Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

This is how friendzoning works

Malice_KaiserMalice_Kaiser The Real ?Posts: 12,072Member
edited July 2012 in love & relationships
image


I completely agree with this. Obviously this is only one of many possible "friendzoning" situations, but really, pretty much any situation could be applied to this real-life scenario...

I'm so irritated with seeing this idea of the friend-zone popping up EVERYWHERE. So many guys are just conditioned to think that they're OWED a girlfriend, that they're ENTITLED to the girl that they like just because they're ~*nice*~ and they want their own ~*feelings*~ considered. And then, of course, the woman in this situation is turned into the bad guy just because the feelings aren't returned. Obviously, it's not their fault they don't return the feelings, so why do we need to make up words like "friendzone" in order to shift the blame to someone? And this obviously leads to the arguments of "Girls don't date nice guys, girls only want to date jerks, maybe I should start acting like an Richard Simmons too!" No, that's not how it works.
(DISCLAIMER: Obviously there are situations where the roles here are reversed, and the girl is "friendzoned" by the guy. It definitely happens! I didn't bother bringing it up because for the most part, it is the guy conditioned by society and pop culture to think they deserve the girl of their choice. After all, it's ALWAYS the losery guy who against all odds wins the heart of his favourite girl in all the movies we see... Thus, why we see more guys complaining about this. But that's a topic for another day!)


So guys, hear me out: If you like a girl, work up the courage to TELL HER. If she doesn't like you back, respect her decision and move on with your life like normal. If you flip out about the fact that she only sees you as a friend, maybe you weren't such a good friend to her in the first place!

And on that note, I leave you with a quote about the friendzone's ugly cousin, the nice-guy-versus-bad-guy-conundrum:




"If you’re a 'nice guy' to a girl up until you realize she doesn’t want to date you, then go on about how she’s a cold shrew that friendzoned you and how no girls date nice guys, like, nah mate, girls do date nice guys. You just aren’t a nice guy. You’re a passive aggressive beta with internalized misogyny and a serious victim complex."
taijivn5.jpg
MyNameIs_LukaxDollarsLauvableExqlusiveshooting_starsMrPowerblushfiercedivaMythnoonArectitude*KaiLiensumichanhappybubblemintcrackerfabrications.bocchibona fide*melkimxlychee_poomisaberrysheepyangelMiyuki♥jaykiddingkisskiss92JenN_Cxxoxo_sdbibT.LUUkrnxlover94Nutikpupluvgurljellie_kookiePeace_UP
«1

Replies

  • rickertv2rickertv2 CanadaPosts: 644Member

    IDOL

    Yup, the rejected guy is selfish and needs to move on with dignity and self-respect.

    Having said that, I think girls who friendzone guys are just as selfish and lack integrity. Guys don't owe friendships to girls...especially if the girl uses the guy for emotional or material advantages. Of course, girls with no conscious don't care about the proper rules of respect and courtesy.
  • showoffshowoff Milwaukee, WIPosts: 865Member

    IDOL

    Also, a girl assuming the guy harbors romantic feelings for her, unless he outright says in no uncertain terms "I like you romantically/more than just a friend", should get a reality check; just because you're a female doesn't 100% automatically mean every male friend desires you.  He may find you unattractice in many respects, but is willing to be friends with you because wants someone to talk to when he's bored/his best friend isn't available/because he doesn't want to see the latest romantic comedy with his Army buddy/etc.

    fabrications.JenN_Cxkrnxlover94
  • Gold PandaGold Panda Posts: 29Member
    Should this post be put in a rant section? I see nothing of value to anybody...


    ReplayMVPLie5880
  • HERMITHERMIT Posts: 10,101Friend of Soompi

    EXALTED ONE

    edited July 2012
    This is so odd because I went into a Walmart to apply for a job and one the managers kept hitting on me instead.
    I would like to say that I was flattered, but I'm not even homosexual.

    sheLLiJiElUnmonicaaaaleelee.jitchoo
  • Malice_KaiserMalice_Kaiser The Real ? Posts: 12,072Member
    Yup, the rejected guy is selfish and needs to move on with dignity and self-respect.

    Having said that, I think girls who friendzone guys are just as selfish and lack integrity. Guys don't owe friendships to girls...especially if the girl uses the guy for emotional or material advantages. Of course, girls with no conscious don't care about the proper rules of respect and courtesy.
    Hmmmm, maybe you should reread my initial post. The point I was making is that the friendzone, in the way most people use it, doesn't even exist. If someone doesn't like you as more than a friend, that's it. They just don't have feelings for you. They are not performing some action unto you ("putting my in the friendzone"). There is no fault involved here. Using the "friendzone" as an excuse is just a way to lay the blame one someone else for your hurt feelings, turning them into the bad guy because they don't like you back.


    Should this post be put in a rant section? I see nothing of value to anybody...


    This isn't a personal rant of mine. It's a topic I see all over the place, including everywhere on Soompi. It's open for discussion.
    taijivn5.jpg
  • inxomniainxomnia FunkytownnPosts: 1,086Member

    IDOL

    rickertv2 wrote: »
    Yup, the rejected guy is selfish and needs to move on with dignity and self-respect.<br />
    Having said that, I think girls who friendzone guys are just as selfish and lack integrity. Guys don't owe friendships to girls...especially if the girl uses the guy for emotional or material advantages. Of course, girls with no conscious don't care about the proper rules of respect and courtesy.

    But the thing is there isn't really a strict friendzone. Its all perception. And why is it wrong for a girl to have perceive someone as simply a friend based on her own perception of what a friend should be, or whether she would find him a potential romance based on her own standards. On the flipside, there are plenty of friendships that end up becoming something else, and it may or may not have been perceiced by both parties as genuinely friendship up until that point.
  • showoffshowoff Milwaukee, WIPosts: 865Member

    IDOL

    That's exactly why people need to say what they're feeling in unambiguous terms.  I understand that it probably isn't exciting or sexy, but all these "well, I gave him enough nonverbal clues, he should get the picture" is just dumb.  If the female decides at any point she doesn't want a romantic relationship with her guy friend, she doesn't need to wait for said guy friend to admit romantic feelings for her; just lay down the groundrules and go from there.  I would hope people are mature enough to understand that concept.
  • akp124akp124 Posts: 313Member
    Can I copy/paste this to my facebook? I will of course give credit. lol
  • rickertv2rickertv2 CanadaPosts: 644Member

    IDOL

    edited July 2012
    @Malice_Kaiser

    Let me just say that I don't agree with the friendzoning either. I truly don't believe that a guy or girl can be genuine friends (unless they knew each other since primary school or the girl is a girlfriend/wife of a close male friend). If I first met a girl a few months back there can be no way we can be genuine friends (if we start getting close it's because we are both somehow interested in a romantic way).
    I agree that the friendzoning label shouldn't be used. But again, it happens a lot. Guy and girl know each other in the past year and one of them develops feelings over time and the feelings are not reciprocated. That is the end of any type of relationship. The only reason why they put up a mirage of a friendship is because one of them is hoping while the other is taking advantage of the situation.
  • rickertv2rickertv2 CanadaPosts: 644Member

    IDOL

    edited July 2012
    But the thing is there isn't really a strict friendzone. Its all perception. And why is it wrong for a girl to have perceive someone as simply a friend based on her own perception of what a friend should be, or whether she would find him a potential romance based on her own standards. On the flipside, there are plenty of friendships that end up becoming something else, and it may or may not have been perceiced by both parties as genuinely friendship up until that point.
    It is wrong as long as the guy is still hoping for more. If the guy is 100% sure that his feelings for her gone and can accept the friendship on purely platonic terms then there really is no issue. But, if there is still a lingering feeling on one side of the friendship then it really is wrong for the person who has no feelings to set up a facade of a friendship. Usually, the one who has no feelings (and knows that the other person still has romantic inclinations) are being selfish because they know the facts but still use that "friendship" for their own satisfaction and purposes.
  • 58805880 Local Misanthrope CaliforniaPosts: 588Member

    IDOL

    image
    The oxymoronic truth about people is that they will never fail to disappoint you.
  • mintcrackermintcracker Posts: 7,271Member

    IDOL

    God this is hilarious! Yeah alot of nice guys think just cos they act a certain way they're automatically entitled to a certain girl, or several girls.
    The whole hidden agenda 'I'm treating you this way cos I expect certain things back' is really frustrating at times.
  • fabrications.fabrications. i'm a ghost Second PlacePosts: 3,434Member

    IDOL

    I've also read something similar to this except that in the other scenario, they did submit an application but the employer had to turn them down even though they met all the requirements and the other guy was lousy.

    Why is it that people always compare relationships to jobs? It's not that easy. Getting into your desired career is so much harder. :))
    jellie_kookie
  • thespringmaidthespringmaid PhilippinesPosts: 276Member

    IDOL

    I never really took the whole 'friendzone' thing to heart since I've always assumed it to be a satirical approach on the reality of most relationships nowadays. I'm a woman and frankly, I don't think there's anything annoying/offensive about the topic.

    I actually find it weird that some people take that topic to heart - it's supposed to be humorous, not to spark annoyance or insult anyone.

    PS. I do think though that 'friendzone', in essence, is brought up by the fact that there are a lot of jerks (both guys and girls) out there.

  • KerrigantonKerriganton Posts: 1,647Member

    ROOKIE

    edited July 2012
    Honestly as bad as this sounds..

    Being a douchebag is the lesser of two evils if you were to choose to be a nice guy or a douchebag.

    Cocky, arrogant guys at least know what they want and will do what it takes to get it.
    Please kindly read the signature rules.
  • bona fide*bona fide* Posts: 1,520Member
    edited July 2012
    Honestly as bad as this sounds..

    Being a douchebag is the lesser of two evils if you were to choose to be a nice guy or a douchebag.

    Cocky, arrogant guys at least know what they want and will do what it takes to get it.
    Not if you're a genuinely nice guy. If you're only being nice to someone in hopes that you'll receive something in return then that's not really nice is it? Just sounds like a Richard Simmons-bag in disguise.

    sumichanleelee.
  • Malice_KaiserMalice_Kaiser The Real ? Posts: 12,072Member
    @Malice_Kaiser

    Let me just say that I don't agree with the friendzoning either. I truly don't believe that a guy or girl can be genuine friends (unless they knew each other since primary school or the girl is a girlfriend/wife of a close male friend). If I first met a girl a few months back there can be no way we can be genuine friends (if we start getting close it's because we are both somehow interested in a romantic way).
    I agree that the friendzoning label shouldn't be used. But again, it happens a lot. Guy and girl know each other in the past year and one of them develops feelings over time and the feelings are not reciprocated. That is the end of any type of relationship. The only reason why they put up a mirage of a friendship is because one of them is hoping while the other is taking advantage of the situation.
    And again, it's not really the fault of the person who has no feelings... I do have genuine guy friends who I hang out with, most of whom I really just would never date. No offense to them of course, they just aren't my type, even though they're awesome friends. And we've never had this kind of drama.
    I never really took the whole 'friendzone' thing to heart since I've always assumed it to be a satirical approach on the reality of most relationships nowadays. I'm a woman and frankly, I don't think there's anything annoying/offensive about the topic.

    I actually find it weird that some people take that topic to heart - it's supposed to be humorous, not to spark annoyance or insult anyone.

    PS. I do think though that 'friendzone', in essence, is brought up by the fact that there are a lot of jerks (both guys and girls) out there.

    If someone is using the term as a joke, that's one thing... but I've personally NEVER heard the term used satirically. I've only ever heard butthurt people with popped egos use this term.
    Honestly as bad as this sounds..

    Being a douchebag is the lesser of two evils if you were to choose to be a nice guy or a douchebag.

    Cocky, arrogant guys at least know what they want and will do what it takes to get it.
    Not if you're a genuinely nice guy. If you're
    only being nice to someone in hopes that you'll receive something in return then that's not really nice is it? Just sounds like a Richard Simmons-bag in disguise.
    EXACTLY! Here's the thing... I HATE douchebags! But I also don't like passive agressive people who are only pretending to be "nice," or nice guys who are also doormats. There is such thing as a "nice guy" who also happens to NOT be a jerk in denial and is NOT a spineless doormat~
    taijivn5.jpg
  • supertammiesupertammie la-la landPosts: 3,055Friend of Soompi
    There's so many different factors to each uniquely different situation that it's difficult to really define the "friend zone."

    I apparently "friendzoned" my ex-boyfriend in high school.  He confessed his feelings for me at the start of our freshman winter break.  He asked me to think about it and give him an answer.  I thought about it and gave him an answer about a week later that we could only be friends.  He said he accepted that.  After we got over the awkwardness of the confession, we actually did become good friends.  A few years later though, he griped to another friend about how I took him for granted.  Wtf??  He'd liked other girls in those few years.  I thought we were cool.

    A bunch of Richard Simmons went down in my family, and I ended up moving away for a year, temporarily forgetting about the whole incident.  When I moved back, we re-established our friendship and eventually ended up dating for a while.  I did have some genuine feelings for him, but I think we ended up dating primarily because I felt guilty that he harbored feelings for me all those years.  I was in a loveless relationship for well over a year.

    In another instance, I have a guy friend that took this girl out on a bunch of dates.  Keep in mind that this girl lived about an hour and a half away and he would drive all this way to see her in the morning and then drive the same distance at night to go home.  When he wanted to one-up it and go all in for a relationship, she out of nowhere said that they could only be friends.  He accumulated thousands of miles for a girl who used him for free food, etc.

    I think that in every "friend zone" both parties are responsible for their individual actions or inactions.  Unfortunately though,  I think it's inevitable that either one or both will end up hurt.
  • Malice_KaiserMalice_Kaiser The Real ? Posts: 12,072Member
    There's so many different factors to each uniquely different situation that it's difficult to really define the "friend zone."

    I apparently "friendzoned" my ex-boyfriend in high school.  He confessed his feelings for me at the start of our freshman winter break.  He asked me to think about it and give him an answer.  I thought about it and gave him an answer about a week later that we could only be friends.  He said he accepted that.  After we got over the awkwardness of the confession, we actually did become good friends.  A few years later though, he griped to another friend about how I took him for granted.  Wtf??  He'd liked other girls in those few years.  I thought we were cool.

    A bunch of Richard Simmons went down in my family, and I ended up moving away for a year, temporarily forgetting about the whole incident.  When I moved back, we re-established our friendship and eventually ended up dating for a while.  I did have some genuine feelings for him, but I think we ended up dating primarily because I felt guilty that he harbored feelings for me all those years.  I was in a loveless relationship for well over a year.

    In another instance, I have a guy friend that took this girl out on a bunch of dates.  Keep in mind that this girl lived about an hour and a half away and he would drive all this way to see her in the morning and then drive the same distance at night to go home.  When he wanted to one-up it and go all in for a relationship, she out of nowhere said that they could only be friends.  He accumulated thousands of miles for a girl who used him for free food, etc.

    I think that in every "friend zone" both parties are responsible for their individual actions or inactions.  Unfortunately though,  I think it's inevitable that either one or both will end up hurt.
    Yeah, both those stories are just so wrong... No one should have to feel guilted into dating someone. There's nothing WRONG with not having feelings for someone... Not to lecture you, I'm sure you know that... It just makes me mad that people do that >__< Your first story is a perfect example of what my OP was about.


    I don't know if the second example is really the same thing as friendzoning? Maybe it is. It just sounds like a conscious decision to be a manipulative ***** to me.
    taijivn5.jpg
    kdog12
  • accessecology123accessecology123 Posts: 16Member
    *Man strolls into a shop and finds worker*
    Man: Alright, I’ve had sufficient. Why haven’t you friends chartered me?!
    Employee: Uh…well sir, when did you put in your submission?
    Man: I not ever topped up out an submission.
    worker: Well sir, we can’t address you for paid work if you’ve never topped up out an submission.
    Man: No, that’s Richard Simmons, because I’ve been coming here for years now, and every lone time I tell you all how much I love this shop and how much I appreciate your customer service, different some of your other customers might I add!
    worker: Well, but that doesn’t-
    Man: AND I even notified you that I didn’t have a job!
    worker: But sir, that doesn’t show to us that you would like a job at our shop. And afresh, if you’ve not ever topped up out an application, we can’t address you. in addition to, we’re not chartering.
    Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a joke. I see your shop go through cyclic employees all the time. They come and go like not anything, but you won’t consider me as a part-time employee even though I understand you’ve been looking for employees to fill places? That’s insane!
    worker: Sir, we’ve been looking to charter a couple of persons for administration positions. Do you have any administration know-how?
    Man:Well no, but what does that matter?
    worker: …Well sir, that’s what we’re looking for. You won’t be suitable for the position without management know-how.
    Man:Oh that’s such a burden of crap. You know, you’ll be waiting round a long time for a supervisor if you don’t lower your standards a little. Who cares if somebody knows how to manage a shop? I LOVE this shop and I’m eager to work here, that’s all that should issue to you.
    Employee: That…doesn’t make any sense.
    Man: NO! I’m finished. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. pleasant friend.
    worker:
    Man:
    worker:
    Man: Richard Simmons you, Richard Simmons.

    Now for the NON misandrist version.
«1
Sign In or Register to comment.

Who's Online in this Forum 1