Funny Things Asian Parents Do or Say

Hi everyone! What are some really funny things Asian Parents do or say? I love my parents and sometimes they say the funniest things and it cracks me up. These are not stereotypes, merely commonalities. I bet everyone else has some stories or statements they’d like to share. This is solely for laughs for everyone and to hear some stories. I’m Asian myself =)
Just as an example (I found this on CC so kudos to them and the users on there). I thought these were hilarious!Just remember, it doesn’t HAVE to be about studying….even though that’s what most Asian parents have in common haha. Or you know when they try to pronounce something like Google and it ends up being something totally different but hilarious? Let's share!

Today my mom called Tufts University "that dou fu university". Yes...Tofu University. I wish I were kidding.

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HYPSM: You have honored this family well 
Penn: You have disgraced the family going to penn state 
Brown: What is this brown, no school can be good if named after a color 
Columbia: You are not going outside the country for you education 
Georgetown: You got accepted to a city? 
U of Chicago: I will not let my child attend a public university 
Northwestern: What?, you got accepted to a direction, what a disgrace to the family honor 
AW or S: who has ever heard of (Amherst/Williams/Swarthmore) back home, you better start learning to wash dishes 
Carnegie-Mellon: What kind of fruit is that? 
Vanderbilt: Who-built? I don't know anything Vander did do be famous. 
WUSTL: Where is St. Louis is it even part of the united states? Who is this "washington" 
Rice: I will not let my child attend a cuilinary school, you will be a honorable scientist, not a chef 
Wake Forest: What can you learn from a forest, I want my child to go to a university 
Reed:They are sending us acceptance letters becasue you are such a disgrace that they think you need to learn how to READ 
Colgate: Toothbrush making school is not a place I will send MY child 
And I'm sure there's plenty more

Mom: A B+ in calc ap?!? aaaiiiyahh!!! penn state (she means upenn) wont even let you use bathroom!! 
Dad: You are such a failure and disgrace to this family! Look at cousin Eugene, I bet he's going to get into Harvard Me: Dad, Eugene locks himself in his room and studies all day, he has no friends, hes a loser Dad: YOU ARE A LOSER!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN SCORE A 1500 ON SAT!!

" If don't study now, you will end up at sleeping in the cardboard box in the future."

Behindthemyth: Omg, my dad said the same thing: "I will 'break the iron pot and sell the iron'(translation--a old chinese phrase meaning that one will sell everything one owns), or even 'sell my blood' if you get into Hahvard---"Ha Fu" (in chinese)..." 
so, I dont know, I'm not sure I want to go to Harvard if my parents have to sell their blood. But I think they are just talking ---just another part of their College Talk...lol

yeah, my mom compares 'math skills' of students in America, to taiwan/china/japan...and to her own schooling 
"I learned algebra in elementary school" 
maybe i'm exaggerating. maybe not. i can't remember what she said exactly, but it's something ridiculous like that. 
"in japan, kids learn calculus in middle school" lol

Lmaoo these bring back good memoriesThe most recent that I remember was that I should marry an Asian man, "we're not as hairy and you won't starve"

Me: I want to be an artist. Parent: No you do doctor. Me: I want to be an English teacher Parent: No you do doctor. Me: I want to be a lawyer. Parent: Lawyer is good but you do doctor first then Lawyer.

laulaulau said: Lmaoo these bring back good memoriesThe most recent that I remember was that I should marry an Asian man, "we're not as hairy and you won't starve"

I found this great photo blog that explains all the funny things asian parents do:www.thingsasianparentsdo.comHilarious!!
Please share..

Mom:What were you taking in senior year?

Me:Precal

Mom:What about trigonometry? Linear equation? Statistics?!

Me:uhh no.

Mom:See what happened? You're behind!

Me:mom...they don't even offer those in my high school. ._."

When you get an A- and they say you could have gotten an A. Or when you get a B and they say you're lucky, you could have gotten a C.

.

" If don't study now, you will end up at sleeping in the cardboard box in the future."

hahahahaha.. this is funny...

"don't get marry with other race but us"
classic. --

I Get A 'B'.

Dad: I'm disappointed in you. I will give you an hour full of lectures. You better get an 'A+' next time.

I Get A 'B+'.

Dad: It's not even close enough to an 'A+'! I'm not satisfied. 2 hour lectures is what you deserve.

I got an "A-".

Dad: "'A-'?! Not good enough. Why are you doing poorly everyday?! 3 hours of lectures.

I got an "A".

Dad: Nononono. Not satisfied. 4 hours of lectures.

I got an "A+"

Dad: WTF. ONE MISTAKE?! HOW COULD YOU BE SO RECKLESS AND GET A MISTAKE ON A SIMPLE QUESTION.

.... I get infinite hours of lecture.

My dad always talks about how America's school system is so behind compared to those in Asia. 
My mom mis-pronounces things a lot. For example, "tortilla" she pronounced the l's as if it's "tortilya". When she says 'climb', 'comb', or 'dumb', she pronounces the b, and it's kinda ironic when she is saying that someone is 'dumb' and she pronounces the word wrong, too.
Both my parents have thick accents. My mom is more strict with grades, she expects A's or higher (she kinda tolerates A-'s) but if I get a B, it somehow turns into a lecture about my future and how I'll end up begging for money on the streets because I didn't do well enough in school.... 
But actually, almost every single time I do something 'wrong' and she gets mad at me, it always turns into a lecture about my future and how it will be bad unless I don't make the mistakes I do make.

i feel like the one thing all asian parents agree on is delayed gratification. their favorite line is "study now, play later... when you is forty." like.. no. just no.

'Don't read books, just do Maths all day'. But they've chilled a bit more now and realise that being good at literature is also good. Lol, but still they want me to be amazing at maths... 

my mom called vermicelli rice noodle "vertical rice" and it was hilarious and she still calls it that even after we corrected her

The only one that I can remember is my aunt telling me to eat all my rice or I will get pockmarks on my face. I actually try my best to eat all the rice in my bowl because it looks nicer clean.

a lot of these seem like they've been made up.

"Become an engineer or a lawyer or a doctor, otherwise you're life is richard simmons and you will be a disgrace to the family!"

I always lol when I hear this, especially from asian parents.It's be amusing if this actually happens in asian households.

i was black-balled/black-listed in my family for getting my degree in the arts instead of in medicine or law.  it's been years since i chose my path and here i am now in one of those two fields asian parents are so fond of.  i am still considered the black sheep anyway.

FML. 

just kidding.  the butt-load of money i receive is compensation enough.

When asian parents re-use those large square shaped ice cream containers to freeze and store things like soup or food in the freezer.
So on a hot day, you bust open the freezer to look for some ice cream, see an ice cream tub there, open it.........and its just some frozen asian food inside......biggest let down on a hot day. LOL.