Rejected by an oppa.... But I want to keep trying! What should I do?

There's an oppa at church that I met around February. He's an international student from Korea and is really nice and polite, although he was quite awkward and shy when I first spoke to him... For instance, once when I sat next to him and struck up a convo, he started opening his backpack, taking his jacket off, standing up.... (I didn't realize how weird that was until I later thought about it lol). But he came to the campus bible study when I invited him to come, sat next to me when we went to eat and let me empty my hot tea into his cup so I could get cold water, tutored me in Korean when I asked him to, and walked & talked with me at a hiking retreat... Stuff like that. The more I got to know him, the more I started to like him. I even gave him stickers and a keychain from the cherry blossom festival, and he'd say "Oh thank you, you didn't have to" lol. Then.... I went ahead and confessed that I liked him (through a letter lol, I couldn't say it in person). But then he told me that he doesn't want things to get awkward at church, that I'm a "dongsang" and that he wants everyone to get along... I was hurt but said "It's ok, I understand. Thank you". It's been about a week since that happened, and I've been trying to act as normal as I can at church saying hi to him, but obviously not talking to him as much as I used to.... I'm not sure what I should do... I feel like if I approach him again to talk to him, it seems like it's going out of my way- even though I really want to. I feel like if I keep avoiding him, it'll strain our relationship (at least.... the little that we had in the relationship ) and perhaps make him think I dislike him. But truth is, I wish he'd come talk to me lol!
What are your opinions and advice?

Your situation is very common and inevitable. Couples form in churches and other community settings. Rejections also frequently occur in those environments.
What's important is that both people should be mature enough to move on and continue to meet and talk to each other in a normal way.
If one person can't handle it, becomes awkward/embarassed/ashamed and leaves the group, they were immature and also attending the place for wrong reasons.
If I were you, continue to treat him like a good friend. If he doesn't know already, tell him firmly that you're okay with the outcome and tell him to treat you in a normal way. There's no point in avoiding/dodging/being awkward/being distant or else things will just deteriorate.

Best advice I can give you is, smile and MOVE on.  Guys are simple, if he likes you even a little bit, he will come back chasing you.  If not, then PLEASE do yourself a huge favor and forget about him as a bf, just regard him as a normal boy.  It's hard to do this, but just remember; people want what they can't get

silent.dragon said: Your situation is very common and inevitable. Couples form in churches and other community settings. Rejections also frequently occur in those environments.
What's important is that both people should be mature enough to move on and continue to meet and talk to each other in a normal way.
If one person can't handle it, becomes awkward/embarassed/ashamed and leaves the group, they were immature and also attending the place for wrong reasons.
If I were you, continue to treat him like a good friend. If he doesn't know already, tell him firmly that you're okay with the outcome and tell him to treat you in a normal way. There's no point in avoiding/dodging/being awkward/being distant or else things will just deteriorate.

MangoR said: Best advice I can give you is, smile and MOVE on.  Guys are simple, if he likes you even a little bit, he will come back chasing you.  If not, then PLEASE do yourself a huge favor and forget about him as a bf, just regard him as a normal boy.  It's hard to do this, but just remember; people want what they can't get

You went into a shoe store. You saw a pair of shoes that you really liked from their surface details. You tried them on but they didn't fit. You can do 1 of 2 things.
1) You can hold onto these shoes and take this rejection personally. You may even buy them anyway and then force them on, even though they won't be comfortable to wear. You'll probably not be happy. OR
2) You can put those shoes back. You can respect and wish that one day those shoes will find someone whom will fit in them better, because you genuinely wish them the best. Then you look around the shoe store and realize there are so many other pairs of shoes you haven't tried yet or looked at yet. You also remember that there is another shoe store you can try visiting, and you are confident that there will definitely be a nice pair of shoes that suit and fit you.
I hope you see the meaning of the analogy here and that the second option is the positive way to go. I understand that it takes courage to tell someone how you feel (and I applaud you for that, do not ever lose that courage!), but stay positive and try not to take it personally. And the way to do it is to genuinely let go and wish him the best. There are many reasons that can cause a failure in starting a relationship, some of which are in his control, some of which are in your control, and others are in no one's control. Just like how you know that not all shoes in the world are for you, there is NOTHING WRONG with a failure in attempt to start a relationship with someone. Some examples in "his" control may be that he may have just gotten out of a relationship and he wasn't emotionally ready, or that he is actually interested in someone else, etc. An example that is  in no one's control may be the actual biochemistry of the two of you (this is genetically determined, I won't be going into scientific detail about this, but rest assure no one can really control this).
But I will be addressing to you some of the things that are in YOUR power to control. The number one factor that causes attraction in males is the girl's appearance. I wrote an advice for someone else who asked me a question about this, so I will copy over what I wrote:
"A few studies have shown that couples highly match based on the girl's appearance and the guy's social success (presumably guys with good qualities, attractive guys). The rationale is that people know their own "market value". And the quality level of a guy matches up with how "good-looking" the girl is that he has the courage to go up to her. Essentially, if you become the "best version of yourself", you are increasing the chances of higher quality-trait guys to interact with you, which in turn increases your chance of becoming attracted to one of them. First, I need to warn you that I am NOT telling you to be insecure about the way you look. But with your own confidence, there are many things a girl can do to improve appearance. (ie. Instead of putting on make-up with the mentality "omg I'm so ugly I need to cover my flaws up with make-up" (insecure), it should be "make-up and fashion enhance my outer beauty, so watch out world, here I come!" (confident).) Now, there is no need to exaggerate on your appearance though, just take more care on how you apply make-up and how you dress, your hygiene, etc. and it should be enough. This is about becoming the best version of YOURSELF, not becoming someone you're not!!! I must tell you though, I am not a master at cosmetics or fashion, but I'm sure you're a lot more knowledgeable in this than I am!"

I wish you good luck! And trust me, I know that you will find your pair of shoes.

Set him on fire for rejecting you, how dare he.

Is there a huge age difference to make him feel nervous about you? You should've lied about your age....... Or not invite him to a conservative place such as the church if you wanted an intimate huge-age-difference relationship with him. He was probably afraid of the possible gossips....... And act too old for your age........

Is there a huge age difference to make him feel nervous about you? You should've lied about your age....... Or not invite him to a conservative place such as the church if you wanted an intimate huge-age-difference relationship with him. He was probably afraid of the possible gossips....... And act too old for your age........

hes only 3 years older.... but i think he is afraid of the gossip and wants church just to be about church and/or

doesnt rlly like me as much as i thought lol..... either way, i can onlu br myself!

Maybe calling him oppa creeps him out.

Nothing you can do. He's not physically attracted to you. That's the cold harsh truth.

Since you guys frequent the same social scene, it's probably best to get over it and move on and remain on decent terms with him. Don't make it awkward by ignoring him or becoming openly bitter about it.

Chances are he's attractive to many girls and he has lots of options so it's not a big deal that you got rejected. Out of 10 girls who find him attractive, he'll probably only select one. So you're just in the other 9/10. That's not a bad thing.

Let him go~ Let him go~ He doesn't even want you girl~ 

pray about it?

IF it were me, I would think that someone is a huge weirdo is they use the word "Oppa" in the U.S.  Especially in an English forum.

I_play_with_dolls said: Maybe calling him oppa creeps him out.

people laugh but this is legit. i dont know if you are korean, but when ur not korean and you use that word it is a little strange, especially because non koreans usually say it in a strange tone that isn't natural.

My general rule of thumb is if I hear that word and the person doesn't look Korean, then I get out of the way because that person could be Greek and there's about to be some serious plate and glass smashing.

ajlee613 said: I_play_with_dolls said: Maybe calling him oppa creeps him out.

I am Korean! I call all the older guys oppas lol I don't think that is the problem here.... -__- But I am following everyone's advice about moving on and letting go,,, If he doesn't like me that way, nothing I can do, then =3= we are acting pretty normally around each other anyways, though it's going to take me some more time to get over my embarrassment lol ;;

j3nnnny said: I am Korean! I call all the older guys oppas lol I don't think that is the problem here.... -__- But I am following everyone's advice about moving on and letting go,,, If he doesn't like me that way, nothing I can do, then =3= we are acting pretty normally around each other anyways, though it's going to take me some more time to get over my embarrassment lol ;;

Yes I was born in korea -__- I call my older cousins oppa, it's something I was raised to do.... But that isn't the topic here =.="