How high is your capacity for taking rejection?

They say the ones who are most successful in life are ones who were able to hold on just a little while longer than the rest.

Anyway, this is more of a question for guys but I guess it can also apply to girls too.

Ever feel like you've taken all the rejection you can handle and that just one more will break you? When I tell friends that this is the state I'm in, they say my capacity for taking rejection is quite low and that I'm too sensitive and have too much pride. Admittedly, I started the dating game a bit later than most guys. It's possible that my ability to take rejection is more underdeveloped than the average guy's.

Feel free to discuss.

at some point, you will get rejected, and you will also give out rejections.try not to dwell on it for too long. don't take it too personally when it happens. he or she is just one of many out there.keep trying.

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egghead_1 said: at some point, you will get rejected, and you will also give out rejections.try not to dwell on it for too long. don't take it too personally when it happens. he or she is just one of many out there.keep trying.

Rejection take rejection like drinking water. It happens everywhere all the time throughout your life, and once you understand that, then rejection itself is nothing.

I think most guys misunderstand what "attractive" means. Most guys believe that being "attractive" is a global trait. By "global", I mean it being an "overall" trait. That is to say, most guys believe that if you are attractive, then you should be able to attract everyone, and everyone should reach a consensus that you are attractive, as if they are just "attractive". That is to say, most guys think you can only either be attractive or not attractive (like a definite yes or no). Therefore, most guys, when rejected (especially consecutively a few times), conclude that they are unattractive globally, as if "attractiveness" is a trait. And that is a big reason why these guys take rejections so seriously and personally.
And that is the misunderstanding. Attractiveness is NOT a trait. However, if you improve the way you present yourself and be the best version of yourself, you can improve your chances at creating attraction. But that is not to say, you are all of a sudden in the category of "attractive guy". Yes, there are universal traits that girls may like, but for the majority of the attraction process, it is still unique for every girl. You must understand that attraction is NOT ONLY based on you, but also based on HER. That means, there are factors that you can control, and there are factors that you CANNOT control. That means, the outcome of your courtship is not only your responsibility. Therefore, attractiveness is NOT a trait (because it depends on BOTH parties), but you can be the most attractive version of yourself. That is to say, the same guy can be attractive or not attractive (more or less attractive) depending on how he presents himself, how his personalities/characters are, and/or how much he puts in effort to improve himself. Girls are not attracted to guys because he fortunately has this "attractive" trait, girls are attracted to guys who can be in their most attractive version. But do understand that EVEN IF THEORETICALLY YOU ARE IN YOUR MOST ATTRACTIVE VERSION, there can still be girls who may not be attracted to you. Bottom line is: You do have one responsibility: you do your best to be the most attractive version of yourself (such as confidence, assertiveness, ambition, passion, etc.), and you can increase the LIKELIHOOD of creating attraction in more (but not all) women.
With this understanding, it would be silly to infer anything that decreases self-esteem upon a rejection. When faced with a rejection, it simply means, 1) the chemistry did not click and/or 2) there is still room for improvement to be the most attractive version of yourself.
I actually gave you a lot of ideas as to how to be the most attractive version of yourself in your other thread. I hope you can consider. Good luck!

I haven't been rejected many times, actually I have a much worse problem.
I'm so afraid of being rejected that I can't even try! Even when I'm like 90% sure that it's going to work...even when all my friends tell me that she wants to be with me too!
Sorry that it's not really about your topic, but I wanted to get it off my chest. *just happened 2 days ago*

@alphaoxtyocin

All the points you stated including the post in the other thread aren't that revelatory. It's nothing that most guys do not know already. You wrote it out in a well-written descriptive way though and summarized things nicely.

Seems like guys aren't allowed to complain about this sorta thing. When a guy does, people just assume there's something wrong with him. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe there isn't anything wrong with me? I'm not claiming to be flawless. I've got my flaws but then so do most people. But I'm reasonably self-confident and I carry myself the best way I can. I'm not falling into any of those traps you stated that the typical Asian-American guy supposedly falls into.

You're making a lot of assumptions about guys including the assumption that a lot of guys are not already being the best version of themselves.What happens if you're already attained a good version of yourself (notice how I don't say best because best is quite subjective, who really knows where one's upper limit is) and you still get rejected by girls consecutively? According to your theory, then it's just a matter of chemistry? You and her just don't click?

The way you're describing it is like how real life is like some korean drama. A guy is always surrounded by girls somehow in his daily life and he's confident and aloof and going about his own business and a girl starts feeling attracted to him because he seems so confident, self-assured and independent. A lot of people don't have those situations in real life. Sometimes the only chance we can talk to a girl is on a friday or saturday night in some social situation and there's literally only a few minutes window of opportunity in order to even chat with her and "make your move." But by even making a move, you're kind of showing desperation as well as seeking approval, two things that you stated immediately turn chicks off.

Your points make sense for a guy who has lots of daily interactions with attractive girls but unfortunately, many guys aren't in those favorable circumstances. You can say well, then he needs to put himself into social situations where he's around girls but then simply by trying to do that, he's going against the whole letting things happen naturally. Like if a guy goes to singles events or joins sports club, he's going there with an intention already in his mind and girls will detect that.

There is a fine line between showing interest in a girl and coming off as desperate. Like you said, a lot of girls know within 45 seconds whether she's attracted to the guy in a romantic way or not. So if a guy guy follows your advice and build up his self-confidence and becomes a "better version of himself", how can he manage to squeeze all that into just 45 seconds? That's a lot of pressure. We're not all gifted actors here.

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps in many cases, the girls might be at fault for being too picky or being too stuckup or that the fast pace of modern life and technology makes people more expendable? Why do you immediately assume it's the guy whose doing something wrong?

First of all, being the best version of yourself does not mean career success. It IS a different kind.
Also, someone else mentioned that a problem is your mentality that "if you get your career down, girls will automatically come to you." Now, I don't know what exactly happens, but I can imagine that you would view that as your "achievement" and try to show that to the girls. The problem is that you've been brainwashed, just like a lot of traditional Asian parents (including mine, in the past).
The consequence of that mentality is that you (and many Asian guys) use this achievement like a resume to show girls. Most guys would start telling her about what you've done in your life. These people are always controlled by others. They studied hard in school not for their passion of whatever they're studying, but for their parents, for a goal set up by society. Then they go apply jobs, and it is the same, basically they try to seek approval from companies. They have a false sense of "confidence" when they get this job, but ultimately they are never in control of their lives. They are always doing something for external reasons (Need to get a job because I have to survive, need to study because I have to, etc.), NOT internal reasons (e.g. Studying psychology because my dream is to be a relationship counselor). Automatically, girls can sense that these guys are always being controlled because there seems to be little passion in their lives. Girls would not respect these kind of guys and thus, they will not be attracted. 
There is actually a fine line between showing interest in a girl and coming off as desperate, you are right. Asking a girl out directly to a date is confidence (also depends on how you do it), because it shows that you go for what you want. But when you are interacting with her, you must be VERY direct. You should direct tell her that you think she is attractive and you want to take her out on a date. You cannot be scared and intimidated at all. You cannot be nervous. You cannot try and drop indirect hints. Many guys, when on dates, try to tell the girls their achievements. This would be a major turn-off because it shows that the guy is in fact insecure and he has to work UP to the girl. (This "upward" direction means you respect her more than she should respect you.) So, asking for date and be direct about it is key. Don't beat around the bush, don't try to drop indirect hints (at work or wherever you usually see her) that you are interested. Girls get turned off by that, they will not go "hmm, I am starting to like him too" when you do that. They are not stupid, they can tell when you are "trying" to hit on her, but you are too nervous to directly ask for a date.
Next, during the date, you want to ask more about HER life, create the atmosphere that she is the one that needs your approval. You would be like a boss "interviewing" her and this turns the table around psychologically. You would sit there and give feedbacks to what she say. Gradually, she will adapt to it and begin to respect you. In fact, you should keep your life more mysterious but show passion about some parts of your life. Focus on passion and emotions, not on physical achievements. If you don't really have passion, then maybe you should consider that part of your life. If you do, then great, you should be passionate about expressing them!
For example, instead of saying "I am a Level 10 Piano player" like an achievement, tell her your passion in it. (Most Asian guys here would not have the passion because they most likely played piano with external motivation.) But if you do have passion, you would say something like "When I was little, I always liked to go to piano shops and smashed random keys. My parents told me that I would sit there for a whole hour 'playing'. My parents, at the time, just came to America and they couldn't afford a piano. On my 14th birthday, my dad got me a piano and piano lessons as a birthday present. Ever since, I worked hard and within 4 years, I achieved level 10". This is passion, and girls respect that. This is internal motivation.
I don't want to be showing you certain actions you can do, because guys cannot just do separate actions naturally. You need to have the mentality that you are the boss, you chose to talk to a girl, and she now has a chance with you (not you have a chance with her). Then, when you act like the boss, your availability will automatically be in your decision. (Just like a real company boss, he may or may not have time to talk to you whenever you wish. You would need to schedule an appointment.) When you have that kind of mentality, you would automatically at times say "sorry, not friday, my schedule on that day is packed". Girls respect you for that and will not think you're desperate. Most guys at this point would go "FRIDAY OKAY!" and starts cancelling other things that he had plans for. This would look desperate.
Another natural action that comes with this boss mentality is asking her questions and giving her your honest feedback. This means that 1) you don't need to tell her (like an interviewee) your life, 2) you are honest when you give feedback, even if they are negative or contradicts with your belief, you are not intimidated to tell her "hmm... No. I don't think that's the case".
Bottom line: Think like a boss. Girls do not become attracted to someone she does not highly respect. That girl crush in your high school liked someone else, and he was the captain of the football team because she respects him for his confidence, popularity and his athletic abilities. If you can be as confidence as a boss, then a lot of these actions come naturally. Then this is pretty much the "most attractive version" of yourself.
"Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps in many cases, the girls might be at fault"Girls could be at fault for sure. But does that mean you won't reproduce? Does that mean you should give up? Does that mean ALL guys are failing like you? The answers to all those questions should be "no". If they are "no", then it means that what girls do is NOT up to your control. What you can do is control what YOU do. There is no point complaining about how the world runs. Improvement starts with you.
Perhaps a reason why you don't think it could be you is because of the "brainwashed" mentality. Deep down, you may have the belief that you should be a very attractive man because you were told that success in career should bring you that attraction. If so, then you have misunderstood how attraction works.
Just letting you know, I've been in your situation. Except I begin exploring romantic psychology and the psychology of the female mind at an early age. This made me realize what my parents told me were wrong. Thus, I began my psychology major. I just want to say, I understand how you feel, and your problem is not rare at all in the Asian American Male population.

Yes, there are definitely times when I've felt that I've had enough rejections (not just romantic ones) to last a lifetime. It is quite discouraging; however, from my experience rejection is just a part of life. I know I'm going to be rejected again at some point- since I can't possibly appeal to everyone. You can't truly appreciate your success without experiencing failure.  There is just something special about working hard to overcome a rejection. I'm not saying you aren't working hard; however, don't let a rejection pull you down. I always try to put myself in their shoes. Rejecting someone is sometimes equally hard ,if not harder, than being rejected. Try remembering all the times you've had to reject a kind person- then it might be easier to accept rejections. Maybe you can turn the rejections into opportunities to improve yourself?

@alphaoxytocin

Again, you are making assumptions. I never said the best version of myself is due to career. It seems like you are projecting your own past self onto me or applying some stereotypical asian-american male issues onto me.

Not that this is relevant but just to set the record straight, I am not working hard at my career for external approval. I do admit that like many Asian-Americans and even a lot of Caucasians, I was encouraged to do well in school in order to look good. I don't think there's anything wrong with this. However, within the first year or two of working professionally, I developed a genuine interest and belief in the work I do. I'm very proud of what I do and I do it for myself and myself only.

My workplace environment is 99% male. So if you think I'm doing it to impress girls, that's just laughable. Also, outside of work, it's hard to put into plain layman's terms to describe accurately what I do for a living. So I don't even have bragging rights! I can't impress girls with my skills at work and I can't brag to girls what I do OUTSIDE of work. And even if I could, I wouldn't.

I may have given a wrong impression when I first mentioned the career thing and that it somehow entitles me to a girl. I never meant that. What I meant to describe more was how wrong parents as well as just society in general is about what it takes to get a girl interested. It's not just asian parents who say that a guy who has a solid career and is a good provider is attractive. Western media says the same. But whether it's your parents telling you this or your friends or just mainstream media, time and time again proves this to not be true.

Anyhow, what I meant about how I'm already a pretty good version of myself has nothing to do with my career. I think I'm a reasonably confident guy who is sociable and can carry conversation. I even think I can be somewhat interesting. Therefore, if girls don't respond to me, it's got to be due to reasons I cannot control. And that it's possible girls should maybe learn more about a guy before immediately rejecting him based on very superficial reasons.

I am telling you the general case that I have seen throughout my experiences in helping guys with dating and courtship. Of course, you did not disclose any private information so I cannot be specific. I was trying to provide information (POSSIBLE reasons) that you COULD find helpful. Since you know your own situation best, you can decide whether or not my information was relevant. I was just trying to provide neutral help.
Let's just say, it is difficult to improve if one believes he/she is perfect and is always looking for external factors instead of internal factors of the problem.

Never been directly rejected it's more like they avoid me before I could confess. Like if we start talking and messaging it will suddenly die out and she stops responding and I stop sending messages.

There was another time where the girl would just straight up stop hanging out with me and ignore me. And I always assumed that they must not like my personality, looks, or find me annoying.

Then I thought about it and I just stopped caring. If they don't need me I don't need them. It's more like indirect rejection but still rejection nonetheless.

I get rejected many times. Too many times to count haha. Mainly because the girls I go for are really out of my league. Rejection to me is a way of looking at myself in the mirror and re-evaluating what my priorities are. It helps me become a better man and ultimately teach me to attract the girl of my dreams. 

DFO-King said: Never been directly rejected it's more like they avoid me before I could confess. Like if we start talking and messaging it will suddenly die out and she stops responding and I stop sending messages. There was another time where the girl would just straight up stop hanging out with me and ignore me. And I always assumed that they must not like my personality, looks, or find me annoying. Then I thought about it and I just stopped caring. If they don't need me I don't need them. It's more like indirect rejection but still rejection nonetheless.

I handle rejection pretty well. They said no. They stop hanging out with me. Okay, end of story. 

@livingforhistory"... the girl readily made her interest apparent to the guy before the guy made a move. I've never seen a situation where a guy managed to convince a girl to like him. She either did or didn't in the first place. "
That is exactly correct. Since convincing and being persuaded is a logical thing, how do you expect a girl to convince herself to like you (another logical thing) and give you a chance when her unconscious feelings told her she does not like you?

alphaoxytocin said: @livingforhistory"... the girl readily made her interest apparent to the guy before the guy made a move. I've never seen a situation where a guy managed to convince a girl to like him. She either did or didn't in the first place. "
That is exactly correct. Since convincing and being persuaded is a logical thing, how do you expect a girl to convince herself to like you (another logical thing) and give you a chance when her unconscious feelings told her she does not like you?

It means when you are approaching, you should carry a different mentality, the mentality that you are genuinely a person that just want to socialize, meet people and make friends, not only approaching and talking when you want a girl (selfish benefit). Because when you have a selfish benefit in mind, you will be worried about risks of losing that opportunity, and all your behaviors will give off that vibe. But, with a genuine mentality, you can put your fear of rejection at rest. THEN, in the event that you are indeed interested in a girl (natural feeling for guys), you can go up to the girl and be honest and clear about it right off the bat (show that you go for what you want). When you carry that mentality, you don't have to TRY, everything will click automatically (there are psychological reasons behind that too).
By "try', I mean if you have the mentality of getting/keeping her, then your actions will seem like "trying too hard". That's what I meant by try. If you mean try by "any kind of approach", then obviously we need to make SOME kind of approach. The bottom line is, have a genuine mentality.

I haven't been rejected yet, but I've been broken up with. Based on how I acted when I was broken up with, I'd say I would handle rejection pretty well.

ALTHOUGH I HOPE THAT DOESNT HAPPEN LOL