Jump to content

He wants to take a break...


Guest mangobobateaa

Recommended Posts

Guest mangobobateaa

and wait till I'm permanently closer to him. Please read.
Hello Soompiers. I really need advice, and the L&R thread on soompi is the best place to go to imo. LOL.

It might be a long read, but I really really need opinions and just some type of advice. :\

So for the past five months, I've been in a "flirtationship" (more than friends, less than a relationship) with this guy who lives two hours away from me. We do everything that a couple would do (phone calls every night, text all day, call each other "babe, baby, etc") but we haven't became official yet because simply we're just waiting for the right time. We've been through quite a bit. Here's a little background so you can understand the situation a bit more:

I met him in August 2011 when I was in his town for his older brother's party. At that time, he was interested in my friend, but she wasn't interested in him because he was too young for her. Anyways, after the party, he facebooked me and we talked more, exchanged numbers, and texted everyday. Since I was in his town for like a month, we hung out a couple of times, and he really seemed interested in me and I was interested in him. He's had his fair share of girlfriends, while I've never had a boyfriend because all the guys that I've liked were players. Anyways, he was a really flirtatious person, and that kind of worried me from the beginning. "What if he turns out to be another one of those players?" I thought. Silly me decided to take the risk anyways, and that's why I got hurt a couple of months later in November. I didn't see him from September - November because I was back in my hometown, but near the end November, when I was out of school for thanksgiving break, I went to go visit him. We hung out at his house, and we had a fun time watching movies, cuddling, and just being in each other presence. I even gave him my first kiss that day. Then later on that night, while we were playing on each other phones, curiosity got the best of me, and I checked his messages. I know that that's not a good thing to do, but I've had trust issues with him in the past because another incident had happen where he was still talking to his ex girlfriend, but he was adamant about his feelings for her not being there anymore. Anyways, while I was checking his messages, a lot of them were from that ex girlfriend. I opened like two of them, and this is what they read:

"I don't think we should be intimate anymore. Let's just stay friends."

I pressed to the next one.

"I feel like you're just using me."

Instantly, a feeling of exasperation and anguish washed over me. I felt betrayed, hurt, and STUPID. I had no one to really blame but myself because I knew there was a possibility of this happening, but my feelings for him were already too strong. After I read them, I closed his phone and didn't say a word. After a couple of minutes of processing everything, I threw the phone at him, and got up and gathered my stuff and left the room we were in. He followed me out.

"What's wrong?"

"You're really going to ask me that?"

"Okay, is it because you went through my messages and saw that I was still texting -insertexgfnamehere-?"

"It's not that you're still texting her, it's what she texted you." And with that, I walked away.

We argued that night, and he was really pissed at himself. I wanted to end it that night, but the way he reacted to the whole ordeal seemed like he really did love me, but he just made a bad decision. He literally was willing to do anything to make up with me, so I told him I would give him a chance to sort things out but that meant he would have to drive all the way to my town (I left his town the very next day after all this had happened) and talk to me face to face. It was a difficult task because he didn't have a car yet, but somehow he found to way a get to me and next thing you know, we were talking face to face. When I was talking to him, the look in his eyes just told me he was REALLY sincere about being with me. He told his exgf that they would have to end their friendswithbenefits relationship, and that he really wanted to be with me and only me. I didn't want to turn him down after he went through all of this to make up with me, so I gave him a second chance. After all, everyone deserves a second chance. So we ended up hanging out that day, and it was basically a fresh start. We still aren't official bf/gf yet, and I'll explain that next.

We've been doing pretty well this past month, and he's been trying hard to withhold his flirtatious side and focus on me. However, yesterday, he brought up something that I've been thinking about as well. "What do you think about us taking a break from this flirtationship until you finally move closer to me (when I go to college) and then we can take that final step to becoming official? With you living so far, it really hurts because I can't see you whenever I want to. I'm a physical person, so it sucks not being able to cuddle or kiss you or anything. In my current situation where I'm just trying to clear my mind and decide on what I want to do in the future, I don't want you to get hurt." I asked him was I becoming a burden to him, and he told me yes and no. I don't remember his explanation, but I mean come on, he told me I was basically becoming something that was weighing him down. He also wants me to focus on school and accomplish my goal of graduating as valedictorian.. "I still want to talk to you and hang out with you when you're in town so we don't lose contact." However, he's going to have flings with girls during this time (it's a 2 year break), but he said none of them are going to be serious. I don't even know what to think.. We're considering it right now, and after we hang out one last time next week, we're going to sit down and talk about it in person and decide on the final outcome.

What should I do? I really love this guy, and he claims he loves me, but I don't think he really loves me to the point where he's willing to deal with the distance and wait for me. He doesn't want me to walk out of his life, but I don't want to continue to talk to him and he's over here having flings with other girls and whatnot. I mean, I'm still a girl, and I still have feelings for him. I'm going to be in a lot of heartbreak. I really don't know what to do... HELP? ):

Sorry for the long read, and I apologize if I didn't make sense in some parts. I'm just so confused that it's hard for me to comprehend it all. Hopefully some soompier out there understands, and I hope you're willing to help me. WHAT SHOULD I DO? ):

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest HuHChuuu

Its a really hard decision but I think you should take a break if thats what he wants. Just dont look at him as a potential BF for now. Just treat him as a friend and when you visit him stop doing what you usually do with him like flirt, cuddle, kiss ect. Cause if he wants to be "physical" with other females and is basically telling you he want to still be friends then plz so you wont get hurt treat it like a friendship and when your ready start talking to other guys also, cause maybe in this 2 year break who knows you might meet the one and forget all about him, or you both might be more mature and finally be ready for a relationship together. I don't know how you both are and how this guy is so I have no right to call him a jerk. I think he is just a young guy who made a stupid mistake, it sounds like he wants both. He cares about you but still wants to mess around and thats basically what a lot of young guys like to do. Atleast at this point hes being honest with you and not playing with your emotions, he went behind your back before but atleast hes being honest with you now. I wish you luck girl but yeah still be friend for now cause you never know how what might happen in 2 years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Um I dont think he loves you but I think he likes you a lot, but not enough to give up his lifestyle. Which is kind of reasonable since you guys don't know each other that long yet.

He's basically said that he can't stay with you on your terms but he doesn't want to loose contact with you either. Unfortunately life is not really like a romance novel or movie where the guy will change his ways simply because he met the right girl... its hard for people to change. He is a player and he's being honest with you that he needs physical contact and someone beside him. When people change they do it for their own reasons or slowly over time, not really as suddenly and drastically as you might hope.

I think you should agree and stay friends with him and let him get whatever he needs to do out of his system. In a few years when you guys are together you can think about it then. By that time you'll probably be a different person and so will he and maybe this won't even be an issue anymore, but if it turns out that you both like each other and are beside each other then perhaps it is meant to be.

I think a lot of girls on this forum will tell you not to hope simply because the way he's acting isn't ideal but I have a guy friend who was a huge player before and we never thought he could change. He was mostly upfront about his ways, especially when he is comfortable with someone, but like your guy he would try to hide it in the beginning if he didn't want to let the girl down. But in the end his true nature would come out. In fact he met his current gf because he cheated on his ex. In the very beginning of this new relationship (i.e. when they were sort of "seeing" each other, not official) he was also unfaithful (just flings). However they clicked since then they have been together for 2 years officially and he has just proposed, and he's done nothing dodgy since then (he is very up front and would not hesitate to tell his mates if he had - he never bothered to hide it from us before). He became very relaxed and reliant on her, they always know what the other person is doing/thinking, and they are one of the closest couples I've seen. So people do change but just at their own pace. Just want to leave you with a bit of hope :)

But right now is not a good timing for you guys. And no matter what you want to do, it's going to happen the way he's said. There's no way you can hold on to him since he's already been so honest with you. Just let him go gracefully and who knows what may happen in the future. Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1. He doesn't love you.

2. He's being deceitful and don't believe anything he says, cos it's all BS

3. He wants you as a fall back girl. Wants you staying in the wings, while he goes out and effs around and still have you visiting him and also giving him the goods (which is of course going to eventually happen)

4. He won't commit. No matter what he says, it's just ways to get you to do as you're told

5. This guy will continue screwing you around if you don't put a stop to it. You don't deserve sb like this.

6. People hardly EVER change. Please don't be idealistic hoping you'll be the one that gets him to change his ways. People can only change, when THEY THEMSELVES decide too. Most people won't and can't . Unfortunately it's hard to change one's character.

Let the guy go. He's bad news.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest followyourdreams.

Just here to basically back up that people don't change in a click. He has to change on his own accord and he has to want to commit and be with you. Don't carry it on, I mean honestly, he wants to still be in a 'flirtationship' with you and then still hang out with other girls? He's taking you for a fool. Don't be that fool. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest goldfishinthesky

I think you should just consider it, unless it's too painful for you to.

JUST be friends for now, but let him know that his condition will also apply to you. That you are not making any promises or be under any obligation to stay single, and should you find someone more compatible to you, then he should not blame you.

If you do consider his ideas, all you get is a new friend, you're not losing anything, so why not? And he might end up becoming someone you will be with in the future, so why lose the contact now? I think right now he's just young and his heart isn't ready to settle down yet.

Best of luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest chinaman_tsang

I am just gonna keep it short as all the replies above covered a lot of what I wanted to say.

You deserve better...You have been pretty patient with him, if he doesn't show any signs of changing, either take him as he is currently or move on. He seems to be the kinda guy who likes to do the chasing, no offense but you maybe too easy for him, turn away from him let him chase you. If he doesnt chase you back, then he probably didnt like you to begin with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

honestly, he looks like the type of guy that if he doesn't get sex from you, he'll get it from someone else. i've met this type of guy before where they tell you what you wanna hear so you can stick around just in case he's bored but will do the opposite behind your back. Since you've never been in  relationship before, don't get swept into this mess as  a first relationship, it'll be a waste. Save your time and your feelings for someone who will appreciate you, perhaps someone closer to you so you can keep an eye on them since you do have trust issues... stop talking to this guy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest shiyun2

Just tell him okay, how about the both of us go and have flings!! If u wait for him while he is having his piece of cake, it will make u look like the 'doormate' type. And no guy is attractive to a doormate type of girl.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..