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Boyfriends and their female friends


Guest Baobeeei

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Guest Baobeeei

Feels uneasy
Do u know this feeling when u don't like it when your bf/gf has so many female/male friends?

My boyfriend has many friends, which also includes female friends. Even his best friend is a.. girl.

I know they're just friends and he wouldn't do anything with them. He's the kind of guy who can get along easily with everyone. but it always feels so uncomfortable when he has those girls around him.

I'm not talking about specific people, it's just about all of these girls :/

We already had a few small arguments about this. He partially understand me.

I think he thinks I want him to do something about it, like not hanging out with those girls anymore.

But I won't forbid him hanging out with them, 'cause that's just bean pie and wrong.

But everytime I feel so uneasy about it. When I have these thoughts on my mind, my attitude toward him is detached and rough. Which make me feel like I'm a bad gf. But it's so hard to hold back these feelings .__.

Sometimes I think it's just me, I'm quite a jealouse type but still..

Do u recognize my situation?

I'm curious to your stories, so.. share them ^^

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Guest prettyLOVEE

Yup, he decided to stop being friends with all of his girl friends with me :) Also, if he won't do that, then hang out with a lot of guy friends and then he'll get the hint.

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Guest mrsjaejoong

girl, i'm exactly like you.... i feel bad bringing it up because my boyfriend's the type to say "i'll stop talking to all of them" and he means it. i don't want to be the girl that takes away his female friends just because he's got a jealous girlfriend.

but at the same time, it makes me uncomfortable. i guess we just have to get used to it =(

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Guest silver_moon525

omg... this is exactly what happened to me before. My ex had a whole bunch of female friends and his two best friends are GIRLS. It was quite annoying because it felt like I had to compete with them for his attention. Plus he was quite inconsiderate and did not distinguish the difference between "flirting" and "messing around" so when he thought he was just "messing around" with them it looked clearly like flirting to me.

If your boyfriend has a lot of female friends, the chances are, though, if you decide to go the passive aggressive route and hang out with a lot of male friends, he's probably not going to care. He's probably confident enough that he doesn't really care if you hang out with a lot of guy friends. the most you can do is either 1) live with it/get used to it, 2) bring it up with him all the time (but most likely he'll just get annoyed and never tell you if he's going to hang out with them, or 3) [the best choice] talk to him about it and say you feel uncomfortable, but don't victimize him for it. Then ask him if it's okay if during group hangouts with these "best friends" of his, to include you and bring you along. Then also, do YOUR best to get to know HIS friends, he will probably be really happy that you are doing so. If you become good friends with his female friends, you'll think that they are less of a threat. Plus, it's just better to have his friends be your friends as well. :P

Btw, the ending to my story was: i ended up hating the girls he hung out with instead of getting to know them better, and I still hate them now, even four years after i broke up with him (b/c they go to the same school i go to but he does not go to my/their school). It was because I felt that they completely ruined my relationship (yes they did do some STUPID stuff that was like WTF?!) so I had this pent up rage and grudge against them for...probably... EVER. 

LESSON: don't let this be you. get to know them, let them be your friends as well. They probably want to know you too.

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Same story here! I try not to complain about it too much because I don't want to come off controlling. I mean I have guy friends too.

So Its hard for me to even talk about it with him. 

However, what irritates me is that he still tries to be friends with his recent ex, before me. One day he's all mad because she was mean to him and the next day he says he doesn't care about her. It confuses me. But he says that they're just friends. So all I can do is trust him and hope that he's not doing anything bad vicx.gif

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Try to trust him. If not, hang with your friends too so you won't be too caught up with him & his girl mates. Set limitations you'd both stick to, like if you don't mind him hanging with them in a group but not just alone then say so. You DO want him to do something about it, you just aren't sure.what or how to communicate it in a way that doesn't make you the baddie. But there's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with his female friends, so just be honest with him.

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Guest mrsbunnyrabbit

I know how you feel completely... I'm going through it right now. I am sick of feeling insecure and paranoid. That's been the biggest problem of our relationship, because he is such a laid back and easy to get along with person. We've had problems before because he used to go out a lot. He says he loves me and he would do whatever it takes to be with me and how I should try to trust him. I guess he has stop going out so much (also cos he works now, before he was at uni). But I cant just hand trust over on a plate, especially because he had lied to me before :/ I am someone who cant forget something like that so easily and it really hurts me because like you, when even the word friend comes out of his mouth I feel a bit .. bleh?? :( I think I am going to tell him that I will trust him to do whatever's right because really, if your s/o wants to cheat it's not like you can stop them :(

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The girls that he hangs out with have given you absolutly no reason to be paranoid/insecure or to dislike the fact that he has close girl friends(coming from what you have said). As girls, we have close guy friends too, don't we all? Its no different than him having any close girl friends. Hes not suppose to do anything about it, if he did that would be wrong and very stupid. My bestfriends ex hated me and told him that hes not allowed to talk or hang out with me. Why? Simply because she was jealous. We don't even flirt or hang out much. Heck, she tried to get him to let go of his guy friends too. In the end, she got dumped for being such an insecure jealous girl, which resulted in 1)her not getting the guy she loves, and 2) getting a bad repuation as a gf.

My advice is for you to try to be more understanding and less insecure lol if you can't then I suggest you find a guy who has no female friends.

Yup, he decided to stop being friends with all of his girl friends with me :) Also, if he won't do that, then hang out with a lot of guy friends and then he'll get the hint.

Lol... Do you see how selfish you sound? You made your boyfriend who you should love and put first, cut all his girl friends out of his life just because of you. I don't know how you don't feel guilty and ashamed.

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Guest meiko540

Well first, you have to find out the root of your problem. You say you trust him not to do anything. Well if that's 100% true then why are you still jealous? You have to admit, however small the chances are, you are afraid he might cheat on you. Think about it this way, are you jealous of his guy friends? same principle... because you know 100% he would never cheat on you with his guy friend (hopefully ^^;)

Then, if it bothers you so much, be the smart one. Don't be the gf that nags at the bf CONSTANTLY about this problem, you are only pushing him away from you. Be friends with his girl friends, that way you can hang out with them. Also, hang out with more guys. If he is bothered by it, then say "well, you do the same thing, but if it is bothering you so much, I will hang out with them less" This way, you are always the nice girl :P and hopefully he would do the same

good luck

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Honestly, you just have to trust him and put those feelings of being insecure aside. If he had any feelings for his best friend/girl friends then he wouldn't be with you now would he? A majority of my friends are guys along with my best friend, and my boyfriend doesn't mind. Coming from your boyfriend's POV on this, it'd be a waste of time for you to even have an argument about it. If you're still uneasy about it then get to know his friends, get to know why he's best friends with her. Don't spend your time worrying/being jealous.

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Guest yukinohana

mm...

my ex had/has a lot of friends who are girls

i actually didnt have a problem with them

and didnt care about him hanging out with them

only a few times i exploded with certain girls ( and with good reason)

so in general no i dont care unless you give me a reason to

my current bf is pretty recluse so that would never be an issue between us.

besides i trust him and vice versa.

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Guest sodaniechea

I'm used to dating guys who have a lot of female friends. It doesn't bug me though. Some of them even get flirty, but I would like to believe it's harmless. Anyways, I see where you are coming from. Has he done anything that irks you?

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Guest Gofishus

Umm I don't think there should be any uneasiness if he really loves you, because his friends are just friends, only girls. What's the difference? If he's loyal, there shouldn't be a problem. I think its just jealousy on your part...

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I wouldn't really say I have any female friends, just acquaintances. Most girls in my life come and go, and for the most part never truly had a platonic friendship with girls as they were mostly romanticized. I have been on the other end though, where I had to deal with guy friends. When I was younger, I was pretty insecure so I saw them as a threat. Now, not so much. As you grow older, you just learn to deal with it.

You realize that you can't stop someone from cheating if they do, all you can do is be the best you can be, and hope that's enough. If they do cheat, then they're gone, simple as that. There's a quote, "This is my reality, you are merely a guest in it" and that's what I live by.

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YO richard simmons!

Two of my closest friends right now broke up with their boyfriends because of things like this.

The thing that pissed me off the most was the fact that they were both passive aggressive people, so I sincerely hope you aren't one of those people. DO something about it, don't just read people's advice here and do nothing because you're too scared to. Seriously.

Okay, first of all, I want to tell you that you have the right to feel jealous. It's because you SHOULD be jealous. If you really felt strongly towards your boyfriend, and you saw him with so many girls, it should be natural that you feel competition. I think you should go talk to his friends since you've already talked to him. Talking to him more about it would probably jeopardize your relationship, because the more you accuse someone of cheating, the more likely they will do it--it gives him more of a reason to do it. Tell his friends that you're feeling uncomfortable with it, if they had respect for you, they would give him some space.

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Guest Lucky

I feel the same as you. since I dated by boyfriend in 08 til now. But he's done a lot for me though. When we first started dating, he had many female friends and the thing that ticks me off the most was not because they are girls but the fact that my boyfriend is always there for them, no matter how small the problem may be. and When I needed him he's always too busy helping them. By the time he's done, I was already finished feeling how I felt. That was why I felt so uneasy. Also the thing too is that he was still friends with his ex who I can tell still likes him. Although he tells me she's only a friend now, it bothered me. The fact that she goes around telling ppl their together still and how he comforts her in the middle of the night on the phone and stuff pissed me off. He lied to me that day saying he was asleep. but he was on the phone with her that night. That was when I had enough. After I knew the truth, I confronted him about it, and that's when he admitted to lying to me. and I told him. He either picks me or her. At that time, our relationship was still pretty young so I can ease with the break up easier if that was the decision. But he chose me instead..I felt bad about it all but the girl friends he had are no regular friend. As I started college, I started having lots of guy friends too, but they come to me and wants to be my friend. I don't ever try to make any guy friends because I am that loyal to my boyfriend. He knew and saw how all my friends just always end up liking me and stuff even though they know I had a bf, so that's when he realized that he doesn't want me hanging with boys so he made an agreement with me about hanging with the opposite sex. So now he doesn't hang out with his girl friends anymore. We went through a lot of stuff. I would tell it all here. but that's too much to say.hahah. but we're still together, it's been a little over 2 years now. and I love him and he loves me. Sometimes you just have to really prove to him how good you are. and hang in there. they will one day realize it and will only love you more. But the best thing to do is talk to him. tell him how you feel. If he loves you, he will keep it in mind or do something about it.:) goodluck!^^

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Guest megmayumi

I truly don't mean to fuel your fears. But...

I had a boyfriend who sounded much the same. He was always very open with female friends. We had a particular mutual friend who was a girl, and he was very good friends with her. They were quite close but I trusted the both of them and let it go. In fact, I don't think I ever suspected a thing. After we broke up,I found out he had been cheating on me with both her and another girl who I also considered "just friends".

I suppose what I mean to say is that it's not always innocent, like a lot of people here make it out to be. However, do try not to be stifling, it really could be nothing more than platonic friendships. It just boils down to what kind of a person he is.

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hnmm i would feel jealous too if my bf had a lot of girl friends but luckily he doesnt hang with them...

he hangs out with the boys more hehe

where as me i have a lot of guy friends.. my bf is kewl with it if he knows them ...

but i had to lose a lot of other guy friends cos my bf got jealous... :(

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Guest MC_AJ

Its generally just you.. You can tell if its not just you if he takes them on romantically or something like that.

Trust me, been there

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