What should I do about my abusive parents?

When I was younger they'd tell me things like 

YOU CAN'T CALL THE COPS IF WE HIT YOU. THEY'RE GONNA TAKE YOU AWAY AND YOU'RE GONNA DIE.

& I believed them 'cause I was mad young.

Maybe around 3rd grade I realized it wasn't right because I said something about my parents hitting me to a teacher & they sent some lady to my house to check it out and stuff. I don't know if it was Child Services but somebody definitely came over.

When I was younger it was mostly hitting me with things such as belts, and chairs and yelling at me calling me a dumb & useless richard simmons and telling me they were gonna kill me or I should just go die. But, I was too scared to reach out for help for God knows what reason.

As I got older it got better kind of. They hit me less, but they yelled at me & threated to kill me a whoooole lot more.

Right now I'm 17 years old [i turned 17 in March].

In May of last year when I was 16 I began dating my first boyfriend, and parents found out.

They yelled at me blahblah too young to date and all that.

My dad & mom think I should date when I finish college, so I'll be 24 when I can date, get married at 26 & have my first child at 27. And finish having 3 kids before I'm 35.

^ Forget dating I don't even wanna have kids [i wanna adopt & to keep them happy I told them I'll have 2 of my own & adopt 1 and they FLIPPED out and were like OMG WHY. YOU SHOULD HAVE ALL 3 BY YOURSELF. So that should be interesting when I'm actually adopting. They'd probably blame the idea of adoption on my boyfriend, which he hates the idea of adopting, but that's a whole other story]

My parents blame & accuse me of doing EVERYTHING with my boyfriend.

My dad will call me on the phone & he'll hear my typing away on the computer and it'll be like

"STOP TALKING TO KALVIN" [my boyfriend's name is not Kalvin, it's Kevin]

"I'm not dad -_____-"

"STOP LYING AND STOP TALKING TO HIM"

"Kay, dad"

I want to call Child Services but there's something in me that can't bring me to do it. & I don't have any real proof, my dad punched me in the face last winter because he thought I was talking to my boyfriend on AIM while I was locked in my room and told me to shut the richard simmons up before cops came and ruined his life. Then kicked me & told me to shut the richard simmons up again when I started crying louder. This whole process was probably about half an hour before he left me alone. Another thing is my parents think that after they hit/beat? me they can just say sorry and it's all rainbows & unicorns from there.

Last night, he wanted to come in my room and I like to sleep with the door open so he forced his way in the room & slapped my ear which only hurt because it's infectted. Then he started yelling at me &

"I'M GONNA F*CKING YOU. YOU'RE SO F*CKING USELESS"

"kill me then"

"I WILL"

& that's when he slapped me.

And my parent's threw a richard simmons because I live in NYC. For college I do not plan to attend a SUNY. I want to go to a CUNY [brooklyn College]. Brooklyn College if you live in Brooklyn you know it's not the best college to go do, but I want to teach History & Brooklyn College has a good teaching program.

My mom started giving me richard simmons about how when I was 6 I said I wanted to go to NYU. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I WANTED TO DO WHEN I WAS 6 BECOME THE PRESIDENT, AN ASTRONAUT & A PRINCESS AT ALL ONCE, HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR ME MOM.

I swear my mom will always 

"YOU WANTED TO BE A DOCTOR"

"I was 5 mom"

"BUT YOU WANTED TO BE ONE"

"I was 7"

"THAN YOU WANTED TO BE A SURGEON"

"I was 10"

She's always bringing up things I said when I was younger & holding them against me.

So last night after my dad forced his way into my room, I told him how there are laws to protect me.

& my parent's flipped richard simmons on me cause FAMILY LAW > LEGAL LAW. Yeah, okay dad.

And my mom was all LAW MY A**. GO CALL THE COPS. LET THEM TAKE YOU AWAY, KALVIN CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU.

Then I blew up and I was like "YOU GUYS THINK MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND KEVIN. NO IT DOES NOT. I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN KEVIN"

And my dad was like "YES IT DOES"

I am not one of those I NEED MY BOYFRIEND OMGOMGOGMG WHAT AM I GONNA DO, type of girls -.-

And my parents more yelling at me, forgot what they said.

Then my dad was like I'M GOING TO GET MY FRIEND TO INSTALL A PROGRAM ON THE COMPUTER SO I CAN WATCH WHAT WHO'RE YOU'RE TALKING TO & WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

^Aren't there laws that protect me that too o__O.

So uhh yeah wtf do I do about that.

My parents had a house warming party and when I was JHS until middle of Junior year in High school I wanted to become a lawyer. Then I realized that a lawyer isn't a good job for me so I decided I want to be a history teacher. She told me how everyone asked my what I wanted to do & he was ashamed to say that I didn't know EVEN THOUGH I'VE CLEARLY TOLD THEM SEVERAL TIMES THAT I WANT TO TEACH HISTORY. [i want to teach history in HS, at one point I've considered teaching Elem. school & my parents again flipped richard simmons cause THAT'S A BAD JOB" 

So now I'm stuck between what to do, I turn 18 in 8 months but when you apply for college loans you need your parents to sign papers for you too.

I can't get emancipated because in NY to get emancipated you have to already be living by yourself, which my parents won't let me move out because they thing they have a say in everything I do even after I turn 18/21.

I really see no point in filing for child abuse since I turn 18 in 8. Plus for me I think it'd get worse from there.

It's going to be impossible to find an apartment at 18 that's not absolute richard simmons & no one wants a girl who just turned 18 and hasn't even finished High School .

Edit; I just realized I may have come across as a spoiled brat ._.

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Some of my friends know about this I have 8 months until I turn 18, I can't just go back & forth until I turn 18 ;x.

I suggest you tell someone you know very close about this situation. Maybe they can help you out by telling the cops?

Sorry I'm not sure what you should really do. Your parents are wrong to ban you from what you like to do.

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man ur life sucks. but u've already lived with it for this long so might as well put up with it right? or u can just take exactly what you wrote here and send it to a social worker or something.

Wow that's just messed up. But I think you should weight your options. Because if you do decide to wait and turn 18, what will you do then? Do you have the money to go off by yourself? Do you have friends that can help you? Can your bf help you? If not, then it's not just going to be 8 months. And yes, at some point you do seem like a spoiled brat. I mean, if your opinions cause your parents to beat/hit you then don't share it with them. If they don't want you to become a teacher, then do a double major! When you can get rid of them, then you can do whatever you want. Try your best not to richard simmons them off, so that they don't beat/hit you. Break up with your bf if it makes them mad. He'll wait and help you if he really loves you. Buut then again, this is my personal opinion. Don't take it to heart! And best of luck!

I don't think you should file child abuse charges. It really doesn't seem like the abuse you're experiencing is that bad (it still is bad, but it could be a lot worse. You're not walking around with bruises and broken bones.) If you want to, think about this ... do you consider your life to be in great danger? If so, file child abuse charges. I honestly don't think it's worth it since you're turning 18 soon. I'm emotionally abused by my dad, so I'm kinda speaking from personal experience. My mom has dealt with him physically and emotionally abusing her for 20+ years, so I guess I can too considering I'll be going away for college in a year. For the people who say "don't do things that'll get them mad," you're somewhat wrong. Even if you do that, abusers tend to always find something to get them mad. They will still yell/beat you. But if you make snarky remarks, you're on your own. I'd suggest that you get a job now, so when you turn 18, you can move out and get your own apartment.

hm.. one of my friend gets abused but from time to time.

like once, her bf (she was 13 at that time and now she's 17) left her a message on her DAD'S phone (she was using her dad's phone while hers was broken and being fixed) and she forgot to delete his voicemail -____-; and her dad heard it and all he was saying was just how he misses her blahblahblah and at the end he said, 'i love you' and thats when her dad just smacked her head saying, 'WHAT IS THIS?!' and she was just like dad, all my friends say i love you, it's no big deal and he was like oh ok. he didn't actually scream cause i was over her house and yeah.

if your parents are BRUISING you up or BREAKING your bone, i don't think your situation is bad (compared to those REALLY abusive family households) if you can't stand them anymore, etc.. call for help. when you threaten your parents, tell them that THEIR gonna get in trouble and you guys won't be seeing each other forever, so everyone can be happy(?)

reading your last paragraph or so, i think your parents just has some anger problems (which can cause abusive reactions) and they don't want to lose you since they won't let you live alone. most parents are like that. they can't show appreciation, so they just show anger.

my dad's the same -.- he never hits US, but man does he abuse our poor dog. my dogs 10 months old right now and he started getting abused when he was i think... 5-6 months? yeah my dad's a freaking richard simmons and i hate him, but at some times i like him. i've NEVER loved him. he's like ... bipolar or something.. idk. i'm gonna force him to go into some mental hospital. he's just stressed and takes it out on something that can't even understand us -.-

I agree with what danger posted. Besides that, I've known a good number of people who've been abused emotionally and physically and I don't know of any kids or teens who have told the child services of their abusive parents. Like what 18:09 posted, I think you should get a job or make the most out of what you can right now. So you can move out of the house as fast as you can, when you turn 18. So, I would say, just try to be the best you can be and not cause any trouble this year...endure whatever hardships may come. Once you're 18, you're free to go. So just hang on.

That's ridiculous. Call the cops on your parents.. no matter how bad the kids are the parent shouldn't be abusive. Obviously they still don't know that, get away from them!!!

Jeeze, the people in this thread. Abuse isn't so bad because there's worse things to compare it to? Well maybe I don't think parents who break their kids bones isn't so bad either, because it's not like they're Hitler or something.

OP, don't let anyone tell you your situation, which IS serious, should just be dealt with because comparitively it's not as bad. That kind of behavior from your parents would take a toll on ANY child. Unfortunately and fortunately, I cannot speak from personal experience, but it seems like Hapless Child knows what she is talking about, and I like her advice.

I know there are worse situations I could be in & again I'm gonna sound like a spoiled brat and say that telling me that there are kids with abusive parents with sexually abuse them & break their bones or there a kids starving of hunger in Africa isn't going to help make me feel better.

A person can only put up with so much & after 17+ years I think I've finally cracked .

There's no point in comparing to other situations. Either way your parents have yelled at you, punched you in the face and beat you, it sounds abusive to me, whether severe or not.

I feel that you should first have a talk with your parents. Tell them that you just want to clear somethings up. Tell them how there are other parents who do not need to raise their voice or an arm yet their children still turn out fine. Tell them how you are working hard and its your life and you hope that you can get the respect that you deserve. Be rational, no matter if their are yelling at you or threatening you, be rational and STAY CALM.

You guys really need to communicate, thats the key because it seems that your parents don't understand about your relationship or what you are doing. And also ask them why they find being a high school teacher is so bad, ask them wouldn't they rather have their child enjoying the rest of their career than being stuck with something they find boring for the rest of their life?

Remember, yelling back will just make them angrier, be the bigger person and TALK.

i really understand what your going through, throughout my entire childhood i was abused by parents too. i was scared s**tless to tell anyone what my dad were doing to me. so of my family (aunts, uncles ect.) know about some of what was happening and they would try to protect me when they could but they couldn't protect me 24/7. i remember that finally after idk how may year of constant abuse i finally spoke up to someone that would do something and i KNOW it was the best thing that ever happened not only for me but my little brother and sister too. children's services came in and took me away from my parents we ended up living at my aunt's house for a year+ (my aunt had full custody of us and ended up being our guardian during that time) my mom get visitation rights but my dad wasn't aloud near us at anytime. we ended up having to go through group counseling with kids around the same age as you and a few other court ordered things but in the end it did make my home life a better. i'm not saying that my family is a picture perfect family we still get into arguments and stuff but i don't get abused anymore or that type of stuff. i was maybe 11 when this all happened and i promised myself and my brother and sister that if it ever happens again i would do what ever it took to get us out of there again. it's been 8+ years since all of it's happened and i'm still sometimes terrified that it will happen again but now i know what to do to take c

my advice to you SPEAK UP and keep taking till someone listens and does something. it great that your speaking up on soompi but you also need to talk to people that will DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT like children's aid or the police. you don't need actual proof of the physical abuse it would help them help you though try documenting any makings (bruises, scares, scratches) anything that shows how badly they've hurt you. i know it may seem extreme but it only to help people understand the extent of your case. even though your turning 18 soon you should still get help regardless of how old you are/will be i'm pretty sure the system won't abandon you in 8 months because your 18 it's their JOB to help you.

Everytime my mother hit me as a child, there was always a reason to it. Either I was being disobedient, or a little brat. But once, it was because I spilled chocolate milk all over the carpet, she had a bi tchfit and went bananas on me, hit me like there was no tomorrow. Then my dad came in, they fought, police came, took him away for a night. He hated/hates when my mother puts her hands on us (my siblings and I).

Of course I get older, and I start growing some balls (metaphorically speaking) and start talking back, she hits me but I've gotten used to the pain. Those moments, I do tell myself that I want her to go to hell, but in the end we make up. And those moments when we fight, I even tell myself whether I should call the police on her, but end up not. And it's a good thing I don't, it would've lead to something more serious when it really wasn't.

All I'm saying is, that unless it's a continuous thing and happens everyday, (in your story, your just naming one or two events), that's when it's serious and maybe the police should get involved. But if it's just a in-the-moment kind of event where you eventually get over it, then it's best not to call the police.

But can you believe it, ever since I was young, I just couldn't wait till I'd move out for college, and now I finally am as well! (and attending a SUNY). I don't want you to think of this experience as memories, but something you look back on and say "it's been hell but I survived". I've definitely survived. And I can't wait till I move out, I love my family, but I just need to get away from my mom.

erugh. i need help again & i didn't want to start a new thread so hopefully i can get some help again from here ;x

first off one of my best friend's parents' know that one of her friend's are being abused at home & said i can live with them

^ they assume it's me but my name was never mentioned.

the problem is actually moving out. my mom is ALWAYSALWAYSALWAYS home and she'd notice if i just left with my stuff

and my parents think they're say is over the legal say so if they say i can't move out, i'm not allowed to move out -______-

i really don't want to call the cops & make a big deal out of it.

my boyfriend's parents are ok with me moving in too, but i think we're too young to that, i have a whole lifetime ahead of me of living with him & him annoying me LOL.

the thing is my parents want to arrange a marriage for me -_______-

my mom was talking to my dad and said that my aunt called to ask how old i was then hung up. & my dad was like why'd she do that and my mom was like my aunt called back to say that she knew somebody who wanted to get married and if i married him they would pay for the wedding & my college money -______-

i think this person my parents' are marrying me off to just wants his green card, or has his greencard and wants to become a citizen -_______-

i don't turn 18 until march so i'm hoping whoever it is can't wait until march.

WHAT DO I DO ASDF;K

my dad's the same -.- he never hits US, but man does he abuse our poor dog. my dogs 10 months old right now and he started getting abused when he was i think... 5-6 months? yeah my dad's a freaking richard simmons and i hate him, but at some times i like him. i've NEVER loved him. he's like ... bipolar or something.. idk. i'm gonna force him to go into some mental hospital. he's just stressed and takes it out on something that can't even understand us -.-

omgosh, poor dog! that's definitely animal abuse...

and all parents are like that these days...they put all their anger onto either their children/spouse/animal and then blame THAT on stress like money.

to gryffindorx3 i suggest asking to have a nice family talk WITHOUT yelling. threaten them and say that if you guys don't talk this out nicely and equally, then you'll move out once you're 18. they really want you to go to a good college and have a nice job so they still care about you...but it's a different sort of care so you just have to scare them a little and tell them their problems and how you want to solve it and how you want to be treated.

do what you want. it's your life. they aren't going to be in your life ALL the time you know. so ignore whatever they say and just do what you planned to do with your future. if they want to change it, why should they? you're old enough now. one year makes no difference (well not to me). you could even get a job now too! so, it's like you're already on your way to becoming an adult. adult vs adult. don't feel bothered by them. because you control your feelings and don't let them push you down like that. once you do break down, you've lost. don't give them the benefit of doubt. show that you're stronger.

i'm 18 and i've dealt with an abusive, drunken father and brother. if you want, you can seek counseling. i'm seeking it now and i told my counselor that my father tends to get abusive. she told me that if anyone in my family is hurting me, they have the right to call someone and they can separate my father from me and the family. he can live separately from me. i liked that idea, but like you, i couldn't for some strange reason and just lied to her that he doesn't do it all the time.

i'm waiting until i have the right enough money to move out or stay put for 4 more years at least until i finish college. i'm dealing with it and i won't let it push me down. i need to hurry and finish my education so i can get the hell out. think about your future. you will get away from them. don't worry. just make the decision that you think feels right. good luck (=

Oh My Gosh you guys. Abuse is Abuse!

She does not have to have her bones broken

for it to be considered abuse. If her

parents (or parent) hits her constantly, it is abuse.

But if it's a once in a bluemoon, you should

reconsider calling the cops.

But I can't beleive some people are telling you'

'It's not that bad' When you said you got punched

in the face by your dad.

I mean, I was hit as a kid (With sticks and clothes

hangers) because I was NAUGHTY! But my parents stopped

with the hitting as I turned 11 or 12.

If you just turned 17.. and your dad hit you last winter,

you were 16. I don't know if you'd want to call

Child service or anything, it's up to you.

I think is all comes down to if you can live with

this or not, do you feel safe living there for 7 more months.

I personally think parents who threatens to kill you... aren't very

safe to live with... I would call for help. But it is your job to

do what you feel is right.

Edit:

And about that marriage thing..

I know some of my cousins who got married young

because they're parents wanted money.

In our culture, a guy pays a dowery of

around 5,000 to 10,000 to the girl's

parents. So my cousins all got married before

they turned 17! (Yes, it is against the law-ish,

but people still do it all the time) Their parents

are MESSED up!

Just be careful and don't let them mess up/control your life.