Jump to content

Keeping eye contact when talking


Guest Jussy

Recommended Posts

Guest Jussy

Hi guys,
Do you keep eye contact when talking when someone?Recently, I've been told that the way I'm always looking straight into the eyes of the people I'm talking with makes them feel troubled.For me, looking into their eyes is just normal... and the polite thing to do, I dunno. But because I have big vivid eyes, it apparently makes them feel like I'm super duper interested in what they're saying and like... well, like I'm hitting on them.That's annoying because I don't want to look flirtatious, but avoiding eye contact would feel really awkward to me.
What do you think about that? Are you the same as me? Or if someone was looking straight into your eyes like me, would you be thinking that he/she's interested in you?I'm really depressed because when I heard that, I was kinda mad, thinking it was just the guys trying to read into fantasized signs of my interest, but then I remembered awkward love confessions from hardcore friendzoned friends and I'm now feeling really guilty.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest alphaoxytocin

Maintaining eye contact is a sign of strong mental health. It signifies confidence. People who cannot maintain eye-contact when conversing are usually intimidated by the other person. For example, if a shy guy always looks away when speaking to a relatively good-looking girl, it means he has little confidence in himself and he is intimidated by her good looks (i.e. almost to the extent that he unconsciously feels that he is just a worse person than she is, or that she is completely "out of his league"). In fact, if you were to go to a job interview, and you cannot maintain eye-contact with the interviewer, it shows to them that you are not confident of your competence.
So keep that up! If others are intimidated by your confidence, it is not your fault, it is theirs. If guys tell you that it seems like you are interested, then it IS indeed their fantasized sign of interest, you are absolutely right on that. In fact, it is most likely because of your confident vibe that they are attracted to you enough to even fantasize such thing. And being attractive (gaining attention due to confidence) does NOT equate to being flirtatious, as the latter suggests an INTENTION that you are trying to flirt. You seem to be a very mentally-healthy person, and I am happy for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think maintaining eye contact is good if it's like a short conversation but if it's a long one I think it would be awkward to be staring at someone like that. So I would look somewhere else and nod so they can see I'm still listening.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest danerdz

Yeah. 
You can do the following as eye contact "hacks":
- Count the number of blinks the person does- Look at their eye brows- Look at their nose- Look at their upper cheeks
Don't forget this: SMILE. 
If you don't blink and you keep pouring your laser sight into the eyes of someone else without smiling, you're going to look like either a creepy or an aggressive person. 
One exception:
If it's guy-to-guy, you really don't have to hold your contact for as long. It might promote testosterone competition and provocative feelings so sometimes you gotta give and take.
i was training my eye contact because when I was a kid I had pretty low self-confidence. What I first did was hang pictures of people's faces around my room or corridor at different heights. When I walk past them, I would practice looking at each of them straight in the eye for longer than I can hold it for.
I then practiced on live people like my family members.
It's subtle, but people will really find that you're "opening up" to them or becoming more interesting or confident. From there, it actually bolsters your self-confidence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I always hold eye contact with people just to let them know I'm listening since I sometimes feel people aren't listening to me when they're looking around at other things.  However, I don't stare at them the entire time.  I do let my eyes wander for a bit because it can grow awkward if I stare at their eyes for too long.  Personally, I find it odd to think someone is interested just because he/she is holding eye contact.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest nobody knows

I know people say eye contact is a good sign of confidence, but i'm pretty confident of myself but i simply don't like looking into peoples' eyes :/

it reeeeeeeally bothers me when i look away and the other person moves to stay in my view .. like why
why
why
whyyyyyy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

depends on the culture. in the USA it is considered polite to maintain eye contact. in Korea for example it can be seen as an act of defiance, the term "lower your eyes" is like saying "submit to me" 
many animals also see extended eye contact as an act of aggression or challenge. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jussy

I'm from Europe so I'm not familiar with the rude aspect of maintaining eye contact.For me, it's rude to not look into the eye! Or at least, it feels really awkward to me.
Thank you all for your opinions. So for you, it really doesn't look flirtatious if someone was keeping eye contact with you to imply they're listening well?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I think maintaining eye contact is very much encouraged in western culture. In fact, for interview/business purposes, it is a must. However, that being said, when I'm speaking with someone I do let my eyes wander to a space just behind them for a second so as to not intimidate the person I am speaking/listening to. And, as someone else mentioned above, it is important to blink naturally and smile. 

When I'm speaking, I tend to look away while I gather my thoughts and then return to giving eye contact so as to get my point across clearer.

In romantic sense, I think giving eye contact and maintaining it is a sign they are interested. I think the key is to not stare them down, but rather to smile give eye contact for a few seconds and then look away.

Just my opinion lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest writerstale

For me it's not about being confident or not being confident. A lot of times when I look away with my eyes I'm processing information of what's being said, and I've been making the effort to look into people's eyes more not to be rude. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest johnpatric

When you talk with someone that time Eye contact is the most important thing, its help you to prove your self confident and also for how you give him response on that person talk.. So if you can't make eye contact when you talk with someone, so try to talk with yourself, stand up at the mirror and try to talk with yourself and during that time you just focus on your own eyes.. Its really helpful.(personal experixnce) 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
Guest muzo201

When talking to someone older than me, I don't keep eye contact for a long time, as a sign of respect. But to someone my age or younger, I keep eye contact. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It depends on the situation, in what culture, in what context, and so on. At work, someone with a higher position of power may keep eye contact longer.In a relationship, a couple may just not be able to help staring into each other's eyes.When you see someone attractive across the bar, you keep eye contact to let them know you're interested.When the girl's already looked away within a second and you're still staring, you're now a creep. Between two girl friends, constant mutual eye contact may be important.Between two guys, they may not look each other in the eye at all.Every situation just needs to be read accordingly. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..