rejecting someone gently

Hi guys,
So I met this guy (lets say A) at a party recently. He's a super nice guy and very accomplished. I don't think during the party I was flirty but I was friendly. We never talked in private but only as a four person group with another guy (his friend) and another girl (my friend). I think my friend was somewhat interested in A. It was definitely a 4-way conversation. My friend and I both left early before the night was out and I didn't leave my contact details or anything.
I'm not interested in A in that way but afterwards he added my on FB and then asked me over FB message for coffee/dinner and my phone no. I rejected the coffee/dinner by saying I was busy but I gave my phone number to be polite (after thinking about it I couldn't just say "no I don't want to give you my phone no I don't like you in that way" when his message was just casual). Although I did leave two days before responding to hopefully show I wasn't that into it (but he might thought I was just playing games d'oh!). 
Anyway he messaged me today and asked me out again. So I know I can't go out with him privately because that would be leading him on but how do I let him down gently? I have to be polite. He's a good friend of a senior of mine in university, and our course is very small and tight and we know lots of the same people in common. I even feel waiting too long to message back is rude but I don't know what to say. On the other hand I don't want to initiate a long back and forth of casual texting because that seems like leading him on too!
Options: 
-Invite him out with girlfriend and try to set them up? Like I said my friend already may be interested, and he's very accomplished and not bad looking, so I think he'd be welcome. On the other hand guys would you appreciate this? And I'm thinking my gf might not appreciate being second choice and would prefer to just stay out of it. For this same reason I haven't asked her for her opinion about this guy msging me. She hasn't mentioned him to me either. 
-Invite him out with a different girlfriend? Not related, never met him, would definitely be interested in him. 
For the above options it's because I said that the day he asked me out I was already "meeting someone" so I thought I could just invite him along.
-Say sorry I'm not interested in you: which is kind of rude and abrupt when his texting has been casual? Like... yeah my day was great and by the way I'm not interested in you!
-What else? Any ideas?
He's a great guy and I admire him professionally a lot. He's socially very adept and has great manners. I don't think he would have any problem with getting girls. At the same time don't want to bruise his ego and seem like a weirdo. Help thanks!

hey how about i set you up with a gf i have. you guys would seem amazing together. if he doesnt understand that then say i have a bf sorry

moonshinechance said:after thinking about it I couldn't just say "no I don't want to give you my phone no I don't like you in that way"

Hmm I don't really agree with the advice given so far

But like @Affection said, don't get ahead of yourself

Considering the fact that you guys know so many people mutually, rejecting him directly would make things really awkward for the both of you.

So here's what you do

Suggest that you, him and your gf that may be interested in him to hangout together. It doesn't even have to be about setting her up, you don't even know for sure if she's interested in him. And you don't even have to care if he will appreciate it or not. Just a casual hangout. You and the guy can also hangout with your other friends or his friends. The purpose of this is to show that you don't want to meet up with him privately. And if you guys do meetup with everybody, show absolute no interest in him which should be pretty natural since you don't have any interest anyway. If you respect him as you say, this would be a good way to go

If he keeps on texting, make it simple as well. Text back within hours apart (not texting for days is pretty odd actually) and when he asks question like "how was your day?" or "what do you usually do on your free time?", give him relatively short answers and don't ask his questions back (don't add any "And you?") further showing him no interest. Eventually he will stop. If he doesn't know when to stop, he needs to learn from this experience then

These situations are never easy. To the people who want the truth straight up, it's not going to happen. Even if the girl or guy tells the truth that he or she is not interested, what solid evidence does he or she have to say such things, no matter how obvious the person making the moves looks. You would look just arrogant and conceited. And no one will tell you directly right away they're interested and and tell you the truth. No one wants to look that easy.

If it was that easy this section of the forums wouldn't even exist

Good luck

I think you're thinking too much.
Perhaps he just enjoy your company, and wants to befriends with you.
Don't assume or you will just laugh back at yourself.

frenchtutor said: Hmm I don't really agree with the advice given so far But like @Affection said, don't get ahead of yourself Considering the fact that you guys know so many people mutually, rejecting him directly would make things really awkward for the both of you. So here's what you do Suggest that you, him and your gf that may be interested in him to hangout together. It doesn't even have to be about setting her up, you don't even know for sure if she's interested in him. And you don't even have to care if he will appreciate it or not. Just a casual hangout. You and the guy can also hangout with your other friends or his friends. The purpose of this is to show that you don't want to meet up with him privately. And if you guys do meetup with everybody, show absolute no interest in him which should be pretty natural since you don't have any interest anyway. If you respect him as you say, this would be a good way to go If he keeps on texting, make it simple as well. Text back within hours apart (not texting for days is pretty odd actually) and when he asks question like "how was your day?" or "what do you usually do on your free time?", give him relatively short answers and don't ask his questions back (don't add any "And you?") further showing him no interest. Eventually he will stop. If he doesn't know when to stop, he needs to learn from this experience then These situations are never easy. To the people who want the truth straight up, it's not going to happen. Even if the girl or guy tells the truth that he or she is not interested, what solid evidence does he or she have to say such things, no matter how obvious the person making the moves looks. You would look just arrogant and conceited. And no one will tell you directly right away they're interested and and tell you the truth. No one wants to look that easy. If it was that easy this section of the forums wouldn't even exist Good luck

He could just want to hang out and be friends? I mean there was a few guys that asked for my phone number and I thought nothing of it and just became friends with them. Since his text sounds casual just be casual and hang out with him. But once he starts sounding flirty etc just explain you only want to be friends. 

You know a very indirect way of turning down ANYONE is by saying "sorry I'm so busy and there's a lot going on" as an excuse for not pursuing communication. Works all the time because I'm always convinced that the person is really busy. In reality it was just a shot down but at least there's that question in the back of my head going "was she really busy?" 
By then things will have moved on and I'm sure there will be other things to worry about. 

Thanks everyone for the advice, all of them has been great especially @frenchtutor
I agree with not getting to ahead of myself. It's totally feasible that he could just want to be friends I just got stressed because he was texting normal messages and then when I didn't respond quickly enough he started messaging on whatsapp to. I already did the "I'm busy" and it seemed so rude to do it twice but yeah agree that more obvious is better. If he's not interested then he wouldn't care that I'm busy, and if he is then at least he won't waste any more time.
I was pretty sure that one of my gfs would be into him so kinda wanted to keep him around for that LOL. She's always asking me to intro her to guys. Anyway I mentioned it to him last night when he was texting on whatsapp that I'm meeting up with a girl and then I talked about how great she was LOL, so hopefully he gets it He agreed to meet up with us 2!

Thanks everyone for the advice, all of them has been great especially @frenchtutor

I agree with not getting to ahead of myself. It's totally feasible that he could just want to be friends I just got stressed because he was texting normal messages and then when I didn't respond quickly enough he started messaging on whatsapp to. I already did the "I'm busy" and it seemed so rude to do it twice but yeah agree that more obvious is better. If he's not interested then he wouldn't care that I'm busy, and if he is then at least he won't waste any more time.

I was pretty sure that one of my gfs would be into him so kinda wanted to keep him around for that LOL. She's always asking me to intro her to guys. Anyway I mentioned it to him last night when he was texting on whatsapp that I'm meeting up with a girl and then I talked about how great she was LOL, so hopefully he gets it He agreed to meet up with us 2!

rawr hes planning a threesome lol gl have fun

@Lie so when you guys say "blunt" how do you mean?
For example @frenchtutor mentioned I can't really reject without even confirming he's interested (which he's not going to come out and say) unless I want to come out conceited - i.e. I can't really respond to his do you want to have coffee with "I'm not interested in you".
So when you say blunt do you mean something like "hey I like this other guy... give me some advice" (which would lieing...), continually saying I'm busy (which sounds more like avoiding issue) etc?
I'm thinking of backing out tmr although my friend is pretty eager. I explained the situation to her and she doesn't care lol. She's cool and practical like that. If I back out last minute and don't propose re-date is that blunt?
The thing is he is someone I respect a lot professionally hence my biggest fear is coming off as rude. Our professional industry (especially the Asian portion of it) is very tight and people talk about each other.

I dont think there is any real gentle way of rejecting someone.  Its more like what is the lest awkward way so that you can continue to be friends.
In my singledom days, I recall a similar situation to your own, except a) the guy got my number off our mutual friend, i didnt realise he was interested.
Story, he got my number, we started texting, but it wasn't frequent, as I was busy with my own thing.  It may have just been naive me, but I seriously didnt think he was interested, as I only viewed him as a friend. We always met as groups, so it wasn't obvious to me.
The first time I finally realised he was interested, I was alone with him (first time ever) looking for our drunken friend's car.  In the middle of us talking and searching, he asks, "are you free on saturday?".  Put on the spot, but knowing I didnt like him in that way, I said 'no'.  Thinking that was it.  But nope, he then asked when I was free next.  Still feeling awkward and a little shocked, panicked, I still said 'im not sure, im busy', in my mind I didnt want to lead him on when I only saw him as a friend and the fact we had mutual friends.  The conversation got super awkward, cause he was like "so you're really busy....don't tell me, you will call me".  After that it was pretty much silent, as we found our friend's car.
From what I could tell, he might have been disappointed but pretty much afterwards he got over it.  I found out years later he was wondering why we stopped being friends after that. To be honest, it was me, as I felt so bad, and weird in regards to the whole situation.  Maybe we would still be friends now, if I had just gotten over the sudden, 'asking out' scenario. We still have the same mutual friends, so we occasionally bump into each other, but its like as if none of that ever happened and we can speak normally to one another.
My advice to you is, be straight forward. Tell him you're busy or similar until he gets it, at least its only via facebook/text and not face to face.

How can you be sure it's not just friendly coffee/dinner? Maybe I'm way off to always believe it's platonic unless otherwise stated.....

I've had girls say "yes" when I ask them out then ignore me completely and date someone else a week later.


....
Just don't say yes, make sure you reject casual hang outs too.

Here's my idea, find a fake internet boyfriend that will pretend to be an ldr and skype him with the guy.

@moonshinechance‌ Soo what happened

@frenchtutor‌ Hey so I backed out after chatting to my friend. She said that it would be way awkward if I made them meet be themselves and also if I get turning the convo to them and I remembered what you guys said about if I kept it casual he might think I was interested but just shy to meet him on my own (I'm not like that at all!) Anyway so I just said I was busy and she was busy so can't and just didn't propose a new time. He was nice about it and just told me to tell him when I was free next and so I thought perhaps I over thought things and he just wants to be friends and meet girls you know. I didn't hear from him for about a week but last night he called me. I didn't hear it so I didn't pick up and afterwards he sent me a couple of texts saying hey I called you call me back etc. It didn't sound like an emergency and it was kinda late so I went to bed lol Anyway it's next day now and I think I'll just text instead of calling and see what he wants. I don't want the conversation to be a drawn out hey how are you doing etc etc and he'll think I'm leading him on.

Called you and then texted you to call back?? He sounds desperate now lol

You want to go "easy" on him because you believe that he would take the rejection too personally, or that you don't want to hurt his feelings (much like pitying). I understand that you don't find him attractive romantically, but as you can see, even wanting to go easy on him is a subtle sign that you are disrespecting him as a man. Ideas such as leaving him with another girl is, in fact, more disrespectful and it would show that you don't have the courage to face the situation and do the right thing.
So if you want to do this the right way, the only way to go about this is to be honest. Give him the benefit of the doubt that if he is truly a good and emotionally-strong man, he will not take your rejection personally and he can handle it. Give him the chance to show you that he will be mature enough to be cool with it and may even wish to continue to be friends. At the very least, give him this chance to be a man, even if you aren't planning on getting together with him. If he acts in any immature or personal manner, perhaps this friendship isn't much to lose anyway.
I understand that if he is simply calling or texting you a lot, you can't really call him out on it. And this being done by someone you are not attracted to can be annoying. At this point, I would encourage you to continue to treat him as a friend. But he will only do so much until he does something more obvious or direct. At that point, there is really no "easy" way to reject someone. Rejection in any way will still be a rejection at the end of the day. So once again, what I recommend is for you to be honest and direct. Do not sugar-coat it, do not exaggerate his positives, just give it to him the way it is.
Good luck!

Reject him clearly. If he becomes a stalker, there's always the police and restraining orders.

Hi,

Invite him out , just the two of you.

Order something delicious on the menu, along with a few drinks to wash it down. Have a chat. At the end of the night, if nothing has changed, just tell him straight up.

You get dinner , (I would assume he pays if he's as nice as you think) , and he knows where he stands.

Win win for you both.