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Pre-romance friendship versus friendzone

rickertv2rickertv2 CanadaPosts: 644Member

IDOL

edited July 2012 in love & relationships
This is somewhat a spin-off from the friendzone thread. 

A lot of girls say that their current relationship with their boyfriends started off as "friends." They say that they weren't that really interested in the guy but became friends and she started to develop feelings for him and they date eventually. If that is the case, I just want to know from the girls: what is the difference between a pre-romance "friendship" and the friendzone? Guys can answer too.
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Replies

  • supertammiesupertammie la-la landPosts: 3,055Friend of Soompi
    I don't think that those girls weren't interested in them at ALL.  I think there must have been some sort of minimal interest if the guy is good-looking, interesting, etc.  The girl may not be interested in a relationship atm is all, but I think she is already attracted.  The other kind of friendship, she may not be attracted to the guy at all.
    fabrications.
  • MKHnicMKHnic Posts: 330Member

    IDOL

    I agree that there has to be something there... even if minimal, either some sort of attraction or some sort of tender feelings for the guy even if they only see him as a friend for now.

    Sometimes women don't date a guy right away because it's not a good time in their life, they are too busy, they recently had their heart broken etc. But there are some guys that just have no chance and it wouldn't matter what they did, because there just isn't enough there for the girl.



  • rickertv2rickertv2 CanadaPosts: 644Member

    IDOL

    edited July 2012
    Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.

    supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.

    While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 

    I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).
  • fabrications.fabrications. i'm a ghost Second PlacePosts: 3,493Member

    IDOL

    Well, with my boyfriend, at first I already knew he had some sort of interest in me. And I thought he was kind of interesting too. Not necessarily attractive, but something like "Hey, we kind of click--I feel something there. There's something different I feel about him." At the time I wasn't really sure if it was an interest in friendship or a further relationship--all I knew was that I wanted to get to know him. And if we never officially dated--then oh well. I wanted him in my life. And you know, when you "don't know" if you see someone as just a friend, that means they're really not "just a friend."
    shooting_starsKassandrax3
  • supertammiesupertammie la-la landPosts: 3,055Friend of Soompi
    Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.

    supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.

    While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 

    I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).
    It doesn't have to be physical attractiveness, just something that pulls you towards him.  I once liked a guy that was several inches shorter than me, stout, and nerdy.  Alternatively, I have a customer from work that I met three years ago.  Whenever he comes in to make a payment, he's there for an hour, telling me about his entireee life.  He's physically attractive, but his personality turns me off completely (narcissistic).

    It just has to be some point of interest . . . for me, I'm strongly attracted to musicians.  Gotta make beautiful music together.  hehe
  • bona fide*bona fide* Posts: 1,520Member

    IDOL

    edited July 2012
     If that is the case, I just want to know from the girls: what is the difference between a pre-romance "friendship" and the friendzone? 
    It's not always something you can tell right away. I've liked guys after knowing them for only a few days but I've also developed romantic interests in guys after months/years of friendship. For me, if I feel comfortable around the guy (i.e. easygoing, easy to talk to) and he's not some narcissistic, arrogant, self-centered Richard Simmons, then I'd be pretty open to giving him a chance. 

  • dolcedor.dolcedor. Posts: 2,626Member

    IDOL

    edited July 2012
    Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.

    supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.

    While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 

    I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).
    Like @supertammie said, attractiveness isn't just limited to physical attractiveness. I've had guys who were interested in me, who got closer to me friendship-wise instead of making a move, and I found them unattractive despite the fact that they were physically attractive and on paper, they might be excellent catches. Why were they unattractive? They lacked confidence. It's a huge turn off when a guy specifically becomes your friend because he wants something more. It shows me he's passive, not assertive, lacks confidence, and can't take charge--major turn offs.

    Also, this is just as important: their friendship wasn't genuine to begin with. They were only my friend because they wanted something more. One guy in particular doesn't even talk to me anymore, after I turned him down when he finally made a move. I sure as hell do not want this in a boyfriend. I want someone whom I can genuinely be friends with; not someone who's my friend because they're ultimately after a romantic relationship with me. If a guy pulls something like this on me, he is automatically in the friend zone.
    vivaciousvixenMumii
  • KeroKaiKeroKai Posts: 183Member
    edited July 2012
    Speaking as a guy.

    I'd say the difference is in the outcome that people choose for their relationship. When you first meet people, you develop an interest in their personality and want to interact with that person. Sometimes it works out, other times it just falls back to close friends.

    The thing with friend-zones, every time I hear about these sort of connections... They always seem to be more acquaintance level friendship or a friendship by association of a larger group - it's a shallow connection. That sort of thing is really different to these scenarios where people are genuinely getting to know each other on a personal level and all that.

    Bottom line: It's all about the interpretation of feelings.
    rickertv2
  • TVSJ18TVSJ18 TorontoPosts: 855Member

    ROOKIE

    I agree with what dolcedor said.

    When the guys have the intention of being with me, it's a slight turn off. However, this is if I have no attraction to him. It is true, there has to be some attraction to the guy to be in the 'pre-romance' friendship.

    I don't think there is one reason. There is a mixture of various reasons. There has to be an initial attraction, or else nothing will develop. Also, their intent. If they befriend me to get in my pants, it almost reeks of desperation. In addition, the 'chase' would be too easy, and not as thrilling.

    The guy I took interest in, I only saw as a friend, albeit I did think he was attractive. However, I initially did not think of him as any more than a friend. In the end, I did develop feelings for him.

  • rickertv2rickertv2 CanadaPosts: 644Member

    IDOL

    ^ I think what you just said hit the mark. I think the difference between a pre-romance friendship and the friendzone comes down to whether you have some level of attraction to the other person. Well said.
  • FraZZLEFraZZLE Posts: 272Member

    ROOKIE

    I think if you're just friends or acquaintances through a larger social circle, then it's possible to develop something more in the future.  However, if you're close friends with that person, it's much harder to see them as anything other than a friend.
  • KeroKaiKeroKai Posts: 183Member
    ^ I think what you just said hit the mark. I think the difference between a pre-romance friendship and the friendzone comes down to whether you have some level of attraction to the other person. Well said.
    That's really vague though isn't it? 

    You could argue that we're all attracted to our closest friends on some emotional level. If there is no level of attraction, there'd be no real desire to be friends at all. You'd just be acquaintances really. This is the reason that I think it depends on how you interpret the feelings behind the connection. For one person, they'd see these strong feelings within them as "I want them to be my partner", for another "They are like the brother/sister I never had".

    For example look at this thread below. 



     
    dolcedor.Mumii
  • loveoneloveone Posts: 12Member
    try to check this out http://www.thelovepark.com. i think this might help you.. as this help me with this situation. 
    dolcedor.pupluvgurl
  • KerrigantonKerriganton Posts: 1,848Member

    ROOKIE

    Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.

    supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.

    While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 

    I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).
    Like
    @supertammie said, attractiveness isn't just limited to physical attractiveness. I've had guys who were interested in me, who got closer to me friendship-wise instead of making a move, and I found them unattractive despite the fact that they were physically attractive and on paper, they might be excellent catches. Why were they unattractive? They lacked confidence. It's a huge turn off when a guy specifically becomes your friend because he wants something more. It shows me he's passive, not assertive, lacks confidence, and can't take charge--major turn offs.

    Also, this is just as important: their friendship wasn't genuine to begin with. They were only my friend because they wanted something more. One guy in particular doesn't even talk to me anymore, after I turned him down when he finally made a move. I sure as hell do not want this in a boyfriend. I want someone whom I can genuinely be friends with; not someone who's my friend because they're ultimately after a romantic relationship with me. If a guy pulls something like this on me, he is automatically in the friend zone.

    So girls usually like it if guys tell them they have feelings for the girl?
    image


  • rickertv2rickertv2 CanadaPosts: 644Member

    IDOL

    Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.

    supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.

    While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 

    I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).
    Like
    @supertammie said, attractiveness isn't just limited to physical attractiveness. I've had guys who were interested in me, who got closer to me friendship-wise instead of making a move, and I found them unattractive despite the fact that they were physically attractive and on paper, they might be excellent catches. Why were they unattractive? They lacked confidence. It's a huge turn off when a guy specifically becomes your friend because he wants something more. It shows me he's passive, not assertive, lacks confidence, and can't take charge--major turn offs.

    Also, this is just as important: their friendship wasn't genuine to begin with. They were only my friend because they wanted something more. One guy in particular doesn't even talk to me anymore, after I turned him down when he finally made a move. I sure as hell do not want this in a boyfriend. I want someone whom I can genuinely be friends with; not someone who's my friend because they're ultimately after a romantic relationship with me. If a guy pulls something like this on me, he is automatically in the friend zone.

    So girls usually like it if guys tell them they have feelings for the girl?
    They only like it when they are already attracted to the guy. It all comes down to attraction. Guys who are good-looking usually get away with more stuff. It's a good thing I'm not a bad person.
    Mumii
  • dolcedor.dolcedor. Posts: 2,626Member

    IDOL

    edited July 2012
    Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.

    supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.

    While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 

    I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).
    Like
    @supertammie said, attractiveness isn't just limited to physical attractiveness. I've had guys who were interested in me, who got closer to me friendship-wise instead of making a move, and I found them unattractive despite the fact that they were physically attractive and on paper, they might be excellent catches. Why were they unattractive? They lacked confidence. It's a huge turn off when a guy specifically becomes your friend because he wants something more. It shows me he's passive, not assertive, lacks confidence, and can't take charge--major turn offs.

    Also, this is just as important: their friendship wasn't genuine to begin with. They were only my friend because they wanted something more. One guy in particular doesn't even talk to me anymore, after I turned him down when he finally made a move. I sure as hell do not want this in a boyfriend. I want someone whom I can genuinely be friends with; not someone who's my friend because they're ultimately after a romantic relationship with me. If a guy pulls something like this on me, he is automatically in the friend zone.

    So girls usually like it if guys tell them they have feelings for the girl?
    No? I'm pretty sure I didn't imply this. If a guy is interested, most girls would prefer him to show it through actions (flirting, asking her out on a date), not professing his undying love for her. Confessing one's feelings puts too much pressure on the girl.

    Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.

    supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.

    While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 

    I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).
    Like
    @supertammie said, attractiveness isn't just limited to physical attractiveness. I've had guys who were interested in me, who got closer to me friendship-wise instead of making a move, and I found them unattractive despite the fact that they were physically attractive and on paper, they might be excellent catches. Why were they unattractive? They lacked confidence. It's a huge turn off when a guy specifically becomes your friend because he wants something more. It shows me he's passive, not assertive, lacks confidence, and can't take charge--major turn offs.

    Also, this is just as important: their friendship wasn't genuine to begin with. They were only my friend because they wanted something more. One guy in particular doesn't even talk to me anymore, after I turned him down when he finally made a move. I sure as hell do not want this in a boyfriend. I want someone whom I can genuinely be friends with; not someone who's my friend because they're ultimately after a romantic relationship with me. If a guy pulls something like this on me, he is automatically in the friend zone.

    So girls usually like it if guys tell them they have feelings for the girl?
    They only like it when they are already attracted to the guy. It all comes down to attraction. Guys who are good-looking usually get away with more stuff. It's a good thing I'm not a bad person.
    Thank you for speaking for the female population. Bitter, much?
  • rickertv2rickertv2 CanadaPosts: 644Member

    IDOL

    Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.

    supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.

    While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 

    I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).
    Like
    @supertammie said, attractiveness isn't just limited to physical attractiveness. I've had guys who were interested in me, who got closer to me friendship-wise instead of making a move, and I found them unattractive despite the fact that they were physically attractive and on paper, they might be excellent catches. Why were they unattractive? They lacked confidence. It's a huge turn off when a guy specifically becomes your friend because he wants something more. It shows me he's passive, not assertive, lacks confidence, and can't take charge--major turn offs.

    Also, this is just as important: their friendship wasn't genuine to begin with. They were only my friend because they wanted something more. One guy in particular doesn't even talk to me anymore, after I turned him down when he finally made a move. I sure as hell do not want this in a boyfriend. I want someone whom I can genuinely be friends with; not someone who's my friend because they're ultimately after a romantic relationship with me. If a guy pulls something like this on me, he is automatically in the friend zone.

    So girls usually like it if guys tell them they have feelings for the girl?
    No? I'm pretty sure I didn't imply this. If a guy is interested, most girls would prefer him to show it through actions (flirting, asking her out on a date), not professing his undying love for her. Confessing one's feelings puts too much pressure on the girl.


    Okay, here is what I am gathering so far.

    supertammie and MKHnic say that the difference between pre-romance friendship and friendzoning is that in the first case the guy passed some minimal attractiveness level while in the latter he is just...hmm...plain unattractive.

    While dolcedor said it has to do with intent. 

    I wonder, though, if the guy who was befriending dolcedor for the specific purpose of dating her was really handsome, had style, and was just pleasing to look at if she would put him in the friendzone. I lean towards the side that I think she would make an exception to a guy who looks like that (but you can soundly refute me if that is false).
    Like
    @supertammie said, attractiveness isn't just limited to physical attractiveness. I've had guys who were interested in me, who got closer to me friendship-wise instead of making a move, and I found them unattractive despite the fact that they were physically attractive and on paper, they might be excellent catches. Why were they unattractive? They lacked confidence. It's a huge turn off when a guy specifically becomes your friend because he wants something more. It shows me he's passive, not assertive, lacks confidence, and can't take charge--major turn offs.

    Also, this is just as important: their friendship wasn't genuine to begin with. They were only my friend because they wanted something more. One guy in particular doesn't even talk to me anymore, after I turned him down when he finally made a move. I sure as hell do not want this in a boyfriend. I want someone whom I can genuinely be friends with; not someone who's my friend because they're ultimately after a romantic relationship with me. If a guy pulls something like this on me, he is automatically in the friend zone.

    So girls usually like it if guys tell them they have feelings for the girl?
    They only like it when they are already attracted to the guy. It all comes down to attraction. Guys who are good-looking usually get away with more stuff. It's a good thing I'm not a bad person.
    Thank you for speaking for the female population. Bitter, much?
    Who said anything about being bitter? It's a good thing that I'm not a bad guy because I can actually use this to my advantage. I've seen other good looking guys who play around with girls (their hearts and bodies) without feeling any remorse. I'm just saying I have more integrity than that.
  • knockblockknockblock Posts: 3,729Member

    IDOL

    Who said anything about being bitter?

    You sound bitter.


    You say good looking guys get away with more stuff. How so?
    Mumii
  • MKHnicMKHnic Posts: 330Member

    IDOL

    You really focus on the attractiveness thing don't you. Even though myself and others pointed out it doesn't have to physical attractiveness it may just be a connection with someone, a feeling of warmth in the friendship or a common interest that then leads to romance. The only thing you seem to hear/see is "a guy has to be good looking" when people were saying it's not black and white like that.

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