having the very necessary responsibilities you are meant to have as a teenager like school work, commitments to family and friends etc. But with losing  your virginity, you're adding a new sort of responsibility, one that is complicated and hard to explain (that even I'm not to sure about!) and I don't know but somehow that feels like a really sad thing to me. Because, I mean who wants to have added responsibilities? At least when you're a teen. Plus, there's the whole issue of maturity, some may believe their mature enough to handle sex but imo in reality I don't think they are - at least not in your teens. (of course, this is pretty wishy washy as it varies from person to person) But anyhow, I know I am definitely not mature enough and I'm starting to leave my teens :( (I know, sad times) 
    deadgiveaway
  • qasqasqasqas Posts: 14Member, New Member
    From society's point of view it should be neither shame nor pride; we are sexual creatures and ultimately the individual makes the judgement call on however they want to pursue it. We really don't have any business foisting our own ideals on other people using guilt and shame to manipulate them. Teens who are not mature enough to understand the consequences of sex (use a condom, kids) are another issue though. This is almost entirely a parental guidance area.

    Putting virginity up on a pedestal is frankly gross to me. It's dehumanizing to claim that you "lose" something morally by engaging in sex. If you want to have sex, do it. If not, don't. If you don't know, you should probably hold off and have some alone time until you figure that out. But whatever the case, you are the one living with your decisions and your happiness and your regret is your own responsibility. People who say others are shameful for having sex are the worst kind.
    Saseumi
  • ailuiailui Posts: 69Member
    adultery means cheating on your spouse...
  • 2partsvodka2partsvodka NanaXRen Posts: 3,832Friend of Soompi
    edited February 2012
    we live in a society where loosing our cellphone is more important than loosing our virginity.
    kiseu40daydreamers
  • mintcrackermintcracker Posts: 7,279Member

    IDOL

    Not pride, not shame, just neutral.
    I do think kids younger than 16 shouldn't be having sex though. But once they're more mature, and are in a decent relationship, why not?
    inxomnia
  • randompanda91randompanda91 Posts: 10Member
    Truthfully, I think it's a shame.
  • inxomniainxomnia FunkytownnPosts: 1,100Member

    IDOL

    polydore wrote on 20 February 2012 - 12:11 PM:

    Personally, I think the issue of teens losing their virginity is a pretty tricky issue (at least it is still for me). Reading from the previous pages the general consensus seems to be that it is fine to lose your virginity as long as you're in a loving and committed relationship, whilst losing your virginity for a superficial or fleeting reason is a shame. To an extent, I do agree with both, yet I can't help but feel, regardless of the circumstances in which you lose your teenage virginity, it is still a shame. It is not a shame in the sense that it is a disgraceful thing but rather it is saddening. As clichéd as it may be, for me it really signifies a loss of innocence, like it somehow marks the end of some sort of childhood naivety (at least in regards to sex)? That you are truly no longer a child, but rather you've shoved the child in you further down? (haha)     

    Your teenage years are meant to be a period of fun, having a (somewhat) carefree attitude and only having the very necessary responsibilities you are meant to have as a teenager like school work, commitments to family and friends etc. But with losing  your virginity, you're adding a new sort of responsibility, one that is complicated and hard to explain (that even I'm not to sure about!) and I don't know but somehow that feels like a really sad thing to me. Because, I mean who wants to have added responsibilities? At least when you're a teen. Plus, there's the whole issue of maturity, some may believe their mature enough to handle sex but imo in reality I don't think they are - at least not in your teens. (of course, this is pretty wishy washy as it varies from person to person) But anyhow, I know I am definitely not mature enough and I'm starting to leave my teens :( (I know, sad times) 



    The reality is, as individuals our perceptions stem from our society and all the social constructs we are faced with when maturing. Yes, it seems like a "loss of naivete" now because we have people waiting till 30 to marry. Back then, when ladies had less rights, and married at a much younger age (young teens, twenties) then not being married by your mid twenties was also seen as shameful. And obviously with marriage comes sex.

    It's already conflicting how the concept of virginity and marriage MUST be tied together, when the value of marriage has gradually declined. So naturally, so will the value of losing your virginity. Marriage used to be the be all end all, where divorce was rare. But now that divorce is rather common, who says by saving your virginity until marriage would mean you will only have sex with one person forever?

    Not sure about responsibilities, but honestly, hopefully those who do have sex have SAFE SEX. It's not only stupid to test your luck with diseases and pregnancies but bringing kids into the world without being able to truly provide and care for it.. Gawsh.

    qasqas wrote on 20 February 2012 - 02:00 PM:

    From society's point of view it should be neither shame nor pride; we are sexual creatures and ultimately the individual makes the judgement call on however they want to pursue it. We really don't have any business foisting our own ideals on other people using guilt and shame to manipulate them. Teens who are not mature enough to understand the consequences of sex (use a condom, kids) are another issue though. This is almost entirely a parental guidance area.

    Putting virginity up on a pedestal is frankly gross to me. It's dehumanizing to claim that you "lose" something morally by engaging in sex. If you want to have sex, do it. If not, don't. If you don't know, you should probably hold off and have some alone time until you figure that out. But whatever the case, you are the one living with your decisions and your happiness and your regret is your own responsibility. People who say others are shameful for having sex are the worst kind.


    Agree. Whether someone is a virgin or not is not important to me. Virginity does not affect how I interact with another person at all. So many other factors, like the ability to hold a conversation - both fun and intelligent, would be so much more important to me. Losing your virginity just means you've had sex for the first time. What I would care more about is if they sleep around with like any living being, it's just distasteful if you want to give your to everybody or anybody. Why? Because it reflects your character as well as your values. Just losing your virginity itself doesn't speak volumes in the same way.
  • sasukejutsusasukejutsu Posts: 6Member, New Member
    I've always thought it was shameful. Ever since I was young enough to understand it, I always thought "I'm waiting until marriage..maybe I will keep it forever!!!" I'm 18 and I still think it's shameful.

    That saying, my boyfriend came to visit me from Korea, and forced me into sex. It was the worst experience of my life, and I cried through it. I felt no pride, just shame. I know for a fact I will never enjoy sex.

    In my mind, I'm still a virgin and always will be.
  • rachilderachilde United StatesPosts: 2,332Member
    It's a shame that we care so much about what other people do with their lives, and I'm proud of anyone who can mind their own goddamn business.
  • nikkiex33nikkiex33 Posts: 1,080Member

    IDOL

    what exactly makes your virginity so sentimental?
  • amandalilamandalil Posts: 247Member
    I would say this is a personal preference. I think it's okay to make love but of course do not sleep around? If you're in a relationship and both of you agree to do it, I guess it's fine :)
  • jellie_kookiejellie_kookie 만두 ♥ Posts: 1,400Member

    IDOL

    It's a shame. Your virginity is supposed to be for your husband, not your boyfriend.
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  • mintcrackermintcracker Posts: 7,279Member

    IDOL

    sasukejutsu wrote on 25 February 2012 - 12:36 PM:

    I've always thought it was shameful. Ever since I was young enough to understand it, I always thought "I'm waiting until marriage..maybe I will keep it forever!!!" I'm 18 and I still think it's shameful.

    That saying, my boyfriend came to visit me from Korea, and forced me into sex. It was the worst experience of my life, and I cried through it. I felt no pride, just shame. I know for a fact I will never enjoy sex.

    In my mind, I'm still a virgin and always will be.


    hun you got raped =(. Gotta report that you know, you bf shouldn't be forcing you to do anything you don't want to do.
    xChristineee
  • green papayagreen papaya usaPosts: 1,783Member

    IDOL

    edited March 2012
    it's definitely a Shame, and also very irresponsible

    both people should be old enough to support a family if they plan on having sexual relations

    if you cant support a wife & kids, you shouldnt be doing it , holding hands & hugging is OK

  • katzekatze Posts: 37Member

    ROOKIE

    nikkiex33 wrote on 25 February 2012 - 10:35 PM:

    what exactly makes your virginity so sentimental?


    ^ This exactly.


    I know there is a lot of social pressure to have sex but there is also a large amount of social pressure to be ashamed of your sexuality, especially on girls. I think its all in perspective. No one should make you ashamed of your decisions. Virginity isn't a big deal unless you make it out to be. I think sex is fine if you are smart about it and if you're making a informed and smart decision. You shouldn't do it if you are second guessing yourself, just like how you shouldn't be quick to buy things, or quick to trust people. Even if you do, I don't think you should ever be ashamed of your experiences. Its the summation of what makes you yourself. 

    And you definitely shouldn't let someone else make you feel shameful. 

    I know a lot of girls who have been looked down upon for engaging in sexual relations at a young age and misjudged. They are considered 'stupid' or 'slutty' by a lot of people even though engaging in sex doesn't necessarily change who you are. Virginity is just a state. 

    SaseumiiyagikaryeeParappaRappa
  • SaseumiSaseumi Juliette Posts: 216Member
    edited March 2012
    I think it's a shame (but not shameful - get it? There's a difference) to've done it for the sake of it, while misled or to fit in, but to have done it, say, in your mid to later teen years if you have been mature and responsible and you genuinely simply wanted to be close to someone you were serious with and could trust a lot is fine. At the end of the day it is a shame to waste it on someone who doesn't deserve it but if someone does not regret what they did with theirs or make as big a deal of it as you do who is anyone else to judge? It's such a personal thing, only holding onto it purely because others think you should is just as much of a pity to me as giving it up because of peer pressure. It's all because of what others think in the end, surely being responsible and following your own feelings after a lot of careful thought is the best way? Virginity is only as important as you make it and rather than making people ashamed about their sexuality and personal business why don't we all remember that priorities are different for everyone and it's not really our business unless someone makes it so?

  • AnthonyKkoKkoAnthonyKkoKko Ontario, CanadaPosts: 1,991Member

    IDOL

    nikkiex33 wrote on 26 February 2012 - 01:35 AM:

    what exactly makes your virginity so sentimental?


    Religion.

    Isn't it obvious?

    I'm a Christian, and your virginity is something that should be kept personal and protected until you get married.
    Only then is it just to share it with your partner. It's sacred.

    In other countries, virginity is very shielded as well.
    Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Jews, and aboriginal spiritualities all view virginity in the same light.

    For some reason, youth in the western world take it upon themselves to ignore their religion/morals and treat virginity as a game...

    Unless you're like atheist or something. Then it should be fine for you.
    Please kindly read the signature rules.
  • herrokittayherrokittay Posts: 102Member
    edited March 2012
    I'm 21 and I lost it at 19 with my boyfriend of three years. Even if we broke up I wouldn't have regretted it, because I did it out of love and when I felt ready. However! kids in middle/high school should seriously think twice before having sex. I don't believe anyone at that young of an age can truly understand what love is. Honestly I've never experienced peer pressure.. I've never felt like I HAD TO HAVE SEX to fit in or drink to fit in or smoke to fit in. I guess I surrounded myself with mature and respectable people. Every (stupid) decision I made in life, for a lack of a better word, was made by my own decision, not from influence by others. I think it's disgusting that people have sex with a different person every night, or a stranger they met at a club. That is SHAMEFUL. That is a lack of self-respect that truly disgusts me. OH and they're PROUD of it. Freshmen year I made all these (girl) friends who would BRAG about making out/having sex with some random guy at a frat party while drunk. How in the world are they proud of that? Good luck with all those STDs you get. I would never in my life makeout or have sex with a random guy. Half of the reason being self-respect and the other half being all the disgusting diseases out there. I never flaunted about losing my virginity. Probably my sister and my cousin is the only ones that know. There's no need to brag about it. It's my personal life, not an award. My brother's in high school and he tells me about all the slutty girls in school, some getting pregnant, and girls sending nude pictures. Was I just unaware and more innocent at that age? Sending nude pictures to a guy or even the possibility that teens do this crap, never even crossed my mind when I was that age.
    KoreaDarling
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