Question about dating traditional chinese/asian girl in a traditional family.

So i am pretty much an americanized chinese and i was introduced to a traditional chinese family for dinner. They have been in the states for 5 years. It was first awkward for me since i was meeting her and her mother and their friend who was visiting.... 

anyway, the dinner and later conversation lasted about 6 hours. The girl was there most of the time but the conversation was mostly between her mom and i where she asks me the typical "what do you do,where you live,families. Etc." The girl does ask some follow up questions though. I tried to show my interest in her by asking her questions and it was kind of a question an answer situation. 

What was weird is her mom keeps telling me to come over for dinner or hangout if i am free. I dont know if this is polite talk or something else. So i am curious what other people who has experienced this situation think? I am interested in her but i have no idea what she thinks. She is into shopping and does a lot of things with her mom. I did text her later saying we should hang out sometime and she says ok but that's probably an expected answer... i am planning to ask her out this weekend.

Should i also ask her mom if i can ask het out? Or ask her mom directly what she thinks?

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Eulalie said: Actually, I'm not Chinese (I'm Korean), so maybe you shouldn't take my advice. If they're REALLY traditional maybe it would be better if you went over to their place to eat dinner with her family. If they're really traditional.

You don't have to ask her mom, just ask the girl directly. By the way, I'm Chinese American too but I have plenty of Chinese friends who had guys ask them out, not ask their mom if they can ask her out. Another side note is that my friends are more Chinese than American, more Chinese than me anyway.

Meany-chan said: You don't have to ask her mom, just ask the girl directly. By the way, I'm Chinese American too but I have plenty of Chinese friends who had guys ask them out, not ask their mom if they can ask her out. Another side note is that my friends are more Chinese than American, more Chinese than me anyway.

having invited you to her familys dinner shows both of you are hitched no?

I don't think you need to ask for the mother's permission... I don't know anybody that does this lol, especially since you're only asking for a date, and not for her hand. When you ask her out, and she decides to be your girlfriend, let it be her responsibility to tell her parents, not yours. You can make good impressions when and if you decide to progress further into a relationship. 
I think you're speculating too much of what her mom said. Usually my mom says this to all of my friends as a polite gesture. They usually ask questions like where do they go to school, are they working, small talk. 

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So you met her mum and her for the first time at this dinner?

If so sounds like they are thinking of some wedding bells down the track cause the mum seems to approve of you.

It looks serious to me if you start dating her cause you will not be just dating her but her whole family aswell.

Just make sure you are prepared for that.

A traditional family will usually push for marriage. Good luck my friend it sounds like a good trap from a drama

Korean and Chinese traditional family values are the same. just like koreans, the mother in law, is very nice to the son in law.
you as the younger person, must in turn show respect and positive attitudes to the mother-in-law. 
like almost every traditional culture, affection is built into love, which is surely marriage. 
many people in the previous couple generations fell in love as young as 13 or so, and are 55 or 90 now, still married.
modern views on relationships have made this almost impossible, however traditional families still understand the importance of family support. why do people break up? because they don't spend enough time together, because they move away, because someone is against it. etc. all of these things can be solved by support and collaboration between two families.
the only thing that can become a problem is cheating, injury, total social and economic collapse of the man's family before the marriage, and petty things like one of hte couple getting bored of eachother. but that last one usually happens a lot more in western culture due to western views on love being excitement rather than stability and longevity.
you should imply to her mother, that you plan to marry her, and have her raise your children in the future. and that you are not planning foolishly, that you have priorities, and confident in financial success, but wise enough to put time with family before excess wealth. 
dont lie tho, im just saying what i would say.

shaselai said: So i am pretty much an americanized chinese and i was introduced to a traditional chinese family for dinner. They have been in the states for 5 years. It was first awkward for me since i was meeting her and her mother and their friend who was visiting.... 

anyway, the dinner and later conversation lasted about 6 hours. The girl was there most of the time but the conversation was mostly between her mom and i where she asks me the typical "what do you do,where you live,families. Etc." The girl does ask some follow up questions though. I tried to show my interest in her by asking her questions and it was kind of a question an answer situation. 

What was weird is her mom keeps telling me to come over for dinner or hangout if i am free. I dont know if this is polite talk or something else. So i am curious what other people who has experienced this situation think? I am interested in her but i have no idea what she thinks. She is into shopping and does a lot of things with her mom. I did text her later saying we should hang out sometime and she says ok but that's probably an expected answer... i am planning to ask her out this weekend.

Should i also ask her mom if i can ask het out? Or ask her mom directly what she thinks?

her mom likes you so she is inviting you over.  That doesn't necessarily mean that the girl likes you, but it sounds like she will just do what her mom tells her.  I personally don't think this is a good predictor of relationship success.  Are you sure you want to marry her?  Cuz it's pretty obvious that's what the mom wants, and grandkids asap.  

I've heard similar stories...it can be a bit tricky to deal with traditional families with traditional views...usually the parents will have quite a bit of expectation of the daughter's bf/partner/husband. But in the end, they just being a little overprotective...the reason they ask you to go over for dinner could be wanting to know more about you and see if you and the girl is suitable for eachother. Just show them you truly care for her and love her + never will hurt her, that's probably what the parents really wishes to see