My family doesn't take me seriously

It kinda outrageous, I know. I was seeking for comfort from my Mom today and she just say "Oh yeah right!" like I was lying about it, same goes for my brother who was in the family room when I said so. Makes me even more upset that I cannot talk to my own family about it. Yeah, I'm 18. Just got a new job, and my parents bought me my first car. I know I have to work to earn my own money, and i know I have to pay for my insurance for my car. But I feel upset that I'm not even at school anymore. I want to go to school, but my brother put me down that I wasn't gonna get anywhere with a visual arts diploma or a BFA. And when he told me that and my mom ALSO agreed it just shut me down completely. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 14. Until December 2010 I started feeling like this again, but the thoughts are maybe worse than before. I was scared to die then, but now I really just don't car. I think I'm going insane by praying to God that he kills me, I dont why why i'm still here. I have no friends, no education, no life since I'm working 30 hours a week and it's effecting the way I feel about myself. I'm now gonna get anywhere with this type of life so might as well end it right? What i think make me even more crazy is that i get temted to crash my car when driving to try. I thought talking to family would help me. But obviously it just made me even more upset now.

I'm sorry if this isn't making sense. It just happened so I'm really just not in a happy mood.

EDIT: BTW if any of you guys are thinking like my mom. No I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for someone to understand and help me. When depression comes to me axiety comes as well and prevents me from getting sleep. I work 8 hours, come home, eat, check e-mails then go to bed because it takes me at least 4 hours to fall asleep. Reason why is because I'm the type of person is a perfectionist, which means I plan my day ahead and everything must go right, otherwise I go crazy. Yeah I'm trying to stop being a cry baby. I'm even volunteering for full-time shifts where I'm the supervisor of my department and i'm gaining 3 shifts that are 8am-4pm. But when depression hits, you feel tierd al the time right? My goal is to work till I break, but if no one does the job then it's up to me to finish it and they become too dependant on me and it creates pressure. (I'm ranting again -__- I'm so sorry) When i think about those suicide thoughts, I switch and say to myself how much my parents have done for me. That wouldn't feel happy at all. But my Mom is sometimes the issue when she gets angry and calls be "stupid," or "useless," you feel like a bullet had hit you feeling kick in which is childish to me. I'm trying to get toughin up. I just hate it when people bring me down. And just recently actually I had a stroke due to my thyroid level going all outta wack and my mom doesn't really care much for it as well.

^ I apologise in advance for being so random or if i don't make sense at all. I call myself stupid for a reason.

@ c0lap1nada I know it may sound like I'm lazy. BUT I'm on Soompi to basically be sociable and ask advise from people even if i don't know them. So far thier comments are helping me realise. But your's unfortunatly isn't really helpful.

Hey, your only 18. I can understand feeling alone, I was the same way actually.

Not in the same circumstance as you, but I felt alone, and I wanted to commit suicide as well.

I ended up going into counseling, and it helped to have someone listen and understand when my family couldn't.

It gets better, I promise.

Yeah, life gets hard and it really, really sucks sometimes.

But once you take a step back, and look back on it, you'll realize that in the end you learned someone valuable.

Please don't kill yourself, and if anything seek a professional's help.

You're not crazy if you do. Mental health is just as important as physical health!

Please please please don't hurt yourself in anyway D;

Seek professional help! Here's a free one: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They help people in times of emotional distress, are confidential, and are available 24/7. Maybe they'll help you out.

And perhaps tell your mom once more that you're serious, maybe seeing your insistence she'll realize how important the situation is.

Take Care!!!

I felt that way too in high school...

It doesn't seem like your mom will restrict you from doing what you want to do, so why don't you do a bit of research on schools you want to enroll in? I'm sure there are grants, scholarships and bursaries that you can apply for. If you live in Ontario, try OSAP. Or hopefully wherever you live, there are programs like OSAP where you can receive government funding and pay them after you graduate.

All the best.

All talk no action. Whaddahell you doing on Soompi?

@post below: I actually have said that irl before. She told me she wanted to get hit by a car. I told her to do it. Then she asked me if it hurts and if I would join her. And I said no, if you're going to go do it, go do it yourself. So what are you saying again?

All talk no action. Whaddahell you doing on Soompi?

I don't understand why people are such a-holes on the internet. As if you would have the audacity to say that in person.

To OP, things will get better. Stay positive! And take the advice from the previous poster to seek professional help.

Hang in there dude, things will get better.

ya hang in there, things will turn around. Just have to be positive, try to see things from different angles. And if you know taking BFA is whats going to make you happy, then go for it. Doesn't matter what others are saying.

Hang in there. Try to go back to school try taking one step at a time. I know what you mean about working all the time. I work 4o hours a week and plus I am a full time student. I know it feels like you don't have time to have a social life and life seems a little pointless but when you keep working it on it, it will pay off at the end. A friend of my is going through the same thing and I told her that I believe in her if she believe in herself. And she was happy since then. None of her family believe she can do anything and all she do is work . But she got herself back to school and she is happier than ever.

Your mother is from a different generation, a generation that doesn't believe in therapy or psychiatrists. 

There's something inherently wrong with this generation that goes beyond what drugs and psychologists can diagnose and treat. We obsess over the future, the present, and the past to the point of voluntary insanity. The stories of suicide and depression just seem to increase the rates - I can't remember anyone from the preceding generation telling me they are depressed, alone, or feeling like they don't being in this world. 

There are different coping mechanisms to deal with life. Few in this world are even close to living their ideal life but they maintain and bottle up emotions. Why affect others? Why put that emotional distress and burden on someone else that has to deal with their own hurdles? My mother would not take me seriously and quite honestly, if I was contemplating suicide as a means of escape, I would punch myself in the face for thinking such stupid things. Even if my mother had the same thoughts herself, she would not proceed with the act because it is a selfish deed. To end being a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, etc. all because something went wrong and can't be temporarily resolved? Short-sighted decision that has long-term consequences. 

I don't preach words of hope or pity. If you feel like ending it, it affects me in no way since I have no direct or indirect ties with you. But think of those who are and what their response would be. Do you want to push them over the edge? I'm pretty sure most of us have that plan of dealing with an unbearable crisis with suicide being near the top of list of actions to carry out. The plan is suppressed until that one terrible event occurs and in my opinion, what you're going through currently is way too insignificant to warrant suicide. 

A lack of respect for life. Think how many in this world would want your life - even only the worst days. 

Depression and suicide are higher in wealthy countries.

I think it's because with so much money and technology, we can get anything we want... and forget what we really need. Maybe connections to other human beings. So many people talk to each other through texting and instant messaging rather than face to face. Family members rarely talk to each other because they're too busy trying to make more money to support the family. Greedy corporations and crappy bosses take advantage of everyone. 

And parents probably don't understand why their kids would get depressed.

"YOU didn't have to struggle to find food, what are you upset about!"

"I had to sneak onto a boat and escape from soldiers to come here, so don't complain!"

But it's not just about physical survival. Children need more than just food and water to be healthy, and a lot of parents don't realize that.

Hang in there, buddy. It's easier than you think to get lost in a world full of technology, bright lights, food in abundance, nice clothing. I would not like you to commit suicide, or hurt yourself in any way. I don't know how strongly you will take words from a person on the internet, but think about life. For every negative thing you notice, there are five good things. You just might not notice them. A stranger giving you a shy ghost of a smile, a bird, a clear day where you can smell the wind (or car fumes, if you live in the city), watching a child laughing innocently... maybe you just need time to take a break and step back (: but in anycase I hope you feel better. And again, hang in there.

Also, I agree with orangeman.

hang in there! you are still very young!  think about those who are dying due to illnesses or natural disasters.  don't waste your life over something that can be changed due to time. try not to care about what other people say being "successful in life" is.  you wont feel successful if money is the only thing in your brain.  do what makes you feel happy and dont feel too concerned about the earning money part because obviously you can support yourself since you have a job.  i am 20 yr old poor college student, no car, and i still don't know what i want to do in the future, so you're very admirable already because you are able to support yourself.    what is so bad about a having or getting an art degree?  you can always double major, take prereqs at the same time to apply for professional or medical school.do volunteer work to meet people from different fields (hospitals, church, schools/afterschool programs, camps--you can even use your art skills to teach kids..being around kids will make you happier and feel more carefree), or learn a new skill.  you have so many options! just try and you can do it!!  dont give up my friend.  [i got yo back]

You're working 30 hours a week and not going to school and say you don't have a life? There are full time college students like myself and one of the above posters who also work full time while in school.

I suggest upping your hours at work. Save up money. Move out and live on your own (or with a roommate). It doesn't seem like your home life is very encouraging and probably the root of your depression (your family putting you down is definitely putting a hamper on your self-esteem). Maybe after you move out you can finally continue with your education. No one is holding you back except yourself. If your family doesn't like it, well too bad, you know? It's what you want to do. Obviously, not doing it is making you want to commit suicide. So do what you want to do and ignore what they say.

Honestly, I felt so sad reading this, because I felt the exact same way last year.

I think you should start by thinking about what would make you happy. Don't think about your mum or your brother or whoever, just think about you and what you want. If you want to get a visual arts diploma, go for it! If you love it, it will make you happy and you'll definately succeed in it ^___^. I think you also need to cut down on your work hours - it sounds as if you're trying to distract yourself by throwing yourself into work, but all it's doing is stressing you out even more. Hang in there, buddy! Try getting some proffessional help... you don't need to do this alone.

-momo

I got depressed too in high school, college, and medical school. My family blamed me, believing that there was something wrong with my brain. Eventually, after I moved out and started living on my own, my depression disappeared. I never felt suicidal any more, I felt in charge, active, motivated to live life. I think a major factor was the fact that I had to pay for myself in order to survive. Everyday of every month was a struggle to make sure that I had enough to pay for rent, food, other necessities, my tuition.

I think you want to pursue the fine arts degree. That is what would make you happy and relish life. I would suggest that you forget what your mom and brother say and push forward with your goals. Move out or get another job that is closer to what you want to pursue. Plan a budget so that you can do the fine arts degree, or do it part time. If you don't have enough money or time for the courses, then just get the textbooks, course outlines, and materials and work on it on your own time. Everything is available online anyway.

Your mom and brother don't know everything. I used to believe in my family, in my father and mother, and brothers. I know that they had my best interest at heart, but ultimately, they were not me. They didn't live in my shoes, in my underwear, in my mind. Only I know what is best for me, only I know what can make me happy. I don't want to live my life under someone else's shadow. I don't want to live the life that my father thinks is perfect. I want to live the life under the circumstances that I think is perfect. Otherwise there is no point to living. Run away from the craziness that exists in Asian families and the ingrained, ingrown thought process. There's more to life than making money and driving BMW's. Just be happy with who you are and what you want and pursue your dreams, not someone else's version of it.

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Yeah, I'm 18. Just got a new job, and my parents bought me my first car. I know I have to work to earn my own money, and i know I have to pay for my insurance for my car. But I feel upset that I'm not even at school anymore. I want to go to school, but my brother put me down that I wasn't gonna get anywhere with a visual arts diploma or a BFA. And when he told me that and my mom ALSO agreed it just shut me down completely.

Well your brother and your mother are just 'human' and they make mistakes like everyone else. Just because they say something doesn't make it 'written in stone'. On top of that you have a job and a car; Hell I wish I had a job right about now.

Overall, if your not being supported at home then you can look outside to find some nice people that will accept you. Like I have this friend and we talk on the phone now and then. No matter how much I put myself down in the conversation, she was like 'your fine, don't even worry about it'.

 

i feel like i'm reading my own emotions and issues.....

i was seriously in this phase a few months ago and it lasted for a long time.

Just like u, i felt depressed and had thought of suicide, i told my dad about it, but he's not worried that i will really do it, i guess its bcoz he doesn't understand how i feel, no one does.

I also hate it when my mom calls me "stupid" and "useless" or all those bad stuff, and that happens almost everyday, it's probably bcoz she's tired from work and so when she gets home she put all those frustrations at me...

i think that's the reason why i wanted to just die.

part of me wants to show her that "okay, now that i'm gone u don't have to worry about me anymore" and i also want to show her that it's not just her who are tired from working, i may not be tired physically coz i don't have a job, but i feel empty inside, i feel lonely...it's hard when u don't have friends, i think i wouldn't be this way if only i have friends here...but they are all a thousand miles away.

anways, i'm sorry i couldn't really help u...

i want to, but as u can see i have the same problem,

but i just want to let u know that u are a valuable person, u work hard to earn money, u are not useless! don't say that~!

u seem like a nice person, and u will definitely reach ur goal in life, coz i can tell ur a hardworking person.

Sometimes u just have to ignore those bad words that ur mom is telling u, that's what i do, but it builds up inside, and i actually think i have this anger on her....i don't want to be a bad daughter, so my advice is to confront her about it, tell her "mom, please...i don't like when u keep on putting me down. u know i'm doing my best in everything, so please just try to support me, saying those words is not helping me either." something like that....try to tell her u don't like it and u hate it when she curse at u, tell her that. Coz in reality, she may not be aware that she's hurting u that much, to the point that u think u just wanna die. I've told my mom about it but she just brush it off sometimes, and just continue to nag at me telling me that i deserve it, but i'm sure ur mom will be different, just try...

coz u have a different situation than i do, and u are actually more hardworking than i am, so i'm pretty sure if u just tell her that's enough. She'll stop. Confront her about it, tell her how u feel.

But i'm wondering, why did u stop studying?

also, don't push urself too much....i think ur working too hard for ur age....aren't u tired?

maybe u could go back to school and study, but if u really want to have a job then just take what u can...maybe part-time.

but don't work up ur self too much, try to relax from time to time, u deserve to have some fun

remember, u are a great person! hardworking and a nice daughter/son to ur parents!

ur definitely not useless, ur never useless! u are awesome! okay?

Seriously, my friend told me she was going to commit suicide, being the butthole I am I didn't believe her only to find out she was in the hospital because her parents found her in her room...thank god she's okay. Never take these things as a joke.

But i'm wondering, why did u stop studying?

also, don't push urself too much....i think ur working too hard for ur age....aren't u tired?

maybe u could go back to school and study, but if u really want to have a job then just take what u can...maybe part-time.

but don't work up ur self too much, try to relax from time to time, u deserve to have some fun

remember, u are a great person! hardworking and a nice daughter/son to ur parents!

ur definitely not useless, ur never useless! u are awesome! okay?

I'm really sorry i cut your post X( I havn't started college yet because work is basically in the way all the time. I got the job in July 2010 and since the hours are great I've been distracted by it from going to school and getting help to figure out what to do. For the month of January last month i would work 34.5 hours a week including SOME overtime. And on Monday this week my body just gave up and I'm taking a week off from work. But my Mom didn't take it well even though it was my decision to do so.