My boyfriend's parents don't approve of our relationship.

How do we make it work?

He's a FOB from Northern China, I'm an American born Chinese girl with lineage from Southern China. Apparently, this type of relationship is forbidden in his family and they have been telling him to break up with me for a long time. He went back to China for the summer, and broke up with me when I saw him yesterday, saying his parents would never approve of me. His parents control his life, and would not support him financially (we are both going to different colleges) if he stayed with me. What can I do? When I suggested having a secret relationship, he claimed "he couldn't lie to his parents forever".

I'm not sure if his parents have another reason for disliking me (I've never met them), or if he has another reason for leaving me. He won't communicate with me and claims his parents are even against him talking to me.
EDIT: Thank you for all the responses. I won't reply to everyone, since most of you are saying the same thing, but I agree...it's best to move on. It's just easier said than done.
@AnthonyKkoKko The situation is very complicated as it is. There is a language barrier between me and his parents (they live in China too, which makes it harder). He now refuses to talk to me, saying it'll be less painful if we don't contact each other. I care about our relationship, but more than anything, I care about him. If his parents are threatening him, I really can't do anything about it.@ReplayMVP I agree with you. I think he tried his best, but I can't ask him to put everything on the line for me. However, I'm not sure if I can believe every word he says anymore; especially if he waited until now to tell me.@KeroKai I thought so too, but I feel like it'd be more than just education. I think it's more like disowning. They control him, plain and simple.@bona fide* I don't disagree. I think there's more to it than just his parents...but I can't get any answers. Though I do disagree with your reasoning. It's perfectly normal for parents to disapprove from the start, but assume that the relationship is not serious until a large amount of time has past. They had told him about their disapproval prior to his trip to China, but they didn't INSIST he end it until he got there.@Kyosukemox 18. You'll probably say that it's too young, but I don't really like being discriminated against because of age, or because of anything, really. There are mature 10 year olds out there, and immature 40 year olds. I think he didn't do everything in his power to keep our relationship, but there are things more important than me (i.e. his education, money for living, etc.)@HERMIT Really? Trolling on a broken heart?@kitty0lover College is expensive...especially specialized schools. There are few students that pay for their own tuition. I'm not upset about him being dependent on his parents; I'm dependent on mine...I just wish he could've communicated with me. I still don't know a lot about what's going on. He hasn't contacted me since, and won't answer my messages.@Mannosuke His parents are now in China...it's just him here.
*To clarify, it's forbidden because his parents don't want him dating a girl from Southern China. The only want him to associate with Northern Chinese girls.

Well, if he broke up with you, isn't it obvious that he's unwilling to fight for the relationship? 

A secret relationship would just be a bubble waiting to burst in your situation.  I would say you need to just move on.

Honestly, it doesn't even sound like he wants to keep the relationship going. I don't think there's much you can do here.

There is nothing you can do. The guy obviously doesn't want you as much as you'd like to think because he isn't willing to fight for the relationship. Sorry, but that's what is happening here.

I'm sorry to hear that but he's obviously a huge wuss. You deserve so much better than that.

Think about it, if he really loves you then he will fight for it. He just uses his parents as an excuse. You will find a better man.

I'm sorry to hear about that. But if he's not willing to fight then I guess it's not worth it since both people need to fight for it. Unless he has a plan to fight for you later on.. but I wouldn't wait forever. I understand the whole North and South thing. It's a shame. D: 

Am I the only one that feels sympathy for the guy? Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but...
I don't know where he's coming from. But it seems like he was raised in a very traditional household and is very influenced by his parents' wishes. It's not his fault because maybe that's the way he was brought up and it's all he's ever known. Plus, they've threatened to stop funding his college education? Now that's extreme... honestly I feel like he's backed into a corner that's difficult to get out of.
I don't think you should just sit here and watch it go down... I think you're the one that needs to intervene and talk to his parents. Don't talk through him, but talk directly to his parents. If you care about this relationship and if you think you still have a chance then you need to set things straight... I dunno haha my relationship advice sucks and this is just what I think.
But if he really doesn't speak up and is there like a sitting duck, then you should be up and out in a second... a man needs to be able to voice his own opinions especially about his girl. I feel like I'm missing part of the story but I hope you make the right decision!

AnthonyKkoKko said: Am I the only one that feels sympathy for the guy? Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but...
I don't know where he's coming from. But it seems like he was raised in a very traditional household and is very influenced by his parents' wishes. It's not his fault because maybe that's the way he was brought up and it's all he's ever known. Plus, they've threatened to stop funding his college education? Now that's extreme... honestly I feel like he's backed into a corner that's difficult to get out of.
I don't think you should just sit here and watch it go down... I think you're the one that needs to intervene and talk to his parents. Don't talk through him, but talk directly to his parents. If you care about this relationship and if you think you still have a chance then you need to set things straight... I dunno haha my relationship advice sucks and this is just what I think.
But if he really doesn't speak up and is there like a sitting duck, then you should be up and out in a second... a man needs to be able to voice his own opinions especially about his girl. I feel like I'm missing part of the story but I hope you make the right decision!

I agree with AnthonyKkoKko. The entire blane can't be set on your guy's shoulders. In life, the pursuit of love can't be his sole priority. Honestly, the guy needs to get everything together in a more independent sense because he's definitely succumbing to his parents for a reason. Yes, he definitely wants you but there's way too much on the line for him to realistically maintain a stable relationship with you.

He did tell his parents, right? When I refer to his statement where he said that he could not lie to his parents any longer, he did. Even with a fight, being cut financially is a huge issue. If it were me, I'd take a break too. If he's a Fob, there is that fillial piety aspect. Those are his roots.

Regardless, if he easily acquiesced to his parents, merely putting up a fight, there's a problem. However, if he clearly gave his all then not much can be done unless you're willing to reason with his parents. Even then, that can only be done if your guy agrees with it.

south china represent

Just let it go...even if he stays with you and severs ties with his family...if he IS that family oriented...the fact that he can't see his parents/sibling because of you...it may turn into resentment later on down the road...

It must be really hard as hell for you right now...but, I assume, so is he...

AnthonyKkoKko said: Am I the only one that feels sympathy for the guy? Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but...
I don't know where he's coming from. But it seems like he was raised in a very traditional household and is very influenced by his parents' wishes. It's not his fault because maybe that's the way he was brought up and it's all he's ever known. Plus, they've threatened to stop funding his college education? Now that's extreme... honestly I feel like he's backed into a corner that's difficult to get out of.
I don't think you should just sit here and watch it go down... I think you're the one that needs to intervene and talk to his parents. Don't talk through him, but talk directly to his parents. If you care about this relationship and if you think you still have a chance then you need to set things straight... I dunno haha my relationship advice sucks and this is just what I think.
But if he really doesn't speak up and is there like a sitting duck, then you should be up and out in a second... a man needs to be able to voice his own opinions especially about his girl. I feel like I'm missing part of the story but I hope you make the right decision!

I'm getting a hunch that there may be other reasons behind this break-up besides his parents' disapproval. The OP stated that the parents have been wanting the two to break up "for a long time" yet they remained together until AFTER his trip to China? Sounds pretty suspicious...

How old is this guy... It doesn't even sound like he tried to maintain the relationship.

Try the "TV drama" style solution to your problem.

Tell your boyfriend that you discovered you were adopted and that your real parents were from North China.
Then perpetuate this charade by pretending that you are "looking" for your real birth parents.  This might soften the BF's stance on you and actually take interest in your search.  During that time, they will get to know you and endear you to them.  Once you're able to accomplish that, then make up some tragedy that your birth parents died in some major earthquake or something .. and that you don't have any close relatives.  Hopefully, that will close the book on that - but by then his parents will have accepted you by then.

Of course, like any good TV drama, the real challenge is to make it so that his parents never find out about your little ruse.
So the trick is to just not let it happen.  Haha, besides this real life - not television!
But on the off chance they figure it out, just exchange uncomfortable stares with them for about a whole minute without saying a word while the background music gets loud and dramatic.

I was in a similar situation. My fiance's parents strongly disapproved of me for about the first year when we were just dating. I won't go into details but they made lots of threats towards me and towards him. I was actually a little afraid of my own safety at one point. It was a living hell with the constant threats and phone calls. He's an only child and he's really close to his parents so that took a huge emotional toll on him. One thing that was different was that my fiance was already COMPLETELY financially independent. Anyways, he was willing to tough it out and after about a year, his parents realized that I wasn't going anywhere and decided to back off and let him live his own life. His parents and I get along great now and we're getting married in 2 months.
I used to think that family's opinion shouldn't be that important and if his parents never approve it was okay for him to cut ties with them completely. However I'm 99% sure that we would not have a future together if his parents NEVER approved. Now, The biggest reason why he was able to tough it out was because he was completely financially independent. If your boyfriend is still financially dependent from his parents, then he doesn't have much bargain power. There's only a few options: 1) tough it out and find out if his parents are bluffing about taking away his college funds, 2) hide the relationship from his parents and tell them after he becomes financially independent, 3) break up.
1&2 needs his cooperation. If he's not willing to fight with his parents for you, then there's not much you can do. 

This situation SUCKS! He should left his parents a long time... He's very weak... You should forget about him if he won't change his attitude... That's all... it's sad, but it's truth...

His parents are obviously not normal people. And with him being surrounded with such attitudes, he accepted it and gave up on you. There's nothing you can do (you could actually meet his parents and tell them how horrible they are for judging someone by their heritage) if he isn't willing to fight for you.

lol tell him to stand up to his parents and let them know how it feels. Maybe its time for him to grow up, get a job and pay for his own schooling. Cut off ties from his parents for a little while. Wow he is over 18, why do they have such a hold on him???

 This is the 21st century, times have changed his parents need to understand that. If he loved you enough he would think up a plan to have you and his parents or at least try.