keeping in contact with ex?

So recently I've been really losing it every time I think about my ex and every single thought that ever pops up just makes me so sad and often brings me to tears. I finally did what I heard was recommended, and I'm not sure if it was the right thing. I blocked Facebook and other contact methods because I can't even bear to have her name pop up in my head because what she did to me was not ok and I'm thoroughly sad about that all -__-. but it also means I burned a bridge. 
Ideally are we supposed to try to stay friends? (for me this is not possible, how could I be friends with someone who has hurt me so much?) Or am I supposed to just block her out as much as possible? Even though I feel slightly better about not seeing her, I'm still pained by the fact that I have to hide from someone who I used to love and care so much about, never would have imagined or hoped it'd turn out that my loved one would become an enemy. My abandonment of any relations between basically solidifies our break up. Anyway, just want to know what you guys think or what you guys did during your breakups. Breakups are hard! I'm still thinking about mine! and it's been awhile too -__-
I did think about staying in touch for vengeful reasons etc, as immature as that sounds, but decided that it wasn't worth the pain I'm going through just to keep her number saved in my phone. 

"How could I be friends with someone who has hurt me so much?"

You know, I thought about this with all sorts of people.
I've come to the conclusion that it's the wrong question to ask. It's the wrong thing to focus on.
Why?

For me, it's all about forgiving, but not forgetting.
I'm all about second, third, and fourth chances (and so forth), but I always remember to take note of what they're capable of.
Are you going to tell me that nobody else in your life hasn't hurt you before?
There's no ideal way to go about this, because everyone's ideals are different.

I don't want to do this, but I'm going to leave a Bob Marley quote.“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

Question. Do you want her in your life or not?
If yes, try to reconcile with every once of your effort since she's not worth losing.
If no, then block her, burn the bridge, and don't look back.

Ideally, I do think it's better to remain close friends (if the care is mutual).
All types of relationships is a 2-way street. If she gave you pain and doesn't regret it, she's not a person worth your effort.

I believe best way to get over someone is through no contact. If you broke up with someone but still have feelings for them, nothing good will come out of having them on social media. You'll see them going out, having fun, meeting other guys, etc. It's just gonna eat you up inside.

Also if she wronged you badly, you're gonna have some form of grudge against her. I can't see friendship working out too well if you have a grudge + feelings for her while she doesn't. If you REALLY want to be friends with her, I would personally go no contact until you get 100% over her. And even after you're fully over her, I would give it some time and if you STILL want to be friends with her, just message her afterwards.


Break ups are tough, forcing no contact is tough, but honestly, you'll be good after time passes. Make sure you're actively TRYING to get over her, don't just go no contact and think about her/memories all day.

It was hard for me to break contact with my ex after I dumped him, so when he contacted me I would respond. But it got to the point where he would stop, so I never heard from him again. I don't intend on becoming his friend anymore, which is what we originally wanted. Sometimes, the best remedy is time.

I honestly thought that being friends with an ex was plausible, but in reality, it's hard to become friends immediately after a break up. It's possible if given the right level of maturity from both party. But there will be lingering feelings whether you ended on good terms or bad. I think when it comes down to it, you were ok without that bridge with your ex before, so why do you need to worry about it now? You'll be fine without it. Sometimes, old bridges are burned in order for you to gather the strength to build a new, stronger, better one.

I think you’re holding onto this feeling too tightly. When you guys broke up, that should have solidify the break up, especially one that derived from receiving so much pain (as you stated). You two broke up for a reason, why dwell on it? Why deny yourself happiness? Why keep in touch if it makes you unhappy? When you block all social outlets to get back in touch with her, you’re not hiding. You’re moving forward. You've finally taken the first step in recovery, don't revert track. At the end of the day, you're the only one who can allow yourself to feel happiness.

I have burned all bridges with my exs because what they all did was not okay and I would rather not talk to them then try and be friends. My first ex has apologized many times and want to be friends but I just don't the reason to be friends. Same with guys I went on one or two dates, I have one or two that did end up becoming friends but for the latter they didnt' want to be friends with a girl that didn't want to be their girlfriend. 
But I think if your ex did something really horrible like cheating etc then I think it's fine to burn the bridge. In your mind there's no way you would have forgiven her and even if you were to become friends it would take a long time for you to get past/comes to terms with what happened. 

Many years past by between my ex bf and me since we broke up  .. He is now married with 2 kids  but some occasions like my birthday he still calls me in our home but I'm avoiding  all his calls I made many excuses that I am also married but he founds out that I was lying. My feelings for him was long gone. And then, after 10-11 years I guess he keeps bothering me again by calling me that he still love me and until now he keeps thinking of me. He wants me back into his life. He also said before  that he married his wife just to forget me and now he is in the process of divorcing his wife. I have no idea about their marriage life problem and what went wrong, I don't care. My parents getting annoyed by his phone calls so I decided to give him my cellphone number which almost be out of service. He also keeps emailing and stupid of me I replied to his emails with not so good message content to make him discourage and leave me alone. The more he is eager and determined to win me back the more I am afraid that I may start a feeling again for him. I even thought many stupid excuses for him to disappear completely in my life still useless for him. I already forget him and move on with my life. I hope he can find peace with his self and move on too.

Hey you!
I think you were aware that i just went through a break up a couple months ago. Funny thing is i`m completely ok now. I`m not even sad nor bitter anymore..I highly recommend that you block everything. stop yourself from checking up on that person and reward yourself every time you`ve one that. checking up on an ex wouldn`t help anything.. you`re just setting yourself up for pain and if you find something about your ex.. you`ll be back in square one and you have to do the getting over process all over again.
If you really wanna have contact with your ex i think you should wait at least a year. i`m in contact with one of my ex`s and we don`t even have romantic feelings for each other anymore and we even look back on the relationship and laugh at it. I know its not easy but time heals and you really really have to keep yourself occupied. you could always unblock the person once you`re ready.. 
sometimes people are afraid to block their ex`s because they`re still hoping that the ex will contact them.. but seriously though.. if they really want to contact you after the break up, they will find a way no matter what. 

If you have broke up with her already,I think you should better don't contact her no longer.Actually,I also broke up with my EX,and I never contact him now,I just want to prove that I am good,even though I left him.I can read,watch movie,shopping with friends when I am alone,maybe sometimes I also miss him so much,but I tell myself I can't give him a call or massage,I also cry,after three month,everything goes well now,I am happier than before.

I've had some where she did something bad to me. I still talk to one of them, very rarely though. I don't mind talking to her but I will never trust her again or become close friends again, but since I don't care about her and her personality doesn't annoy me, I don't mind being acquaintances.

I've had one where I broke up with her cause I couldn't stand her. Talking to her right after relationship caused problems so I went no contact. Then she messaged me way after and just talking to her for a short while would annoy me because I couldn't stand her personality. >.>


So basically, I believe exes are an ex for a reason lol

After my ex dumped me i deleted myself off facebook. I knew i was going to drive myself crazy by constantly checking his facebook. I don't know what he thinks/thought of this and whether he assumed that i had deleted and blocked him.

I wanted to be friends with him and from what he was saying as we were talking things through on the day we broke up he said he wanted to stay friends too. We have only spoken once since we broke up and it was me asking if i had left something at his. He said he hoped i was doing ok and i said the same back. Since then i've heard nothing from him.

It still hurts and i still well-up at times thinking about what we had and could have had but i know that we broke up for a reason and i wasn't really happy towards the end.

There is only one ex i have that i am still friends with and tbh we shouldn't have ever dated. I was too young at the time to know the difference between enjoying the attention and having feelings for someone.

It really depends on the situation on trying to remain friends with your ex. If it was a horrible break up likes yours, where that person has hurt you a lot, I do not think it is worth the effort to remain friends. For me, I was never able to remain friends with most of my exs because the break up was way too hard for me. I think having no contact with them really did help me through the tough times because I know if I were to remain friends with them, it would have taken me a long time to get over them.
But if the break up was mutual or wasn't that "painful" such as breaking up due to distance, lack of communication, etc., I think it is much easier to remain as friends. Obviously, you will still need your alone time to digest everything and realize you two are not together anymore. If they are someone you want to still want to remain friends with because they mean a lot to you as a friend, then go ahead and try it out. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. I still talk to one of my ex and I am happy we are friends now. He is someone I can talk to about everything and he is always there for me when I need him (we both don't have feelings for each other anymore). Since we went out before, we knew almost everything about each other and comfortable to talk about anything. I don't see him in person but he is someone I do text a lot. 

Love is just waste of time and Every thing........ i think Friend is the Best relation ......when we come to the earth, we come as an innocent human being.Day by day we grow up. one day we become teen and after that we turn into young.this is the sequel of a human life. but in this short journey of life we face so many incidents intentionally of accidentally. A girl when get younger, a new turn affect her life.when she goes to school college or university a change can be followed easily. she fill like something missing. But what is the thing she can't be sure. she starts to find out her answer.its her new feeling. she gets confuse. she has family who loves her a lot, she has friends, teachers, neighbors she has everything in her life but still she is feeling a lack.may be she starts to do things abnormal. when somehow she become success to find out the lack she starts to think about it.so many colorful dreams fly around her. this is not the story of any dedicated girl this is the story of each and every girl all over the world.yes,it is the feeling of love.

Ah, been there done (some of) that.
I once liked (or maybe love? But I guess I was too young for that haha) this guy so much. He was my bestie and we like each other but well he said he ain't ready for a relationship. We never get together but we were so close just like bf-gf relationship. Then things happened between us, we went awkward, he said he will still be my very best friend but I cut every communication that I have with him. I put some distance (back then social media sites wasn't popular), try to avoid him even though we were in same class. But I kept the number anyways. He tried his best to keep talking with me, tried his best to keep communicating with me but I pushed him away. Until one day, he finally stopped doing all that and start thinking to move on.. Then I realised I've lost a best friend and someone that I used to like & it is harder to.. uh.. start the friendship or even more, the relationship again.

Anyways enough for my story.
My point is, it is depends on the circumstances. If you think it is really that hard to actually being connected with her in any way, then delete her but at least keep 1 communication channel between you and her. Well.. lets say like Facebook (the joy of modern tech), you can hide the person you don't want to see by unfollowing them. I know it will not completely hide her but at least it help you to retain the communication channel while you don't have to see her every now and then.
If you think the break up is just that bad and you two are should not be together then be it. Just cut all the bridge. Post break up situation is always full of pain and full of dilemmas.. Just make sure you won't regret it someday.. Not like what I did by regreting it lol

I also burned a bridge with my last ex. (And recently found out my first ex burned the bridge lol)

But honestly, you should do whatever helps with healing your heart and best to stay away from your ex until the day you may both want to stay friends again. You won't be able to move on from the pain and grudges and memories if she's constantly around you. So don't rush my friend, cuz it's rly normal for exes to become strangers again.

Nah, dude. Sometimes burning bridges is necessary. When I broke up with my ex we thought we would stay friends. But how can you be friends with someone who's constantly hurting you, even as just a friend? People tend to fall into the same patterns. I didn't want to fall into that pattern anymore. I mean I wasn't with him anymore, so why was I still making myself suffer like that? So I had to let it go. It wasn't good for me anymore, and I had to accept that. 
Maybe for you, you did it because you heard that's what you're "supposed" to do. But you haven't yet realized why you needed to do that. People say you need to do it to forget them, but I think it's much more than that. You need to do it because you need to realize all the reasons why it didn't work out. You need to do it to accept the reality, to heal, to be good to yourself. Cut it off, and stop falling into that cycle.
It's OK to remember the good times and miss that. Because it WAS good at that point in time, and you need to remember the good that you can do. But sometimes you need to settle back into reality and see all the imperfections of yourself and your once significant other. 
The next thing I say will sound like the "let it go and if it comes back it's meant to be" cliche, but I truly believe in this.
Let things go and everything will fall in its natural order. One day she may come back as a lover or as a friend, but as it stands now, she's neither. Do what's good for you now. That bridge will build itself again if you two are in the right place and time in your lives.

Perhaps your world view is much too small.

Have no shame, this is a condition most people have. It makes things much larger than they are. Small and menial things seem monumental with this condition.

Look up into the stars at night and observe the vastness of existence.

Why don't you go out? To bars and clubs, or wherever the ladies are at your places.

(I prefer church myself, hee hee!)

You can go to the clubs every night for a month, and still you will not recognize most of them. People always come and go, just as you will.

This realization puts things into perspective.

One little fishy swims away into the deep abyss...and perhaps for a bit, you are there, swimming a lone in the vastness of the sea. But this is very temporary isn't it? It will not take long before many other things come into your life.

Take this time to gather your strength. Really embrace the sadness. For what of it? You feel sad? Feel it then. It is no problem. Sometimes I feel sad too.

Have you observed the weather? It rains, it snows, it suns, it clouds. Sometimes gray, sometimes bright. What of it? Put on a sweater then if you don't want to get cold.

Don't listen to these fools. They attribute too much significance to your feelings. Feelings are as-is, just feelings. You feel something, "Oh why hello there sadness! How nice of you to grace me on this warm summer day"..."And here comes anger, a most welcoming surprise after my morning meal."

Don't be tossed and lead astray by them. They are only feelings. Just as your thoughts are only thoughts. Just wanderers they are, coming and going, looking for a purpose. Do not give them any. Let them wander themselves into oblivion.

And here, take into consideration what I always say to my friends when they are feeling hurt by women...

"Hey there hombre, if I were a woman, I'd bang you in a heart beat. You wouldn't even need to buy me a drink."

@Ninshark I understand where you are and what you are going through 100%. 
I think you did the right thing. It's so hard being faced with someone who you love but cannot have any more. Seeing reminders of them does not help your situation because then you are stuck on that last page of a chapter, unable to turn the page because you're still glued to this part of your life. 
Friendship isn't something you should be focussing on right now. Instead, focus on YOU. 
I am a strong believer in fate, and everything happening for a reason. If you guys are meant to be in each others life again, you will find a way back into each others life. Just let life take its course. 

You don't always have to stay friends honestly. At one stage in my life, I believed I was such an easy going and cooperative person that I thought I would be able to stay friends with all my exes. After trying tediously to be friends with one of my exes I realized now that sometimes all you were to them is a person that they dated or they hurted or brought them pain. It's hard to become friends when you had such complex emotions and relationship involved. You must remember that relationships in general are a lot more complex than friendships. I'm sorry you guys had to end, but the one thing I realized that what you can't fixed with your own action, time will fix. Eventually you'll get over and she'll get over it and things will be okay. Trust, if it's meant to be, you'll guys we'll be friends again.