My Mom is basically making me depressed

Usually when kids are at school they are anxious to go home. for me I'm the opposite now. As soon as i step into the car my Mom yells (nags) at me about anything i say. And i just go home crying like i am right now. I bascially stay away as possible from my mom in the house, my bedroom is my safest spot of course.

I don't talk back at her cause she gets even more fired up and i just swallow her words, and just cry. I've tried taling normal to her to calm her down but then she just starts again.

Some examples of our arguments:

March 2010 - Her birthday is in March. I'm the youngest, un-employed, while my older brother & sister are working full-time. We didn't buy her a cake. I would have done it if i had a drivers license. 3 days after we were going to my dentist appointment. It's in another city, 20 or 30 minutes away. 5 minutes we got into the car she scolded me the whole way there. "I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU GUYS ANDI DON'Y GET A CAKE, OR ANY PRESENT!" I understand how she feels. She didn't buy me a cake last year for my 17th birthday, i asked her and she went off at me that she couldn't afford it. When we got inside the office I was just finished sobbing, and they asked if i was okay and lied to them that it was just allergies because of the spring season. The thing is though, she blamed all three of us, including my brother & sister. But she only yelled at me for an hour in total (even on the way back home) but didn't say anything at all to my brother and sister/. She just treated them nicely.

May 2010 - I don't think i've cried this much before in almost half a month now. EVERYDAY I'm crying on the way home from school. I recently got a haircut, i didn't want to cut it short because i wanted to wear it long for my prom 1 week from now. I walked from my hairstylist house to school so she didn't see me till after school. It costs $35. I got into the car, and all out she started yelling at me "I WANT YOU TO CUT YOUR HAIR SHORT! YOU WASTED MY $35! I'M TAKING YOU TO THE BANK, AND YOU BETTER HAVE MONEY TO PAY ME BACK!" 3o minutes she yelled at me and i came home sobbing again. I called my hairstlyist saying i didn't like it (though it was a lie, i loved my wavy hair style) but she's on vacation right now so i couldn't do anything. I decided to go to the mall and get it done a.s.a.p, so my mom would continuously tell me and my sister what i did repeadedly until i got done and she stopped. Now I'm just depressed that I have a limited option of what to my hair because of her. Today she was arguing about nothing. I was telling her about my graduation ceramony program and she went ballistic. And walked up the stairs at our house and said " Nobody's gonna wanna take family photo's of you what's the point!" yeah... i'm not coming out of my room for a while even though i'm like starving to death cause she's getting tired of making lunch for me. Last weekend was my aunt's birthday. I use the weekend to relax from all the hectic week days andi got the invite really late. I told my mom i didn't want to go a half hour before going. And she had another huge argument with me. Saying I'm a loner, and should live on my own, etc to the point where i got ready and took a shower balling like crazy the whole time and couldn't get the redness out of my eyes.

I dread waking up in the morning, i just want to stay in peace and stay in my bed cause I don't look forward to coming down stairs peacfully with my mom there cause she's gonna yell at me. I have gone through depression before. Though at that time i was stressed over work and school. Now it's my mom breaking me down to the point where i pray that i die someday. She won't stop yelling at me. Everyday... 5 minutes after school i cry because she yells, and i night i cry as well dreading what to come next. Sometimes I feel at fault for being in her life, that's why i just pray everyday that i just leave. I do see a counsellor. She wants to talk with my mom but I'm fraking out that once we step back into the car she's gonna go insane, and just call me a big fat liar. Eversince the yelling in March, i've thanked her for everything, and she just mumbles "Whatever," or just "Yeah right".

Another example is when i'm not feeling too good and she starts going off saying "Your always sick, and always complaining!" and then i end up at school and i just feel miserable, wanting to rest up.

I WOULD tell my other family members, if they actually cared. My Dad's a truck driver and is here basically 4 days a month. My sister would defend my mom saying i'm the problem. My brother... let's just say he's too arrogant and cares only for himself.

Not just my mom, if anyone else is angry i feel at fault and start crying. I'm just pathetic, arn't i?

EDIT: About the money issues, I DO HAVE A JOB (actually 2), I'm on temorary sick leave till July 10th because of stress and depression, I am also focusing on passing grade 12 so i can move on. I've worked since iwas 13 years old so my mom wouldn't have to run out of money..And i know haircut that is $35 is expensive, every hairstylist charges that much here. It's Canada, everything is expensive.

<b>June 5th 2010: </b> She's been starting to yell at me in the car saying how she has to do all the work while my dad is just sitting in a truck delivering loads in places like Florida. She says it a couple of times and then starts going off at me about how my health is so stupid and how miserable i am all the time. It hurts that i come out of school with a good mood, smiling from talking with classmates and such. And i see my mom there and my smile and mood just falls.

Whenevers she's upset from cleaning, i try to help and she cheers up a little. But she cannot stand when my Dad's at home from a trucking trip. She always murmers how he always walks into the house and tells her to make coffee or food for him. And as soon as she's done cleaning the house h comes in and makes it all dirty, or disorganizes what she just finished. He doesn't really listen to our opinions, he just firs back with arguments about ourselves.

I know, i'm now the legal age and graduated from high school. I would move out if i had a certain purpose to tell them. I havn't applied at a university yet because they are already struggling paying for my brothers education and other things.

My mum turns a sentence into a half hou/one hr lecture/nagging session. But yes, i know it's hurtful, annoying, extremely frustrating but.

They're your parents right?

You should talk to her though, sit her down and try to tell her how you feel.

I spent 80 bucks on flowers for mothers day (got a big bouquet, personally hand picked and customised)

mum gave me a small pat on shoulder.

Lol.

hm..

i mean, people can't really help you with anything because people take things personally, which can make them depressed. i get depressed because of my dad (he just scolds me and my family a lot and he does other things) and i stress over that and i get depressed from time to time. the only thing i can say it fight back. don't let your mom control you. it might be hard for you to stand up for yourself (if your doing it for the first time) but you gotta put that aside and just do it. doesn't matter what happens to you after standing up for yourself. maybe if you say something back to your mom, she'll hear your words out, but its gonna take her a really long time to change. and i highly suggest that you DO NOT let your counselor talk with your mom. your mom might go psycho on you, even more and worse. she's probably gonna say something like, 'OMFG WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TELL SOMEONE ELSE ABOUT OUR FAMILY PROBLEM... blahh blahh'

idk what other advice i should give you. my mom is really calm and totally different from my dad.

-_- Oh man, your situation is pretty aweful. Its quite understandable why you're suffering emotionally like this and why you dread facing her. But enough is enough. From the sounds of it, it seems like you haven't really done anything wrong but the sight of you just provokes her.

You are an easy target for her because you take it all in and she knows you are the weakest one in the family; thus takes all her frustrations out on you.

If shes only been targetting you and none of your siblings, then it's a sure sigh that shes bullying you; you are her target for her rants and frustrations. I'm not an expert in family issues, but if this doesn't stop soon, it can be permantly damaging to your mental and emotional health, as well as your relationship with her.

She doesn't have a right to blame you for all those things and treat you like that. I'm not sure whether she's aware of it, or even if she is, she's just purposely doing it.

If you haven't already, you should try talking to her about it. Approach her calmly and if she gets provoked and starts yelling at you, you need to get out or record it. You may want to talk to your siblings or dad or someone trust worthy about this, and how to handle it. Maybe the best option is to stay away from her as much as possible.

From your 411 you say your're 17; plently old enough to be taking the bus home by yourself, studying over at friends or at a library or something. Just remove yourself from the negative surroundings.

I was in a similar situation a few months/years back where my mom had a really bad temper issue and she'd lash out at anyone. I did everything I could to stay out of her sight and let her jsut fume it out.

I stayed after school, I took the bus, I left early in the mornings before she could offer to drive me etc. Eventually when she had no one to rant at and I just blantly ignored her, she cooled down. And she knew that if she ever blew a fuse on me again, I'd walk out. No taking this BS.

I'm 18, and soon you will be too, so if you really can't stand her I suggest you think of ways to move out/live with another family memebr so you won't have to face her.

This rant was a lot longer than expected, but your situation sounds really harsh and you don't deserve all this BS. You need to stand up for yourself and be strong (easier said than done but stil). I hope this has helped you even a little.

Take neccessary action, don't jsut let her stomp all over you; for your own emotional health. Good luck~ -_-

Oh man, your situation is pretty aweful. Its quite understandable why you're suffering emotionally like this and why you dread facing her. But enough is enough. From the sounds of it, it seems like you haven't really done anything wrong but the sight of you just provokes her.

If shes only been targetting you and none of your siblings, then it's a sure sigh that shes bullying you; you are her target for her rants and frustrations. I'm not an expert in family issues, but if this doesn't stop soon, it can be permantly damaging to your mental and emotional health, as well as your relationship with her.

She doesn't have a right to blame you for all those things and treat you like that. I'm not sure whether she's aware of it, or even if she is, she's just purposely doing it.

If you haven't already, you should try talking to her about it. Approach her calmly and if she gets provoked and starts yelling at you, you need to get out or record it. You may want to talk to your siblings or dad or someone trust worthy about this, and how to handle it. Maybe the best option is to stay away from her as much as possible.

From your 411 you say your're 17; plently old enough to be taking the bus home by yourself, studying over at friends or at a library or something. Just remove yourself from the negative surroundings.

I was in a similar situation a few months/years back where my mom had a really bad temper issue and she'd lash out at anyone. I did everything I could to stay out of her sight and let her jsut fume it out.

I stayed after school, I took the bus, I left early in the mornings before she could offer to drive me etc. Eventually when she had no one to rant at and I just blantly ignored her, she cooled down. And she knew that if she ever blew a fuse on me again, I'd walk out. No taking this BS.

I'm 18, and soon you will be too, so if you really can't stand her I suggest you think of ways to move out/live with another family memebr so you won't have to face her.

This rant was a lot longer than expected, but your situation sounds really harsh and you don't deserve all this BS. You need to stand up for yourself and be strong (easier said than done but stil). I hope this has helped you even a little.

Take neccessary action, don't jsut let her stomp all over you; for your own emotional health. Good luck~

ROFL!!!! you just regurgitated a whole page of what whitrabbitime said.......

to the poster id just run away or go to my friends house for a while and see what my mom does.......iv done it bfore when she kept naggin at me and it worked

as mentioned in above posts, your mother sounds like a bully. you should definitely talk to your other family members about it as well as your mum.

i do get the occassional lecture which could be summed up in two sentences, but my dad turns it into a whole hour of lecturing. but i cant imagine if that happened every day. its time to take action and in the mean time, you're old enough to take public transport and make your own lunch.

My childhood was pretty much the same, no, even worse than your situation and i also couldn't stick up for myself. Even though i did try at times it usually ended pretty badly and i'm almost certain this period of my life left some unwanted scars behind like my unsocial nature, inability to open up to other people,... but of course it doesn't mean you're going to turn out the same, I just think you should really try to stand up for yourself with calmness and rationality and eventually the image your mom has of you is bound to change but i could accomplish that only after i had gone to university. Slowly changing myself into a more independent, mature and opinionated person did change her views and actions towards me.

I can't help much but i can understand what you're going through and hope you at least have someone like a close friend or a relative you can talk to about this. I think it helps.

You should talk to her and tell her how you feel. If you feel that's too much/impossible then I suggest that you tell your other family members about the situation. It's not fair and you shouldn't be bullied and put under such stress for something so little. Maybe you can find the root of why your mom gets fired up so easily? Has she always been like this?

Either way, your mom does sound like a bully and I feel you need to fight back rather than taking it all in, otherwise, it can really be damaging to your health. All the best of luck.

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Agreed with others. She takes out her anger on you and targets you only out of your family.

Stop taking in everything she says. Stand up for yourself.

I think your mom is going through some sort of mental problems and she is taking it out on you. It reminds me of some of the symptoms of abusive parents and how they would only abusive one child and treat the rest really nicely. Sounds like she's abusing you mentally.

My mum is exactly like yours, OP, so I know what you're going through. I'm 21 now, so I live alone and I don't even talk to her anymore, which I really don't mind at all.

You could just take each day at a time and continue to put up with it. I know it's hard, but you've made it this far, right?

However, if you do decide to confront her, you'll need the support of your siblings (uniting against the 'enemy', so to speak). If they don't know what you're going through, TELL THEM, and I'm sure they'll stick up for you.

Think of how this will affect you in the future: you can either continue allow your mum to overpower you and become an insecure and depressed person with an inferiority complex; or you can stand up for yourself and become a strong, confident individual.

You sound very not confrontational...unless you are going to change that, nothing is going to change. You're going to have to wait until you go away for college.

I grew up with this problem as well and I know its awkward, but my guidance counselor in high school was extremely helpful and easy to talk to about it. I eventually spoke to my aunt(my mom's sister) and she ended up talking to my mom and telling her what she was doing to my self esteem as well as our relationship. My mother reacted negatively at first and felt I needed to go to a therapist and stuck me there for an hour a week for three months and the therapist would only tell me about how it was my mother's fault and not mine. It took multiple years to get through it, but I just started burying myself in school work, staying after school in the library or hanging with friends. One day, I just couldn't take it anymore and started yelling back about how horrible a mother she was because she was suppose to be my biggest fan and always there when no one else was.

I'm extremely sensitive as it seems you are OP, and anything my mother still says makes me burst into tears. But, hold them back. Don't let her get to you. I just came home from my first year in college and I'm only home for a few weeks because I got a job on campus. As everyone else is saying, tune her out. Don't sink to her level and you'll pull through this. Your mother has a very important impact on your life and even though you may not believe it, it could be how she shows her affection. If you're the youngest child, she's probably scared of losing her baby. I'm not defending her, as I'm the oldest, and my mother treats my brother differently than she does me.

My dad also helped a lot. The first step is talking to someone about it, and letting someone else know there is a problem. Whoever you decide to tell, make sure its someone you trust and I'm sure they'll pull through to help you with this situation. Agitating her by running out of the house in the middle of the arguments is not going to help the situation but I feel make it worse. Just calmly tell her that you're doing your best as living your life. You can't have a conversation with someone when they're yelling, so only acknowledge things she says when they're in a more appropriate tone of voice.

i duno ur mum got some issues

its hard being single mother? like since ur dad not around

shes prob taking it out on u..

neways if ur mum complains bout everything just avoid her

make ur own lunch

use ur own mony

get a job then she has nothing to say

btw 35 bux is a lot of money for a hair cut!

hi, i think your mom is lonely, by what you said is pretty much that, dad 4 days a month, ego brother, sister full time, whos left? the baby of course, i dont really think its bullying, at least its not bullying with the mere intention of it, shes in a way showing her affection to you, for her is probably hard having most of her family busy with something else rather than her, then she sees you, whos still not really that busy, whom she still has an effect on, so she lashes out on you.

i dont think tuning her out or leaving home are the best solutions, and you dont have any idea how many times have i walked out the door with the thought, i hail from the same situation and i can gladly say i overcame it with a semi happy ending, i was the same as you, unlike you i have 3 sisters who dont live at home anymore and rarely visit and even when my dad is here is pretty much like he isnt, my approach at first was to tune her out which only aggravated the issue more in my personal case, one of my friends mom saw me on one of my crying fits one day and she talked to me (really the best advice you will ever get regarding mom trouble is from other moms not counsellors, counsellors will give you their counsellors opinions, not that i have anything against them, other moms will actually help you out more, so try talking with one of your friends mom that you feel comfortable talking with) i explained what happened and she told me my mom was just lonely and since i was her last baby and all my sisters had left home so fast/stopped caring for her so much so fast, it was so fast for her tht she didnt took it in properly, and she explained everything from a mother perspective, i understood it i didnt agree with it but i didnt condemned it either, i realized i never really had a good relationship with my mother, i was always the rebellious child since the oldest sister occupied the spoiled spot and i never really shared any of my thoughts with her, i tried with all my might to with that understanding my moms friend gave me to calm myself down, and started working on fixing my relationship with my mother, i got ahead of her, before she could even start yelling at me id do things shed be extremely pleased at even if i didnt get a thanks, after 2 years and a lot of effort i can tell you now the yelling comes when i really deserve it but she is getting into the menopause frametime and when her sugar level goes up well seems like im back at the start but i wont give up and you shouldnt give up either, be strong because you are strong, it is a semi happy ending because well i got scarred by this moms know where it hurts the most, but im starting to gain back my confidence, keep your head straight

woah what a rant xD, hope it actually helps you out since every person has different cirumstances :]

have you ever gone ballistic on her?

or maybe you can continue avoiding her..get to school yourself, make your own food, maybe you can try getting a job too so you're pretty much independent.

thats what i did with my mom (except i didn't avoid her, i just started doing everything myself) and she shut up.

but my mom was never THAT extreme..just very john teshing annoying, so idk.

good luck.

Hi, u know I have problems with my mom lately too. She nags and wants everything done her way and when everyone is against her, she cries and says that the whole world is against her and we're all ganging up on her. The thing I always notice is that whenever we fight or she fights with my dad, it's always my younger sister that she vents out on. My sister would cry- I think that maybe you, being the youngest- your mom expects that you'll always be at her side like my mom expects my younger sister to side with her all the time whenever she had tantrums even when she's at fault. A friend of mine says, that this attitude probably comes due to old age-a phase that most elderly women go through. I think your mom is seeking attention like our mom does- just give her a belated bday card and whenever she nags and yells, try not to take it at heart and let it pass through your ears- I know it's hard but you should learn it and yeah, talking back would not do any good-it'll just make her steam more-from what you said- I think she'd just twist everything you say to make you look more bad. I think you should try doing small things for her without expecting too much from her and have activities that would take your mind out of home like getting a part time job.

Wow. What a richard simmons.

What ever happens, never even think about suicide. It won't solve anything. I mean, yeah, you might not have to endure your mother's yelling but you will deffinately endure some real pain in hell. Just saying.

Just try to live through it. Why not move out or something? Maybe stay at your friend's house? I don't know, just something.

Your mother is a cruel woman who can't think like a normal person. Things come in one ear and go out the other.

Just don't let her see how easily you can break down. Be strong and show her you're better than her and that she should just shut up and mind her own bizz.

Just, please, do not commit suicide. That should not even be something you should think about.

It won't do you any good.

"Suicide is a coward's way out"

So...Are you a coward?