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Warning: this is long. I think I've asked about this before but this is the final straw for me and I'm thinking of ending things.
Okay so our story starts in 2007. I was new in school but I didn't really have any problems. I made friends with everyone, and already had friends in that school from before, so this isn't one of those socially awkward kind of stories. So this girl joined a few months after. Let's call her A. It was hard for her to settle in because everyone had already sort of made friends and gotten to know each other. So, being the charitable person that I am, I decided I'd help her out. I let her sit at my table and would try to introduce her to all my other friends so that she wouldn't feel left out.
Shortly after I did this, she started to bully me. I didn't think much of it at first, but whatever chance she got she'd try to make fun of me, my name, my interests, my speech problems (I had braces fitted in at the time so I'd fumble and lisp often). Somehow, she worked me into a hole and I sort of lost all confidence and became extremely depressed (I had a lot of other problems going on with myself and my family at the time too so I had taken to self-infliction. Yeah, I know).
A did this for two years. In 2009 when we had come back from our vacations I decided that enough was enough. I started to bully her back, to show her that she isn't as tough as she thinks she is. 3 weeks of bullying, and she comes to crying and sobbing that she can't take it. Wow.
She tried to be my friend after that for the whole year, but I'd try to avoid her as much as I could because it was a little hard to forget all the Richard Simmons she made me go through. A told me later that her father had recently died and his side of the family treated A and her mom really bad so that's why she took to bullying me. I told her it was okay. But I still didn't let her get too close. She changed a lot, she became a better person to everyone around but again, I was being cautious.
She then had a fight with this extremely popular girl in our class. She came to me and told me everything that had happened and how everyone hated her then and thought she was a Richard Simmons. I took A's side because I knew the other girl had issues and I knew she had been trying to pick a fight with A for the longest time.
2010. A and I became best friends. It was probably the best year of our friendship. We were outcasts, no one ever talked to us thanks to the thing with the popular girl (they were mad because I took A's side). We understood each other and I'd go as far as saying no one could have been better friends than the two of us. I know some people would call me naive for being friends with her but she truly redeemed herself. No one could try and break us apart and she was the best person in my life. The best person I would ever have even after all the crap that follows.
Next year, things were pretty good but we'd have our ups and downs sometimes. The popular girl had left so everyone in our class flocked to us. We tried to avoid them at first but they all apologized so we eventually warmed up to them. Now enter two other girls, B and C. B you can say was a really good friend of mine and C was a really good friend of A's. B and I would hang out when A had different classes and rarely when A was around, because A doesn't like B (sorry, I'm sure this is confusing).
C is a common friend of A's and mine, but I started noticing A would use C to make me mad. She would just hang out with C whenever I was there and would rarely acknowledge my presence. Generally, I'd be okay with this, but A would go batshit crazy if I hung out with B, even if I did it in my own time, so I didn't really see how this was fair. We had a few fights about this and A would just say that she wants to make C feel included because she used to be a loner. Fine, whatever.
Fast-forward to this year. A did this often. Use other people to irritate me. Again, I'd be fine with this, but she denies me the same right like a possessive, self-conscious girlfriend. A started to hang out with other people and I started to hang with another group, too. She'd be mad at me all the time for this even though she pulled the same Richard Simmons with me. A started taking me for granted then. She'd get mad at me for no reason, 'punish' me by not talking to me for weeks, and then just talk to me out of the blue like everything was okay.
If you don't want to read all that, this is the most relevant part:
A few days ago, my friend invited us to a sleepover. Now her mother is really strict so A knew she wouldn't be allowed to. I told her to still try because it would be fun (my parents are not that strict, something A would remind me of time and again to make me 'feel bad'). So here's the conversation that took place between us then: [not exact words]
Me: It will be fun, just ask your mom once. Bring it up to her.
A: No, you know how she is! I'm sure she'll say no. Besides, she thinks you all are useless anyway :P
Me: What does that have anything to do with this?
A: nah, she just doesn't want me to be like you guys so I'd rather not come anyways
Me: Uhm, okay. Why does she think we're useless?
A: Oh I just told her :P You know you guys are always hanging out, smoking and Richard Simmons (why she even told this to her mom idk) and whenever I'm mad at you I tell my mom you're a Richard Simmons
[whoaa. totally uncalled for]
Me: Okay? I think that's a little unfair.
A: Nah, who cares? It's my mom anyways. She doesn't want me to hang out with you 'cuz she thinks you're a bad friend.
Me: I care about what your mom thinks. In fact, even after all the crap you've put me through, I still tell her you're a good friend. It's important, believe it or not. And I'm not trying to guilt-trip you (I was)
A: Yeah I don't feel guilty anyways lol
So after this point I got kind of mad. I accused her of her thinking that I'm a liar (which I honestly felt). She told me she doesn't want to fight and that she would never think I'm a liar, and after a point I apologized for getting mad at her and accusing her, that it wasn't my place. She was fine then, but since, she hasn't spoken a word to me.
At first, she said it was because she had family problems so she isn't talking to anyone. But on Facebook, okay, I know whatever's on Facebook should be taken with a grain of salt, but even so, she'd talk to EVERYONE. Literally. Any friend we had in common she'd write on their walls about how awesome they were, how much she missed them, etc. Oh and I have tried talking to her.
Now I know in a few days she's going to start talking to me again, but honestly, I don't want to. I'm sick of her crap. But those two years that we had to ourselves were great and she was truly a great friend then. She helped me so many times when I was down, and she's the only person who knew how to make me happy when things went bad. Like there was literally a time when people would call us soulmates and twins because we were inseparable. Bottom line: I am the happiest when I am with her. The thing is, I want to end things with her because I'm exhausted, but I just feel so bad for giving up on something this wonderful. I have tried again and again to make things work with her.
I gave her an ultimatum before. She kept to her promise like a month? I'm not saying I was perfect during our relationship, I'm not a sentimental sort of person. I wouldn't always help her because sometimes I just didn't know how. Sometimes, I just didn't want to talk to her because I didn't want to deal with her moodiness. Sometimes, I'd talk to B because I didn't trust A [after things sort of began to fall apart]. And there are a lot of other places I may have failed as a good friend. One thing I knew though, I never did anything out of spite, never did anything to intentionally hurt her except if I felt betrayed by her. A lot of the things A did to me though were to upset me. Plain and simple.
What do I do? I'm lost. Do I give her an ultimatum again? Won't she pull the same crap? Or do I just back out, no questions asked.
Thank you so much for reading this and I'm sorry this is so long.
Edit: Alright just to add some clarifications. Lol I was hoping someone would pick up on it but I'll just add it here in case nobody ever does:
- From all the people we know, A, B and I are the most alike. So when A got mad when I hung out with B it was because she felt threatened by B. She was afraid I was going to leave her like all her other friends had left her.
- A hardly talked to anyone else (even C) unless we had an argument about something. It was to make me jealous.
- Again, A would only stop talking to me when we had a disagreement. She wanted to show me that I can't be without her (yeah I know, melodramatic).
I'm not trying to defend A, but I just want everyone to know that A is not an opportunist. She is a b**** and a host of other things, but she isn't as obnoxious and duplicitous as this post is making her sound. No I didn't exaggerate anything she did, but I told someone she is more naive than even possible for me. It's true. She thinks doing all this will make me stay with her longer. I hope she figures out she's wrong.
Well I decided I'd tell A everything once she talks to me, but it doesn't look like she plans on doing that anytime soon, and I'll be out of country soon after for uni etc, so I'm just going to delete her off of everywhere and end it there. She's a big girl, she can figure out by herself what that means =/