5 year of relationship and then..

Hello Guys,

Im here to take some advice from all of you awesome people in soompi . Heres my story.

Well ive been with my girl for 5 years. Though we had some ups and downs, we maintained a happy and strong relationship. Well.. ill be honest with you guys
the girl im with is really.. the nicest way I describe is sensitive. When I mean sensitive she gets doesnt seem to have a very strong outershell to protect herself from mean things people say to her and she just becomes too emotional I guess. I tried helping her cope with it but in the end she had to be in therapy. Well on the the main problem:

Just a few weeks ago, I had a falling out with her. We had a huge argument. Its due to the fact she is becoming a different person and then she says im a different person . She seems more inclined to keep everything to herself rather than us having a discussion about it (which we always used to do). Also theres an ongoing issue with her for the past year that ive tried to get her to stop, which is hanging out with just 1 particular guy who seemed too interested in her. WAY too interested in her. Like literally he tried hitting on her when knowing she has me, tried to give her a necklace, and etc. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind by obviously talking to him but she was like "no no were just friends, he knows it". Fast forward to the falling out, she told me that we should take a break.. out of nowhere.. while im at work... it caused me so much pain but i had to agree. Cant fight it.

Now.. 2 weeks after when she told me we should go on a break, I got to thinking, (because she removed me off facebook, twitter and instragram). I wonder if i followed the guy whos been pursuing her for the past year. I made a fake account (call me crazy :/) and I followed him on twitter... keep in mind his account is protected and also my account was a fake, fakes pictures and info etc.

He then accepted which blew my effin mind. Literally the first few posts that I saw since we had a falling out was about her.. pictures of her literally floated in his twitter. Like... pictures with the word bae (before anyone else) which is what we used to call each other. I literally dropped on my knees as I soaked in what was happening. I saw picture of them in a room together, her holding his head.. this was over the course of febuary 2014 till now. Like.. wtf was I to her, so many thoughts ran in my mind. Another thing is that they call themselves king and queen, apparently its some BS that they do for some group or something with their friends.

Right now, I just honestly need to talk to someone. Sorry for such a long story and do tell me if some of things I said doesnt make sense. Im literally feeling like Ive been wrecked.
Sorry for the long posts, and I hope to see your guys thoughts .

EDIT: Also the on the guys twitter, it has "Happy 11 months bae , happy 3 months bae  and etc". I know who its obviously directed to. We havent spoken in a while due to the break and well.. right know im trying to keep my time occupied by self improvement by exercising (running for 5k a day), just having fun playing games with my friends and "trying" to learn japanese. But in the back of my mind.. it still hurts and I keep thinking about it.

I know this sound like a mean thing to say to stay away from emotional girls in the first place...unless there are guys who likes the drama, but hey- you get what you pick. 
So, what you are implying is that your girlfriend has been cheating on you with her "friend" for some time now....[you mentioned as early as Feb 2014?]..A girl knows when one of her male friends like her more than just a friend, they know that, but tries to pretend it doesn't exist and keeping them as a "friend" for the attention in your scenario. If you've noticed changes in her behavior, such as less communications about things, it is a strong sign the relationship is going downhill when one party is keeping a lot of thoughts to themselves and unwilling to share. You do not want to get yourself twined into this mess. You should forget about her. Time will heal all wounds, and find yourself a better woman in the future. And if she ever tries to reconcile with you in the future, do NOT go back to it. I know it hurts now, but just talking to anyone, friends or even strangers on online forums could relieve your stress and help you heal faster. 

Yeah, Ive been told but I thought that was a good trait in a way? I guess I was wrong .

Yeah, well earlier than that, they met in 2013 but the posts with him and her started in Febuary 2014.
Your right though, ill have to try to forget about her.. Its hard though. After so many years of spending so much time together, now.. ugh its make me sick thinking about it.

Yeah Im trying to talk to people, just to get her out of my head. I honestly wish I could just erase her from my head but thats wishful thinking. Thank though. Hopefully... I'll forget. FML D: lol

Wow. That's rough bro. Sorry to hear that. It'll be hard to forget a long term relationship like that, even if they cheated. Best thing now isn't trying to forget, but more of distracting yourself. Hanging with friends, doing things you couldn't do before but now can, etc etc.

Did you try talking to her about it? Trying to get closure helps too. Like the honest truth from her.

Yeah Exactly what im trying to do . Im actually, at this moment, trying to reconnect with some of my friends that I lost, because she was too emotional and I had to break off a 2 year friendship with one of my friends in school .

I honestly want to but right now shes currently in "therapy" and were on "break" complete bs in my opinion but I dont want to agitate her and i still ugh.. somewhat respect her :/. Right now im preparing for the worse cause i know its coming. Rekashin uses "harden" hopefully its effective .

if i was you ill just call her up and break off everything completly. even if you guys keep at it she might do the same. five years isnt that short nor long。

Hey. I'm truly sorry to hear about your discovery. I can imagine how shocking and burning you must have felt.

Five years is a significant, precious length of time. What she did is appalling and probably shows the extent of her inner brokenness. Maybe that guy helped her feel better or heal her psyche in some way. Nonetheless, if she wanted him, she should have told you.

I also want to add my opnion that (ideally) there should be no such thing as "breaks" in any relationship. I certainly understand that it has benefitted some couples. Usually, it's a sign that one of them has lost love or there's a serious issue at hand.

I agree with the members above.

From my personal point of view, if I were in your shoes, I'd do one of the following:
- forgive her, remain casual friends with her, recover from the pain and loss, move on and find someone else
- I'd scorn her harshly, forget about her, recover from my pain, move on and find someone else.

Thank you guys for your advice. 
Yeah, 5 years is basically. you could my first serious relationship. It hurts but I gotta move on hopefully soon .
Also what do you guys think of my method, was it justified or was it creepy/stalker-ish? When i followed the dude in twitter.
Im actually thinking of just... leaving her. If she wants to talk, thats fine but I wont be emotionally attached (hopefully) whenever I see her but then again, I dont know lol. 
Its hard to make a plan and move on when you've thought you found your soulmate and then, she was a shinigami all along, waiting to take your soul haha well thats kinda dark.

Its better you found out now then later down the track.

Break, my as. She wants her cake and eat it too. You should break up with her officially. You have evidence she is cheating on you.

Why is it ok for her to hurt someone just cause she is sensitive. If she was that bs sensitive she would not knowing hurt another person emotionally. Knowing how bad and terrible those emotions are. No one in a dark place would bring someone else with them to that dark place.

5 yrs means jack all if someone who is meant to love you can easily hurt you without blinking an eyelid.

That's unfortunate. Although you will get over it.

Enjoy the times with her, and move on. It feels terrible now that you're in the thick of it all, and then, as the years go by and something happens in your day to remind you of her, your memories of her will seem faint. Quite like a dream.

It's surreal, really, how for a good while, someone will feel like they're your world, and then, soon, they will be nothing but a faint memory.

Thank you guys for giving me your opinions.

Ill try to give it a try. Once her "break" is over and her "therapy" is over, ill confront her but for now ill just give myself some space and room to improve w.e I can. Ill keep you guys update .

Thank you again!

I'd slap her but that's me

I am sorry to hear what you had to go through. Five years is a long time and considering how you tried to be there for her thick and thin.
I agree with you to just leave her. You deserve someone way better, someone who will respect and love you.
I am glad you are letting it out here. Keep going! It will be hard and it will take time. But the more you talk about it, the more it will get easier. Talking about it will help you sort out your thoughts.

It's really not worth it .. I think you should call her and break it off completely and not wait for her "break" to be over ... U have huge evidence that she's been cheating on you and really if you go back to her you're the one setting yourself up for pain.. I've been there and really .. If the person really did love u.. There wouldn't be another person in the picture ..so yeah don't let her play you anymore . Once that she realizes you're gone .. There's a huge chance that she might regret it . But then that time you're probably going to be over her .

I was here a couple of months ago dealing with heartbreak too! I know it's hard right now but time really heals ! Do stuff that you've never done before and take time to improve yourself ! I was so miserable a couple of months ago but now I can totally say I'm happy !

While in a relationship we often forget about our own needs and happiness so now this is the time to just put yourself first ! When I did that that's when he tried coming to me but screw that hehehe it will really surprise u how in the next few weeks/months ... You'll have a completely different view about the relationship !

I'm sorry your relationship ended the way it did. Sometimes people are too selfish and don't know when to just let go.After being in a relationship for 5 years she probably enjoyed knowing she was still desirable to other men. You should just cut your losses and work on meeting new people. 
The world is seriously so big. After travelling, my eyes really opened as I met new friends and I felt so refreshed and happier. I knew that I'd probably be ok if my bf and I ever broke up (not that I want or ever wanted to, 8.5 years together currently). 
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should try to be happy knowing you did your best with helping her deal with her troubles. But your happiness is important too. Save up for a trip to the other side of the world and share a moment with a beautiful new friend before you jet back home! You'll find yourself one way or another.
ps. shame on your ex for two-timing you!
 

I'm sorry to hear about it, but I hope you can grieve and get over it. ALl the best. 

karaxi said: It's really not worth it .. I think you should call her and break it off completely and not wait for her "break" to be over ... U have huge evidence that she's been cheating on you and really if you go back to her you're the one setting yourself up for pain.. I've been there and really .. If the person really did love u.. There wouldn't be another person in the picture ..so yeah don't let her play you anymore . Once that she realizes you're gone .. There's a huge chance that she might regret it . But then that time you're probably going to be over her . I was here a couple of months ago dealing with heartbreak too! I know it's hard right now but time really heals ! Do stuff that you've never done before and take time to improve yourself ! I was so miserable a couple of months ago but now I can totally say I'm happy ! While in a relationship we often forget about our own needs and happiness so now this is the time to just put yourself first ! When I did that that's when he tried coming to me but screw that hehehe it will really surprise u how in the next few weeks/months ... You'll have a completely different view about the relationship !

The sad thing is she knows im hurting, but shes not willing to work things out with me. I mean, i understand being left alone and all that but really..  the past 3 weeks have been brutal for me. I literally have insomnia, i can barely eat.. it feels like im on a roller coaster of emotions that I cant get off.
But nothing, she just wants to just .. ugh. Sorry for ranting. I feel like im a mess and i hate this feeling.

Edit: Also note where she says just text me. I do and she doesnt even text back. She doesnt even say Hi or how are you (or am I just expecting too much? haha..)

I see a lot of excuses from her. She wants you to understand her while she pushes you away? She's unstable so she seeks support from that other guy? I wonder if she wants space from you so she can continue to be with the other guy. I can't grasp what she means by trying to get better, not ready yet, etc. She knows she hurt you but I don't see how she's hurting as well. She should have gave more elaborate answers than those little sentences.

Thank you for sharing all of that with us. I hope that everything gets resolved and that you find an answer that fits you, whether that answer includes her or not.

@silent.dragon, I agree with you. She is saying a lot of excuse.
@rekashin. Have you considered not texting her? If you keep doing it, she will know you are still there and frankly, she is taking you for granted.It's like she wants everything (i.e. your love and devotion, and may be some other guys as well) but not want to put any effort into it. If she needs to space to sort herself out, she would not be seeing the other guy. she should be on her own and trying to sort out her "self love."